Overcoming the language barrier

[El Rock]

Reminds me of the guy from one of the northern States that went to Azerbaijan
or some place like that (one of the Stans) had a one visit
plan go south, met a waitress in a restaurant, hit it off despite her speaking virtually no English, met her family and hit it off, proposed, she accepted, brought her to States on k-1 and apparently lived happily ever after.....he broke every common sense rule in the book and came out a winner.......

Myth

[KenC]

Daveman,
For every "Mark" that ignores common sense and succeeds, there are 100's (1,000's?) of Photoguys that fall on their asses.  But it doesn't seem to stop them from dreaming.
KenC

[Photo Guy]

Dave wrote:

Hey Photo guy,
You a photographer?  If so, we have that in common. Though I'm more of a well advanced hobbyist than a pro. 

Anyway, I agree with the essence of your post here.. to be successful, you have to face down the challenges...  here are a few contradicting thoughts, and maybe you can throw some light in there..  This post really isn't directed at you, but more at the "guests", or people just going on their first meeting.. whatever...

Feel free to trash my logic here as much as you want.  I would *love* to start bringing my girl over here now... so help me understand how to go about it and I'll be more than orgasmically, ecstatically, mind numbingly happy...

In a small business, does one simply throw one's self into it without doing extensive research?  Doesn't one get to know the business, pitfalls, strengths and weaknesses of competition and partners, trends and fluctuations in and of the market? Design a plan and implement the plan?

Sure you make a plan, do the research, etc. Of course. Nobody implied otherwise.

Success is the product (not the sum IMO) of  hours of investigation/research * hours of planning * hours of focused action * hours of result analysis * hours of re-planning * hours of focused action ad freakin' infinitum.


I agree completely with the "you gotta do it" mentality. But, you gotta know what you are doing before you do it.  Those 'exceptions' of One Trip Shotgun marriages are simply blind unadulterated luck followed by hard work.  Luck, while wonderful to have, is not a dependable ally.  I think if 100 guys took the exact path Mark took, i.e. proposal within the first week, married very soon thereafter, that at least 80 of them would be in divorce.  (This is NOT a slam at you or your marriage, Mark)

That sounds logical, but show me the statistics. You're guessing.
Mark's experience is completely valid. My guess is Mark is a smart guy who knew
a good thing when he saw her.

That's why I was asking specific questions about his situation. What's different about it?  How did he KNOW they are compatible and focused in the same direction?  They worked hard, yes, but all the hard work in the world won't help Vinegar marry Oil.

Sure- asking questions, without condemning someone is generally helpful.


Yes, but not stupid risks.  Okay, You are standing on the brink of a great canyon.. there is an old rickety bridge going across.  Your joy and happiness is on the other side,  do you just go for it?  do you run madly across the bridge with drool raining from your lips? do you tell her to "come on across the old rickety bridge, baby, we gotta GO for it?"  Or maybe, do you take the time to check, and check again, repair, reinforce where necessary, blah blah....

The world is not that simple - not black and white.  A rigid approach is worse than
a flexible creative approach.

Okay how about this... you meet, bring her here, get married.. and then two months later you realize she has the most vicious and violent temper you have ever seen...  People with bad characteristics like this can hide them from you for a while before their 'best behavior' diminishes and evil incarnate comes spewing forth.  Or maybe she's a Green Card Girl who tells you everything she's been told to tell you through the Electronic Translator to make you think she's your dream girl... Perhaps more time and a common language could have given some warning signs? or at least those gut feelings we often get (but unfortunately just as often ignore).

Well let's say she shows you her horrible temper 5 years after marriage, then what?
What's your solution? Or 5 years later, she's a green card girl. What's your method
for preventing that?I guess you could take 7 years of dating to feel like
you actually 'know' her, or you can see who she is much more quickly- it
depends on your ability to perceive.

Anyone who jumps into a situation without understanding the reality is well, in for a "you get what you get" situation.

True, but how do YOU judge someone else's sense of reality?

