I am a woman in love...

[Lily]

Hello everyone!

I put the Barbara Streisand's song in the subject line, although in my case it may be a bit exaggerated. But it may be not...

I am interested in this forum because I feel somewhat related to international love relations. Last April I met a European guy on one of international dating sites ( I initiated the contact) and we started correspondence. In late May I also made a touristic trip in his country (was planned before) and we arranged a personal meeting for a few hours (he was pleasantly surprised  ). In reality I became even more attracted to him, and I invited him to spend his next vacation at my home in Moscow. He agreed.

He tried to get a week of vacation in August but no success. Meanwhile I bought a webcam and our contacts improved a lot, especially using a microphone, saves lots of typing time. Mostly we talked and cammed Saturday and Sunday mornings, sometimes on weekday evenings. My friend is a military, so he can not freely dispose his worktime. Late August he told me that his regular vacation is cancelled  and he has to go to a military mission in one of the world's war spots for six month    with no internet access  . Early November he managed to go to msn for an hour, but nothing more. If everything is ok, he should be back in May...

I think of him almost every time when my mind is not very busy. I did not ask him  yet what would we would do if he loves me and I love him...and if what we both want to be together...In Moscow I have a very good job. Obviously he will not be able to find a comparable job in Russia, therefore it's me who would have to give up my source of income, my Moscow home and to move.

So far I am not asking for any advice. Actually it's him who is my best advisor about things between me and him..

Well, it may be the case that I am in a tough competition about him. Probably he could not be nominated Mister Nation and may be I would hardly turn my head for him on a street. But when he starts talking...his voice, intonations, vocabulary, facial expressions are really impressive. Every comma in his messages talks! and even more in person.

What I truly want at the moment is to be the best woman for him. The most beautiful, the most caring, loving, creative (yes long distance relations do require lots of creativity in order to maintain the man's  interest!). I want him to be proud of me.

well, now you know my story... and I posted the question about the 10-scale because I want to be of highest score in his eyes..

So I feel related to this forum but represent the opposite side.

and I still have some questions unanswered.

Timothe asked:
I have a better test.  We'll ask Lily two simple questions which will reveal whether she is a real Russian woman. 

Lily, do you mind participating in a little quiz?  Please answer the following questions:

1.  Have you lived in Moscow for your entire life?  If not, where were you born? - I live here since Feb 2004. Born in Samara (former Kuybyshev).
2.  Many men who go to Russia prefer to meet women who located in other places besides Moscow or St. Petersburg.  Do you agree or no?  Please explain your answer.-
I don't think I am a correct person to tell on this. Probably people in this business know. But Russia is a gigantic country, and I would suggest that since there are much more Russian people living outside Moscow+StPete, therefore chances to find some more good apples among people would increase.

have a nice sunday everyone.

[Mir]

Hi

I am intrigued by your story.
If you correspond in English and he writes so well then he is most likely to be English and either be in Iraq or Afghanistan.
Anyway it looks that he has won your heart with his words but does he know this?
Good luck

PS:Did you ask him to score you on the 10 scale?

[Lily]

Anyway it looks that he has won your heart with his words but does he know this?
Good luck

PS:Did you ask him to score you on the 10 scale?

well, I told him that I miss him a lot and can not wait to accept him in my home. He replied something like 'how sweet ...good to know...' 

As I told earlier, we met in person as well. It wouldn't be justice for him to tell that he won my heart only with words. When he smiles, his face changes completely!

PS: I didn't and I don't think I will.  Anyway, for me it is just about to score higher than my eventual competitors..

[Mir]

I understand

I was just jokeing about the score because you asked about it.

[GregfromGa]

Lily you are a very beautiful and intelligent woman. I would like to think that this man thinks about you every night before he sleeps and every morning when he wakes. Hopefully all those boys will get the hell out of there soon and he can come visit you.  Only time will tell if he is your sudba but either way I hope you are happy. Thanks again for stopping by this place. I hope you hang around for a while and dont let any of these people scare you away. Yours is a good story and hopefully it will end the way you want. Dont worry yourself too much about this silly 1-10 scale. This man knows how lucky he is to have met you.

