Long vs. Short Correspondence Times

[WmGO]

What do FSUW prefer: having a long (6 to 12 months or longer) correspondence with a man before meeting him, or a short time period ( 2 to 4 months).

It seems to me that many ladies and men (me included) would prefer to meet earlier after a short correspondence than to have a long drawn out letter writing campaign. I also note that some FSUW won't even agree to write letters - they just want the man to agree to go to meet them.

Your FSUW thoughts are invited; men also of course are invited as this is an American multicultural non gender discriminating tolerant and diveristy appreciating forum 

[Lily]

I'd prefer to meet the man in the time that is convenient both for me and him. Prior to that time, there could be 2 months, 6 months or a year of correspondence. I don't want anyone to put his job or business at risk by taking extra vacations to travel.

If we are in same city with the prospect, then probably a meeting could be arranged right away.

[Nat]

Interesting question. May be somebody (from girls, I mean) can say something about their own experience? It could be very useful to understand, which was from those 2 is better. I'm saying it because I personally don’t know, what’s better. May be it depends on a man and how good he is in a role of a pen friend

[Kvinna]

a long correspondence is like long marriage, you lost passion or as russian teenagers said drive
so when you meet in real you will feel more brotherly/sisterly toward each other than like potential couple

[wiz]

A max of 2 months period of correspondence, telephone calls or camera is enough to learn a lot of things about each other. Then you have to go and visit her and see face to face if there is chemistry between you two.

In the first 20 seconds of meeting each other you will know if you like the person or not. Your heart is going to overdrive (Boom Boom) and your popa is twitching the same way as your heart...LOL

You may laugh but check to see if it is true or not. You will be surprised!

[BillyB]

I'd prefer to meet the man in the time that is convenient both for me and him. Prior to that time, there could be 2 months, 6 months or a year of correspondence. I don't want anyone to put his job or business at risk by taking extra vacations to travel.

That's very considerate of you Lily. I hope you end up with the same type of man in your life. A man who is kind and patient.

Some FSU women get to a computer rarely and only write once every two weeks or even once a month. I think it's best for a man to decide on a meeting within a few months but if women wrote very little to me and did not give me her number, I don't think I could make a decision to visit a stranger based on a few letters.

[ScottinCrimea]

I can only cite my experience.  My wife and I wrote to each other for about a year before I came to meet her.  There were various reasons for the delay, part because of the unique way in which we began communicating and part because obligations prevented me from traveling sooner.  For her the long delay in meeting was not a big deal because she was not actively seeking a husband at the time, let alone a foreign one, so she was in no hurry.  For other women, I think the delay might have been a problem.

[AnastassiaAsh]

i would say everything depends on how much and how often you can write emails and talk. if a woman doesn't have a computer or even a phone (yes, i know such cases) it is clear here, by mail you can stretch to 3 years, some have internet but for this reason or the other can write once or twice a week 2 paragraphs per letter - this is another thing, and some can email every day 3 pages each...
With my late husband, we called each other several times a week and wrote twice a week but very long emails - 5-8 pages long. He came to visit me in about 4 months and proposed on a third day, married in Orthodox church in Moscow, filled out already half ready K1 forms and was here in the US in about 3 months after that, pretty fast.
Now second marriage - becasue i have internet here 24/7 and can actually type fast, we wrote every single day, first month very long emails - first stage of learning about each other, values and major questions that can be a deal braker in terms of marriage, but we knew most of these things from our profiles on match.com so that eliminated 80% of non-compatibility if you wish, second month was more on the phone i think. So in two months he came from Calgary to Bellevue, WA to visit me.
i would say i would want to find as much about the person first for me to meet with him and it shouldn't be more than 2 months. if a person hasn't figured out WHO i am after that period then probably I wouldn't want to be with him, and i give numerous possibilities to learn about me during that time.

[mirror]

It seems to me that many ladies and men (me included) would prefer to meet earlier after a short correspondence than to have a long drawn out letter writing campaign. I also note that some FSUW won't even agree to write letters - they just want the man to agree to go to meet them.

no, it is not a fact.I think a wish to meet depends from what these people want to have.I know I can know a man from messages and letters.It is not necessary to meet quickly.I can say more some women are not agree to meet easy after 1-2 messages at all.For example I am like family life despite of I am alone now ...I am not going to meet somebody easy. I must have a big reason to do that. Maybe it depends from age.
If I want to know a man better I prefer to communicate by correspondence.

[I/O]

I can only cite my experience.  My wife and I wrote to each other for about a year before I came to meet her.  There were various reasons for the delay, part because of the unique way in which we began communicating and part because obligations prevented me from traveling sooner.  For her the long delay in meeting was not a big deal because she was not actively seeking a husband at the time, let alone a foreign one, so she was in no hurry.  For other women, I think the delay might have been a problem.