I certainly wouldn't agree that an exception like this is commonplace.  The statistics paint an all too different picture.  And that's the point.  Probably one of those "Guest" users anonymously reading this thread might see an example of success, and without understanding the entire situation, and how *uncommon* successes of "One Trip Wonders" actually are much less "One Trip Wonders Where I Don't Know What The Hell She's Saying" ... this guest may start thinking "Wow, she's hot, she's sweet, she's great in the sack.. yeah, i gotta just GO for it.. that bad *snip* ain't gonna happen to me, cuz I know what I'm doin!! I just feel it's right!!" (guest reader, if that's you.. go now to the bathroom, gaze into the mirror... that handsome person you see before you is a blithering idiot...)

I'd love to peruse those statistics. Point me to the website, publication, etc. Do you make all of
your decisions based on the statistical probability for success? Love isn't that calculated.

I think exceptions are 'commonplace' because we hear about them more often than we do the other thousand who are too humiliated to come out and say "I was a freakin' fool".

That's easily countered by the opposite- there are probably married men who wouldn't
admit theire marriage is semi-good.

I've had two failures (with ladies who spoke English well). Perhaps that was MY fault. But, I sure am glad they failed with her over there rather than over here. 

How do you account for those failure, in the context of your comprehensive
statistical approach?

Dave

Dave, bro, yes I love the visual arts!  Here's a peek into
my portfolio:
http://www.photo.net/photos/dugstervision






 

[ScottinCrimea]

There are just too many delusional men in the world (and on this forum).  They are going to hear all of this BS about how taking unreasonable risks can work if they are "committed", "strong", "able to overcome difficult challenges", "insightful", "sincere", etc.  They will listen to the one in a million success stories.  Then they will look in the mirror and, because of their deluded status, will not see the idiot there, but instead will think, "Hey, I'm that kinda man".  So they will go out, find a 20-something who doesn't speak English, ignore the red flags and then several dollars later, wonder what the heck happened.  At that point they will either 1)see what an idiot they have been and slink away  2)recognize their foolishness and try to do it right  3)decide it was just a question of not finding the right woman and go joust with a few more windmills and/or  4) Begin posting on RWD or a similar board rationalizing their delusions or encouraging others that they, too, can achieve the near impossible if they just have the right stuff.  Maybe a "misery loves company" thing?

On this board we see several who fit into categories 2-4 and for those of us with experience it's not difficult to pick them out.  My concern is that those with less experience might not be able to be so discerning.

[catzenmouse]

Well said Scott!

 Many moons ago when I first heard about this FSUW thing most of the information avaibable was from the agencies. I read through this stuff and was starting to fall into that trap of hype that they threw out there. Keeping with that old addage about "if it looks too good to be true..." I kept looking and found a few of these type of boards (although much more simplistic along the lines of the Yahoo groups) and started asking questions and making comments about what I had read and heard. Well now! I got smacked around and had my head handed to me on a platter multiple times for a few months. That was the VERY BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE HAPPEND TO ME!

 I still made plenty of mistakes or maybe I should say 99.9% of all the mistakes that I could possibly make as I am particularly stubborn and often quite stupid too (yeah, really. No, you're too nice.... ) but thankfully a little bit of that information started to sink in, then a little more, then the dam broke and Holy Popcorn Batman! A single Clue started to form inside my dust filled attic.

 RWD helps me to keep that Clue watered and fed. But, only because the more I learn the more I know that I don't know a damn thing!

Ken

There are just too many delusional men in the world (and on this forum).  They are going to hear all of this BS about how taking unreasonable risks can work if they are "committed", "strong", "able to overcome difficult challenges", "insightful", "sincere", etc.  They will listen to the one in a million success stories.  Then they will look in the mirror and, because of their deluded status, will not see the idiot there, but instead will think, "Hey, I'm that kinda man".  So they will go out, find a 20-something who doesn't speak English, ignore the red flags and then several dollars later, wonder what the heck happened.  At that point they will either 1)see what an idiot they have been and slink away  2)recognize their foolishness and try to do it right  3)decide it was just a question of not finding the right woman and go joust with a few more windmills and/or  4) Begin posting on RWD or a similar board rationalizing their delusions or encouraging others that they, too, can achieve the near impossible if they just have the right stuff.  Maybe a "misery loves company" thing?

On this board we see several who fit into categories 2-4 and for those of us with experience it's not difficult to pick them out.  My concern is that those with less experience might not be able to be so discerning.

