Meeting her parents

[Wist]

I’m curious about the experiences that others in this forum have when it comes to meeting her parents. It seems to me, from my experience, they are often nervous or very reserved. It is only a little later on that they're incredibly friendly and the hospitality is quite wonderful!

[ScottinCrimea]

I think it depends totally on the woman and her parents.  My in-laws were very friendly and hospitable from the first meeting and were very good about helping me and being patient with my limited Russian.

[Turboguy]

I have met a number of parents and have never found anything but the friendly and hospitable part.   Russians seem to me to be about the most hospitable people on the planet.

[Rim]

I have met a number of parents and have never found anything but the friendly and hospitable part.   Russians seem to me to be about the most hospitable people on the planet.

That's my experience too.

[KenC]

Rim,
It all "depends" on how badly the parents want to get rid of their daughter!

I had dinner with my now wife and her Mom at their flat during the holiday season.  They are an intact family, but Pops had to work.  I kind of manipulated the situation to promote the meeting too. I had sent a Christmas basket of goodies to Lena's family.  You know the kind you buy at the mall here.  Salami's, cheeses, cookies, fruit and a couple of bottles of wine.  (This in it's self was no easy accomplishment because my interpreter thought I was nuts and never quite understood what I was doing)  So being the proud people I knew them to be (from Lena), I knew they would fill a bit obligated to reciprocate.     Not that I was fishing for a free dinner, but I wanted to meet the family on my first trip.  Lena and her  Mom were as nervous as two long tailed cats in a room of rocking chairs!  Lena was interpretating between Momma and I and was talking Russian to me and English to her Mom. I was the coolest one there.  I had to settle them both down to relax a little.  I had them both do a couple of shots and they chilled out a bit. I know both of them were impressed by how I took control of the situation.

Lena's mom had very much endorsed me to Lena as a potential suitor in spite of a big age difference, so that wasn't a source of her nervousness.  I think it was the reality of all of it hit her between the eyes.  I talked about how difficult it was to have my own daughter live 5 hours away from me.  She made the point that I still had my son close and that Lena was an only child. (good point too)  After a while every one was cool.

On my second trip to be with Lena, our relationship was much more intense and I had a nice dinner in a restaurant with her Mom and Dad.  It kind of turned into a little celebration of sorts with lots of drinks, courses of food, deserts and so forth.  It was a real party atmosphere and every one had a very good time.  But there was a moment, when the girls left the table to powder their noses, when it was just me and my future FIL.  Now, you have to remember that this man is only a few years older than I.  We had a little heart to heart talk without knowing each other's language.  He "asked" me if I was going to take Lena away from him to America.  And  "told" him, yes.  He "told" me that it would break his heart and began to tear up.  I "explained" to him that I was in love with his daughter and that I would take very good care of her.  We hugged and I knew he understood.  When the women returned, Lena asked what the heck happened while they were gone.  I told her nothing, your Father and I just had a man to man talk while you were gone.  Even though Lena and my commitment to each other was not yet set in stone, I didn't want to bullsh!t the man about the obviously good possibilities.  I still have great relations with both of Lena's parents and we are all family now.
KenC

[Kuna]

KenC,

That's a powerful story.

May I ask how often Lena sees her parents?

Kuna

[jb]

KenC,

Your post brought back some memories,  although Etna's dad had passed a few years before we became a couple, I still had to deal with an aging babushka who was worried about her daughter moving away.  An aging Russian's retirement is basically insured by the younger generation. I had to convince my MIL that I would be able to step up to the plate and assume the family's dominant male position.  I will tell you that I did do that, and my MIL never went without anything she needed or wanted.  In fact, after she passed away we found she had actually saved enough from what we sent her to pay for her funeral and a few other medical expenses.

There is a lot to marrying into a Russian family that has yet to be explored on the RWD.  We see men who can barely make it as a couple here in the USA, trying to marry a RW, sadly they don't know the rest of the story.

