Domestic Education

[Turboguy]

Well I am looking for some ideas about what I might have ahead of me if my gal and I get married as planned.   I am talking about adapting to life here.   I will tell a little story from my visit a few weeks ago to show you what I am talking about.

I was in the second week of my visit.  We had gone from N. Novgorod to Moscow for a 7 day stay and had a nice apartment there.   We were walking the streets and I was starting to get hungry.   I suggested we go to the cafe and get something to eat.   She said "NO, I WILL COOK FOR YOU"   On my previous visit she had made me nice dinnner one night, and it was very good.   She said.  "LET'S GO TO THE MARKET"   I said OK, and we headed for the store.   She looked throught the chicken and veal and the like, then she walked over to another counter and pointed to the TV dinners and said "WHICH WOULD YOU LIKE"     I drifted down to the other end of the cooler and picked up a frozen Pizza which seemed like a nice change.   We headed back for the apartment.

There was a microwave in our apartment and I decided to mike up my pizza.  I got a plate out and sat the pizza on it and started to head for the microwave.   She said  "WAIT, STOP"  and she was bringing me a steel skillet with a lid for the pizza which of course would have blown up the microwave.    Well the microwave did not work anyway (this apartment complex rents to a lot of american men with russian ladies which explains why the microwave did not work) so the instructions on the box printed in 8 languaghes said to cook it on the rack in the oven.  

I lit the oven and started to put the pizza right on the rack.  I heard Luda saying  "WAIT, STOP" and once again she was bringing me the steel skillet with the lid and of course it had a plastic handle on both the skillet and lid and they would have totally melted in the oven. 

She mentioned she was going to wash out some clothes in the sink and I noticed we had a nearly new washer/drier in the apartment.  I suggested she use that and she said she was afraid to.  She did not know how to operate it and she was afraid she would break it and we would have to pay for it.  After what I saw, I was sure she would break it myself and was content to let her hand wash her stuff.

Wheeew, after all that, here is my question.   Have you guys found the training of a Russian lady in the American household to be an expensive proposition and do you have any interesting tales to tell?

[jb]

Have you guys found the training of a Russian lady in the American household to be an expensive proposition and do you have any interesting tales to tell?

Absolutely not, they are a lot brighter and quicker than you seem to think. Within a week my wife had a handle on everything.

Teaching her to drive took a little longer...

[bob]

You have to be careful what cleaning products she uses for what purpose. For example, if there are spots on the carpet, she shouldn't use Tilex, unless you want white spots  all over the carpet. You will have to spend some time with her educating her on which cleaning products to use for what.

[Frank]

My wife uses way too much laundry soap.  She seems to think that washers and dryers, as well as dishwashers are too slow.  Apparently, they are not used to buying larger quantites of things at the store, so we end up going to the store nearly every day to buy things.  I must say she is pretty thrifty.  She knows how to get blood out of a turnip.  As for me.........shopping sucks.

The thing that is hard for me is trying to drink all the tea.  Between that and the fact she won't hardly let me wear my pajama's to bed.  She thinks the waist band is restrictive and not good for my stomach.  That does not keep her from wearing them, though.  Heck, she wears most of my clothes.

When I was in Kiev meeting her, getting her to eat at a restaurant was like trying to chase and kill a chicken with a toothpick.  My biggest mistake was wearing blue denim pants.  That was really bad.  Everything was okay once I started wearing the black ones.  

Turboguy, don't let those things scare you away.  At least she did not have you eating at the most expensive restaurants in town and was not hitting you up to buy overly expensive things.  It sounds like she cares about you:) 

[Turboguy]

Hi Frank,

Thanks for the thoughts.   My gal is very conservative about money.  We have walked out of restaurants when the food looks expensive to her.   

She was complaining about the apartment a friend of hers arranged for my first visit.    The first  apartment she felt was for a rich person and we did not need one like that.   She has arranged the ones after.    The ones she arranged were fine as long as you didn't mind the empty bottles of beer in the stairway and the big pile of puke on the first landing that we had to walk past all the time.   Actually I think I saw something in a post about to test a gal ask her to pay for the apartment or something like that.   I think if I recall correctly my gal paid for the apartment.   I had sent her money but just money in general, not to pay for the apartment.   Our compartment on the train to Moscow, she had whipped out her money for that but I beat her to the draw. 

At the moment, I am on a business trip to Kansas City and sitting in my room at the Hyatt Crown Center.   I am not sure what she would think if she were here.  I don't know if she would be enjoying the nice facities or compaining about the price and asking why we were not at the Motel 6.    If all goes well I hope to find out what she would think about this since I should only have one more business trip without her.   Truthfully I sorta like something in between the best myself.   Maybe like a Hampton.   

[ConnerVT]

My wife has had no problem whatsoever.  In fact, as we prepare to head back to visit family, she (jokingly?) suggested that her parents may buy a dishwasher.  I believe she is thinking about all the dishes she will need to wash by hand for the eight of us (plus all of the numerous guests that will come and visit). 