[jb]

For every "Mark" that ignores common sense and succeeds, there are 100's (1,000's?) of Photoguys that fall on their asses.  But it doesn't seem to stop them from dreaming.

This is absolutely true.  Here we see one case where the language barrier didn't hold two people back.   If there are so many other examples of this "exception" being so commonplace, why aren't we reading about them here more often?  Better still, why isn't PhotoGuy happily married?   Was PhotoGuy not an "exceptional man?  Was his chosen girl, Larissa, not an exceptional woman?   The reason for this is because throwing caution to the wind and just "going for it" rarely works.  All of us are "exceptional" in some way.  Sorting out a very difficult intercultural relationship, and making it work, just may not be your area of "exceptional" talent.

Maybe the romantic dreamers should count on playing with the house odds if they want to have a chance at winning at something as important as who you are going to spend the rest of your life with.

[BC]

I kinda admire the efforts Mark and his wife made to begin overcoming this huge hurdle.

There are a lot of good women out there, faced with a choice, I would always go with a woman I can communicate with.

I speak several languages and each took quite a while to master, somewhere around 5 years in country to be able to join in deep conversations about life, philosophy, politics, relationships and yes love... the stuff you can't manage to absorb unless you think and even begin to dream in that language.

It may sound a bit egoistic, but spending years communicating at quite basic levels before getting to the 'good stuff' that really forms a relationship just isn't my bag of beans.

I've said it before, -without the ability to communicate quite well at the outset, the love we share today would not have been possible.

I'm not demeaning Mark's relationship in any way.. just stating that the paths he followed would not serve well as a map for myself.

[I/O]

There is much pontification about this subject and it is one of the few subjects I feel well qualified to give advice on.  I am right up to my ears in a relationship with a Russian woman who has four languages and virtually no English when we met.  My Russian is not worth talking about.

Yes it can be done.  But but but..........the majority who spruke on about it not being a problem are doing so from some distance.  I simply say to anyone, if you have a choice, choose someone with some common language.  It is just one helluva battle for both parties to overcome.  We are doing just that, but it is terribly difficult. 

I admire those who have such as the example here and I salute them twice, perhaps thrice, but I simply don't recommend it as the best or even a good way to go.

I/O

[Photo Guy]

I think Mark has done newbies a disservice by posting his true
account of love and perseverence. but We salute him and then we say
we don't expect his approach to work for anyone except a small
percentage of suitors.   ...these thoughts here at RWD seem
a bit out of joint, a bit twisted.  It's the same old tired idea
of saluting 'victory' and ostricizing 'failure'.

Sure, failure may occur, but life usually requires multiple
attempts at any endeavor to succeed. Do you think Bill Gates
or Howard Hughes never failed? Have you dated a woman
for an extended period and then the relationship failed?
Or did you go straight to marital bliss?

You may choose a particular woman despite the obstacles,
and for valid reasons. The result may be success or failure,
but that doesn't mean your choice was a mistake. Those who
expect a life without problems or challenges are misguided.

There are quite a few members here who have hooked-up
with a wonderful woman, and then faced the challenges of
a language barrier.  ...Would you erase their marriages? 

[ScottinCrimea]

   It's simple math.  If you continually bet on a 99 to 1 shot, you're going to lose 99 times out of 100.  If you win, sure we'll salute you, but we'll still call you lucky.  You would call anyone a fool who continued to play those odds repeatedly.  And in this venture, we're betting a lot more than money.  What we try to point out here are ways to increase the odds in your favor.  Those who ignore the advice and continue to bet on the 99 to 1 shot for "valid" reasons are indeed failures.
    I think many here also forget that success in this venture isn't measured by whether or not we got married, but in arriving at the point where what ut thodds against us, in this case, the language barrier, is no longer an issue in the relationship.
     Sure life is full of challenges and problems, but we have enough that find us without going out and looking for more.

[BC]

There are quite a few members here who have hooked-up
with a wonderful woman, and then faced the challenges of
a language barrier.  ...Would you erase their marriages? 

Of course not... but these words coming from one that IIRC asks to 'show me the statistics' seems odd.

A challenge:

Show us these 'quite a few'.. and lets let them expound as I/O did on the true difficulties involved and whether or not even they would recommend others to follow their paths.

You only saw the 'tip of the iceberg' with your short experience and not what lies deep below in the longer term.

