Wedding ideas needed. How to keep both families happy?

[MaxxumUSA]

As some of you know, I am technically engaged (since Feb 6) to my Elena through discussion agreeing to marry, but I have not done the romantic proposal yet.

I am going to officially (romantically) propose to her on my next visit which is only 10 days from today.  It will be sometime during my three week visit.  I will not post the date as she just might come across this forum.

In any case... my question:  After we are officially engaged and she has her ring, everyone will be happy...  Until we need to talk about wedding plans.    There is NO way all of both our family can attend.  We plan on her arriving here in the USA on a fiancee visa (already started).  I expect the visa to be ready June/July.  I can revisit Russia and come back with her if this question might come up in some replies.

So...  I will keep this open ended.  How did you married folk on the boards deal with keeping both families happy?  I wish so much that her family in russia could be here for the wedding.  However, this would be impossible of course.

Ideas please.  I would like to give a lot of (GOOD, realistic) options to her and her family.

Thank you!

- David

[BC]

Well, we got married in RU almost 5 years ago and are following up with an Orthodox wedding here later this year.
All our parents will be meeting together for the first time.  Should be fun!

[MaxxumUSA]

Well, we got married in RU almost 5 years ago and are following up with an Orthodox wedding here later this year.
All our parents will be meeting together for the first time.  Should be fun!

I hope our parents all meeting each other will happen sometime also...  But we only have 90 days after she arrives in USA for the legal marriage to happen; and of course all will know we are legally married.

Any ideas for celebrations?  Please...  I honestly request all input and ideas.

What did you do (or wish you did) here/there to make BOTH the families feel involved?  I mean... not only FEEL involved...  but BE involved. 

[LEGAL]

Congratulations Maxxum I suggest you have a very good videographer video your wedding for both family's.  I had a videographer  that works in my film studio come on the cruise and video our wedding. The editing is equally as important as the initial shoot.


LEGAL

[Jet]

One of the things we did, that I felt was important and was obviously very appreciated, was to invite Lil's parents out for a day in the city where they helped us pick out our wedding rings. I paid of course, then Lil and I took them out to lunch at a street side cafe afterward. Her parents were both excited over the fact that we requested their input before any purchase would be made, and it gave them a sense of participation. Lil also bought her wedding dress & shoes in Russia with the help of her 2 closest friends, before my arrival for the visa interview. Her grandmother did the dress alterations and contributed the necklace/earrings. This way the important people in her life could all contribute to the ceremony, even if they could not be in attendance on our wedding day. My family flew in for the week in Key west, where the ceremony was held.

[GregfromGa]

We married in Kharkov with only her family,Dmitry and some really nice English couple that I didnt know. Dmitry had done so much in helping us with the wedding I was happy when he showed up with someone else that could speak English besides my wife. I just figured this was her day. Hell I had waited 35 years. Most people including my family  had just about given up on me. I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever about marrying there in front of her family.

[Elen]

Yeah  Contribute to a wedding and stay home and be glad with only "a sense of participation" , watching well edited videographer video , Cinderella's family
 
 Okay okay I do know parents should not be such egoistic in their wish to present abroad at wedding ceremony of their child but really folks you can't truly believe that such a choice is really what makes "her" family happy and exited 



PS That is a good chance to re mind "somebody" ( who use to cry about Russians attitude to foreigners) about civilized treatment Russians get from USA government and how good the USA follow the principle "innocent until proved guilty"

http://news.rin.ru/eng/news///7450///visa%20denial%20to%20parents%20of%20Russian%20bride/

In response letter representative of Moscow council service has reminded the senator that according to USA laws "all persons applying for non-immigrant visa are considered to have such intention and should prove strong bonds with native country guaranteeing their return".

[Jet]

 Okay okay I do know parents should not be such egoistic in their wish to present abroad at wedding ceremony of their child but really folks you can't truly believe that such a choice is really what makes "her" family happy and exited 

Elen, Lil's parents are not as difficult to please as you  They already had the big church wedding with reletives and friends and a week of celebration with the marriage to her first husband.

PS That is a good chance to re mind "somebody" ( who use to cry about Russians attitude to foreigners) about civilized treatment Russians get from USA government and how good the USA followes the principle innocent until proved guilty"

Don't recall crying about it - usually I'm explaining it to others who cry about it  Further, Lil's Mother, Father, and Grandmother have ALL received US tourist visas. My Father-in-law flies in to NY in just over a week - it will be his first use of the visa in nearly 2 years, he was simply too busy to come sooner. 

