Why so Many 17 to 23 Year Olds

[Dar]

After girls and boys celebrated their 18th birthday most of them are responsible adults. If most of 18 y.o. people were not ready for marriage at this age there would not be a law which allow girl and boy marry each other without an authorization of their parents.

Pardon but as a lawyer I think I have to make this clear.
At the age 18 a person is obtaining the civil capability.
first of all, according to the Civil code definition the Capability is: a person can juridicaly perform and by this performens obtain the rights and obligations. But marriage it is not about signing a piece of paper! And if a person have the right doesnt mean that this person with be able to coupe with the consequences. A person must be ready morally and emotionaly.
just to compare, in the criminal law the criminal capability begins at 14 for some crimes or 16.
Buy the way, The law allows to get marry to a girl at 17 if her partner is 18 or older, in come cases without permission from their family members.

[Misha]

Pardon but as a lawyer I think I have to make clear this.
At the age 18 a person is obtaining the civil capability.
first of all, according to the Civil code definition of the Capability is: a person can juridicaly perform and by this performens obtain the rights and obligations. But marriage it is not about signing a piece of paper! And if a person have the right doesnt mean that this person with be able to coupe with the consequences. A person must be ready morally and emotionaly.
just to compare, in the criminal law the criminal capability begins at 14 for some crimes or 16.
Buy the way, The law allows to get marry to a girl at 17 if her partner is 18 or older, in come cases without permission from their family members.

This is right, and as I mentioned the question is whether a woman will change her mind in a few years. As noted, many of my wife's friends who married at 19-22 years of age and now had kids regretted the decision. Looking back they felt that they should have enjoyed their youth before getting married. They were mature, but they had regrets. They knew what they wanted then, but looking back they felt they had made a mistake.

[BillyB]

Henry is 23 y.o-er then me. Looking at our pics none can tell that, right? (at the Gallery) 

You're right, I don't see a 23 year age gap.

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?ind=gallery&op=foto_show&ida=195

I think one needs to sign up to view the photos in this forum so if you want to see the lovely Dar, sign up!

[HiTech]

After girls and boys celebrated their 18th birthday most of them are responsible adults. If most of 18 y.o. people were not ready for marriage at this age there would not be a law which allow girl and boy marry each other without an authorization of their parents.

Is it just my reading or does this prove that 18 year olds are not responsible adults?

IMHO, many of 20-25 FSU girls find themselves ready to marry but their problem is that they do not still have developed the appropriative skills to capture a serious attention of the men the girls would like to marry.  They may catch attention of the desirable men for month or months but after the novelty of the relationship disappears the desirable men disappear too. Of course, there are a lot of men who can be easy seduced for marriage but the girls do not find them to be a good marriage material.

I do not agree that the most common reason for marriage is the pregnancy.

IMHO, I think the most common reason why 18-24 y.o girls get married is lack of self-confidence and having the inferior complex which bring them to situation where they marry the first men who offer them to marry. They haste/rush because of a fear that if they refuse the nice guy, the next nice guy wanting to marry such an “ugly” and “fat” girl may never appear. The saddest thing is that the “ugly” and “fat” girls are such only to THEIR own opinion and most healthy and normal guys could be not agreed with the girls’ conclusion.

IMHO, the second common reason (10-5 years ago) why my 18-24 y.o female-friends get married was a desire to live separately from their parents and out of the parents’ control. And the easiest way to materialize their desire was to marry someone. So, they did it. And as result (just for an example) the grandparents came to live with the parents and the “children” moved to live in the grandparents apartments.   

 
I think the pregnancy is reason number three.

[Rvrwind]

And if you have read Dar's writing here over the last year or so, you are likely surprised that she is only 24.  She is extremely mature, and it comes across in both her writing and in person.  So yes, when Henry read her profile, IT WAS DIFFERENT and so he did decide to write someone under 25.

Age is relative.

That doesn't negate the fact that he was looking at that age group because if he wasn't he never would have even seen her profile, period. Unlike her ascertains that he wasn't looking there....
I could care less anymore if some wrinkly old fossil wants to marry a Barbie young enough to be his granddaughter or some Barbie wants to marry some old Dewd to empty his wallet. I am tired of trying to argue the morality of such situations. In the end we all get what we deserve & I have come to find that inserting myself in such situations only creates animosity towards me, so I am content to wait till the defecation hits the rotary oscillator & then say I told you so & go about my business. I got better things to do.
Just don't tell me he wasn't looking there, because if he wasn't he never would have found her, period! Common sense & logic is all one needs to see the truth of it.
Point made.
As for the wrinkly old fossil comment well that stems from a client I have coming this weekend, 76 years old & won't look at women over 32!!! 43 year age difference. I have decided I don't care as long as no one tries to tell me its love because then I'd have to tell you to give your head a shake!!
I'm in a catch 22. If I take his money & set him up with ladies I feel guilty & if I tell him to go elsewhere, I don't want his business, he gets pissed & I get a bad rap for it. So where does that leave me? I haven’t figured that out yet....but I do need the money....

