Maiden voyage into Russian waters

[Sculler]

Hello everyone!

I am preparing my first real trip to Russia (I did visit Vladivostok 16 years ago as part of an official US Navy port visit). I am currently finishing a 7 month deployment to the Mid-East. When I first arrived here I made the decision to visit Russia and fulfil a 20 year dream. I studied Russian in college and have wanted to visit ever since. After I made the decision to go to Russia this Spring/Summer, I started to look into the world of Russian women online. Short story is I have been emailing a young (30 yo, I'm 44) RW in Izhevsk and will visit her while I am there. I have read with interest the many thoughts posted on this site regarding RW and some of the trials and tribulations experienced. I wanted to introduce myself because during my research into my trip, I discovered very little about Izhevsk. Most of the info is about Moscow and St. Petersburg with assorted other cities thrown in. Perhaps I have missed a few postings. I plan on posting my experiences in Izhevsk either here or elsewhere on the internet for people interested in places outside the normal tourist destinations. Izhevsk seems interesting as it is the home of the AK-47. It was a formerly closed city of the Soviet Union since it was a large arms production center.

Regarding the RW in Izhevsk, we have had some very positive correspondence and we are both looking forward to meeting. We have talked a few times on the phone, but mostly via email. Telephone connections from the Mid-East are not the best. We will travel to St. Petersburg together as that is her favorite city in Russia. We will be together almost 3 weeks before I finish my trip in Moscow before flying back to the US.  I will spend the first few days in Ekaterinburg (my itinerary is Moscow - Ekaterinburg - Izhevsk - St. Petersburg - Moscow).

Perhaps the reason I am here is a little backward from the others on this site. I started writing to RW as a result of my decision to finally visit Russia rather than the opposite. I have always been interested in Russian culture and Russian people since I was a young teen, which is why I chose to study Russian in college. Over the years, I received email from various "RW" in response to some of my listings on various dating sites and I have always been curious about why (though I now know many of those, if not all, were scammers). I don't want to sound like this trip is part of some PhD dissertation into the cultural attitudes of RW, but I have been interested in this whole RW phenomenon (if that is the correct term). I have read the article posted on this site written a few years back about some of the men posting on this site, as well the the article posted in 1994 about RW "dead horses". I have discussed some of these issues with the RW I'm planning to meet and look forward to having some more discussions about many of the subjects raised by people in this forum. So far she has exceeded all expectations I had when I first started writing to RW. I will admit she is not the most beautiful of the women I corresponded with, but she is attractive to me and we have many of the same attitudes, beliefs, and dreams. I am hopeful. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas for me regarding my trip, I will welcome them. I will be in Russia late May until late June.

Thank you.

1X

[BC]

Keep your mind open, wallet closed,
be yourself even though nobody knows,

Keep expectations low with experiences high,
more than anything, simply go and have a great time!

Keep all this plus more in mind,
and you'll most likely do just fine!

Cheers!

[catzenmouse]

Welcome Sculler!

 Sounds like you've got quite a month ahead of you! The Russian language skills will be a great benefit to you and I'll look forward to hearing about your adventures. Good luck, Have fun, and Enjoy!

Ken

[CaptB]

Welcome Sculler,

I am former "Coast Guard".......and like you.......my first trip to Russia full-filled a 25 dream to visit for reasons other than meeting RW. My wife Vika and I will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary soon. The advice I would like to give is to spend most of your time in the RW's home city. Three weeks in St. Pete......is a nice "vacation"..........but people on vacation do not act the same as when they are surrounded by friends, family, coworkers..........in their "home" environment. If you really want to get to know your RW........you need to see her in her home environment. Her city may not be as exciting.....as St. Pete.......but if you are serious about the possibility of finding a partner in the FSU......you really need to observe how "others".......who have known her a long time........."regard" her as a person. You will learn much more on her home turf........than on "vacation"......even though that vacation.......is in Russia.

Read the "tablets of stone" and other newbie material here. Avoid making the biggest mistake that newbies make.....who are not sucessful at this endeavor.......do not dismiss "red flags". For instance......if you were to tell your RW that you have decided to have her spend a week together in St. Pete (to see if there is real chemistry.....as opposed to "vitual")..........and spend the other two weeks in her home town........and she resists this idea.......I would say this is a red flag. If she is serious about pusuing a relationship (international)......she will understand.....and accept......your reasoning.

The biggest mistake you can make.....is to think you......and the RW you are pursuing........are "different".................but in all likihood........you are not. Writing and phoning are nice.......but not face-to-face. The first day you actually meet will tell you more......than most of your previous "virtual" contact.

My first trip was overwhelming. It was all I expected ..........and more. There will be surprises.......prepare yourself......do your homework.