I'll agree to whatever consensus they form.. will you?

[Daveman]

You guys ever see that movie "War Games"?  It came out in the early 80's.  It's about a computerized defense system at NORAD.  This hacker kid gets into the computer and starts a game of Global Thermo Nuclear War...  The computer takes over the game and then later, to save the world from destruction, the computer has to learn for itself the folly of a no win situation by playing first Tic Tac Toe against itself.. then the GTNW simulation....

Anyway, I've come to this thread several times now, and have begun my "debate" reply, but each time, I hear the voice of that computer which says, "The only winning move is not to play".

This debate is a slam dunk in every way, which is exactly why I hesitate to continue it.  The problem is, we are not dealing with logic here.  We are dealing with feelings and romantic dreams, which completely cloud judgment and warp thinking to the Nth degree.   

Photoguy... First off, your artwork is incredible. Absolutely stellar.  I'd love to be able to produce images of that quality and beauty.  I can easily see how you would think outside the box because that is the nature of an artist.  And sincerely, I am sorry for the heartache caused by a former relationship.  I didn't know this.  I'm rather new here and I don't yet know the history of everyone, and I haven't read every past thread.

My approach to this is not rigid, or black and white.  It's simply a "risk reduction" approach.  I'm probably one of the most vivid romantic dreamers you'll ever meet, and it's easy for me to try to talk myself into jumping the gun and "go for it" because I believe in true love with every fiber of my being and dream like you would not believe of finding and being with my one true partner until the end of my life.  I have hellaciously accurate intuition most of the time and I *feeeeeeel* that this girl in my life is perfect for me. 

But in this game, the stakes, are simply too large for both man and woman to spin the roulette wheel based on abstract feelings, regardless of how huge we feel them or how real they seem.  You have to be compatible or the feelings will eventually die and you are then left with the carcasses of former glory and a host of nightmarish problems to boot, for both you AND her. 

If *you* want to have this debate, okay, let's begin a new thread for it because it entails more than simply a language barrier.  I asked you to "trash my logic", and invited you into it, however, I have no intention kicking anyone when he's down, or even remotely coming across that way.  Statistics for 'shotgun weddings' are actually easy to find.  Add to those dismal numbers the other incredible strains of cultural differences, language barrier, loneliness, isolation.. well, you get where I'm coming from. 

I think one big problem we have are those like Elena Petrova.. who really feed the hype. She gives great information about culture, but, it seems that her advice is that the goal of meeting your woman should be "Get her in the sack, get a ring on her finger, and you have just married a woman like me".... but you haven't...  she may be a Treasure of a woman in every way.. but not a treasure for YOU..

As for my perspective, it's obvious I agree with everyone who espouses the "take it slowly" approach.  For god's sake, at least wait until the "infatuation" stage is over to propose marriage.

Dave

[Leslie]

Quite honestly you guys are characterising relationships in a far too mechanistic, determinist way.  It is complete rubbish to say 99% of relationships will fail if she does not speak English 

After dating a lot of agency women I came to the conclusion that the one's who spoke the best English were the salt fish.  Spoilt.  Selfish.  Had strategies which did not include me.  The longer they had been dating foreigners the worse this got.  The terps were death adders...

So I made a simple decision.  I would not date women like this any more.  I would date women who spoke little or no English and I would NEVER use a female terp under the age of 50    I also worked on my Russian.  I met a far different set of women using these criteria  and I married one of them.

It is a far harder road to travel.  It takes much longer to build a relationship. Rushing under these circumstances is fool hardy and if the woman allows it she almost definitely has another strategy.  It is not a short cut for the desperate.  There is a simple formula which is far more important than a shared language in successful relationships.

Put your partner first, your kids second, your relationship third, and all your own needs and aspirations after these.

Make promises to each other and ALWAYS keep them. 

You can work through language difficulties but a lack of true commitment to each other is terminal.  People rapt in self gratification fail.

[TwoBitBandit]

I also worked on my Russian.

I've been reading this thread for eleven pages shaking my head.  I think this is the first thing in it I can see that has any merit.

Y'all take the attitude that "well, she's coming here, so she should be the one to learn English."

