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Poll

Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family? (bills, bank accounts...)

husband, American Man
12 (44.4%)
wife, Russian Woman
1 (3.7%)
both husband and wife
13 (48.1%)
another hired professional
1 (3.7%)

Total Members Voted: 27

Author Topic: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?  (Read 3087 times)

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Offline AnastassiaAsh

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Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« on: April 23, 2007, 07:20:35 PM »
Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family? (bills, bank accounts...)

Offline AnastassiaAsh

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #1 on: April 23, 2007, 08:17:28 PM »
I suppose this topic touches two issues:

1. depends on if your wife has lived enough in the US and got enough of time to figure out how financial things work (from how to pay a simple car payment to different types of mortgages...) and how to pay on-line...

2. and, if there are marriages where husband trusts his Russian woman so much as to fully let her take care of finances and organizational part of it (of course all the decisions are taken together, in other words both husband's and wife's opinion matter and there is no such thing as 'control' of one person because TWO are in control). I know trust issue is the core in any relationship, especially in this kind.

And so I wonder who trusts his wife FULLY? Who has a Russian wife who proved to be fully trusted, even with all of your finances - accounts, insurances, 401K, brokerage, savings....?
« Last Edit: April 23, 2007, 08:21:12 PM by AnastassiaAsh »

Offline Kuna

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #2 on: April 23, 2007, 09:15:17 PM »
Anastasia,

I'm not married yet but My Girl and I have already spoken about the issue of financial management.  Before I start I'll say that I wouldn't marry if I didn't trust her enough to share responsibility for financial management.

She's lived in Germany for 2 years so she's familiar with a lot of the wests financial sysems and establishments and she feels that she will be able to settle into Australian systems and processes quickly.

I believe a stable relationship requires joint decisions with joint money but of course we each need our own funds for discretionary spending.

Until she gets a job I'll simply set up a transfer of funds fortnightly from our joint account for both her and me.  That's our money to spend how we want.  The joint account will be the one that we make joint purchases and pay family expenses from.

When it comes to investments...  that'll come down to tax effectiveness.   ;)

Kuna

Offline KenC

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2007, 09:25:33 PM »
Anastasia,
It is not a matter of trust in our family, but ability and experience.  My wife does not have the inclination to handle our finances and has her hands full with recording her debit charges!  I would gladly hand over the responsibilities to her, but I am stuck with them for now.  She would rather have her "allowance" in cash for groceries and her personal expenses.  Of course she still has access to all of our accounts too.  It works for us.
KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Bruno

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2007, 10:37:57 PM »
I was... partially...

With my income, i was paying bills and making the needed shopping for the month... the remaining was given to her... with time, i have keep some amount too since she was using the money reserved for school of child for something other... with my ex-wife, the problem was that once she have money in hand, she feel the need to spend it the same day... never thinking that 29 days was remaining in the month... for information, she have never work, same in Russia, always living with mother and father... this maybe explain that...

I don't think that it is related to the RW thing... but to the person... by example, a man/woman who is compulsive gambler cannot keep money in hand...

Offline Rvrwind

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #5 on: April 24, 2007, 12:52:16 AM »
Anastasia...
I answered both husband & wife.
To clarify that, we both decide on what we will spend the money & we both decide how much. She pays most of the bills as being in Russia it is just easier for her to deal with the people she needs to. I handle the bills from the company & the bank accounts located in Canada & the US as it is easier for me to deal with them than for her. If we were in Canada the same would be true, but nothing gets spent unless we both agree to the amount & who gets it.
Ours always has been a 50/50 relationship. She works, I work. All the money goes into one pot & after all the bills are paid we try to put some into saings, some aside for groceries for the month & if there should be any left, that goes to whatever we feel we need in clothing or a night out or more savings f w don't need anything.
There is no differatiating between her money & my money, even though I make much more than her, it is all our money! ;D
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Offline Admin

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #6 on: April 24, 2007, 05:17:03 AM »
I suppose this topic touches two issues:

1. depends on if your wife has lived enough in the US and got enough of time to figure out how financial things work (from how to pay a simple car payment to different types of mortgages...) and how to pay on-line...