[BillyB]

As for the wrinkly old fossil comment well that stems from a client I have coming this weekend, 76 years old & won't look at women over 32!!!

Richard, you probably screen the ladies in your agency probably better than anybody pertaining to their sincerity. Are there any ladies in your agency willing to date this man seriously, not just for his wallet?

[Vaughn]

If there ARE ladies there, as BillyB asks, that'll actually give this fossil the time
of day, take his foolish money. I hope he latches onto a 22-year old who
tests his cardiovascular system on a disco dance floor.

I'm 19 years younger than the geezer and my wife's too old for him, LOL!

[Rvrwind]

Richard, you probably screen the ladies in your agency probably better than anybody pertaining to their sincerity. Are there any ladies in your agency willing to date this man seriously, not just for his wallet?

Not one on our website has his age listed as acceptable. But he's a pushy old sot & he will pick some & demand that we introduce him. He came once last year & out of all the ladies he wanted to meet, one agreed, but it never went farther than a dinner date.
Actually I'm surprised he's coming back to us as I wasn't exactly shy in hiding my feelings on his requirements. Maybe he's a sucker for punishment, LOL.

I'm 19 years younger than the geezer and my wife's too old for him, LOL!

Exactly my point, even my wife is too old for him.
His ex-wife was appearantly 32 years old & she got her pot-o-gold & walked, even left the kids with him. So he figures he can do it again. Its his money I rekon but sorry, it just rubs me the wrong way...

[Vaughn]

Allow me to respond to Richard and then I'll try to get this thraed back on track -

Richard, maybe what this guy really seeks is just that -a dinner date, albeit so far away
from home. We had a beautiful friend named Lyuda who long ago was the one who talked
my wife into placing her own profile, fortunately for me. Lyuda was approached by a wealthy
man in his 70's - who just wanted companionship. They traveled to China together, but had
a totally platonic relationship. No strings. It's a maybe with this old guy. Perhaps the dinner
date is this guy's idea of gratification....

I once asked my Russian stepdaughter, then 16, why so many young girls in her hometown
made a marriage commitment between 18 and 22. Her response was instant: "Around here,
most of the good men are taken by the time you're that age." She agreed with me that a
marriage under deadline circumstances doesn't make good sense; she also has no desire to
participate in such a race that flirts with failure.

[Dar]

I once asked my Russian stepdaughter, then 16, why so many young girls in her hometown
made a marriage commitment between 18 and 22. Her response was instant: "Around here,
most of the good men are taken by the time you're that age." She agreed with me that a
marriage under deadline circumstances doesn't make good sense; she also has no desire to
participate in such a race that flirts with failure.

Definition  and imagination of "a good man" for a girl 18y.o.  usually is different from a woman at, lets say 25 y.o.  Often they are looking for different qualities in a person. 
They get married and then divorce in couple years realising that that guy whom they married is not as good as they were thinking at 18.  They realise that youth was wasted and now they are here, at the Mariage agencies with a child, looking for a second chance.

[Misha]

Definition  and imagination of "a good man" for a girl 18y.o.  usually is different from a woman at, lets say 25 y.o.  Often they are looking for different qualities in a person. 
They get married and then divorce in couple years realising that that guy whom they married is not as good as they were thinking at 18.  They realise that youth was wasted and now they are here, at the Mariage agencies with a child, looking for a second chance.

ROFL :-) I was fortunate: my wife was the exception in that she knew what she wanted and was willing to wait. She had her youth and did not marry the first man who proposed.

[Dar]

ROFL :-) I was fortunate: my wife was the exception in that she knew what she wanted and was willing to wait. She had her youth and did not marry the first man who proposed.

That shows, she "had her head on the shoulders", as we have an expression. In other words, she new what she is doing. I don't know your wife in person but already respect her! Be happy together and may God bless you!

[Son of Clyde]

One question to any RW who may want to answer it.

I read the life expectancy of men in the FSU is around 57 while in the US it is around 77.

So it is another reason the women may want to marry young, because the men will die off much younger than Western men.

So maybe some of the draw to the West is that older men are more settled, financially stable and probably non smokers and not heavy drinkers. Is it true?

So with a 20 year difference the woman being 25 and the man being 45, a US man will live another 30 years and a FSU man maybe 12 years (if he is 45).

[Son of Clyde]

Sorry, I don't think I really asked the question.

Do RW marry younger because RM may not live as long as WM?

I am thinking the trend is shifting (as was mentioned) because maybe the economy is shifting in Eastern Europe.

[ScottinCrimea]

Sorry, I don't think I really asked the question.

