I MADE THE WRONG CHOICE

[Gator]

Between Italy and Thailand/Laos trips, I did file a K-1.  The 28-day Thailand trip went extremely well, although I never wrote a T/R. 

Because of the serious implications, there was much discussion with the Cossack, using an interpreter.  And even much girl-to-girl talk between the two.  Everything appeared fine, and filing in April would assure that she would immigrate prior to the Siberian winter.  I was wrong.

There is a limitation on fiancee petitions. IMBRA states:

 ‘‘(2)(A) Subject to subparagraphs (B) and (C),a consular officer
may not approve a petition under paragraph (1) unless the officer
has verified that—
(i) the petitioner has not, previous to the pending petition,
petitioned under paragraph (1) with respect to two or more
applying aliens; and
(ii) if the petitioner has had such a petition previously
approved, 2 years have elapsed since the filing of such previously
approved petition.
(B) The Secretary of Homeland Security may, in the Secretary’s
discretion, waive the limitations in subparagraph (A) if justification
exists for such a waiver. Except in extraordinary circumstances
and subject to subparagraph (C), such a waiver shall not be granted
if the petitioner has a record of violent criminal offenses against
a person or persons.


Thus, IF I ever attempt this again, I will need a waiver because I had filed once before, about three years ago.   My criminal record is clean.  However, obtaining a waiver would require additional time, and there is no guarantee about what my government will do. 

It is unclear whether a spousal petition (K-3) is subject to this limitation.

My interpreter says that the relationship can be resurrected.  A UW also wrote me that "no" does not mean "no".  I told both of them, thanks but no thanks.  I seek a life of serenity, not caprice. 

[Simoni]

Marina and I are vacationing in the Tampa Bay area this week, and had the opportunity to have lunch with Gator today.  He's a great guy.

Marina was VERY impressed with Gator, and predicts that he will soon have a great FSU girl at his side. 

[jb]

Between Italy and Thailand/Laos trips, I did file a K-1.

Ooops, I missed that one.  According to our member Wlliam3rd, waivers are not much of a problem.

[Gator]

JB,

You missed the K-1 because I never mentioned it. 

I do get on this board and blabber a lot, but I was keeping that under wraps until the engagement was official.  Ironically, Italy was to be the celebration of our engagement.  Sometimes I feel so stupid.

William's assessment of waivers would be great news.   It probably helps to have pulled the application before it was reviewed.

[Admin]

JB,

You missed the K-1 because I never mentioned it. 

I do get on this board and blabber a lot, but I was keeping that under wraps until the engagement was official.  Ironically, Italy was to be the celebration of our engagement.  Sometimes I feel so stupid.

William's assessment of waivers would be great news.   It probably helps to have pulled the application before it was reviewed.

Gator,

I think I speak for many here - that your "blabber" is welcome ANYTIME. There are many people who learn from you - your successes AND your travails - and your intelligence and forthright communications are a delight.

To learn of your disappointment brings a certain sadness in the knowledge of your dreams left unfulfilled, for the moment.

We are also encouraged by your enduring spirit and the strength and optimism you express for the future. It does seem a bit tinged with doubt at times - but I, for one, do not doubt for a moment that you WILL find your way to a future of serenity and fulfillment.

All by way of saying - by all means - "blabber" away all you want. We are all learning from you. Some in small ways, some not so small. I only hope we are able to offer something back to you in the process.

Best Wishes,

- Dan

[Kuna]

Gator,

May I reiterate what Dan has just said... Your comments, opinions and insights are invaluable to those of us with less experience than you.  I'm often astounded by your careful calculation in responding posts and have no doubt you entered the K-1 with total confidence.

I too am sure you'll find the one you're looking for... It's hard to not look back but you never know what or who is just around the corner.

I'm not giving you a rah-rah type cheer...  I'm just reminding you that better things lie ahead.

Best of luck!

Kuna

[Zhena]

Gator,so sad to read this. But to say frankly,I expected something like this from what did you write here before. But of courxe you were so excited and optimistic that I didnt write anything negative...except english maybe. English is really important,guys,dont ignore this-you may be surprised when your woman learns it finally-you may not recognize her personality. Many guys fall in illusions and wear pink glasses during the period of dreaming about the future life with a wonderful woman they have found. Many of them DONT WANT to notice all that small details which can cause the serious problems in the future. Partly because thay didnt have an experiance yet,but even those with the experience... The men dont want to give more time to get to know their woman better. They dont want to know many important details about her life. After all,they want to close the eyes and dont notice all those red flags to say...
I dont encourage you to be like Pike(you know this guy aint you) and paranoically look for the bad sides only. But dont be blind and make your choice sensible.