When I read Alpo is advising men earning poverty level wages on this topic I absolutely cringe.  He hasn't a clue of what he's treading into.  Alpo should cease and desist on advice to anyone, he's lost himself.  Anyone who listens to him needs another hole in his head.

[jinx13]

  I will tell you that I did do that, and my MIL never went without anything she needed or wanted.  In fact, after she passed away we found she had actually saved enough from what we sent her to pay for her funeral and a few other medical expenses.

 Huh? I thought your MIL was a millionaire, and you and your wife inherited it?

[jb]

jinx,,,

Don't you get it?  The money is in the real estate, not in the pocket...  You are just dumber than a stump if you can't figure this problem out.   Yeah, there is a bunch of money there, converting it to liquid, and moving the money out of Russia is the problem. Your post also points up your lack of knowledge about how things actually work in the FSU.  You should give that some thought.

Admit it, you just want to pick a fight,,, OK, have at it.  I'm more than willing to go toe-to-toe,,, I don't think much of you either.  Just get your facts in a pile before you jump on something I said.

[jinx13]

 hmmmm.... the story seems to be changing, looks like you are "re-inventing" your posts, like you accuse so many others of doing.

[jinx13]

 Anyway, out of respect to the recent death of your wifes mother I'm not going to get into it with you, it's not the time or place, and no I wasn't picking a fight, just seemed like you were contradicting yourself bigtime from previous posts on the subject of your In-laws wealth.

[jb]

jinx,

nope, the value of owned property in Moscow has recently soared, we benefit from that only when we sell it.  We can't live on it until we sell it... Is there something about the capitalistic system you don't understand?

[jinx13]

 I understand real estate assests, what i don't understand is that in other threads you have talked about the jet set life your wife and in-laws lead in Moscow, but now you are saying you were sending your MIL money, and she actually used this money to pay for her own funeral.

[Admin]

For a true toe-to-toe, you guys should take it down to the chat room. It *can* be between the two of you (or you can allow spectators) - and it doesn't pollute the board for future readers.

- Dan

[Michelangelo]

I only met parents twice.  I believed you should only meet them if you were serious about the girl.

BTW- I had known Vik four months before I met her mother-- the first trip to Dnepr I was not serious enough about Vik to meet her mother; then next two meetings were out of country.  So it was Woman's Day '06 when I first met her.

Vik's mother hated Americans....and did not want her daughter involved with one.  She DID not like me at first.  Later, VIk told me it was the greatest endorsement I could have ever received....it made Vik want me. 

I think for many girls it's true--they don't like the guy the mother likes.  It's the kiss of death when the mother likes you...

Anyway, back to meeting her mom...the first night.  She cooked a lot of good food and Vik told me I better eat it.... so i did.  Then she refilled my plate and I had to eat one more time!

Strongest memory of the night?  Vik's mom telling me how the "Americans" had sent the Colorado bug to destroy Ukraine's crops!  She was not kidding, either, and was not laughing.

Later, she told Vik how much better her old boy friend from New York was than me...

When Vik came to the US, she brought me a gift from her mom.  What?  A colorado bug in a little glass jar 

[I/O]

I can pretty much relate to KenC's experience.  Babushka was as nervous as a kitten and Papa wasn't in much better shape.  They had been preparing for my arrival for several weeks which included having the builders in an re-constructing half the house. I was feeling very uncomfortable by the time I arrived there because it seemed very much like they were preparing for a "Presidential Visit".

Having said that, there had been a couple of letters exchanged between parents and myself prior, so the ice had been broken to some extent.  Within about five minutes there was much laughing and joking and war stories being exchanged.  The amusing part during that first meeting was after about 15 minutes, Babushka who is not much older than me, realised she had forgotten new milk for the coffee and her and I departed arm in arm to the nearest shop to purchase same, leaving father and daughter to discuss the future.

Papa and I viewed each other with due repect and caution until it became clear that with both needed to exit for a smoke and that was the catylist for our now firm and respectful friendship.  Like all parents, they are aware of the heartache which is to come, but they have both vowed to support us at all costs.  They understand clearly that life does not always take a predictable course.  I have the greatest respect for both of my future IL's, but they were as nervous as all hell when we first met.