Do RW marry younger because RM may not live as long as WM?

I am thinking the trend is shifting (as was mentioned) because maybe the economy is shifting in Eastern Europe.

I really don't think most women in their 20's look far enough ahead to even take that into consideration.

[Blues Fairy]

I really don't think most women in their 20's look far enough ahead to even take that into consideration.

And those who do take that into consideration will find out that average life expectancy is impacted by high infant mortality, high mortality of young men due to accidents, and, finally, alcohol abuse.  20-yr-old girls hope to avoid dead infants, killed youths and grumpy alcoholics, therefore they have no reason to prefer Western men over Russian based on their life expectancy. 

[HiTech]

SOC: The Life expectancy you quoted is most likely at birth.

You would have to look at life expectancy from the age of 20 or 25, it will change drastically from the at birth stat.

[Son of Clyde]

And those who do take that into consideration will find out that average life expectancy is impacted by high infant mortality, high mortality of young men due to accidents, and, finally, alcohol abuse.  20-yr-old girls hope to avoid dead infants, killed youths and grumpy alcoholics, therefore they have no reason to prefer Western men over Russian based on their life expectancy. 

You have to factor many things in like quality of life etc. Maybe they prefer Western men at a later age (I mean the women themselves prefer Western men when they are older and have not been successful with Russian men). I would think at 20 - 25 the playing field would be equal while at 35 - 45 the Russian men may begin to have health issues, loss of jobs, or alcoholism. In most societies the early 20's is party time for men and women without much plans for the future.

[William3rd]

Hmmm- older western men who have failed with Russian men? Were you watching Brokeback Dacha last night?

[Son of Clyde]

Hmmm- older western men who have failed with Russian men? Were you watching Brokeback Dacha last night?

Huh? Maybe it was a typo I was posting at work instead of working at work.

[Bruno]

I hope newbies recognise your 10 year search didn't happen by chance.  You're failure to find someone to marry you wasn't a case of bad luck.

 

Since when a "10 year search" is a negatif sign ? ... and since when a marriage is a sign of success ?

It is now around 10 year that i seek a wife... better to say that i was seeking build a long term relationship... when i was younger that 30 yo, i was not serious enough to think about marriage and build a familly... since these periode, i am seeking...

Yes, i have marry one RW... do that mean that i have reach success ? Certainly not since the relationship was broken once she have receive the Belgium nationality... Marriage is not a sign of success... a relationship who last very long is a sign... take some case like KenC or JB... so much year married... this is a sign of success... keeping a relation is a sign of success...

Now, about the seeking time... what is the problem with 10 or more years ? The final goal is not to be married at any condition but find the right partner for share the rest of our life... Better use the time needed for find these right partner that hurry... go to much fast and a potential divorce will maybe wait you in the future...

Now, i am again in a relation... it is not a sign of success... if we marry next month, it is not a sign of success... but if in ten year, i wrote here that i have not married her but we are always together... it is a begin of success... and if at the last day of my life, i am always with her, it is the success !!!

Kuna, you are at the begin of a relationship... in a few week, you will be maybe married... but don't cry victory too soon... now, the real work begin... finding a girlfriend/wife is only the first stage, the easy one... keeping the relation alive until the last of your day is the real work... same if i don't like some of them, the OMB have my respect because they are able to keep a relation working, same after a lot of year... they are the successful guys... Me, you, Turbo and a lot of other are only at the initial stage... it is only the begin... we have won a battle but the war is far to be finish...

[ScottinCrimea]

Bruno, if you are saying that the only time you will know if you are a success is when you die, then I don't agree with you.  I think success is more of a journey than an end point.  I measure my success day by day, not lifetime by lifetime.  One may be considered either a success or a failure at any point in his life depending on what's happening at the moment.  It's perfectly reasonable to have a successful marriage of two years and a failed marriage at 5 years.  That doesn't mean that those first two years were a failure.  Right now I have a great relationship, kids who are alive and doing well, a roof over my head and food in the pantry.  Today I am a success.  Tomorrow that could all change, but it doesn't mean that today is a failure.

If a person measures their success by whether or not they have found a good woman that they can have a longterm relationship with, then those ten years of searching could all be considered a failure.  It all depends on the definition of success that we are discussing.

[Bruno]

a womans fertility is at its peak from the mid teens to the mid 20's declining from 27.
...
In other words, why articifially rob women of their fertile years and arbtitraily say "teenage girls shouldnt be advertised".

And what ? Human are more that some biologic theory... yes, older they are, more low is the fertility... but who care ? If you follow the nature law, women can make child almost each year... but our mind stop us to make so... a women is not only a biological machine but a mind too... the problem with younger women are not related to biologie but to some maturity needed for keep a relationship working, for take care of a family...