My answer to "overcoming the language barrier" is to learn Russian.  I've been studying Russian for over three years.  Everyday conversation is easy, and I can speak it well enough to have a conversation on just about any topic as long as the person I'm speaking to is patient enough.  I can't tell you how many doors it has opened for me in the FSU or how much richer my experience has been because of it.

However, this outlook clearly puts me in the minority here.  Just my two bits' worth.

[Daveman]

Quite honestly you guys are characterising relationships in a far too mechanistic, determinist way.  It is complete rubbish to say 99% of relationships will fail if she does not speak English 

Agreed. That would be rubbish.  I don't think anyone actually said THAT, at least I don't remember it..

It is a far harder road to travel.  It takes much longer to build a relationship. Rushing under these circumstances is fool hardy and if the woman allows it she almost definitely has another strategy.  It is not a short cut for the desperate.

This is what I gathered that most were saying.  The combination of little common language with rushing into marriage (sans time for relationship building) is a recipe for disaster. 

Put your partner first, your kids second, your relationship third, and all your own needs and aspirations after these.

Make promises to each other and ALWAYS keep them. 

Indelible words of wisdom. 

Dave

[Daveman]

I've been reading this thread for eleven pages shaking my head.  I think this is the first thing in it I can see that has any merit.

Really? I learned quite a bit from this thread. 

Y'all take the attitude that "well, she's coming here, so she should be the one to learn English."

Well, the language barrier is multifaceted... of course we say that because one of the problems with the language barrier is her inability to function independently in her new environment.  Independence cannot be achieved without the ability to independently speak the language without her husband present to translate.  Fluency solely in Russian doesn't lend well to independence in an English speaking country (unless you are planning to live in one of the LittleRussia communities).  This is one of the little points of merit many have previously stated.

And of course, your making the above statement does not infer the opposite "She should not learn English".      Your point is an excellent one.

My answer to "overcoming the language barrier" is to learn Russian.  I've been studying Russian for over three years.  Everyday conversation is easy, and I can speak it well enough to have a conversation on just about any topic as long as the person I'm speaking to is patient enough.  I can't tell you how many doors it has opened for me in the FSU or how much richer my experience has been because of it.

However, this outlook clearly puts me in the minority here.  Just my two bits' worth.

Absolutely, this is part of overcoming the language barrier in the relationship, which should be accomplished prior to anything else.  It's all about valid communication.  Even speaking sentences which combine languages where necessary so that a "common" language of communication is found. 

I'm not so sure you are in the minority here with your attitude/approach, but certainly in the minority with your skills.  Many of us are learning but I doubt there are many who have attained the skill level you have.  I absolutely agree we should also learn her language, as have several others. 

Dave

[I/O]

Y'all take the attitude that "well, she's coming here, so she should be the one to learn English."

My answer to "overcoming the language barrier" is to learn Russian. 

The the reality is she will have to learn the language of the country in which she intends to reside.  That is just one of the facts of life in an international marriage.

Learning her language has no downside, but it doesn't solve the problem in the long term for most.  What it WILL do is give you a lot of freedom and options in the early phase of searching and traveling but for her, as my fiance' points out, it provides a short term freedom but only delays the inevitable.

She enjoys a bit of fun when I speak Russian (Such that it is) and it helps me socially when I am in her city, but she gets annoyed when I speak to her seriously in Russian.  She says "Don't do that, It is not helping me learn better English and I need English, good English".

Will the effort we have put in to learn to communicate be worthwhile in the long term? Yes of course..!!  Would I recommend it to someone starting out? No.

I/O

[KenC]

A relationship simply cannot even begin until there is a common language.  Whether the language is Russian or English is no matter except if the couple are to live in an English speaking country, the Russian speaker will eventually have to learn English.  So if there is no common language what do you really have?  A 25% communication factor, if that?  With the seriousness of marriage taken into account, would you base your decision on 25% ability to communicate?  I sure would not.

Can the language barrier be overcome?  Of course, in time, with learning a common language.  But that is the rub here as I see it.  You have people like One Week Wonder and Photoguy that claim that a language barrier can be overcome and they also rush into relationships without benefit of taking their time.  Kind of like jumping off a cliff blindly hoping for a safe landing.  OWW did make it work some how and Photo failed miserably.

