Warning, long story ahead…..
Hell-sinki turnaround!
Well I just got back at 0630 this morning & I gotta say I am not a happy camper! If it anything could go wrong on this trip, it did!! I’ll go back to the beginning abut 10 days ago & start there & try to remember it all. All I can is it is a good thing I am a fighter & a survivor or I would not have made it back.
This story will reflect the stupidity & ignorance of Russian bureaucracy & bull$hit that we who live here put up with almost daily. Totally insane & makes me wonder & shake my head at how this country functions at all.
Sunday May 20, 2007 – Valya & I go to the train station to buy my ticket to Helsinki to renew my Visa. We are told we are too early & they won’t be selling tickets for that train until Tuesday. Fine, we go home.
Tuesday arrives & we go to the train station after Valya gets off work to get the ticket. We are told thy are sold out!! WTF waddya mean sold out, we were told to come back today. Sorry we were sold out by noon. Just friggin’ dandy. Sorta defeats the notion of advanced reservations don’t it!!
Okay so we go to the train that leaves prior to this one. Okay, one spot left. What!!! twice the frigging price of the other one. WHY?? Well because it is the last seat of course. Only in friggin’ Russia.
So against my grain I take it, what choice do I have. The biggest problem is now I am going to be laid over in SPB for 10 damn hours instead of only two. Thank Gawd for Phil & Nina. Phil picks me up & we head to his place for some socializing & such & pass the time quite pleasantly. I will remember that fondly as it was the only good part in this whole friggin mess!!!
Phil gets me to the bus station to head for Hell-sinki & all seems well. The trip goes the usual 3 passport checks in Russia 1 in Finland, Gawd these people are paranoid! We stop & at the duty free & I buy Valya some perfume & a big bottle of Bailey’s for me. A lot cheaper than in Tver & I figure it will be a long time before I’m back here again so I did it, Gawd how I regret that now! Was only about 35 Euro in total, which doesn’t & didn’t seem like much at the time, but that was then, plus I bought a pocket book I had been looking for, for some time, at another stop we made for 15 Euro. So 45 Euro gone & oh How I will wish I had it back!!!
I arrive in Hell-sinki at 0630 their time right on schedule. I depart the bus & head for the train station across the small park to grab a cup of coffee before I go to line up at the Consulate.
Down the coffee & out to the street to catch the bus to the consulate. Arrive at the consulate & am first on site, great this should be a breeze. Yeah, right.
I deliberately had my invitation & visa done in Tver so that I could breeze in & out without any hassle, boy was I wrong. I paid them a large sum to take care of anything & they assured me that all was handled & that I would not have to pay any more money in Helsinki & I just give them the # they provided & all would be well. Pipe Dreams!!
I get to the window & hand them my paperwork, they look it over & hand it back. What??? What’s the problem???
Your HIV test results.
What??? There right there.
Yes, that is the results, we need the “Certificate”.
What the F*** is the difference??? It says I’m negative what more do you need to know??
Sorry sir we need the “Certificate”.
Oh ain’t that just friggin’ dandy & exactly how do you propose I get the “Certificate”. Well you will have to go back to the clinic & ask them to give you one.
WHAT??? Were you born stupid or did you get special training?? The clinic is in Russia, my Visa ran out today, just how in Hell do you expect me to sneak back into Russia for a damn piece of paper that tells you the same f***ing thing as this one but has the word “Certificate” on it???
Not our problem Sir.
No, but your sure making it my damn problem.
So I phone Valya at work & ask her to go to the clinic & get them to FAX the certificate to the Consulate in Helsinki. While I am waiting I mention to this lady that the “Certificate” will be faxed in about an hour.
Sorry sir, we cannot accept a fax, has to be the original.
WHAT??? For Christ sakes don’t you people give any leeway or do you just enjoy screwing everybody???
I call Valya back & tell her to forget it, they won’t accept it anyway. She’s says I’m already here & they won’t send it unless you come in in person. Jesus H Christ how does this country function!!! I tell her I’ll have to do something else & hang up.
The lady tells me I can redo the test, I say what f***ing choice have I got, Where??
She gives me the address & says it will only take 30 minutes & to come back when I get the “Certificate”.
Yeah, right, again, what choice do I have.
Now bear in mind that due to the information I had upon leaving Tver I only took 220 Euro with me & 1000 rouble, & had already spent 45 of that. That’s all I had & a little in my Canadian bank accessible with my bank card. Enough to pay the 1 day processing fee & to buy my return ticket home.
