Negative Impressions at Home

[I/O]

Kuna: Guess I am probably as close to home as you ar going to find in order to swap notes on this and it goes like this for me..........

I have a very very close mate, and we have been such through thick and thin for 15 years now.  We have seen each other through the highs and lows of divorce, financial frustration, success and when push comes to shove, he would always be the first to be in my corner and visa versa, but he did IMHO overstep the mark and trotted out the MOB line with me a couple of times, more with "Big feet" than any deliberate intent.

I guess it hurt a bit, because it is about the last thing I would say to anyone, but I let it slide until it came out a few times and then I reacted by commenting, "Well mate, my MOB is way in front of these LLA's (Local Lard Arses)".  Nothing along these lines has been said since, and I suspect it wont be either.  He knows me well enough to know he overstepped the mark and he also knows that if I had to make a choice, exactly what that choice would be.  I've never been one to wilt under the torch.  However it is here and you will get that again and again.  It is mainly driven be fear of something many locals know nothing about.

I mentioned something in another thread some time back about my parents in this respect.  We, as a family have always fiercely opposed people who shun those from other countries and have accepted all.  But, I was stunned with my mothers comments after meeting my now fiancee' for the first time.  In the kitchen making coffee, dear mother commented, "Oh she is lovely, she is just like one of us".  (Not so sure that we are lovely LOL) I commented quite sharply, "What'd you expect? Some ballsy bitch wielding a Kalashnokof?"  Needless to say, I doubt such comments will appear again.

I also discussed this type of attitude with my fiancee' in general terms, and she is well aware that it can happen.  She simply remarked, with words to the effect of "If it is directed to me, they will get sprayed in a couple of languages". 

This is something you both may have to deal with from time to time, but I would also add that those who have met mine, have been pretty much knocked out by her persona and fairly quickly realise they they have to lift their own game if they want to bat on the same park with her.  Kinda amusing to stand back and watch sometimes.  Nevertheless, I think you do need to set the ground rules with any friends or so called friends early.  If they want my friendship, they can learn to keep their smartarse comments out of our friendship or hunt in another field. No room for negotiation on this one, 'Tis how 'tis.

I/O

[catzenmouse]

Kuna,

 A true friend will ask you about your choices and listen to your thoughts but will not judge you. If someone is judging you then they have deeper issues which are theirs and not yours. That is not a friend.

 I know a lot of people and of them 99% would be what I consider an acquaintance. I don't naturally open up to others and when I have a friend they are stuck with me for life so as such there are very few that I would call a friend. Some of them I have not spoken with in years but if I was in need I know that they would be there for me as I would be for them.

 I would also have no problem cutting off completely any family member that was belittling of or trying to manipulate my relationship with my wife. She is my wife, my partner in this world, and as such is the one that I will stand by no matter what.

Ken

[groovlstk]

I'm going through this right now, and it's certainly not pleasant. I have yet to hear a rude remark from family, friends, and colleagues but some of my friends, in particular, have been remote and standoffish since my wife arrived. I figure they'll either get over it in time or we can go our separate paths, I've made my choice in life and anyone who disapproves can kiss my popka. But it has caused my wife some anxiety, as some friends I'd described to her at length before her arrival and whom she's eager to meet have constantly blown us off, and she feels it's her fault. It annoys me because her adjustment is difficult enough and I've worked tirelessly to make it as easy as possible, but there are some things we simply can't control.

Anyone who is serious about this is going to have to come to terms with the fact that for some people in your life, there will always be an asterisk next to your wife's name because (regardless of her personal circumstances) she came from a poor country.

[Jumper]

but I would be furious if my girl gets friction from so called friends at home.

well it will likely happen a bit?

it isnt often in our case, but it has come up.
i normally don't dignify any such comments enough to even reply or react,
a good hard look is usually enough for decemt people to realize they stepped in an area they should reconsider and shut up, or apologize.
If they persist, they get a slap of reality to mind thier own dusty house,  before commenting on mine.

you will likely also run into what groov is experiencing,,
which is more difficult to deal with,
but does seem to work itself out given time.

relax in knowing you would never lose in true friend over it?
the people you would lose over such a thing, probably where worth losing, and did you a favor by exiting your life.

something that is likely more troublesome for her..
 is likely in the form of her aquantences and neighbors in dnepro.
i hate making generalizxation but FSU people(that are not direct family or very close friends)
 are in general not happy for anyone elses good fortune or oppurtunities.
she will likely get ear fuls from all around and the closer you guys get to being happy,
 the more she will hear it from the babushka network
sitting in fron of the pydiest with little better to do than try and
pull someone elses happiness level down a bit.