I think a lot of one's perspective on this also evolves around the quality of the relationship desired.  I don't know about others, but I wanted a lot out of my marriage.  More than some grunts and hand signals can provide.  How deep a relationship can one have if you cannot speak in depth about the matters of love and life?  Rather shallow in my mind.

So what are the choices if you do not have a common language?  You can take the time for the language to develop.  (Which neither OWW or Photo did.)  Or you can take the blind faith leap into a potential relationship based on smiles and facial expressions.  With a deep relationship being so complicated, I question the quality and depth one can ever obtain without a common form of communication.  I just imagine the couple wondering what the hell they got themselves into after years of being together once they can finally communicate, if they make it that long.  Most don't make it that long.  Truly, wedded strangers.  I guess I just value my life more than to take such a risk as that.
KenC

[TwoBitBandit]

Learning her language has no downside, but it doesn't solve the problem in the long term for most.  What it WILL do is give you a lot of freedom and options in the early phase of searching and traveling but for her, as my fiance' points out, it provides a short term freedom but only delays the inevitable.

The phase of the relationship when she first arrives in your country is the most delicate.  What are you going to do when she is angry and crying and all she knows how to say in English is "My name Lena" and "Me comes from Russia, comes from Vladivostok" and all you know how to say is "Девушка, пиво пожалуйста" and "Я люблю тебя"?  I guess at that point if she has enough faith in you, whatever communication you can eek out with clever use of an Ectaco translator will be enough.

There's really two issues: her integration into the culture in your country, and your relationship with her.  Obviously, your Russian can't help her with the first, and if you rely on your Russian too much it can hinder her.  However, speaking Russian can make boatloads of difference in your relationship with her and with her circle of friends and family.

What do y'all talk about with the girls you're chasing in Russia if you don't have an interpreter with you?  How to you judge her outlook on things?  How do you get to know her friends and family?  How can you really know if you've found the right girl if you can't drill deep into her value system and understand where she's coming from?

Like they say in Russian: "Семь раз отмерь, один отрежь." (Measure seven times, cut once.)

Will the effort we have put in to learn to communicate be worthwhile in the long term? Yes of course..!!  Would I recommend it to someone starting out? No.

As the mix of people on this board proves, you can be successful with just about any method as long as you use some common sense.  You can also fail with just about any method.  My opinion is this: you should do anything you can that stacks the odds in your favor.  The more Russian you speak, the more in your favor the odds will be.

[Chelchov]

The phase of the relationship when she first arrives in your country is the most delicate.  What are you going to do when she is angry and crying and all she knows how to say in English is "My name Lena" and "Me comes from Russia, comes from Vladivostok" and all you know how to say is "Девушка, пиво пожалуйста" and "Я люблю тебя"?  I guess at that point if she has enough faith in you, whatever communication you can eek out with clever use of an Ectaco translator will be enough.

There's really two issues: her integration into the culture in your country, and your relationship with her.  Obviously, your Russian can't help her with the first, and if you rely on your Russian too much it can hinder her.  However, speaking Russian can make boatloads of difference in your relationship with her and with her circle of friends and family.

What do y'all talk about with the girls you're chasing in Russia if you don't have an interpreter with you?  How to you judge her outlook on things?  How do you get to know her friends and family?  How can you really know if you've found the right girl if you can't drill deep into her value system and understand where she's coming from?

Like they say in Russian: "Семь раз отмерь, один отрежь." (Measure seven times, cut once.)

As the mix of people on this board proves, you can be successful with just about any method as long as you use some common sense.  You can also fail with just about any method.  My opinion is this: you should do anything you can that stacks the odds in your favor.  The more Russian you speak, the more in your favor the odds will be.

I second TwoBitBandit 100%.  That's exactly how I feel about the whole language thing.  Speaking Russian does make a huge difference!  Not just the girl.. things and opportunities beyond that.  Marrying a Russian girl is like marrying her family, not just her.  I don't want to feel like I'm being a outsider and feeling left out because I don't speak their language.  I prefer to be able to intermingle with her friends and family by participating in their diaglogues and conversations, having fun, sharing great jokes and so on.  I really don't like to depend on others to translate for me.  I like to say what I think out of my mouth without using any 3rd party service to translate for me.       