2. and, if there are marriages where husband trusts his Russian woman so much as to fully let her take care of finances and organizational part of it (of course all the decisions are taken together, in other words both husband's and wife's opinion matter and there is no such thing as 'control' of one person because TWO are in control). I know trust issue is the core in any relationship, especially in this kind.

And so I wonder who trusts his wife FULLY? Who has a Russian wife who proved to be fully trusted, even with all of your finances - accounts, insurances, 401K, brokerage, savings....?

Anastassia,

My wife, Olya, is FAR better with money matters than I am. She runs her own business and handles all the related finances (revenue, expenses, insurances, etc.). She also manages money set aside for our daughter. She tends to be more conservative in her investments than I might be - but as I said, she is much better at money management than me.

She does not run ALL the household finances, because I have business interests that are somewhat complex and would just overwhelm her due to volume - so we share the load. I handle my business interests and some personal finances - she handles her business interests and some personal finances - and it seems to work out OK.

- Dan

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #7 on: April 24, 2007, 08:24:21 AM »
I voted "Both" but it is probably a 60/40 thing as I keep all that stuff in Quicken and Elena mostly doesn't care much for computers. She has her account which we use more as a savings account for trips to Russia and we have a joint account for the basic bills. Nothing too fancy but it works for us.

Ken
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-- Louis K. Anspacher

Offline AnastassiaAsh

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2007, 10:01:20 AM »
Hello guys and ladies,

I am so glad to see that all of you share the opinion that the money in the house belongs to both of you and all the financial decisions are joint.

Kuna – your situation is indeed unique. Your GF has already lots of experience from being abroad, that is really great. It will take much less time for her to adjust and start helping you. That’s important for both of you.

KenC – it is good this kind of approach works for you two. It seems she is just at the beginning of this process. In my life though later unfortunate events (death of my husband) quickly put me in the position to count only on myself, with everything, it was another (among others) shock, but in several months I figured out the ABCs so to speak and kept learning from that time on. It definitely helped me to understand that for example if a person makes let’s say $50,000 a year, after all the expenses and obligations, he actually may have ONLY $50 a month for a pocket money, I knew exactly to what ‘pockets’ money goes, for what reason and for what time frame. Lance, my late husband, with his example taught me really well how it is important to save money, plus coming from Russian background where there was no notion of ‘credit’ and you have what you paid for completely and it is yours, here in the US I’ve never had late payments for anything, have an excellent credit score, and absolutely can’t understand the lack of responsibility in American young people who have 3-5 credit cards and don’t pay them and eventually have tens and tens of thousands of dollars in debt….I suppose I do understand how it happens, but I cannot imagine start doing that myself… In this context I am actually very happy that a very tough life in Russia taught me the right way of spending money.

Allowance topic is very interesting, I am sure there are lots of threads about it already. In my first marriage I didn’t have any set allowances fit in our monthly expenses, and because I am not a spending person really, I bought what I wanted for myself and when I wanted, but it was pretty rare, once or twice a year. Now, having a son and more needs, I have an allowance of $70 a month for whatever, I just transfer it from one account to another. Again I don’t buy lots of things often, I rather buy more rarely but of really good quality and a little bit more expensive – clothes, make-up, hair…

Bruno – I understand you really well about your ex-wife, I know some people like that back in Russia, not good. You are right it can be beyond Russian thing, but probably being from anther country, different language, no work and such just makes it all even worse for a person who already initially has such habits.

Rvrwind – it is awesome your wife works, both of you contribute and feel rewarded, even if she makes less than you, it is not her primary job, I think taking care of kids and family is primary, if she brings money home on top of that, no matter how much, that is already VERY GOOD.  :)

Dan – I am really glad for you and Olya, that she has her business. And I am more conservative in this matter too. I can see nobody voted ‘Wife, Russian Woman’ yet, just me, I suppose my situation is atypical in regards to R/A marriages. My husband works and I handle everything else and my business.