I arrive at the clinic which gratefully was not that far away & set up the test. Also keep in mind that the Consulate is only open from 9am -12noon & they don’t accept applications after 11am. I wait in the waiting room & don’t get in to give blood for the test until about 10am, okay 30 minutes I can make it. I explain the problem to the nurse & tell her I’ll wait in the waiting room for the 30 minutes & to get it to me asap so I can get back to the Consulate before the cutoff. She looks a me sympathetically & says I’m sorry sir, you have been misinformed, it takes 2 hours & I should pay for it now.
WTF!!! 2 hours, no way. How much??
105 Euros.
WHAT!!! It cost me 180 roubles in Tver & you want 105 Euro. Do you type this certificate on gold embossed paper or what??? Will it get up & dance when I snap my fingers??? That’s a lot of money for one piece of paper.
Sorry, but that’s the cost.
I say if one more person says sorry to me today they better have good dental coverage!!!
So I go pay the damn bill & now I’m down to 70 Euro, great now what!! The processing fee is 75 Euro that leaves me less than zip & my ticket home is 90 Euro & I gotta eat at least once plus now I am stuck here till tomorrow with no place to stay & no money that I can spend. This is F***ed man. The amounts are not adding up. Plus my phone card is running out & I can’t buy a card to put money on it in Finland. Things are just getting better.
So I walk around for awhile & try to make some kind of plan & do some figuring & juggling to see if I can get through this intact & sane.
I haven’t slept in over 24 hours & that is also affecting my thought process & I am not the most amiable person to be around right now. Okay. I go to the railway station & use it as my base as I know pretty much where everything is from here & at least there is somewhere I can sit & think & try to formulate a plan of sorts with no body other than the occasional bum asking me for money & cigarettes. If they only knew why I laughed so hard at their requests.
First lets sort the money out & see where that sits. After making some calculations & converting it to Euros I figure I got 200 Euro left in the bank that I can get at plus the 70 in my pocket. If I don’t get a hotel room I can make it on 270 Euro no problem. So first things first. Lets eat & try to figure out what to do about getting some zzzzz’s which by now being mid afternoon & without sleep for 36+ hours is starting to frazzle me big-time.
I go to McD’s across the street as much as I detest Ronald McDonald but you can’t beat the prices. Cheapest I have seen locally & I gotta eat.
So I wander over there & fill my belly & drift back to the train station. I still haven’t figured out the sleeping problem yet but I buy a Pepsi & go sit outside the station on a light standard platform to ponder & people watch. While I’m sitting there I notice signs for a couple of hotels close by & decide to check them out. The Holiday Inn & another whose name escapes me right now. After inquiring about their rates I gave up that mission as it wasn’t going to happen not at those prices. Friggin’ expensive country this Finland!!
Back to the train station & my now becoming favorite perch. I must have been becoming a familiar site to the locals as they started stopping by & talking to me & inquiring about why I was there & why was I hanging out at the train station, so I had plenty of friendly folks to talk to. Although not the most desirable of the species it was a distraction that actually took my mind off my problems for a time.
As the sun started going down & things started to cool off as it was bloody hot all day I had arrived at a plan of sorts. I had used information gathered from the locals to formulate my plan.
This was it, not elegant by any stretch but doable. Although it had its drawbacks concerning my mental & physical health but what choice did I have.
I decided I would stay at, in & around the train station as much as I could; any thoughts of a bed or sleep were out of the question. At 2 am everybody is hustled out of the station & it closes till 5 am. However, right across the park where the bus dropped me there s a bar that is open till 5 am so I figured if the weather should go south I can duck in there & nurse a coke for a few hours if need be.
So that’s what I did. Sat in the train station reading my book. I had put my backpack & most of my stuff in a locker so I didn’t have to lug it around & felt it would be safer there as well as most of my cash that I was carrying. I stayed at the train station occasionally dosing off in my seat, waking only when my book would slip from my fingers& wake me. Fitfull catnaps but better than nothing. Boredom was becoming my biggest enemy!
As promised at 2am security started locking things up & kicking us out. I headed out to the park & found a bench under a streetlamp where I could read my book & was in full view as a precaution, didn’t want to get jumped. About 3 am it started to rain lightly so I headed for the bar as I was sitting almost directly in front of it anyway.
Went in ordered a coke found a reasonably secluded spot & nursed my coke for all it was worth. I had some lady try to pick me up & had I been single I may have took her up on her offer but she blew it when she asked me if I’d buy her a drink. It was sort of funny as not 5 minutes before that she was bragging about being an independent woman & enjoying her independence. When she asked me to buy her a drink I merely said if she was truly independent she’d be buying her own drinks & one for me as well, LOL. She didn’t see the humor in that & never returned from the bar either, LOL.
