Trip Report Dnepropetrovsk April 16-23, Pt. I I

[groovlstk]

Sorry for the delay in this, if you haven't read Part I, you can do so here:
http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/view_topic.php?id=446&forum_id=6

Meanwhile, back in the jungle...

I was really digging Elena, but I had a few misgivings. The drama queen thing worried me… if we decided to get serious, would she drop the act in time as she felt more secure with me? I don't mind drama in a relationship, but at the pace we were going I'd have to leave a sticky on my nightstand each night so that I would know each morning if we were together or if she'd dumped me the previous day. There's no way to really tell and I don't think it's something she could truthfully answer if I asked her. Another problem is that she smokes. Not much, maybe 2 cigarettes while I was there--each time after asking me questions about the other women I was meeting. She claimed that after her father's death 3 years earlier, she started smoking, although rarely more than 1 or 2 cigarettes a day. I hate cigarettes, and I'd read several threads on this board that suggested that a lot of FSU women who claim to be nonsmokers occasionally toke up, and those who claim to occasionally toke up in reality smoke often. 

Regardless, I considered these as yellow flags, not serious enough to be deal-breakers, but something to consider. I had a lot of affection for Elena, and vice versa. I loved the way she'd casually rest her head on my shoulder and close her eyes when we rode the tram or marshrutka, the way she'd wrap my arm in both of hers protectively whenever she saw local women eyeing me. She's without a doubt one of the warmest, friendliest persons I've ever met. One afternoon, as we were walking along the Dnipr, she took my hand and we detoured into a grassy area. There were two sewer holes in the ground, teeming with mosquitoes, garbage, and reeking of sewage. I didn't want to get any closer, but she told me that two young boys lived there. She hadn't seen them for awhile and wanted to check up on them. But they had since left the area. Elena explained to me that they were homeless and every day she'd take food to them. But she had notified a city agency in Dnepr that was responsible for taking care of homeless children, and the boys had fled rather than accept help from the agency. I see plenty of homeless people every day, but seeing children living in such conditions struck a raw nerve. I asked her why the boys preferred to live in such a terrible place, and she said they preferred a Huck Finn lifestyle than to life with alcoholic or abusive parents, as well as whatever shelters city services had to offer.  

Elena was out of work at the time which is why she was able to spend entire weekdays with me. This was another (small) yellow flag for me. However, on Thursday afternoon while we were in a café she met a married couple, owners of a real estate firm, whom she'd worked for years earlier. During their five-minute conversation they found out she was out of a job, and basically offered her a sales position on the spot. They phoned her later and asked her to start the next day (Friday), which was my last full day in Dnepro. She agreed, but later phoned and asked if she could start the following Monday so that we could spend more time together. That evening we did a lot of walking, she took me to the train station and then we stopped for dinner at my favorite local café on Moskovskaya St. (the café name translates as "Iceberg," it's a quiet, art deco-ish place with cool blue lighting). We went back to my flat, and as much as we both wanted to spend the night together it wouldn't fly too well with Elena's mom (who already had doubts about me for not liking her herring and beet salad!) so I walked her home in the wee small hours. On the way back, I was again struck by the complete darkness of the streets. Yet every few blocks, a small corner structure lit up the gloom, something akin to a common newsstand, but they're open all night and serve bottled beer, vodka, and snacks. It was so odd because the streets were deserted after 11 PM or so, outside of these small stands. I bought a bottle of vodka and took it back to my flat, where I sat listening to Chuck Berry and going over the events of the previous days… weighing the pros and cons, trying to come up with a formula that could tell me whether or not I was on the right track. With each sip of vodka, things seemed clearer, but the feeling was elusive.

One of the problems with courting a woman who is 5000 miles away--particularly when meeting her for the first time--is that every fault is magnified and every minor misgiving becomes a full-blown suspicion. With only one week of time in Dnepr, I truly came to envy those of you who can spend a month or more in an FSU country.  
 