[Elen]

1. Yes I'm such an egoistic mother that I wish to present at wedding of my daughter ( only a trip to a shop for wedding rings would not make me happy at all  ( BTW buying rings is "a must" for future husband ) Also a point was that it's YOU who thought that her family was happy But It does not meant it's so even if that family tells you so. Try to be honest with yourself and put yourself in their shoes.

2. I said "somebody used to cry about"  Everybody is free to concider himself on not  like that "somebody"  ( but "somebody" does know for sure who I meant That ( those) one(s) who tried to prove me with "a lather on a mouth" that it's only in Russia people must have  proofs about their innocent intentions )

3. If it's possible to invite parents to wedding in America then why such a possibility is not discussed?

[MaxxumUSA]

Ok...  Elen, and others...

I'm looking for ideas here.  I guess the best idea is to try and get her mother a visit to the USA for a weddding.  I doubt this visa would be issued to tell the truth.

I was hoping and still hope some of you can give ideas for celebration with both families and how to keep both families involved.

In other words...  the marriage will legally happen in USA.  Should we have two "wedding celebrations?"  One in USA and one in Russia?  If so, how to word this?

Constructive ideas please.

Elen,  I read that link you posted.  I agree it's not a good policy however it is what we are dealing with at this time.  Nothing I can do to change that policy in a short amount of time.

[Elen]

Elen,  I read that link you posted.  I agree it's not a good policy however it is what we are dealing with at this time.  Nothing I can do to change that policy in a short amount of time.

I know . That's a reality which should be taken like it is. I just could not help myself to use your thread to throw a stone to a garden of those "somebodies"  Sorry ( BTW those parents did get a visa after interference of Russian consul which proves only that there is NO law about this issue in America but only "ideas" of left leg ( like we say in Russia ) of Embassy's officials about who  deserves an entrance to the USA's paradise )

 As for constructive ideas I have no one ( except not bothering with marriage to foreigners because it brings too many unsolved issues where only one side is happy and other one just has to put aside all "egoistic" thoughts and wishes and compose a happy face for the sake of future life of their child. Wedding day is not the bigest of such issues after all There are more serious "issues" for "Cinderella's" parents  like taken away grandchildren for example or life alone in older ages )

[LEGAL]

Yeah  Contribute to a wedding and stay home and be glad with only "a sense of participation" , watching well edited videographer video , Cinderella's family
 

Elen & Maxxum I don't recall saying  stay at home with a video being the only "a sense of participation"  The video would add to the memories and for anyone who unfortunately couldn't attend the wedding.


LEGAL

[Elen]

You did not say THAT . I didn;t say that you said THAT.

 But reality is that unfortunetely it's all what parents could get. If you have something else to offer to make them happy then say what it is That what Maxxum's question was about ( you said only about tapes as far as I recall  )

[jb]

Why not have two weddings?

You could do the Orthodox Church wedding (not legally binding) in her home city and then do the second wedding in your home city.  That would get everyone in the loop.

[Elen]

If she believes in God at all of course .....  ( and agree to bribe a priest to carry a ceremony without legal proof from local ZAGS  )

[LEGAL]

    There is NO way all of both our family can attend. 

So...  I will keep this open ended.  How did you married folk on the boards deal with keeping both families happy?  I wish so much that her family in russia could be here for the wedding.  However, this would be impossible of course.

Ideas please.  I would like to give a lot of (GOOD, realistic) options to her and her family.

Thank you!

- David

Posted on: Yesterday at 10:02:58 PMPosted by: LEGAL 
Insert Quote
Congratulations Maxxum I suggest you have a very good videographer video your wedding for both family's.  I had a videographer  that works in my film studio come on the cruise and video our wedding. The editing is equally as important as the initial shoot.


LEGAL
 

uote from: Elen on Today at 03:29:08 AM
Yeah   Contribute to a wedding and stay home and be glad with only "a sense of participation" , watching well edited videographer video , Cinderella's family
 


Elen & Maxxum I don't recall saying  stay at home with a video being the only "a sense of participation"  The video would add to the memories and for anyone who unfortunately couldn't attend the wedding.