[Lily]

wow Greg, thank you so much indeed for your kind words.

I think thar most likely he thinks something like 'if Lily is patient enough to wait for me for half a year, she is probably worth the relations'. Would be very naturally of him to think this way. Time is a good test, for sure.

Of course, there may be other women after him..and they may have EU passports... no visa..no guarantor declaration needed to have them.. ..after all, he may not want a new wife..
Some years ago, he survived a divorce on the most hard conditions I ever heard of..

[SANDRO43]

I put the Barbara Streisand's song in the subject line

Here's an earlier tune with almost the same title (A Woman In Love) .

[Mir]

Lily

From FSU perspective a divorce here would sound like crucification for the man.

As for EU pasports etc. don't worry, if he has been looking towards FSU to find a lady then he has had enough of the girls with EU pasports.

[Mir]

Interesting that the song Woman in love was written for Barbra Streisand by Barry and Robin Gibbs of the BeeGees.
Oh and Sandro my source for this is the Wikipedia

[Lily]

Lily
if he has been looking towards FSU to find a lady then he has had enough of the girls with EU pasports.

He has not been looking specifically towards FSU. If that would be the case, I would think twice before contacting him. 
In his online dating profile, there were mostly women from his own country in his friends' list.

[Mir]

there were mostly women from his own country in his friends' list.

Friendfinder?

[Lily]

Friendfinder?

Right.

[Zmejka]

Lily, i understand that you know your man better that any others of us do and ever will. But one moment i didn't get - he will return from his service in May or he will come visit you in May? If the first then it's longer than 6 months ???
And the last but not the least important: have you ever heard of an antidate where you could find a black list of foreigners? I'm not trying to tell he's there but i would suggest you at least try to type his name in google even if you met it may not stop him from playing with you. All these cancelled vacations and military service with no internet access... when did you communicate for the last time? Can he call or at least write regular letters? As i got from your words the last time you heard from him was early november, now is march may be i read too much on the antidate - but i wouldn't exchange my life time for waiting for ... what?

I'm again sorry, i know you didn't ask for any advice - i wish you only luck.

[Lily]

he will return from his service in May or he will come visit you in May? If the first then it's longer than 6 months ???
I try to follow his mission through the ministry of defence website. They keep updates. The earlier missions returned some days after the 6 months term. He left in early November for 6 months. So I estimate he should be back home in first days of May. Then he should arrange his well-deserved vacation. He promised to inform me in advance.

And the last but not the least important: have you ever heard of an antidate where you could find a black list of foreigners? 

I heard of them, but didn't looked at them. Yes I tried to google his name on internet, not because of any suspicions at all - no reasons so far - but just to get some info in this total lack of comminucation.

Can he call or at least write regular letters? 

He told he can contact his kids and mother, no idea in what way..
I'm again sorry, i know you didn't ask for any advice - i wish you only luck.

[Turboguy]

Lily, I am not trying to be negative but if I read everything right you have only spent a few hours together, you went there to have those few hours, and he was surprised about it.   He was going to come to see you but now has to perform his military duty and won't be able to have any contact for 6 months.

You are in a far better position to know what is going on in the relationship than I am but I just hope you don't end up disappointed.   I apologize for saying those things but I do hope it all works out as you hope.

[Lily]

 but i wouldn't exchange my life time for waiting for ... what?

 

Opps, I wanted to imbed my replies right in Zmejka's post...but it does not look good to read. Hope you will find my replies

My online search brought me a few more interesting male contacts. We write to each other but it's just friendship so far. I informed them that I correspond with a few men and that one is currently on top, but also told that it's no commitments so far.

Turboguy, I went for my annual vacation and wanted to see him by occasion if he is available at that time and place. He was not the purpose of my trip.

[Makkin]

Hello,

  Lily,

  Your story is nice to read. I hope the best for you and your man in all ways positive.

   Makkin

[timothe]

Failed test.  Waiting for the hook...