[wxman]

Zhena,

Very wise words! Speaking a common language is important. Once you or her learns the other's language, then it is much easier to express one's thoughts and true personality.

[catzenmouse]

We need to add Zhena's post to the Language thread!

Off topic: Zhena, How are things going for you and Muj so far? Haven't seen much if anything in the way of an update since you both changed your status.

Ken

[Gator]

Zhena,

Thank you.  Actually, I am the type of man who insists upon learning everything about the woman.  Every detail.  It is part of understanding her - her history, character, values, and goals.  The Greeks say, "Character is fate" and I have found that to be true.

The Cossack kept saying "past is past" and largely ignored my questions by using the excuse of the language barrier.  instead, she would suggest things to do, which were more fun than discussing her history with an electronic translator  I kept probing and eventually I got her to tell much of her history, some of which I can not disclose in a public forum.   Some incompatibilities began to emerge and become evident.  However, I was still blinded by her attention and affection, and I thought the differences were a natural part of two people adjusting to each other.

Most notably, her past relationships have ended fairly quickly, and so did my opportunity with her.  This woman receives a lot of attention from Russian men and I failed to compete (or I outlived my novelty).   She understands them, and they are not taking her away to a distant land.

This is the shortest serious relationship I have had with any woman in the past 40 years.  I will make sure that the next woman speaks some English and will go for a second bottle of wine.  She may be an American.

[Jazzyclassy]

         I will make sure that the next woman speaks some English and will go for a second bottle of wine.  She may be an American.          

I like this idea , sounds perfect

I know you all guys are fascinated by Russian women , but you keep forgeting that in the USA there are plenty of great women very strong and smart and still not spoiled:)
Why not to try and find them? could be a great thing:) you never know, instead of spending loads of money emotions and time for the Russian one who will never ever  probably approve  your expectations or truly love you for real

I do get such thoughts from time to time, why many people do this , including me?   well my answer is that he happens to be English though he is so Russian:)plus there are no proper men available here, I wish he could be living in Russia with me .. forever:)

[DKMM]

Jazzy honey, until you come here and experience AW for yourself, you really are reaching with this post.  Might as well try to convince men that we don't need sex.

[Mir]

plus there are no proper men available here

That is interesting

[Mir]

[I will make sure that the next woman speaks some English and will go for a second bottle of wine.  She may be an American./quote]

First of all I am sorry it ended this way for you.
I think it will be a struggle for you to find an American woman who speaks English

Seriously speaking, I have read your experiences with this lady and also with the other lady. One thing I have noticed in both reports that you have mentioned the women receive a lot of attention from others.
Now I am not being judgmental or critical but some women do want attention.
Sure you can argue that they are so astonishingly beautiful that others can't resist being drawn to them but I don't buy this.
The fact is that some women want lots of attention while others who may be equally beautiful may be happy being less noticed by lots of men.
Perhaps you can look for a woman who is not that keen to get noticed, maybe you should judge their beauty objectively rather by the attention she gets from other men.
Just a thought.....

[Jazzyclassy]

Jazzy honey, until you come here and experience AW for yourself, you really are reaching with this post.  Might as well try to convince men that we don't need sex.

oh sorry darling DKMM I never meant this thing, enjoy what you need and what you have boy:))))))

[Zhena]

We need to add Zhena's post to the Language thread!

Off topic: Zhena, How are things going for you and Muj so far? Haven't seen much if anything in the way of an update since you both changed your status.

Ken

Thanks,Cat,we doing well Not much time for forum though-you know,the family...

[Zhena]

[I will make sure that the next woman speaks some English and will go for a second bottle of wine.  She may be an American.

First of all I am sorry it ended this way for you.
I think it will be a struggle for you to find an American woman who speaks English

Seriously speaking, I have read your experiences with this lady and also with the other lady. One thing I have noticed in both reports that you have mentioned the women receive a lot of attention from others.
Now I am not being judgmental or critical but some women do want attention.
Sure you can argue that they are so astonishingly beautiful that others can't resist being drawn to them but I don't buy this.
The fact is that some women want lots of attention while others who may be equally beautiful may be happy being less noticed by lots of men.
Perhaps you can look for a woman who is not that keen to get noticed, maybe you should judge their beauty objectively rather by the attention she gets from other men.
Just a thought.....