The next morning I was awakened by my doorbell, I dragged myself out of bed to find Elena outside my door. Hungover, I wanted to jump in the shower and pour some coffee down my throat but she dragged me back to bed. Earlier in the week, I had told her that I was going to have dinner with Yana on Friday evening. She was fine with it, or so I thought. Originally, I was going to blow Yana off if something more interesting came along, but I felt as if I needed a night away from Elena to try to come to grips with my feelings for her. Elena even wished me a nice time when we parted that afternoon. We planned to wake up early the next morning and spend the rest of my time there together before leaving for the airport. My flight didn't depart until 3PM so we had almost 1/2 day to hang out.

Since I'd never be able to find Yana's flat, she came to me late that afternoon and we grabbed a taxi. When we pulled up to her building on Prospect Geroev, every shred of anger I felt for her melted away. Her building was terribly dilapidated, many windows were shattered or missing, the hallways were pitch black, the elevators didn't work. She had two doors with a total of 6 locks, multiple dead bolts. Even so, she explained that she'd had two break-in attempts during the last year alone. I couldn't imagine living in such a place. I'd been to perhaps 10 flats in Dnepr so far, and none of the buildings were this bad. At that point I decided I wouldn't confront her about her infidelity, I'd simply have dinner with her, wish her well, and return to the US and allow us to continue drifting apart as we had during the last few months. Once inside, her flat was nice, she had several rooms she didn't use. It was originally her parents' flat, but after her father's death a decade earlier her mom refused to stay there and moved in with her sis. Yana cooked me dinner while I looked through several huge photo albums she dragged from the closet. When she was young, she was a professional rhythmic gymnast for her city and competed all throughout Europe. After she retired in her early 20s, she danced professionally. Looking through her photos, I realized that life had dealt her a very cruel hand--she's immensely beautiful, had such tremendous success at a young age, only to find herself in her mid-30s, alone and childless, living in a broken down, dangerous building. But any sympathy I felt was tinctured with my knowledge that she could have had me if she really wanted.

We ate belinis and caviar, a pork dish, and what she called "Russian salad" while sharing a bottle of Crimean wine. After dinner she took me to her living room and played videos for me of her dance performances. After an hour or so, I was already itching to check my messages to see if Elena had broken up with me again, and started to go through my inventory of excuses as to why I needed to leave. Since I was leaving the next day and hadn't started packing, I didn't even have to fib. But before I could yawn theatrically and stand up, Yana took my hand and started weeping. She told me she had to "tell me something."

 "Oh Christ, here we go," I thought.

But she shocked me by telling me that she had had an affair with her sister's husband. I knew all the details, of course, or at least I thought I did, but I shut up and let her speak. Early in our relationship, Yana told me that she was out of work several years ago, this was before I knew her. Her brother-in-law, Sergey, supported her and her family as he was a director in a local steel firm. One day, he was arrested and carted off to jail--Yana explained that a group of people who owed money to his company banded together and had him arrested on trumped-up charges. During this time, she was often hungry but her friends saw her through the next 6 months. When Sergey was finally released he offered her a job with his firm. This much I knew, but Yana now told me that part of the deal was that whenever his wife and daughter were out of town, Yana would have to take the place of his wife. Evidently Sergey didn't like sharing mistresses, so he insisted that she dump me. In December, her sister discovered what was going on and told Sergey he had to fire Yana. He did. Her family ostracized her. She now teaches aerobics classes, 4+ each day.  When I saw her last in Prague, she weighed maybe 95 lbs. soaking wet, now at most she was about 85 lbs., veins stood out on her arms and neck… it hurt me to see her this way.

She apologized to me again and again, I felt terribly awkward and I told her it was OK and asked if we could talk about other things. We talked about her childhood for hours and at dawn I decided I had to leave. The one thing I share with Yana that I've never found in other FSU women is our ability to talk for hours on end.  Yana got me a cab and again negotiated a fare to me, then we kissed and said goodbye. She wanted to come to the airport with me but because Elena had already lobbied for that job I told her if I might be leaving very early but that I'd let her know, etc.