[ConnerVT]

Just an update -- the in-laws did buy a dishwasher last week.  My father-in-law took about a day installing it, getting the plumbing and electrical working just right.  Babushka is still getting used to the idea of not having an hour of dishes to wash, and my nephew still peeks inside to see what it is doing.

Babushka works as a head cook, and is now trying to talk her bosses into buying one for the kitchen where she works.

[KenC]

Turbo,

As a few have already posted, they adapt rather quickly.  I would add that if your woman is strong willed like mine, she will resist your instructions because she does not want to appear dumb, but gie them any way because the thruth of the matter is, what they don't know, they don't know.  This is an area of burden most guys never realize.  I never had to understand the concept of changing a vacuum cleaner bag before!:shock:

KenC

Fiancee and I have discussed and talked of her plans for life here in US..

She has master in business and knows that is tough road to hoe.. 

So she will spend first 6 months in ESL (english as second language) course.  Her understanding of English language is fair.   And I love her accent and how she rolls her RRRRR's  I always have "Langensheit" available, along with other texts and computer...

Then she wants to work with children or elderly.  She will not work in her field of expertise...

  Our K1 petition was approved in April '05 at Nebraska NCISC. 

  So we wait and discuss what are her option to be here in America..

  We have a plan...   She is worth every second that I take to know her...

[Turboguy]

Good luck with the Visa Ron.   I am also in the waiting stage and it sure is not fun waiting around and not able to do anything to speed things up.   I am sure  you plan will work and I think the waiting helps make us more anxious and appreciate what our gals are going through for a life with us.

I have another question and I will just ask it here rather than starting a new topic.  My question.   The ideas in Russia about politeness are very different than in the USA.  This can encompas anything from waiting in lines to anything else.   I am just curious if this has created a problem for anyone. 

For example in the USA, it is considered rude to cut in front of someone in a line and can get you thrown right out of a lot of places.   In Russia it is considered normal and if you don't you probably won't get anywhere.   Has anyone had a problem with this?

 

Tguy,

 

  Have you ever been nearly run over by babushka on escalator from metro.

Look out....

 

  And I have met some of most rude attendants on Moscow metro..

  However, I like travel to Moscow and CIS.  So is that she has bad day, bad mood , whatever.     

 Is like grain of salt...

Tguy,

 

  Politeness: according to my "Webster".

relating to or having knowledge of advanced culture.  Marked by advanced culture or attitude.  Showing and recoginzing of social  culture.

 My brief...

 So do you think Americans are polite?  

 

   We are not always polite nor kind...   We are human

[Turboguy]

No Ron, I was not saying that Americans are polite or the Russians are rude.   I meant that the ideas of acceptable behavior are different between the two countries.    All in all I could consider that Russian people might be more polite than Americans.  

Probably the area that I notice the most is about waiting in lines.    I think this may date back to the time of the USSR when a lot of people had to wait in long lines for things that was not of very good quaility.   People waiting in lines in Russia are much more aggressive than people in the USA.    Behavior that is pretty standard in Russia could get you thrown out of Disneyland in ten seconds with no refund.   I was just curious if anyone ever had a problem with this.   My gal has not been here yet of course but I think this is one of the areas that I will have to discuss with her to keep her out of trouble.  

Tguy,

 

  Know that I hate waiting in line.  I served in military.  I know about hurry and wait.

My point is that is people are whom they choose to be...

I am not excited nor turned off about lines...             We wait, we choose, we are whom we want to be...    So shove off MF....is my message.................

 

 

 

[Turboguy]

I hate lines too and I think the military was were I developed my dislike for lines.   Maybe we can just start a movement to banish lines forever.

[BC]

Here's a copy of one of my posts from 'another board' a while back regarding adjustments after arrival to her new home..

----------------------------

I returned 'home'.. She entered a whole new ballgame... Many things a WW would have little difficulty with were a bit problematic.. One thing I noticed is that at least my RW did not want me to make her feel 'stupid' in her new environment.

It took me almost breaking my neck stumbling over a mountain of clothes to make me realize I had not explained how the washer and dryer worked! When I asked why she didn't just tell me she needed help with the machines she answered: "It's your job to explain these things to me!" How true... how true..

Sometimes the things we do on autopilot are very difficult to teach to someone else. I never realized how complicated simply washing clothes can be.. lets see.. sort clothes.. (why???) because with a machine you can't mix.. (why???) because the machine washes black stuff with cold, colored stuff warm, white stuff hot, sweaters lukewarm with this liquid, other stuff with this powder and this special liquid except for white where we add this stinky stuff and OMG.. we still haven't gotten to all those dials!! Lets forget about the dryer for now.. its nice weather and we can hang up most of this stuff and keep it from shrinking..

Within 15 minutes I had frustrated her to tears with my chemistry lessons and she ended up telling me that I was just trying to make her look'stupid'.. (I was near ROFL because of this predicament) So I agreed that the tub was indeed better and offered to take the damn machines right away to the dump. This made her smile, but looking at the pile of clothes waiting we realized that the four of us produce more dirty clothes in a week than a RU family of 10 in a month or more...