And seriously, same if a women over 35 year is not so much fertile that one of 18 yo... if is not a real problem... in place of a few hours for conceive a child, a few month will be needed... modern familly have between 1 and 3 child... so, you have plenty of time for conceive them... in the case of early marriage and early kids, the risk is more big that the wife will be alone at 35 year old with these kid(s)... maturity in relationship need time... why do we have a so big divorce rate in the case of first marriage but the rate lower a lot in case of second marriage... because a lot of people marry too much fast... the biologic side first, hormone in the working... later, when brain is working, it is the divorce... and all the problem who belong to divorce...

Yes, we are some type of animals... but we have a brain too... and some use it in the best way... some other only follow the "natural" way but soon of later, they hit the wall 

[Turboguy]

Nice post Bruno.   I am not even sure failure and success really exist except in one's own mind.  As far as an arbitrary measure of someone else, it can not really be defined and todays failure is tomorrow's success and vice versa.   As far as my own journey I met many people who enriched my life and wonderful experiences learning about the world and life.  What I found was worth the wait and the investment in time and travel.  

Scott, you posted after I wrote the above.   People do tend to measure success by the end result.   Someone gets a divorce then the marriage was a failure.   Perhaps I look at things different.   Like my 18 year marriage.  Some could call an 18 year marriage a success.  It would fit your statement.  Personally I look at my 18 years of marriage as a failure and the divorce as a success.  As you said, had my marriage had 16 good years I might have felt different.  I think the happy times in my marriage would not total one for me.  For my former wife it was probably 16 good years and two bad ones.  

I can recall sitting in the office of a business owner as he cried and talked about what a failure he had been in his life.   He had run a business for 20 years, giving good service to his customers, providing jobs for many and an income for himself.   Of course he was in bankruptcy at the time.   What was important?  The 20 good years or that one moment of failure.  

I think the important thing is that for the most part how someone measures another's success is of little importance.  How we measure our own success is what matters and failures are sometimes the best thing that can happen.  They give us a chance to learn and to grow and to reach the goals that are really important.   The only real time someone else's measure of our success is important is where our lives closely intertwine such as a a wife who sees her husband as a failure or a boss who thinks his employee is a failure.   Something like that would be important.  

[Bruno]

Bruno, if you are saying that the only time you will know if you are a success is when you die, then I don't agree with you.  I think success is more of a journey than an end point.  I measure my success day by day, not lifetime by lifetime.  One may be considered either a success or a failure at any point in his life depending on what's happening at the moment.  It's perfectly reasonable to have a successful marriage of two years and a failed marriage at 5 years.  That doesn't mean that those first two years were a failure.  Right now I have a great relationship, kids who are alive and doing well, a roof over my head and food in the pantry.  Today I am a success.  Tomorrow that could all change, but it doesn't mean that today is a failure.

If a person measures their success by whether or not they have found a good woman that they can have a longterm relationship with, then those ten years of searching could all be considered a failure.  It all depends on the definition of success that we are discussing.

Scott,

i have know a failed marriage... in my case, only the last 6 month was like hell... before, i was happy, never know about the unfaithfull relation from my wife... having a charming  daughter... never know of her final goal...

My point is that for be a winner, you need to be the first at the finish line... relationship are like a marathon... that you was the best, the more fast in the first 10 km mean nothing... the more important is to be the first on the finish line...

What i mean is that so much guys think that all the work is finish once married... few realise that it is only the beginning of the work...

In the case of these topic... Kuna was given advice ( and comment ) like a know-everything... he is at the starting point... his relationship seem wonderfull but it can fail because of him, her or other thing... i have some experience more that him... but really, i am bad for give advice too... seeking long time and some failure...

In my previous post, i have say that JB or KenC was example of success relationship... you can add your case... or Shadow, Richard, Dan, Kevin, and a lot of other... all, your are working on keeping the relationship alive, day after day... yes, it can fail in some future... but the point is that a relationship will fail not because of a short or long seeking periode... but because of the lazziness after the seeking periode...

It hurt me to say it... but it is some advice from my "ennemy" here who have lead me to my actual situation... yep, it is advice from the OMB who have allow me to seek and find my actual girlfriend... and all the OMB guy are already married from a lot of years... and seem to be able to keep their relationship working...

About the definition of success... difficult task... i agree that the time is not really a sign of success... some unsuccessful couple stay married because of the economic, because of child, etc... a success can be related to how end the relationship... again one case come to my mind... Jack... he have end the relationship ( marriage ) not because of problem but because of love... both was loving each other but they have choice different way and each have accept it for the hapiness of the other... the "Jack" case is a sucess story who have ended early... so, yes, one situation is not the other... same a divorce is not a sign of misluck... and seriously, in the last few years, i have learn that failure, when good used, can be a initiator to sucess...

Hey, nothing is black or white... and the range of gray is enough huge...