I would pretty much mimic Scott's remarks here as our situation was somewhat similar.  There was always the potential for a relationship, but it was never really the focus of our intital communications.  We kind of staggered sideways into a relationship over time.  There was several delays on both sides, due to commitments in our actual meeting.  Neither of us have any regrets thus far that we have taken a goodly amount of time. Each to his/her own.

I/O

[catzenmouse]

So in two months he came from Calgary to Bellevue, WA to visit me.

Off Topic:

AnastassiaAsh,

 I lived in Calgary for a few years. Wonderful city! I miss that view of the Rockies and those Chinook winds that take the temperature from -40 to +20 in an hour or so. Tell your husband (if he is a hockey fan) that he has my sympathies for the Flames lack of offence and inability to win on the road! One of the jobs I had in Calgary was taking care of the plants in the Flames head office at the Saddledome. I loved being able to meet some of the players and coaches.

 Have you asked your husband if he would like to join this board? It's cool to have couples that share their thoughts.

On Topic:

 For us it was the opposite situation. We met when I was in Russia, liked each other enough to learn more, then did our letter writing and phone calls until we knew we wanted more.

 This is another one of those questions like age differences or best country to go to. It is wholly dependent upon you as an individual. In the end the best choice is the one that works well for you. If it is 2 weeks of writing or 2 years of writing it does not matter as long as you are both happy with the outcome.

Ken

[AnastassiaAsh]

Ken, Tim has lived a little bit everywhere, from Vancouver to Toronto. He lived in Calgary for the last 10 years or so. I experienced Chinooks myself, very strange but pleasant.
Tim is not a hockey fan but basketball is his passion, and of course guess who is his favorite, of course Nash, there was a major blowout yesterday with Nash and Coby, that was so nice.

Maybe one day Tim will join this board, I sometimes update him with what is going on here, but he doesn’t have the experience with the K1 visa. I suppose he can only contribute about his wife’s character, not even Russian Women in general, because I am the only one he met and the last one ;-), and... also the problem is that I don’t consider myself a typical Russian Woman. Some character features of course, but everything else is different, I have been surrounded with English speaking cultures since my childhood, my interests revolved there, my parents worked abroad a lot, I haven’t been into Russian music at all, I agree with most of the posts in the thread about What’s wrong with Russia, some of my relatives belong to so called ‘brain flow’ to the US for the reasons we know, me and my mom married an American/Canadian, I don’t really miss Russia and consider my home here although my mom does... I won’t even start on Russian men topic…..
So I am very happy here.
And another thing I thought about – I even did it differently from the beginning, never contacted any agency, I did everything myself, didn’t have language problems, I just sent my introductory letter to the guys I CHOSE within my parameters that I wanted, I knew exactly what I wanted in a man. And second time around with Tim, everybody knows how match.com works, lots of men wrote me but I also said hello to lots of men, so I wrote Tim first and her replied and we went from there. Typical for this board? No...just usual internet correspondence as people understand it here.
Off topic, sorry…

[Kuna]

Anastassia,

Yours sounds like an amazing story.  Not only has it been a difficult journey but to find love again is such a blessing.

Your comments about "Internet Dating" are interesting... I feel like my correspondence, meeting and falling in love with My Girl was very much like a "normal" Internet dating experience.  Yes we had distance (and to a much lesser extent, language) challenges... but other than that I think Elena's Models and some other sites provide a modernised service which is very similar to match.com or other sites.

I have a question for you... Tim and you obviously had to come to a point of deciding where to live... USA or Canada.  May I ask why did you (jointly) choose USA?

Kuna

[AnastassiaAsh]

Kuna, here are some reasons:
1. i had a condo in Bellevue, Tim was renting in Calgary
2. Tim works for an American company based in TX, his boss wanted to move him long ago before we met, so Tim was even thinking to do that before
3. My mom is here, I am very close with her and i wouldn't want to be far away again from her, plus of course she wouldn't want to be far away from her grandson

[DKMM]

Canada weather = Moscow

Bellevue weather = Paris

[AnastassiaAsh]

Yeah, you are right,

It is nicer in Bellevue, but we are not there either any more, we moved to Indiana, PA on the East cost, and guess what, it rains here absolutely as much as in Seattle, statistics and in reality.

[Muj]

Anastassia,

I agree, I lived in PA many years and the rain and cloudy days in western PA exceeds WA's rain and cloudy days.  Also the winters and nature are soooo much better here in western WA .

[Olga_Mouse]

I'd prefer to meet the man in the time that is convenient both for me and him.

I don't want anyone to put his job or business at risk by taking extra vacations to travel.