Finally she said "Give me instructions!" and told her "what do you think I'm doing??" wrong answer.... "Papers!!" .. what she really wanted was the manual!! (now who's being stupid??)

What a concept.. a manual... now first if I can find it, second it is not even written in english... it's an Italian machine censored.gif back to step 1.... but IDEA!! .. Internet! maybe the manufacturer has an english or maybe even Russian manual!

But... I don't know Russian or Cyrillic enough to even do a good google... and my wife never touched a computer before, so first things first.. "Darling I have to teach you how to use the computer".. "yes to wash clothes you will have to first learn computer.." My wife shook her head and said "this is stupid.. real stupid."

To make a long story short, I had at least had the foresight to invest in a cyrillic keyboard so we soon were soon enjoying and learning how to google in Russian together! We finally were able to download a RU manual for a similar machine and after a bit of studying together we had it made!!

The rest of the appliances were a chinch after that experience. No stress no tears.

Now before we buy an appliance we look first to see if the manual has a RU section and if not find one on the inet.

In no way am I saying that my RW is dumb (she's a wizard now even with the PC) but many things we take for granted can be very unfamiliar and stressful in the beginning..

Lessons learned:

Let her know it's ok to let you know if she doesn't understand how things work.

Don't take anything for granted.

Don't get frustrated and avoid making her feel dumb.

Russian manuals are available for most appliances.

p.s. The dishwasher later broke and has remained that way. I find doing them by hand is cheaper, more effective and actually quicker. The whole family chips in after dinner and we don't argue anymore about who didn't fill, turn on and empty it last. The cupboards are now always full instead empty when before the dirty dishes were being stored in the machine.  Yep good ol RU technology is sometimes the best.

[jb]

In discussions like these I always recall the story Randy told on "the other board" about adaptation.  He was living in a very up scale apartment building at the time.  Right after his new wife and young step-daughter arrived they were very excited and explored everything.  A day so so later he got a call at the office were he could hear a terrible noise in the background as his woman pleaded for help.  He rushed home to find fire trucks in front of the building and then he learned what had happened.  The little girl was coming back from the pool and saw a red box mounted on a wall that was marked "PULL", so she did.

[acrzybear]

I hate lines too and I think the military was were I developed my dislike for lines.   Maybe we can just start a movement to banish lines forever.

 

and the line starts to my left:D

[mark30378]

My girl is not here yet but I went ahead and paid for her to take driving lesson in Tver. It cost me about $125 and lasted for 2 months. Part time in the evenings. She said the car was very very old and was a manul transmission. When she ask about automatic transmission he ask her if she was a princess. I laughed. I think it will save me a little grief when she get here because at least now she can somewhat steer I think.

[Bruno]

[user=461]mark30378[/user] wrote:

She said the car was very very old and was a manul transmission. When she ask about automatic transmission he ask her if she was a princess.

Mark, automatic transmission are not usual in Europa and FSU... we like our manual one, more good reaction when you drive in our little street with a lot of traffic... automatic transmission is perfect for very long traject...

Other country, other method... if she can use a manual transmission, it will not be problem for a automatic one...

[Shadow]

I drove both manual and automatic transmission, and actually prefer the automatic one. Perhaps because I am lazy.

In Europe when you have driving lessons in a car with automatic transmission you will get a note on your drivers license that you are not allowed to drive cars with manual transmission.

But do you really believe that a drivers education in Tver is a good preparation for driving in the US ?

[Bruce]

My wife never drove in Tver.  I got her lessons here and she passed her driving test no problem on the first try.  Her sister drives in Tver.  I think her sister is a way better driver.  My wife is still afraid to get the car going past 40 ie. getting on the highway is a fearful experience for her still.  Her driving is local ie. to the stop n shop, to the home depot etc.  Now, her sister navigates potholes the size of man hole covers, has guys cutting her off from the left and the right, she is constantly stopping and starting ie. up and down shifting.  She is used to driving in poor weather.  So, I think learning how to drive a car in Tver is a good move that will give your wife alot of confidence when she finally gets here and scares the crap out of you when she is driving and you are in the passenger seat.  Do not worry too much - she'll scare the crap out of you no matter how good she drives .

[Michelangelo]

Tguy,
My point is that is people are whom they choose to be...

I am not excited nor turned off about lines...             We wait, we choose, we are whom we want to be...    So shove off MF....is my message................

My experience is like Turbos...in Eastern Europe you have to be aggresive and on guard to defend your place in line!

You cannot allow any extra space between you and the person in front of you.  Even more, you cannot allow the normal comfort zone for and American....you have to get within inches of the person in front of you!  And know that the person behind you will be touching or almost touching you!

But in terms of "domestic education" when she gets here--how long does it take her to learn NOT to infringe in the body space Americans feel comfortable with?