LEGAL


Posted on: Today at 07:03:22 AMPosted by: Elen 
Insert Quote
You did not say THAT . I didn;t say that you said THAT.

 But reality is that unfortunetely it's all what parents could get. If you have something else to offer to make them happy then say what it is That what Maxxum's question was about ( you said only about tapes as far as I recall  ) 





Elen & Maxxum if both parents cannot attend at the very least you would have the  video for evryone including but not limited to your imediatly family. 

LEGAL

[Elen]

And so?  ( BTw don;t you think that you should add posts of other's because you are not alone in this thread?  )

[LEGAL]

Elen  your post and mine needed clarification.


LEGAL

[Elen]

 <sigh  >  отвяжитесь , mister with clarifications of yours. I was not reffereing to only your post ( so there no need to "demand" personal clarification, world is not rolling around only your person you know)   It was just thoughts aloud what could parents get all after all So next time you wish to clarify - post ALL posts from the start to the end .

 Till now I didn't see what ELSE there could be in a case of wedding abroad where parents have not "access" to.

[LEGAL]

<sight>  отвяжитесь , mister with clarifications of yours. I was not refereeing to only your post ( so there no need to "demand" personal clarification, world is not rolling around only your person you know)   It was just thoughts aloud what could parents get all after all So next time you wish to clarify - post ALL posts from the start to the end .

 Till now I didn't see what ELSE there could be in a case of wedding abroad where parents have not "access" to.

Elen I didn't demand clarification, I responded in a logical manor . I never said the world revolves around me. I gave a good  idea on what to do if both parents couldn't attend to preserve this very special moment for all to see that could not attend. I posted your responce and mine as seen above and they are self explanatory 

LEGAL

[Elen]

I see not to many "logic" in your manera to take everything too personal ( it's not for the first time with dealing with you )

As for good deal then I told about my viewpoint on how "good" it was. Such tapes ( in a set with what were offered in posts of others ) would not make me like a parent "happy" ( as a question was about how to make parents "happy" ) And my point ( which I explained in those posts you proffered not to post) was that it's one of unsolved "issues" in marriage abroad so there is no need to think that you could really make "happy" parents with such replacing of real present at a wedding of own child

[Jet]

1. Try to be honest with yourself and put yourself in their shoes.

I went to great lengths to do exactly that. Their happiness was NOT faked for my benefit.

3. If it's possible to invite parents to wedding in America then why such a possibility is not discussed?

Who said it wasn't discussed?
Her parents were much more comfortable with the idea that we would use $4,000+ to start our lives together instead of spend it on one week vacation for them. Of course they would like to attend, but they were somewhat pragmatic as well.

[LEGAL]

I see not to many "logic" in your manera to take everything too personal ( it's not for the first time with dealing with you )

As for good deal then I told about my viewpoint on how "good" it was. Such tapes ( in a set with what were offered in posts of others ) would not make me like a parent "happy" ( as a question was about how to make parents "happy" ) And my point ( which I explained in those posts you proffered not to post) was that it's one of unsolved "issues" in marriage abroad so there is no need to think that you could really make "happy" parents with such replacing of real present at a wedding of own child
[
/quo



Elen Nothing taken personal, just responding . Again Elen if some of the parents and  family cannot attend it would be better to have a nicely done video documenting this joyous occasion than having nothing at all. (  I see you become argumentative many times look at the discourse between you and Jet)


LEGAL

[Elen]

I went to great lengths to do exactly that. Their happiness was NOT faked for my benefit.

Happiness about not present at her wedding?   or what?

Who said it wasn't discussed?
Her parents were much more comfortable with the idea that we would use $4,000+ to start our lives together instead of spend it on one week vacation for them. Of course they would like to attend, but they were somewhat pragmatic as well.

1.  It was not discussing HERE in THIS topis where I'm posting my "thoughts aloud"

 2. Ah I'm not such pragmatic ( and hope my daighter is not too) and would preffer to find those money ( if issue was only about them)  

3. MHO Everyone of you  should deal with your own in-laws I wish you would be more lucky and would not get such mother-in-law like Elen  

[Kuna]

3. MHO Everyone of you  should deal with your own in-laws I wish you would be more lucky and would not get such mother-in-law like Elen  

Aint that the truth!!!