Joyful predicament

[Pike]

I am hot and heavy into planning for my upcoming business trip to FSU where I will also be WMVM.

I contacted many many women on the pay per month sites.  The vast majority of the ladies on these sites are way over due for delisting as they have never even looked at their messages for months.

Anyway, I contacted only those who were in the city I am going to visit which is a medium to large city.

In turn, I was contacted by many ladies from cities that were not nearby.  I politely said no to most of them.

However, one who wrote from a very distant city was a 9++ and perhaps even a 10 even as she is nearing 50.  I have updated pics too with the date stamp on them.

I wrote nicely to her to explain there was no way I was coming there, so if she was interested she would have to come to me.  She wrote back promptly with an acceptance.  We have now exchanged several messages.  She has near perfect English.

So what is the predicament.  First, I just can't quite believe she could be interested in me.  She is the type that a business tycoon would be proud to have, even at her age.  She has worked at Embassies and other diplomatic positions and I am sure she has lead the high life and all that goes with it.  She is now living in a semi-podunk town, for what reason I don't know.

Yeah, yeah so she wants to get out.  But she can have hundreds of guys panting after her who are in much better financial shape than I am.  I actually have a very good financial position, but I mean she could have a guy worth 10 mil and up.

Second, she wants to come for initial visit of 3 days plus.  (And remember this is not a big fancy city I will be in).  So, my choice is to spend that time with a near 10, whom I wonder why wants to come, versus spending the same days having initial visits with 3-5 other individual ladies in 6-8 range.

What would you guys do.  I know you ladies (and some guys) hate the idea that I am WMVM anyway.

[BillyB]

What the heck Pike. Go ahead and meet her. She may be able to attract any man she wants but she also may be a down to earth type of woman and she may be very attracted to you over those other men anyway. You mentioned a lot of writing back and forth with her English skills being near perfect. Have you called her on the phone yet? Do it.

[Pike]

What the heck Pike. Go ahead and meet her. She may be able to attract any man she wants but she also may be a down to earth type of woman and she may be very attracted to you over those other men anyway. You mentioned a lot of writing back and forth with her English skills being near perfect. Have you called her on the phone yet? Do it.

Yes, Billy we have talked. 

But I wish for you and others to address the trade-off predicament.

[KenC]

Pike,
I understand your position.  It is "too good to be true."  I faced the same dilemma 9 1/2 years ago.  This RW was just "too good to be true" and I couldn't understand what her interest in me was all about.  (Our 9th anniversary is this August)

Just go with it!  And good luck!
KenC

[Gator]

Pike,

Diplomatic service is usually reserved for the brightest and well connected, so she has a lot of style points as well as beauty points.  Do you feel comfortable around such women?  Are her interests similar to yours?  Do you seem to connect intellectually when you talk?  These and other subjective questions should determine if you meet, not just her beauty.

I would much prefer spending time with someone who seems like a dream rather than above average women who are not really interesting.  I say "not really interesting" because if they were interesting, we would not be having this little discussion.

It is only three days.  She is also taking a risk, so go for the upper 40s woman.  Who knows?

And if you do decide to meet her, don't be telling yourself that you are not good enough.  Confidence, Pike, confidence in yourself.  That will attract her along with your charming and attentive ways.

[BillyB]

But I wish for you and others to address the trade-off predicament.

Pike, I wished you combined your other thread with this one. Now I better see what you mean by trade off after reading it. You invited women for 1-2 day meetings. Now this woman insist that she stay 3 days+ with you. That means your scheduling will be thrown off. You want to do a WMVM but you might have to do WMVO. There is a gamble if you throw all your eggs in one basket. All your backup plans are out of town if this one woman and you don't click and it would be hard to get them to come see you on last minute notice.

I myself had the opportunity to visit three women in Southwest Russia. All were beautiful and one does modeling in Europe occasionally. But I clicked best with a woman in Uzbekistan over the phone and I chose to visit her alone and not the other three. It worked out fine with me but visiting one woman is risky as the chances of success that she's the "one" is minimal.

She's got the looks, if she has the character, compatability, and interest in you above and beyond the rest of the ladies, I'd go for the one.

[ScottinCrimea]

It all comes down to the age old question of quality vs. quantity.

[Pike]

Some of you need to re-read.  It is not quantity vs quality. I don't know the quality of any of them, except for what they send me and how they look.  But quality assessment is still a long way off, even after several days together.

And it isn't just as easy as 'just go for it.'  Yes, if these ladies were all in my home city . . . I would 'just go for it.'

But to 'just go for it with the 9+++' means I won't be 'just going for it' with 3-4 other ladies.