[prince_alfie]

My life doesn't depend on the comments of others. I listen and judge accordingly. Even if people condemn me for my choice, well sorry but I don't live my life for their standards.

My parents weren't too happy about my idea about going to Russia but of course, I remind them that Taiwan during WW II wasn't exactly paradise either... The bitter irony is that we need to come to realize that finding a RW ought to be a relaxed and enriching experience and not the source of stress.

[Mir]

Prince

Please tell me what Taiwan during WW2 has to do with you going to Russia?

[catzenmouse]

Prince

Please tell me what Taiwan during WW2 has to do with you going to Russia?

What? Another inane post? I simply cannot believe it! I'm sure there is some deeper brutal truth to the post that you just aren't getting Mir. 

Ken

[ScottinCrimea]

     AJ is right about people here being jealous of others' good fortunes.  I know my wife lost a few "friends" when I moved here.  When she was a struggling single mom like them everything was fine, but as soon as her fortunes changed, both in the form of finding a husband and seeing her financial status improve, these "friends" had nothing good to say about her and promptly disappeared from her circle of acquaintenances.  In fact I've never met the woman who was her "best friend" before I came here.  On the other hand, others that were just acquaintenances have become good friends to us both because of their supportive behavior.
     I think anyone made any comment about me having to buy a bride, I would reply that it was a hell of a lot less expensive than the cost of an AM.

[Rvrwind]

I think anyone made any comment about me having to buy a bride, I would reply that it was a hell of a lot less expensive than the cost of an AM.

I'm sittin' here shakin'my head & focusing my eyes cause I sure am hopin' you meant to say AW! If not Scott, we gottatalk dude!!! LMAO

[Kuna]

I'm sittin' here shakin'my head & focusing my eyes cause I sure am hopin' you meant to say AW! If not Scott, we gottatalk dude!!! LMAO

HAHAHAHA... I was going to let that one pass BUT each to their own.. and all that!

 

[Mir]

Maybe he ment American Madamosile

[I/O]

Kuna: The bottom line of all of this, is there will be a severe "Shakedown" in aspects of your life you simply don't expect or imagine. 

I'm but a babe in the woods compared to most of these guys, although perhaps something of an exception to the "norm" at my stage in so far as my fiancee' has spent a goodly period of time here with me during the whole process.  Thus I've come to see and experience things which simply were not on the radar of this exercise at all.

The subject you have raised here is a good one and it is something you both need to "Steel" yourselves for.  The negative reactions will come from others, but also you will be surprised where the unexpected positive ones come from. 

Usually actions speak louder than words and it has been interesting for me to quietly discover that the most avid male critics of my pusuit (Within the work environment) have almost all, since they met my fiancee', been involving themselves in the Russian woman websites.  Kinda makes me smile and although they will never have the balls to admit it, they have actually given their own vote of support. 

FWIW

I/O

[BC]

Kuna: The bottom line of all of this, is there will be a severe "Shakedown" in aspects of your life you simply don't expect or imagine. 

Quite an understatement in my experience 

[Zhena]

well yeah guys it is the easiest way to hurt friends ,

and what if his wife leaves him then what?

Better never do things which you will regret, if she is real caring understanding wife , and amazing friend she will never put him on choice between her and his friends , she will always support him and understand

if she is offended on some stupid statements made by those friends that means she agreed to be something they called her......

You know,I never put my husband on a choice...I even told him-go and visit your friends,spend some time with them-as he did before he married me. But it seems like he doesnt want to do that,at least without me. I am the most important to him now. And when you marry,some(most of) your single friends leave you-or you leave them-because of different interests...You ll see,Jazzy,when you ll marry...

[Rvrwind]

And when you marry,some(most of) your single friends leave you-or you leave them-because of different interests...

Very True!!
Mostly because you find you are no longer one but two & can't or don't want to go out carousing & clubbing & generally causing your former rukus!!

[DKMM]

Kuna,
As Thor said this is universal around the world.  I get it all the time from my single and/or unhappy female friends.  So much that I just avoid the subject around them altogether.  Very few of my male friends give me any problems with it, sometimes a joke or whatnot, but most are awed but what I've told and shown them.

Strangely enough, the guys that think i'm crazy are the ones from FSU and eastern bloc countries.  I cannot figure it out, maybe they know something?   