Elena hadn't sent me any SMS messages, so I sent her a message reminding her to phone me as soon as she woke up. I arrived back at my flat conflicted as all Hell, wishing I'd had another week to stay to sort out everything.

I slept for a few hours and woke up around 7 AM. I immediately phoned Elena but she told me she wasn't feeling well and wanted to sleep in. So I went out for a walk, hit the internet café to tell my family and friends I would soon be home, and then had some coffee. I phoned Elena again and this time she told me she had no intention of meeting me because I "had bad character." I was floored, as when we parted the previous day she wished me a nice dinner with Yana, now she was abandoning me on our last day together. At first I thought she was bluffing, as she'd done so many times before, so I told her I needed to return some things she'd left at my flat (a portable iron and some gifts I'd given her earlier). But when I got to her building, she sent her mom down to meet me. I gave her Elena's things, kissed her, and said goodbye. Maybe it was my imagination, but I imagined she had a look of smug satisfaction on her face ("that'll teach you to make a face at my herring and beet salad!").

The walk back to my flat was very lonely, I realized I'd have just as soon spent a week at some hedonistic Caribbean resort for all the long-term good it had done me. I had arrived with such high hopes; I loved Dnepr and only hours before I would have accepted a job there at half my current salary. But now I longed for America, where I understood the rules and at least everything worked and I knew what to expect.

Yana had been sending me SMS messages asking if she could come to the airport with me, so I phoned her and said "sure!" Before she arrived, I tried phoning Elena but she wouldn't answer her phone. 

Before I made this trip, I had vowed to be honest to all the women I met, but in retrospect I think it was a mistake. So here's Groov's Rule #1, although I'm sure many before me have it tattooed on their biceps and this is old news: "Don't lie to women, but don't volunteer the truth if it has even a remote potential to stick you in the Chateau Bow-Wow."

I packed my belongings, cleaned up as well as I could, and shortly after Yana arrived. She had several gifts for me but unfortunately I'd been too preoccupied to pick up some flowers for her. She phoned for a cab, and in our last moments in the flat she asked me if I'd like to meet her at a resort in Turkey in June. Inwardly I laughed cynically, thinking she wanted a free vacation, but before I could respond she told me that she'd be working overtime during the week of Mayday when all the other trainers were on holiday, so she'd be able to pay for herself. I was surprised and told her I'd think about it.

On the way to the airport, she took my hand but I was preoccupied with looking out the window, trying to imprint all I saw in my mind since I wasn't sure I'd ever see this place again. Upon arrival, we talked for awhile and then I kissed her and left for my gate. She cried as we parted but at that point I was so numb she could have committed hari-kari and I'd have nodded dumbly and headed in the direction of the nearest duty-free shop. At customs, the agent insisted on going through my bag. I'd dutifully declared everything so I calmly watched. (However, I had a bottle of red Crimean wine I was taking back for my family and I'd swaddled it in layers of clothes. When the agent closed my bag he must've left the wine exposed, because now a good portion of my wardrobe has a purple tint.)

Before I boarded the plane, I sent several messages to Elena but she didn't respond. Yana kept sending me SMS messages right up until I had to turn the phone off. 
 
Soon I was airborne and headed home. I'm an optimistic person so my depression had already worn off, but I had more questions upon leaving then when I'd arrived…

To be continued… Part III: new developments (Elena wants me back, Yana wants me back, but do I want either/or? Is another trip on the horizon?)

 

 

[jb]

Groovybaby,

There are several parts of your trip that scare me spitless, I wish I could sit here for three hours and 'splain it to you, but I can't.  But then,,, if you need to have the problems 'spained to you, you are not capable of seeing the light anyway.

You have fallen into a nest of vipers and need to re-think the whole deal, some of these folks are not nice people who you wouldn't want to bring home to meet mama.  You can do better, believe me.

This relationship between brother-in-law and sister-in-law reminds me of a visit to a Mexican border town where the kid with a shoe shine kit sez: "Hey, GI, you wanna fook my seester?"