I am not looking for quantity just for the sake of quantity.  I am looking for permanent lady.  But as Billy says, do I put my chips on one woman vs 4 women.

These are not my only options either.  I am meeting many women.  But it still comes down to a 4 day slot.  Do I put a 9+++ looker in there or 3-4 other ladies who look OK.

There is really not much difference that I can tell in quality between any of the ladies since I haven't met any of them.  All have passable English or I have already screen them out.  Some have 5 out of 10 English and some have 9 out of 10.

And I am not lacking at all in confidence, nor am I lacking in any ability to go toe to toe with any in terms of education, culture and intelligence.

But I just want to be realistic regarding the 9+++ lady.

Some ladies are coming from nearby cities and some live in the city.
The 9+++ is from a rather distant city.

If I don't meet with the 9+++ lady, then I can meet with 3-4 from the city itself during that same 3-4 day period.  I don't meet with multiple ladies on the same day.  I do business in morning to early afternoon and then date afternoon into the night.  When someone comes in from out of town, I do no business and spend 100% of time with them.

[Lily]

 Pike,

Your post immediately got my attention.

I don't think you should be concerned that she could find herself a business tycoon or a 10 mil guy. No she couldn't, at least at her place. Russian men are very age concerned and would hardly date a woman who is out of age, irrespective of her beauty and inner qualities. There is probably no way for her to find any man at all, not to mention the great one. I guess even a non-strings-attached relationships could be hard to get.

An exception could be a woman who used to get it easy with men all her life, however. In this case her primarily motive would be to get out of Russia. However, this motive may be combined with a genuine desire to be a good wife for that man.

Further, you are concerned about why she may be interested in you. In your other thread you mentioned that you are in a very very good shape. If this is the case, I presume she may well be attracted to you at least at this photo-sending stage.

It is interesting for me to learn that she has a history of working at diplomatic offices but actually she lives in a remote Russian city. I don't think there were any diplomatic offices outside Moscow, at least at Soviet time..except probably a German office in Novosibirsk that could also be opened pretty recently. I just tell the general practice.

Further, the prerequisites for a job in a diplomatic office at Soviet times and at in the 90-x differ a lot. The Soviets would hardly appoint the brightest but well connected. She apparently has lots of style and beauty, but at the same time she may or may not be high-maintenance. Btw Pike, you seem not to say much about her personality, how do you see her from her letters.

My advice would be to learn as much as possible about her inner world and how she feels toward you. Probably you find a true gem.

I really wish I could see this woman, at least on a picture..

[Bruno]

Pike,

It seem that the one outside the visiting city is already in your mind... by not meeting her and visiting other, you will be always thinking about what it can be with her... and this can influence the meeting with the other... It is always possible meeting her and the other... simply be honest with her, saying that you visit more ladies but that you wish meet her too... if it 'click', the rest of the stay will be for her... else you will continue with other dating...

Now, like Lily have explain, she is 50 year old and have certainly difficult to find a local man... and i think that one of the reason she seek a foreign one is that the life expectancy of Russian men is around 57 year old... i think that the future is more bright to marry a western men who can maybe be living 20 year or more that a Russian one who will make her a widow soon... and too be honest, some few western men will start a relationship with a 50 yo... several type "18 to 35 yo" in the search engine and begin browse picture... so, they never see the wonderful 50 yo...

Life is gambling... reward is proportional to the risk taken... what is your fear here ? That she is not the one ? But if you don't try, you will never know... and what if her character is proportional to his beauty ? ... Jackpot ...

Since these lady is 50 yo, i guess that you are older, same if it is a little... what is the more high rish ? Date a woman who seem to be a top or several who are only interesting... if it don't luck with these "top", you loose one trip... if it luck, you are happy until the end of your life... maybe you can try and marry one of these 4 other... and what if later, it don't work... more time loosing... your are not young enough for a "test and trial" method, you need to choose what YOU wish... it seem to me that you mind is directed on these 50 yo beauty ( other you will not have start these topic )... so, let's go... visit her... your heart wish it, you brain is suspicious... make your choice... we cannot make it for you !

We miss too much information for give good advice... you say nothing about ladies character, you say nothing about yourself... by example, are you retired? Or have you a lot of free time? If so, why not prolong your stay and meet the 5 ladies... a little more time used now can spare a lot of time later !

Hmmm... can we call these topic : "The dilemma, the return !" ... yep, read the "dilemma" topic, make your own choice and assume the consequence... it is your who will need to life during several year with a RW... who are we for advice you on what woman to choice ? We don't know you and we don't know the ladies !

