Bad news

[ScottinCrimea]

I had hoped to be coming on here soon and announcing the good news that my wife and I were expecting a child.  She found out after I left to come to the US and we were waiting to announce it until she had the first trimester under her belt because there had been a miscarriage before.  We were already making plans, discussing names, etc. Well she had been having a little spotting of blood for a couple of days so went for an ultrasound today.  They found that the fetus had died a couple of weeks ago.  When I called her she was on the bus back from the clinic and barely keeping herself together.  She is scheduled for a D&C tomorrow.

I tell you, it is tough being away when something like this happens.  Her having to go through this alone without me there to hold her hand and cry with her just tears me apart.  For those of you so inclined, please offer a prayer for her that she can recover physically, mentally and emotionally.

Her visa is still sitting in Vermont waiting to be reviewed and sent to Kiev, so it's going to be awhile yet before I can do anything for her but talk and listen on the phone.

[groovlstk]

Scott,

I'm really sorry to hear your sad news, I can't imagine how difficult it is being so far apart when you know how badly your presence is needed. You'll both be in our prayers.

[Sohkay]

I feel your pain Scott.

This pain will pass.

Hang in there...everything will be OK.

[catzenmouse]

Our thoughts and wishes are with you both as well.

Elena & Ken

[Daveman]

Scott, I have no words. I'm so sorry for your and your wife's loss. I simply can't imagine... my thoughts are with you also.

Dave

[William3rd]

Tough break. Prayers just dont seem enough somehow.

My condolences to you and your wife.

[Momus]

Oh man, that's terrible news. Words are completely inadequate, but I wish both you and your wife a full recovery and much better times ahead.

[Admin]

Scott,

Am really sorry to hear that news. Prayers for both of you are on their way.

Best wishes,

- Dan

[viking]

Scott

I am truly sorry to hear this. Please trust me when I tell you that I know the pain your are going through. And what your wife is going through. And to be separated when you want/need each other the most. Please stay in constant commmunication with her as much as possible, and try and be strong for her. I do not know your religious beliefs, such as when 'life' is born, but if a priest can offer her some solace, perhaps this is something you can arrange for her.

Time will move slowly here, but it will move. You and your wife are in my prayers.

Viking

[I/O]

Scott: Hang in there for and with her.  Not nice at all but some of us do, believe it or not, understand. Take care.

I/O

[bgreed]

Wow Scott don't even know what to say.  Words seem pretty inadequite right now.  When you told me in your PM that you two were expecting also it was so cool to hear.

You two will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Gregg & Elena

[BillyB]

Not many things in this World worse than losing a child which is like losing a piece of you. Mourn but be strong for your wife Scott. I'll pray for yours and her recovery.

[jb]

I'm very sorry to hear of this, words cannot express the sorrow I feel for you.

[Jet]

Liliya and I offer our most sincere condolences to you and your wife. Surely, the miles between the two of you are making this very difficult news so much harder to deal with. All of you are in our thoughts.

[Mir]

Really sad to hear this.
A letter written by a mother who lost her baby:

Happy Birthday Ashle

Thirteen years ago today you were born. You were born to the angels and not to me. I had you with me in secret for only four short months. Just barely four months. I knew who you were, I knew your spirit. I could feel you. You were quietly moving and growing inside of me. Close to my heart. I loved you from the moment of your arrival. Never did I think that I would be without you in this life. I held you quiet inside of me as the ones around you were not so trustworthy with us. They could not sense the wonder as I did. No, as I did with all of your brothers and sisters, I held you to me for as long as I could. You were my little doll baby. I was joyful with the quiet knowing of you. It was enough for me.

     One day, when I least expected the unthinkable happened. You were going to go home to be with the angels. No, I cried. Dont take her. God, I prayed, please, let me keep her. My heart was seared with pain, my body's contractions nothing like the grieving in my heart at the thought of letting you go away from me. God, I screamed, don't do this. Please, don't. As I took myself in quiet to get help, I screamed and I begged for you. I tried, little Ashle, to stop it. I didn't want to let you go. I thought I would die. Something in my heart was leaving me with you. No, please, dont, but it was no use. God took you by the hand that day, thirteen years ago, and left me alone, without you.

     I told no one. No one knew and I left that evening going back to the home you were supposed to share with me, with your other siblings. Your little feet were supposed to trapse through the kitchen and scatter flour everywhere as I baked. I could see you in your pajamas with the feet in them, running up to me and holding out your arms and saying, "Mommy, pick me up!", I would have gathered you in my arms Ashle and never let you go. I wanted to see you in the room I was designing for you in that house of mine. Little roses I decided as you already to me were the flowery girl kind. I could sense you inside of me, the spirit you shared with me was real. I knew already you would be all pink and bows and ribbons and lace. Little pink roses for the wallpaper and the crib white and safe. Lavender trim and dolls with blond hair.

     How I ached when I had to go back alone. How much I wanted to share you with them, but I didn't. Like the last four months with you, I shared nothing with them. I wanted only you. I was sad. So sad, and until today, I remained so very sad alone.