+1, Lily!

Also agree with what Kvinna said above: after the loooooooong correspondence the passion might be lost.

But short correspondence is very funny sometimes... E.g.

- On Friday at 20:35 a guy writes me over FreePesonals, and sends his e-mail in the very first message.

- On a night from Friday to Saturday at 01:04 I find him on Skype, and we chat for a couple of hours.

- On Sunday at 03:09 he asks me how can I possibly facilitate his arrival to Moscow. I send him a bunch of links to travel agencies & hotel sites, and of course to a couple of fora.

- On Sunday at 15:24 he writes me that on Monday morning he wants to drive to Russian consulate to apply for the visa!! WITHOUT reading the consulate site, WITHOUT having any type of invitation letter, WITHOUT even being aware that the invitation letter is the basis for the visa application!

- After some serious reality check and brain washing via Skype, on Monday night from 00:35 till 02:45, he says: "Thank you for the info... But I do not see a future for us... You intimidate me, you are way too clever, you will dominate me".

Lovely, isn't it?

Well, at least I've saved him 110 km drive to the nearest Russian consulate - and a nice kick on his ass that he'd surely receive there 

[ML]

I made first contact approx 6 weeks before arrival.  And told the gals I would only correspond on weekly basis.  So  that meant approx 6 emails back and forth.  That was enough to determine some basic interests and facts, and pictures to go along with posted profiles. 

90% of the hundreds of women I started correspondence with said my schedule of emails was fine (or even perfect) for them also.

There were 10 or so who said they didn't want to exchange any emails and that I should just call them when I arrived in their city.  I dropped  all of these women.  I understand their point that (maybe) they had corresponded a lot with some guys in the past who then never met with them; but still I refuse to meet with a woman who won't spend some time in correspondence because (1) it shows some minimal interest and (2) it gives us some ready talking points when we actually do meet.

[Doll]

What do FSUW prefer: having a long (6 to 12 months or longer) correspondence with a man before meeting him, or a short time period ( 2 to 4 months).

Shorter- 2 to 4 months

[camachinist]

I was older (as were the ladies) and visited a couple of months after 'first contact'. I actually planned the trip first and targeted places I found interesting and contacted ladies in those places. So, in correspondence (this was back when the internet was 'new'), they knew I would be coming and precisely when. I picked a time of the year (Georgian Christmas/New Years) that I felt would give me the best opportunities to experience the cultures. I wasn't disappointed. For those who found the time (or myself) 'inconvenient', they faded out and what remained was what I focused on. IMO, based on the responses, the timing appeared to be well-received. We gained far more familiarity with each other in person than we ever would have by continued correspondence.

My advice to a man who wishes to pursue this would be to position himself to travel on short notice and *then* contact ladies who interest him. Women are women everywhere. They have options. A man filling up their e-mail box doesn't keep them warm at night

[Aloe]

Definitely shorter 1 week to 1 month is perfect

[Olga_Mouse]

Definitely shorter! 1 week to 1 month is perfect

+1! 2-3 weeks are ideal, IMO.

It's hard to plan a European travel & get the visa quicker; however after 1 month of correspondence the excitement wears down a bit, and the man is "psychologically" shifted from "possible prospects" into "boring penpals" category.

But I realise that for Americans, who can't fly to Moscow on Friday evening and go back home on Sunday evening, things are very different due to distance and flight costs.

[Aloe]

What visa are we talking about here? My hubby got russian visa same week as he applied, both times. Apply on monday, receive visa on friday. I got french shengen visa within 2 days of applying. Visas within europe dont seem a big problem. Besides you can always meet in a visa free region like Turkey or Egypt

[Olga_Mouse]

What visa are we talking about here?

I am personally talking about Russian visa for EU citizens. And you?

My hubby got russian visa same week as he applied, both times. Apply on monday, receive visa on friday.

...and he applied on the same very day when he started corresponding with you? I somehow doubt it

Moreover, after June 1, 2007 the standard visa processing time is 10 working days. Not everybody wishes to pay 70EUR instead of 35EUR to get his visa in 3 working days, though... 

Add some time to explain to a foreigner where is the nearest Russian consulate, to send him the link to the consulate's website, to explain him why does he have to be there at 7 in the morning, why does he have to purchase health & travel insurance in advance, why does he have to make 3x4 cm pictures and not just crop his face from a group picture taken during his last birthday, how to install Acrobat Reader which is needed to print out the application form, guide him line after line though filling visa application form... ad nauseum. According to my personal experience, in takes a week in the very BEST case.

I got french shengen visa within 2 days of applying.

Lucky you - I once had my passport being kept by French consulate during 42 (!!!) days without ANY explanation.