Good luck friend... wish you to choice the right way !

[TigerPaws]

Pike,

 I agree with KenC, additionally it sounds like you are on to tight a schedule, I would suggest that if it is at all possible you allow yourself some more time in country and flexability to meet the ladies you are interested in as well as additional time with a lady you find very interesting. While I agree finding a lady from the FSU is a numbers game, time is just as important, you need to get to know the ladies you are interested in.

Michael, Victoria & Anastasia
Aboard SeaQuest OE a Lagoon 570
Anchored at Georgetown, Bahamas

[groovlstk]

Pike,

You're going to get a myriad of opinions here, but there's no sure course of action and ultimately you'll have to make up your own mind.

For what it's worth, I've blown entire WOVO trips getting stuck with one girl. Without a backup plan and an easy segue into that good night, if she's travelling to meet you and you realize early on that you're not a match (and she doesn't) it can be be pretty awkward - not to mention the fact that you'll be wasting valuable time.

That said, I ultimately met my wife on a WOVO trip with the sketchiest of backup plans... so both can work, you simply have to decide how you want to roll the dice and be ready to live with the consequences since letters/phone calls can only do so much to mitigate your risk.

[Pike]

Thanks to all who have posted sincere comments.

I will address some.

Tiger, I am going to be there several weeks.  However, it still boils down to limits on time.  Whether you are someplace for 10 days or 3 months you still come down to a period in which you have a 3 days slot.  All other slots are taken.  So into that 3 day slot do you place 1 woman or 3 women.  You basically know nothing to distinguish between any of the women since you only exchange letters and talk on phone.

Groove, you are right and looking back Billy actually hit it on the head.  This is actually a WMVM vs WOVO mini situation within the larger WMVM plan that I am doing.  i.e. For this 3 day time period, should I follow a WMVM or a WOVO.  Even though it is only three days out of a multi week trip, do I want to throw a 3 for 1 dice.

Bruno, you are wrong.  This woman is no more fixed in my mind than any of the other women.  I could have written the original post describing in more detail the 3 other women and then casually mentioned the one that lived in a more distant location.

And to Lily and Bruno.  I wasn't meaning she could have her choice of local business tycoons with 10 mil.  I meant she could have this choice on a world wide stage.

Lily, she did live in the Capital city of her country and still goes there frequently.  She also lived in capital cities of other countries.  Now she is in much small town, but not really a remote village.

And for Lily and others who asked about personality and character . . . again these cannot be judged from messages and phone talks.  And they really cannot be determined during 3-5 day visits.  It takes 3-6 months living with someone for all the bones to come out of the closet.  So I, and most all others here, really know nothing about such things re the people they are planning to visit and marry.

But very good comments over all ; thanks

[Bruno]

Bruno, you are wrong.  This woman is no more fixed in my mind than any of the other women.  I could have written the original post describing in more detail the 3 other women and then casually mentioned the one that lived in a more distant location.

Maybe... but you have not write about the other but about "these"...

And about be "wrong"... lately, it have not happen a lot ... only for me  and my own relationship !

And seriously, i have now the time for read the other topic you have started... like JB, i have a bad feeling... but, of course, it is only a feeling, related to what you wrote here... we can be right but we can be wrong... maybe you can read the "Albert" post on these forum... testing so much women but not yet find the right one...

Sorry to be so direct but what are you expectation when it is related to a wife ? Be beautifull and good sex... or be a real partner for the rest of your life, with high and low like in every couple... until now, you describe the lady about "charnel" ( french word, i cannot translate it ) side but what about character, mind, heart ?

Edit :

And for Lily and others who asked about personality and character . . . again these cannot be judged from messages and phone talks.  And they really cannot be determined during 3-5 day visits.  It takes 3-6 months living with someone for all the bones to come out of the closet.

It is mabe because you don't ask them the right question... in a few hundred e-mail, in a few hours week using skype ( or ICQ, or other ... ), you will be able to know something about character and personality... same the best liar cannot lie during a long periode... i have marry the wrong russian woman,   almost ten year ago... in these time, communication was limited... one or two e-mail month, one post mail all 6 week... but now, you have no excuse... so much easy to communicate...

Hey, the reward in international dating can be great but it is proportional to the work YOU put in it... be lazy and you will suffert... What is the more important for you... your time of the lady who can share the rest of your life...