     I took refuge in knowing that you were with Jesus. I knew you and He were close and loving. You were loved there by many angels I was sure of it. I knew you were safe. It was not you I worried of, it was me. I did not know if I would survive looing you as I did. Really Ashle, you took with you something of me. Children are their mother's heart, where they go, mother's go. You are never seperate of me, and I never of you. But how my arms ached, physically ached to hold you. I never got to touch your cheeks, and kiss them goodnight. Never had the chance to say to you, "I will love you forever, I will like you for always". I have missed kissing your little bruised knees, and your little fingers when they hurt, one by one. All ten of them, this one, then that one, then this one too! I still would give anything to kiss your sweet self.

     The pain of loosing you had to be put away. As no one knew of you, no one knew of my pain. The day of your leaving me and birth to the heavens, I cry alone. Every year, cry always in silence where none could see. If not in silence then away to be with only you. This is the one day I could remember all of you. The others were distant of you, but in my heart you remained.

     Every year I would wonder, what would Ashle like to do? The cookies I'm making, would she like them? How many different songs would she sing to me? What would she say to me if she knew of my heart? If she knew of the choices I have made?

     Away in the manger, no crib for a bed, my little Lord Jesus lay down his sweet head, the cattle are lowing , the poor baby wakes, the little Lord Jesus no crying he makes, I love thee Lord Jesus look down from the sky, and stay by my cradle till morning is nigh..I have wanted to sing that to you from the day I had you.

     Someone I love very much, shared you with me today. He gave me the gift of knowing that I do not have to keep you to myself any longer, I can share you. I can take you out of the hiding place we have shared so long, and say to him, and you, and myself, here she is, my littlest angel.

      Today I am giving you more hugs and kisses then any ol'angel could ever give to you. I just have to send them to you from my heart to yours through love. One day, perhaps I will be able to kiss your cheeks and hold your little hand in mine.

     Your spirit was here to bless me for a short time. Sometimes I think that others enter our lives so to share whatever blessing they have to share, then they leave again. You must be one of these messengers. You are still teaching me.

So Happy Birthday my lovely Ashle, with hair of blond curls and eyes so full of life. Happy Birthday to you.

Loving you, Mom

(c) 1997 Jan Beymer All Rights Reserved

[phantom]

Scott, you and your wife have my deepest sympathy and our in my thoughts and pryers, I wish you the best of luck.

[Rvrwind]

Scotty...We are so very sad to hear this news. I'm not much on religon but my thoughts are with you & yours for better days ahead. My wife handles all the prayers in this family & she will offer one up for you & your wife. Take care & good luck. No parent should outlive their chidren, it just seems so unnatural somehow. Be strong, be brave & accept our condolences in this most unfortunate time.

[KenC]

Scott,
Sorry for your loss and also sorry for the frustration you must feel not to be able to be with her in this time of need.
KenC

[Jazzyclassy]

Dear Scott it is just no words can tell

it is an extreme loss it is horrible, but you will have kids, I am sure you will

God sees good people, he will help I know,

The fact that you both have each other is great, together you are strong , you will cope , it is hard it is pain , but you need to be strong for your future.
Kids mean so much in our life, we live because of them. It is  just nothing can replace their loss. God will sweep the pain away, it will go away I know.

I feel so so sorry ......
but it is so important to believe it is going to be good and have a hope in your hearts for the best. :angel:

[Voyageur]

Scott,

Our thoughts and best wishes are with you also.

[Son of Clyde]

Scott, very sorry to hear of your loss. My sister in law had similar situations and after 3 or 4 pregnancies she gave was able to give birth. It is a very heartbreaking situation and I can understand your pain. Hang in there.

[ScottinCrimea]

Thanks to everyone who expressed their kind wihshes both here and through PM's.  It means a lot at times like this to have some support and prayers.

As an update, I spoke with my wife today and everything went fine with the D&C and she is home resting.  Interestingly enough, the patient is expected to take the fetus to the pathology lab which is in another building to have it analyzed.  Thankfully, her father took care of that for her.

She seems to be in good spirits.  She said she had a good cry after the procedure but feels better now.  I think she still will go through some "postpartum" depression so I'll have to keep on top of that.

She did talk about one old woman at the clinic who comforted her and tried to cheer up.  She said the woman told her, "If you ever want to make God laugh, just make plans."

Anyway, thanks to one and all.  We'll get through it and we get to look forward to trying again.

[Mir]

Interestingly enough, the patient is expected to take the fetus to the pathology lab which is in another building to have it analyzed.  Thankfully, her father took care of that for her.

Bloody insensitive to say the least.

[GregfromGa]

You all are in our prayers.

[Rvrwind]

Bloody insensitive to say the least.

Get over it Mir, its Russia. You think that is insensitive you should see some of the other crap that goes on here!!! It ain't the good ole USofA, believe it!
Scotty, Glad to hear she's feeling better. Your both young, time is on your side.