[Jazzyclassy]

    I would also have no problem cutting off completely any family member that was belittling of               

well that is very brave , and I am completely sure my family wont do that we understand each other so much , family is so much important for me and my boy loves my family and they love him:)

I try and keep these things in balance and wont listen to my friend's bad comments if they ever tell them as I already told I do not want  sacrifice both important people, but if I had such choice of course I will always support my boy and just will wish good luck to my friends:)

        And when you marry,some(most of) your single friends leave you-or you leave them-because of different interests...You ll see,Jazzy,when you ll marry... 
   

Oh I have no doubt I know how people can change and especially married people and of course it is a gift and miracle to keep friends during all  our life time  , it takes always compromise and other things , oh I am sure it will be all good eventually

and as I/O told  we will always come across those comments in our lives from time to time from both sides, I am ready it is ok for me it is natural , we can not be liked by everybody as we are all different and I am sure some of his friends and relatives may tell about me: ooo look at her we do not like her or something, so what? I wont die after those comments , will just keep enjoying my life and love with my boy:)

Gotta be patient:) everything gonna go the right way , how we want it to be:) we need only think positive that's all:)

[ScottinCrimea]

Okay guys, I promise it was a typo and not a Freudian slip, though I imagine some of you would be pretty high maintenance.

[catzenmouse]

though I imagine some of you would be pretty high maintenance.

No question about it. I know that I am totally a pain in the butt to live with.

Ken

[Maxx2]

A week and half ago...

My dinner with a beautiful sleek RW, a feminist AM and his dumpy homely fat AW girlfriend. Also another RW and her grown son the friend of the feminist-AM were there as well.



Throughout the evening this AM is sneaking looks at the RW sitting beside him. He seems to be admiring her profile and other parts during those brief looks. Sitting across from him is the dumpy fat AW. You know the kind that no amount of dieting, exercise and plastic surgery would elevate her looks to a "5". She's a "2" at best with a guaranteed ticket of going down hill to less than zero. In other words aging will hit her harder than most. Needless to say she was not warm and friendly to the RW. I don't recall her even speaking to her. I was told by the other RW that she was giving the sleek RW the evil eye.

Anyway during the dinner conversation the subject gets over to Russian MOB's and why men marry them. The feminist man says the reason AM go to Russia is to get "subservient women". His fat dumpy AW girlfriend with coarse facial features and thick stubby limbs is pleased with his statement. The beautiful sleek RW does not react as she's the quiet type (unless she knows you!) but the other RW does. She tells him that few AM look for "subservient women" in RW and those that do soon find out they were mistaken. She then tells him he has been propagandized by feminist propaganda and he doesn't know *snip*. This guy BTW is of 100% Russian heritage and speaks Russian from his childhood. I suggested at that point I do an filmed interview of him for Russian media distribution of what happens to RM(boys) who are raised in America. The RW and I starting laughing thinking how his feminist psychobabble would play to a Russian audience. He declines the interrview. The conversation goes on with the fat dumpy AW scoffing at some of the things the RW said. She said RW are weak pushovers in compared with American feminist women. I told her she didn't know RW and I would put my money on a RW in a contest of wills. It got a bit heated and uncomfortable but eventually the conversation cooled off.

Afterwards outside the Manhatten restaurant the 2 RW deep in conversation started walking together down the street "towards" the subway station. True to the feminine weakness of not knowing directions they were heading in the wrong direction. The rest of us looked at them as they were walking a half a block away 90 degrees in thge wrong direction. The son of the RW said "Were are they going?" To which the fat dumpy AW snorted "They couldn't win the argument so they ran way".

The pathetic part about all of this is the feminist AM IS interested in the RW and she IS interested (from behind the scenes stuff I was told about) in him. He by the way is the same age as the sleek RW and is a good looking AM. However he is settling for the politically correct choice. It is said the feminism was created by unattractive women to give them access to good looking men. I wasn't so sure about that theory until a week and a half ago...

Maxx

[groovlstk]

Funny stuff, Max

I've read recently about an anonymous female blogger called La Russophobe who is extremely critical towards Russia. The editors of The Exile are positive that La Russophobe is a disgruntled Western woman and they have offered a bounty to anyone who can identify her, going so far as to offer a composite sketch of what they imagine her popka looks like:

...she genuinely hates Russia for the same reason all Western girls hate Russia: because Russian women are 142 million times hotter than all the Western girls combined (eesh, what a rank thought, all of the West's chicks combined! Hey, someone get me a frickin spittoon and a bottle of Listerine!). Hence, the obsessive hatred of Sharapova.

http://www.exile.ru/2006-January-26/who_is_la_russophobe.html

[prince_alfie]

A week and half ago...