PS : Pike, don't worry too much abot my own reply... i don't really know enough for make a goood reply... the only thig i know is the mistake that i have make before... and it have cost me a lot of year of my life... lucky, i was young... but i don't think that it is your case... first think about what you really wish ! You seem now to be fixed on the physical... yep; great to have a good fµcking babe... but what about a lady where you can stay forever with her... until the last of your day... and more important, one that you can make happy... if she is happy, she will make you happy !!!!

[Pike]

what about character, mind, heart ?

Yes, of course that is what I want.

But Bruno, how many times do I have to type the same thing??

None of us (man nor woman) really knows anything about those characteristics of the other party.  And we won't know until after several months of living together 24/7.

You can tell yourself you know these things about the other person and rave on about it to others . . . if you are predisposed to feeling better by deceiving yourself.

[Bruno]

Yes, of course that is what I want.

But Bruno, how many times do I have to type the same thing??

None of us (man nor woman) really knows anything about those characteristics of the other party.  And we won't know until after several months of living together 24/7.

You can tell yourself you know these things about the other person and rave on about it to others . . . if you are predisposed to feeling better by deceiving yourself.

Hmm, your reply was typing when i was typing my edit... seem that these forum is too much fast for me 

"how many time do i have to type the same thing ??" ... related to real life... how many time do you need to say "i love you, you are the best for me" when you speak/write to the beloved woman... a infinite time  ... jooking 

Pike, i am simply writing here what   i rhink, what i feel... based on the very few information your give us... my image of the situation can be  wrong ( certainly since the few posted by you)... On so forum, take the "advice" who seem good for your cas, ignore the other... only you know all the detail and is able to make your own decision... and really, what is good for me can be very wrong for you...

What count now is YOU, simply try to limit the collateral damage... if you don't feel it good to the 9++ ladies, simply say her that you don't wish meet her... if you wish "try" her, say her that you will meet her but have some reserve plan... simply be honest with her, with yourself... the rest is really not our concern...

We are racing... you are the pilot, we are the co-pilot... some trust need to exist between the pilot and the co-pilot but at the end, it is the quality of the pilot who lead to victory... Can seem egoistic, but now all is related to YOU... make you choice and never regret it... YOU are in control... YOU win or YOU loose... It is YOUR life... Don't worry, these forum can help you... related to trip logistic... once you have find the right woman, related to the paperwork... once she is in US, related to adaptation... but one thig that we cannot make for you is to choose who is the right woman for you...

Afain a PS : i have communicate with my actual girlfriend during more of one year before meat her... i have meat some other before her... only with time, i have realize that she is the right one ( not always easy but right for me )... communication, same virtual one, help to clean the ground before begin the serious thing, i mean a real relationship !

[Jumper]

Pike-
lets just cut to the chase..

this is about insecurity, in this choice.

you are INTERESTED or it wouldntr be a predicament of any kind, youd simply blow her off, for dating 3 others.
and
quite simply,by your own words,
 you are worried that she has so many things going for her,  that she very well may not be sincerely interested in you..
so you don't want to *trade that off *against other *dates*

and your main rational for thinking this is
sure she wants to *get out* --

But she can have hundreds of guys panting after her who are in much better financial shape than I am.

after corespondence and phone calls
you paint  yourself a mental picture of what "might be" her motivations.. and cant seem to understand your relation to them,

and expect  input from posters who have far far less idea of what shes like,..
to base any opinion on.
and will correct them if thier assumptions of the situation dont match yours..
sorry but it's funny.

you are asking if you should have an Orange, or three apples?
from people who dont know what kind of apples they are, or even if you like oranges more than apples ..lol

you asked for opinions,, thats mine

now -
if i was standing in your shoes,
i would forget about all the "she could find a richer man crapola"
as she agreed to travel  meet you, ,and so she IS  interested..
why? you cannot know,
but take it as simple as it is..
that you are a man worthy of her attentiobn..(right?)
if it turns out to have some devious nmotivation, it will reveal itself in time.

so in that light ,, that she has no ulterior motives other than interest to meet you  ..
THEN decide who you would rather meet..
her , or three others.
whom you ALSO don't have any idea of thier motivations..?
 
as a person who has less going for them , than this woman, can certainly be just as capable of sincerety, or INsincerity..
You are just as *in the dark* about the other three , as her..
??

if all things are truly equal..
you increase your odds by meeting more people right?
but you already knew that ,
and wouldnt have to ask any input, to make that choice..

so you do value meeting her more..
ask yourself why?
and make your decision accordingly.

but in my mind.
if you go into the meeting with the suspicion you arnt as qualified
as others she could "have" ,
and wiorrying wether you would ghaqve been better meeting somone else,
then dont waste both of your times..
and meet others you are more comfortable in meetinmg and beinmg secure about ..