Catzenmouse – I am familiar with that, I know Microsoft Money. We also have joint accounts and my separate accounts. It works for us too.

 


Offline KenC

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2007, 10:37:02 AM »
Anastassia,
Sorry to hear about your husbands passng.  My heart goes out to you.  On my wife Lena, not getting involved with our finances; it is of her own choosing.  She has been here in America for over 8 years, so it is nothing new.
KenC
« Last Edit: April 24, 2007, 10:59:08 AM by KenC »
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Vaughn

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2007, 10:43:53 AM »
We both do. It was always my feeling that aside from language and culture, one of my first responsibilities to Elvira was to help her become as fluent in finances as possible - after all,
there's mortality in our family history and chances are I'll precede her in death.

Although we pool our finances, we decided to keep separate checking/ATM cards, and
she manages hers better than I do mine. I'll be the one to choose funds for her 401K,
but regarding major purchases and decisions, it's table talk and if need be, soliciting
respected opinion and advice.

When I make my own transition to heaven or hell, I'd like her to be free of a
fate decided by the State. Nearly everything's in both our names, or with
designated beneficiaries clearly in place.

Anastassia, welcome. Along with my condolences are congratulations for
moving on with your life so remarkably well.

KenC, my friend, you had better take a close look at your profile specs
before Lena hands you your head. Looking for 0-2 years? LOL!
« Last Edit: April 24, 2007, 10:47:38 AM by Vaughn »

Offline AnastassiaAsh

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2007, 03:50:03 PM »
KenC, sorry I misunderstood you, ok, interesting, she chooses not to do it herself, she must be very busy with something else then. I thought you were married for a year or two. I am sure everybody knows you here, you are a respectable Hero Member, have you posted your story, how you and Lena met? I am new to this particular website, maybe there are some links? Both of you look so happy together.  :)

Vaughn, to heaven or hell…you are sarcastic here, aren’t you? Seriously, are you a Christian?
Yeah, it is better to have a will, Lance didn’t so we had to go through probate that took more than a year, complicated and unpleasant. I think it is better to compose it at the beginning of your marriage and don’t worry about it any more.
It was very nice reading your post.

Offline Jumper

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2007, 07:03:27 PM »
both,,
she is far better with money than me..
on things like budget and bills.
yet worse on small or trivial  items..

but i do most of the bill paying..
isnt that what a husband does?  ;) :D

and begs the question,
what else are we really good for?   ;D
.

Offline KenC

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #13 on: April 24, 2007, 07:10:05 PM »
both,,
she is far better with money than me..
on things like budget and bills.
yet worse on small or trivial  items..

but i do most of the bill paying..
isnt that what a husband does?  ;) :D

and begs the question,
what else are we really good for?
   ;D
PM me AJ and I'll give you a list! ::)
KenC
You are a den of vipers and thieves-Andrew Jackson on banks
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies-Thomas Jefferson

Offline Jet

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2007, 07:39:31 PM »
Our situation is much like Vaughn & AJ's - We have joint and separate accounts and while I contribute more to the day to day expenses, Liliya actually stuffs the checks into the envelopes and saves for trips and larger expenditures. Aftr being in the US for three years she went out on qualified/bought a new car on her own and has her own platinum visa card. It sets my mind at ease knowing that if something catastrophic ever happened to me, she wouldn't be completely lost like some of the (American) women from the older generations I've known in the past.
Every action in company ought to be done with some sign of respect to those that are present. ~ Geo. Washington

Offline catzenmouse

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Re: Who handles the finances in your RW/AM family?
« Reply #15 on: April 24, 2007, 08:27:35 PM »
and begs the question,
what else are we really good for?   ;D

We kill spiders (and other nasty creatures)
Move heavy things
Get stuff off of high shelves

... that's about all I'm good for anyway... ::)
"Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal."
-- Louis K. Anspacher

 

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