My dinner with a beautiful sleek RW, a feminist AM and his dumpy homely fat AW girlfriend. Also another RW and her grown son the friend of the feminist-AM were there as well.



Throughout the evening this AM is sneaking looks at the RW sitting beside him. He seems to be admiring her profile and other parts during those brief looks. Sitting across from him is the dumpy fat AW. You know the kind that no amount of dieting, exercise and plastic surgery would elevate her looks to a "5". She's a "2" at best with a guaranteed ticket of going down hill to less than zero. In other words aging will hit her harder than most. Needless to say she was not warm and friendly to the RW. I don't recall her even speaking to her. I was told by the other RW that she was giving the sleek RW the evil eye.

Anyway during the dinner conversation the subject gets over to Russian MOB's and why men marry them. The feminist man says the reason AM go to Russia is to get "subservient women". His fat dumpy AW girlfriend with coarse facial features and thick stubby limbs is pleased with his statement. The beautiful sleek RW does not react as she's the quiet type (unless she knows you!) but the other RW does. She tells him that few AM look for "subservient women" in RW and those that do soon find out they were mistaken. She then tells him he has been propagandized by feminist propaganda and he doesn't know *snip*. This guy BTW is of 100% Russian heritage and speaks Russian from his childhood. I suggested at that point I do an filmed interview of him for Russian media distribution of what happens to RM(boys) who are raised in America. The RW and I starting laughing thinking how his feminist psychobabble would play to a Russian audience. He declines the interrview. The conversation goes on with the fat dumpy AW scoffing at some of the things the RW said. She said RW are weak pushovers in compared with American feminist women. I told her she didn't know RW and I would put my money on a RW in a contest of wills. It got a bit heated and uncomfortable but eventually the conversation cooled off.

Afterwards outside the Manhatten restaurant the 2 RW deep in conversation started walking together down the street "towards" the subway station. True to the feminine weakness of not knowing directions they were heading in the wrong direction. The rest of us looked at them as they were walking a half a block away 90 degrees in thge wrong direction. The son of the RW said "Were are they going?" To which the fat dumpy AW snorted "They couldn't win the argument so they ran way".

The pathetic part about all of this is the feminist AM IS interested in the RW and she IS interested (from behind the scenes stuff I was told about) in him. He by the way is the same age as the sleek RW and is a good looking AM. However he is settling for the politically correct choice. It is said the feminism was created by unattractive women to give them access to good looking men. I wasn't so sure about that theory until a week and a half ago...

Maxx

Great story, if you can provide a more in-depth synposis or more conversation soundbites I would be quite interested Thanx.

[mspanky]

Maxx,

 I wonder why this man is settling for the fat AW. Perhaps he is a chubby chaser. I once met a very good looking guy who could have any woman in the room he wanted. He had a great personality and good job. A short chubby caribbean girl walked in the room. She was his wife. I think everyone was stunned. Later on a friend explained he was only attracted to short and chubby women. Oh, and they had to be black too. Before this incident, I had always thought a guy who could have his choice of women would always choose most attractive. But this case proved some men are very different in what they find attractive.

      . If  your friend lives in NY,is not a chubby chaser is good looking and somewhat successful, there is a boatload of attractive FW for him to choose from already with a green card and tons of nice looking women even AW. Otherwise, I suspect he may have personality issues that turn off good looking women.

  An AW as you described I would'nt tolorate even to sit down and have lunch.

[catzenmouse]

An AW as you described I would'nt tolorate even to sit down and have lunch.

I am in complete agreement with that one mspanky! Those are the people you simple walk away from. Life is much too short and busy to tolerate those attitudes and stupidity. Similar to good uses for the "ignore" button here...

Ken

[Maxx2]

The guy in question is both brash and shy. He has inquired about her when she didn't show up at some get together. She is real quiet and reserved and gives out zero indicators to what she thinks about others. He might even think she doesn't like him from her lack of attention she gives him. He is not a "chubby chaser" as his other girlfriends (American) were a bit more attractive I was told.

What it all boils down to in my opinion is the guy has been so conditioned to let the woman make the first move that he won't. Plus the added problem she lives 250 miles away and he only sees her now and then and while he is entangled with some new AW girlfriend.

Maxx