Very agree. At first,I dont believe that the woman who has a terrific success,will look on the internet. There must be a reason,and as soon its not an economical reason,this means no serious men around. Shes 40 and she has 2 kids-I saw the picture,shes attractive,but its very hard to compete with the miriads of young beauties without any kids. Just thoughts. Many stories about incredible attention are created by the women themselves. But if you noticed the other men stering at her while you had the vacations-well,happens often,nothing unusual in that and doesnt mean she gets the tons of proposals at home.
To sum it up-the men like to boast and if the others look at their woman,that flatters. This is a mans nature,they like to make sure that they got a great catch. But look if the woman provokes that intentially

[Gator]

Zhena and Mir,

Strangely, I find myself defending the Cossack.  The Cossack seemed to be a very faithful woman.   She does not crave attention.  She naturally receives it.  She was a serious, well paid fashion model for 14 years.  To do that, one must have PIZAZZ, which she still has 7 years after her last modelling job.  She walked around the fashion shops of Italy (e. g., isle of Capri) with an aloofness as if she owned the entire street.  It impressed me. 

So men naturally look at her as she walks.  When she gets this attention from strangers she sticks her nose even higher in the air (she is nearly 5'9") and walks by as if the man never existed.  Not even a trace of a smile on her face - simply cold and reserved disregard.  You can see the flirtatious smile disappear from men's faces as their jaw drops.  I can almost hear the word "Bit**" start to form on their lips.

When I said "attention from men" in an earlier thread, I mean that she is known in her city and has a following of men interested in her.  And evidently I lost to one of them.

My Moscow friend is entirely different.  She has a big smile and she craves attention. Considering our age difference, her behavior created misunderstanding among young macho men in Latin American countries.  I am not a man who needs or wants arm decoration.  In fact I would prefer to fly under the radar.  I normally have the confidence to handle such; however, she and I had to talk seriously about how I disliked it.

BTW, the Moscow woman and I have remained friends for two years following our separation.  One could say that we have become true friends.   She has continued to renew the "right of first refusal" she gave me last fall.  We had a 3.5 hour talk today, and she has invited me to visit her and talk about renewing our relationship, but only for the purpose of marriage.  We have our issues, yet we are compatible in so many ways.  No one is perfect.

 

[Zhena]

If she is famous and gets alot of attention,I dont see why she would be willing to relocate as she would have to start from zero. Thats true,here she wont be a model anymore. One reason I see why she looked online then is she doesnt see anyone she likes around despite of attention. But then she has a problem(psychological)about the relationship with the men. Probably she tried abroad to see if it works different-but men are men everywhere. And she realised this. Plus a menthality difference which she didnt seem to be willing to get over. Means she was unsure about her goals.

[Daveman]

Gator,

I'm certainly not one in a position to give you advice because your experience and wisdom absolutely dwarfs my own...  might I only say,  that when you ever spoke here about the first lady, the good friend, the Moscow lady, it always seems you have a sincere care and love for her that blazes through your posts...  not making any implications, just an observation... FWIW..

Maybe happiness refreshed anew... when/if you're ready.

David

[ScottinCrimea]

It's often the case that we are looking for a lover that excites us while ignoring the friend that embraces us.

[Gator]

Zhena,

Good post (except for  "men are men everywhere"     ).   You are getting close to the truth, I guess.

She tried in good faith to build a relationship with me.  Family relations were paramount.  However, she has been betrayed so much in the past that it quite possibly warped her ability to trust and love.   And to come to America amid difficulty in learning English, she needed to be able to trust and to love. 

Life at home seems safer for her, and she has male suitors who will make her life better for the next few years.  When her beauty fades? .... Fading beauty would not have troubled me because I am a very loyal man once I become fully connected. 

[Gator]

Daveman,

One always speaks kindly of true friends.   I am very attached to her children, and her little daughter cried upon learning we had parted. 

I want her to find happiness.  We parted because I felt she would be happier with someone else.  She says I am not perfect but better than the rest.  And she genuinely worries about me.

Issues:  Age difference (30+; it simply looks wrong), psychological (somethig she will admit), and the fact that we tried it for three years and it did not stick (she says she has changed and asks if I have too).

Ain't love grand!

[macman]

Ain't love grand!

Hello my fellow Floridian,

Divorce is 100 grand. . .  Thank you for sharing - I've learned something of value and a confirmation to me. . . RW must know conversational English  - period!

I was married to an AW model . . . your story gave me flashbacks. 

Carpe Diem Bro.

[Mir]

I was married to an AW model

Gator

The above remark confirms what I was thinking.
The models wannabees and those who made it have a certain psyche. This is needed to do what a model does.
Also those who are successful have other attributes that allow them to succeed in a cut throat profession.
I doubt these features change with time and I wonder did you ever think that (as you state)'you don't desire an arm candy and would like to have a low profile 'is in apparent contradiction to the psyche of a model?