I/O

[jb]

I never said my in-laws led a jet set life.  You have misconstrued a post or two, on purpose I think, because you want to belittle anything I say,  I think this speaks to the smallness of your brain.   My in-laws attended theater and ballet regularly, and my wife was exposed to the better side of life in Moscow, but during USSR times that had nothing to do with money, simply stated, that was all about family position and connections.

You may be mistakingly thinking about the "new Russians" she spent new years with, they are the ones with the jet.

Yes, it's true, my wife is now worth a lot of money,,, on paper,,, if we sell the property... Can you not understand the difference?

[jinx13]

 In the chat room waiting...

 p.s. who or what is Aliona in the chat room?

[jinx13]

 Rumble in the chat room tonight, all invited 

[TexasBoar]

Well, shoot . . . NOW what am I going to do with all this popcorn? 

~Boar

[William3rd]

sure didnt stay in that chat room very long. . . . must have been for a smoke break. ???

[Michelangelo]

Papa and I viewed each other with due repect and caution until it became clear that with both needed to exit for a smoke and that was the catylist for our now firm and respectful friendship. 

Geezz....I/O....  Smoking?  Don't you know that stuff will kill you?   And you want to marry a younger woman?   

[LEGAL]

I can relate to I/O KenC, ScottinCrim, Turboguy and Rim. I feel it is the type of families we were all so fortunate to have met and married into. The daughters by most part are a reflection of there families, and they  understand what their daughters  are looking for. Also for the members I have mentioned and hopefully others share in a the very same values. My MIL is a great woman with a fun loving personality.  When we met like the other writers here stated, she was nervous and before our dinner meeting  went out and bought a new suit and didn't even tell Olga.  After the initial meeting, a nervous but fun loving moma and family  had a couple of shots of Russian Standart   all was fine.  What a great time we had talking and getting to know each other. This made Olga very happy. The guys that work in my film studio had taken all the photos of Olga and I in Saint Petersburg and our engagement ceremony video from the hermatage theater and made a great video that Olga's mother  and Olga's close friends from the theater loved.  This was like kenC's goody basket, this was my golden globe moment, thanks to my production crew.  Olga's son Misha and I get along good, he is a very fine young man. Olga was a little  nervous whether we would get along.  Like I/O I seized the moment when Olga said we need more champagne, onions and garlic, Misha and I went to the store alone remember he does not speak English good but understands almost everything. By the time we made it back to the flat we had become   friends and he understood  how much I love Olga.  There is alot more funny parts to this story maybe Olga will elaborate. To me this one of many memorable times during our journey.


LEGAL

[jinx13]

 Well, nobody stayed very long in the chat room, Turbo you didn't even say hi!  Jb didn't show either, oh well. We are eating dinner now, but if anybody wants to rumble in the chat room later (8:30 PT) I'll be waiting, or we can just shoot the sh!t too, give the chat room some use.
 

[BillyB]

I think for many girls it's true--they don't like the guy the mother likes.  It's the kiss of death when the mother likes you...

Personally I like  girls who respect and value their mother's opinion. It's a good sign that the girl can respect and value elders and it's a good sign their mother is a respectable person. I've seen problems develop over time with women who had problems with their parents. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I think it's a big red flag if a woman doesn't want you to meet her family quickly. She's either not into you or doesn't get along with her family.

A mother in law can be a guy's best friend. My fiancee hesitated when it was time to start the process of bringing her over. A few members in PM's told me it's normal for sincere women and their wives hesitated too but their MIL was their best friend giving their wife the needed push to leave the nest and now their marriage ranks as some of the strongest here at the forum. I think it's a good sign a woman is close to her mom. I reassured my fiancee that I would never let her mom suffer when she's with me and I encouraged her to talk to her mom and she did. I know her mom always thought highly of me. Now our relationship is as strong as ever. I suspect MIL had a hand in that.