Good Luck


Capt B

[Kuna]

Sculler,

I really couldn't give you better advice than CaptB.

Your attitude sounds great and I hope you have a wonderful time.  You'll know how real your new friendship is when you meet your lady and then you can focus on getting to know the REAL "her" better.

It IS possible to meet "the one" on your first trip but sometimes it takes several trips.  I was lucky, and I hope you are too.

Be very cautious about overspending and try to focus on doing simple things with your lady.  If she's "the one" she'll be happy spending time with you, talking, walking and getting to know you.  There are horror stories about pro-daters who just want gifts and a holiday but don't let suspicion get in the way of you having a good time.  Be cautious but not suspicious.

I'll make a short comment on spending time with your lady in her hometown.  Of course it's very important to see her at home, with friends and family.  My Girl's situation was a little different because her family is in Moscow and she'd just returned to Ukraine from 2 years in Germany so my request to visit her at home was met with "Why would you want to come here, it's not very interesting and my family and friends aren't here".

We met in Kiev but after she returned to Dnepropetrovsk she invited me back to her home.  I travelled down there and then we returned to Kiev together for my last few days in Ukraine.  Some of the girls might be embarrassed of their cities or fearful that you won't be excited, interested or happy.  If you focus on her - on her character she will understand you're genuine and will feel more confortable.

Oh, it seems obvious to say this but CRITICISE NOTHING.  My girl was very conscious of the fact that she wanted me to like her city and country (and I genuinely did). 

Have a great trip, have a great time, and I wish you great success.

Kuna

[Sculler]

Thanks for the all the great advice. I am planning to spend about 10 days in her city (Izhevsk) before we go to St. Petersburg. She is looking forward to having me meet her mother and grandmother and seeing her hometown. Nine days seems like a long time in a place like Izhevsk, but the object, as mentioned, is to see her in her native environment. I have been very conscious of looking for "red flags"  based upon experiences of people noted in this forum as well as numerous other websites. So far I have seen none. She seems to be genuine. If it does go well, I expect I will plan another trip later in the year to spend more time with her. I expect the real crucible  will be the 35 hours on the train between Izhevsk and St.P. I'll keep you posted.

1x

[Bruce]

Whoa, Nellie, slow this horse down.  Sounds like your plan is another one week blunder to me.  You say you are so fascinated with Russian language, history and culture.  Why not get many women's perspective?  Why be immediatley locked into a trip with one Russian woman?  She may be good, but how do you know there is not another girl better for you?

It sounds to me that you are putting way too many eggs in one basket with a woman you only have corresponded with.  The cart sounds ahead of the horse ie. you seem very emotionally connected to one RW who you have never met.  My advice to you is to first get some possible outs along the way.  Second, start corresponding with other women / plan on meeting other women or at least think how you may go about meeting other women.  Otherwise, you very may well meet a women you have no romantic interest in, be locked in to meeting her family, getting along with all etc.  Do you really want the high pressure of meeting her family and relatives scheduled before you actually met the girl you are writing in person? 

[BC]

Bruce,

The commitments have already been made at this point, no sense in turning the world upside down at the last minute..

Maybe best would be a few contact numbers of recommended agencies in the area.. If he bails he at least has a quick reference point.

At least he's not asking about engagement rings in other threads.. 

[Bruce]

BC -agreed.  I hope he has a backup plan of some sort and of course I do wish Sculler all the best  !

[Sculler]

Bruce,

Your comments are valid. I actually have talked with a number of different women. It pretty much boiled down to this one woman. I am not committed to her until we meet and she has also been hesitant to commit to much until we meet, though she has agreed to go to St. Pete with me provided all goes well in her town. I am open to meeting other women in Ekaterinburg while I am there and Moscow while I am there. The biggest problem I have encountered with most of the RW I have written to is that they seem very reluctant to tell me much about themselves. I have heard that some women only want to talk on the phone and I suspect some won't open up until you meet in person. This RW and another in Kaliningrad were the two that I seemed to click with the best. However the RW in Kaliningrad told me she wouldn't agree to meet unless I came only to visit her. Since I didn't feel as strongly about her as the other, I had to tell her I wouldn't be able to visit her. Actually, the RW in Izhevsk was concerned that I wasn't planning to see other women. She was afraid I would waste my trip there if it turned out we weren't right for each other. I assured her the primary purpose of my visit was to visit the country. If it doesn't work out, I still got to visit a place I have always wanted to visit. If it does work out, that is a bonus. I still have my membership on Elena's Models website and am considering setting up one or two other meetings in Moscow and/or Ekaterinburg as backups for future correspondence if things don't work out. I have thought a lot of this out, I just hope I have covered all of the bases. Keep with the great advice.

1x