I had a Russian girlfriend who has been living here in the USA for 17 years, and she speaks very good English.  However, there were at times when I told her something in English, and she gave me this confused look.  I repeated myself in English, and she didn't get what I said.  I then resort to tell her in Russian and she finally understood what I was saying.  I feel that it's important to be very fluent in both English and Russian equally.  Just myself and my own perspective from my experiences. 

It's true that speaking too much of Russian with her in English speaking country can be slow progress and a hinderance to her learning the English language.  It's still necessary to know the Russian languague for just in case when girl doesn't understand what you are saying in English and there's no dictionary around.  You can just tell her in Russian, she gets it and you can then explain to her how it is spoken in English.   

I am very grateful and thankful to be fluent in Russian.  I am thankful for my family and friends for the language.  It does make a big difference.   

     

[I/O]

The phase of the relationship when she first arrives in your country is the most delicate.  What are you going to do when she is angry and crying and all she knows how to say in English is "My name Lena" and "Me comes from Russia, comes from Vladivostok" and all you know how to say is "Девушка, пиво пожалуйста" and "Я люблю тебя"? 

TBB:  IMHO any man who allows that situation to occur is an idiot. If a man has gotten to the stage of a K-1 or whatever and she has arrived in his country and HE has not made dammed sure that she has a lot more English than that is doomed to failure for a whole host of reasons, not least of all, his overall ability to manage the process.

Under those circumstances, a relationship might survive, but I suspect it would be a rarity.  Maybe I am right, maybe I am wrong, but it was for these exact reasons mine and I did NOT lodge an application for a fiance' visa long before we actually did.  Yes we were fairly confident we knew each other enough to know what we wanted, but logic told us both to hold off a while until we had a better level of communication. 

Believe me, I've seen the tears of frustration and some.  However I can also add to that something which gave me great joy to watch and that was, when mine was here the first time and after she had learned a deal of English, to watch her arguing the point over the price of a coffee with a cafe' attendant in English and doing a pretty dammed good job of it, I was seeing that independent Russian woman I have come to admire so much.  Without that linguistic independence, she would be but an extension of my arm.  Both of us want much more than that.

I/O

[TwoBitBandit]

The phase of the relationship when she first arrives in your country is the most delicate.  What are you going to do when she is angry and crying and all she knows how to say in English is "My name Lena" and "Me comes from Russia, comes from Vladivostok" and all you know how to say is "Девушка, пиво пожалуйста" and "Я люблю тебя"?  I guess at that point if she has enough faith in you, whatever communication you can eek out with clever use of an Ectaco translator will be enough.

TBB:  IMHO any man who allows that situation to occur is an idiot. If a man has gotten to the stage of a K-1 or whatever and she has arrived in his country and HE has not made dammed sure that she has a lot more English than that is doomed to failure for a whole host of reasons, not least of all, his overall ability to manage the process.

LOL 
It's still worth saying, because there's more idiots chasing girls in the FSU than you can shake a stick at.

[Daveman]

TBB:  IMHO any man who allows that situation to occur is an idiot. If a man has gotten to the stage of a K-1 or whatever and she has arrived in his country and HE has not made dammed sure that she has a lot more English than that is doomed to failure for a whole host of reasons, not least of all, his overall ability to manage the process.

LOL 
It's still worth saying, because there's more idiots chasing girls in the FSU than you can shake a stick at.

Yes, yes it is... that's because it's the FSU women having Idiot's sticks shaken at them.      but, you didn't hear it from me.

[ScottinCrimea]

One of the big breakthroughs in my relationship with my wife was when I could finally sit down and speak with her parents and friends without her having to be there to act as an interpretor.  I was able to validate what I knew about her, both the good and the bad.  Believe me, a Russian MIL won't sugarcoat things.  It was great to hear about her childhood and life from her parents' perspective and to share her friends rather than just being a bystander.  Also, with a 15 year old non English speaking daughter, it would be impossible to get by without knowing a few choice words.  Even if she is coming to America to live with you, you can't expect her entire family to learn English, and you're missing out on a lot if you can't have e few heart to hearts with her parents of if everything comes through her filters and views as she translates.

[TwoBitBandit]

Believe me, a Russian MIL won't sugarcoat things.

One RW I met was definitely not pleased when I met her mother, who told me that the girl's childhood nickname was толстожка (chubbly little girl).