Get outta there as fast as you can....

[Vaughn]

I agree. Your descriptions, however, read like a good book. Yana's building scared me as much as both these gals.

[Turboguy]

groovl, I think you need to find some new women but I have to agree with the comments about your writing.  Did you ever think about writing a book?   You seem to have a nice way with words.

[tim 360]

Hey Groove,  Thanks for your report.  Seems like you hooked-up with 2 girls with significant problems.  Run from them.  They will be nothing but trouble for you.  I'm sure you are looking for better candidates.

[groovlstk]

Thanks for the compliments guys, I used to be a writer/editor by trade but unfortunately it pays peanuts so it's just a hobby for me.

When I arrived back in the US, I was a bit angry as it seemed I resolved nothing on this trip, but as the weeks have gone by I've come to realize that I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. At first I thought I'd had it with this business but I'm more resolute than ever.

On a sidenote, Elena sent me me an SMS today saying that she'd attended one of the socials today in Dnepr (I believe it was with men from Jack's tour group) and met some men from the UK and US. If anyone here was part of that group I'd be curious to hear your impressions.

[MandM]

Groovlstk, when will you post the Part III of your TR?

[anono]

groove, not only am i impressed with your ability to write a good story, i am impressed you know who stan getz is  :-)

i agree with jb who advised to run away from both these ladies asap. you can do better.  any lady who would fook her brother in law, well, it would feel kinda funny sitting around the dinner table knowing your lady has screwed her sister's husband and the two of you are sitting at the same table.

i am one of those fortune guys who can spend a lot of time here. there are all kinds of women here, ranging for truly good ones to the really really bad..

vlad just showed up..gotta go

[anono]

groove, i think jack's tour was in dneper last night, possibly the night before. they might still be in dneper.

there was an AFA tour there the week i was there, sometime last week, i'd have to refer to my TR to know for sure.

one of the kids from two houses down when i was growing up is on his first visit to ukraine and is with this group.. i think it is a small group, there were only eight guys when i saw them in kharkov.

jack is pretty good at selecting who goes on his tours and who doesn't. the AFA group looked a bit shabby from the guys i saw in the hotel and restaurant. a few guys, you can see why they are here in ukraine. they have little dating ability, if any, in the usa. there were a few other guys, baseball caps, talking loud across the restaurant. after spending so much time here, i am able to see why it is so easy to spot americans. it is not only the way they dress but also their behavior.

it reminded me how i perceive beginning skydivers or students when i was a more experienced skydiver. you have a new way of looking at those just starting out and i can see how i must have presented myself back then.

[groovlstk]

[BC]

Everyone got a copy of Stan Getz' Finest Hour as it's one of my all-time faves. They were all appreciative, but[/color]this otherwise charming and lovely womanwrote back to me, "thanks for the music CD, it didn't interest me but my parents love it."

Groove,  love the job description 'dental mechanic'.. that's hardcore stuff, obviously a techno fan, tooth rattling kind..

[anono]

groove, it just might be entirely a different woman, but my friend called me the other night and told me he met a lady he is very interested in. i do not remember him teling me what her name was, but she was from cindy agency, 29 and 99 lb. natalia fits the description. what a babe.

knowing my friend, this is the same lady. i'll find out tomorrow or the next..

i love music and have a huge CD collection. stan getz is just not that well known outside of jazz circles....  great choice

[anono]

hey groove, talked to my friend, it is indeed the same lady. they hooked up over the past two days or so and he has a date with her tonight. the rest of the story should be in a PM as it is not for the board. I'll PM you and maybe we can see what this lady does now that she has met my friend and expressed more than just interest in him.

[BC]

Out of a gazillion ladies out there groove writes one and anono knows a guy who's visiting her. What are the statistical chances of that?

Is the world shrinking?

[anono]

kind of spooky, isn't it?

[jb]

Women,,,,, if it weren't for what they have between their legs there'd be a bounty on them.

[anono]

i think i've said it before on the board...we'd be hunting them down for sport..

can't live with them, can't shoot them...