[Zmejka]

Thanks Lily for your answer, i could read it, i hope everything will be fine, time is always the greatest judge, good luck!

[BillyB]

 We write to each other but it's just friendship so far. I informed them that I correspond with a few men and that one is currently on top, but also told that it's no commitments so far.

It's only friendship, no commitment from him or you so why do you feel you need to wait for a man that hasn't made any commitment to you? When you visited him, I find it strange he didn't ask you to take the relationship to the next level higher than friendship, and I don't mean marriage but boyfriend/girlfriend.

Keep corresponding with other men, find one who feels it worth commiting to you, if he comes back from duty to commit, whatever will be will be. He has your postal address I'm sure. He could write you from anywhere in the world if he really wanted to. Most Western militarys should allow their men to write letters to send to loved ones even when they're in another country. I wouldn't doubt during rest and relaxation they let soldiers utilize a computer to write or call home.

[Lily]

Failed test.  Waiting for the hook...

Afraid I don't quite understand what do you mean to say Tim 

Did you expected some other reply to your 2nd question?  I still think my answer is right. If we assume that in the entire Russia there are about 45-50 millions (don't pretend to be true, just assumption) of eligible women, then in both Moscow + StPete there would only be about 5-8 millions at best. Dozens of millions are still living outside the capitals - просто поля непаханные, pardon my French  . Plenty of fish out there in the rest of Russia. 

[GregfromGa]

BillyB is right Lily. Unless your guy is some deep undercover operative then he should have access to email at least every now and then. I dont want to get you in a depressed mood but hopefully he'll write you soon. If he doesnt then oneday you'll make some other guy a very lucky man. It probably want be someone here because like I said your picture is as close to a RW as some of these guys will ever get.

[William3rd]

I dont suppose it has occurred to any of you that this is not a real female Russian person. . . . that this is probably a certain member who changes his name when the heat gets too high? There is a person who would normally be on a thread like this but isnt.

The English is too perfect in some areas but stilted in others.

This dog dont hunt, folks. . . .

Have fun anyway for those who continue on her threads. . . .

[funkola]

I dont suppose it has occurred to any of you that this is not a real female Russian person. . . . that this is probably a certain member who changes his name when the heat gets too high? There is a person who would normally be on a thread like this but isnt.

The English is too perfect in some areas but stilted in others.

This dog dont hunt, folks. . . .

Have fun anyway for those who continue on her threads. . . .

  This topic is being covered a little on another thread here somewhere.

[Lily]

It's only friendship, no commitment from him or you so why do you feel you need to wait for a man that hasn't made any commitment to you? When you visited him, I find it strange he didn't ask you to take the relationship to the next level higher than friendship, and I don't mean marriage but boyfriend/girlfriend.

Keep corresponding with other men, find one who feels it worth commiting to you, if he comes back from duty to commit, whatever will be will be. He has your postal address I'm sure. He could write you from anywhere in the world if he really wanted to. Most Western militarys should allow their men to write letters to send to loved ones even when they're in another country. I wouldn't doubt during rest and relaxation they let soldiers utilize a computer to write or call home.

Billy, thanks, everything that you write makes perfect sense.

It looks to me that he may have taken my invitation to visit as an offer for the next level of boy-girlfrienship and accepted.

What I really regret is that I didn't ask him 'what if you fall in love with me, what you think you woudl do?'

He doesn't have my home address, but I gave him both my business and personal cards, but they may have been lost. He knows all my phone numbers, I wrote them once again for him on my birthday.
anyway, all doubts are in his favor unless proven otherwise.

I am far from military but still think that in every remote military camp communication should be paramount. But his case still might be different, he told that he is not allowed to tell some things about his duties. Also I found a site where his fellow soldiers post their messages and pictures, and I am hardly resist a temptation to PM them and ask 'hey, sorry for bothering, but don't you know NN by occasion?'. But I don't want to appear a chaser.

As I wrote, I keep friendship with a few more guys and they really make my days with their emails, pictures, videos...but I can't promise to them anything more. They probably deserve it but I cannot help.