I had one other one bold as brass that I saw before she came over to me with a fellow in the corner kissing & petting & then she came over with a drink of her own & sits & starts yapping away. I was enjoying the distraction & the view when she asks if I’ll buy her a glass of red wine. So being the smartass I am I asked her if she was an independent woman, she said yes. Well you can guess the rest. I hate games & I knew she was a player before she sat down. LOL
So the night past but I had to nurse another coke to make it till closing & the train station opening so I was down another 8 roubles. I wouldn’t have had anything but they take it badly if you take up space & don’t spend some money.
The train station opens & I go grab a coffee & head for the Russian Consulate tired as hell but feeling that I’ve done what they asked & I can get out of here on the 6pm train.
I am again first in line & hand the lady my papers, different lady today & quite attractive. She looks them over & says great, all in order. She writes out the bill that I have to take to the bank to pay & I m to return in 2 hours to pick up my Visa.
I get a smile on my face & although I havn’t slept for two days now I figure all is good. Then I look at the bill. 210 Euros!!!! WTF. I show her my receipt from Tver & explain that & want to know why I am getting charged another 135 Euros on top of what I already paid in Tver.
Do you want to cancel your application sir, if you can’t pay we can just cancel.
WTF!!! I know already I ain’t gonna win this no matter what I say or do they are holding the strings & I am nothing to them & I am just pissed!!!
I say no I’ll work something out & I leave & head for the bank.
With the two cokes I nursed at the bar & the one meal I had I’m down to 50 Euro left in my pocket & maybe 200 in the bank. I hit the bank machine before going in & get the 200 out. I figure I’ll give it a shot & see if I maybe can squeeze a little more out. No such luck 200 is all I got & all the machine is going to part with. So I go in & pay the 210 leaving me 40 to get back to Tver & I need 90.
So Now I got to figure out how to get another 50 Euro. I figure I’ll phone Valya & she can take the money out of our little hidey hole savings in the apartment go to the train station in Tver & pay for the ticket there& I’ll pick it up here. Too easy, accept… I have no minutes left on my damn phone!!!
I bump into a Finnish fellow by the name of Taneli as I am exiting the bank. He was behind me some in the line at the consulate & was going in to pay his fees. He is very friendly & invites me for coffee as he has to wait like me to get his paperwork. I tell him I ain’t got no money to waste on coffee & he says not to worry he’ll buy & I accept.
At the coffee shop he asks m what’s going on & I explain as best I can al the developments & the pickle I am in. He hands me his cell phone & says call your wife. While I almost fall on the floor, was the last thing I expected. I thank him profusely & call Valya & explain as best I can what I want here to do & she has to leave work early again to accomplish it. She also tells me to call her back in an hour & she’ll tell me whats what. I explain quickly that I won’t have access to a phone as I borrowed this one to call & Taneli has to return to work at his office.
So after coffee we go back to the Consulate & pick up our visa’s. So now I have the visa, finally in my hand & no way to leave & return home as yet. I thank Taneli very much for his help & we part company he to work, me back to the train station.
I go to the ticket window & tell the lady the plan & ask her if she can check to see if the ticket has been purchased yet. She quickly informs me No it hasn’t & No it won’t. What??? & you know this how without even looking at your computer screen?
Yes she says. You cannot do that with Russian Railways.
WHAT??? Your kidding, RIGHT??? I mean I did it with an airline ticket what is the problem with a train ticket.
She says she is at a lose to explain it as it is Russia who will not allow it & the reasons are known only to them.
That F***ing figures I say. Now What???
Well if you get the cash we’ll gladly sell you a ticket.
You will, awful generous of you!! Sheeesh.
Now I am right back to square one again & I am getting bloody hungry as all I have had today is a cup of coffee & its going on to 1pm, I’ve been awake for 50+ hours, nerves are shot, my patience is non existent & I am really trying to resist spending money. Plus Valya by now has found out that she cannot do what I asked & she is going to be worried & I have no way to call her & I can’t even get incoming calls. I’m about ready to throw a fit & just sit down & cry out of total frustration & lack of sleep. Sometimes it’s a bummer being a man!!!
Well time to think & figure out a new plan.
I find out No I cannot buy a phone card but I can buy a new Sim card & it comes with 10 Euro in minutes & is a bargain at 6.90 Euro. Well I already ain’t got enough money & I really need to phone home & see what can be done so I buy the damn Sim card, which incidentally is only good in Finland. So now I need even more money from home.
I call Valya & she is panicked as she had tried to call me & couldn’t & when she realized the problem she went to the Beeline office in Tver & put 500 roubles on my phone. Smart gal, unfortunately I had already bought the Sim card & installed it & was therefore stuck with it now, oh well.
She asks me what she can do now as she can’t buy the ticket for me in Russia & me get it in Finland. I say we have no choice going to have to send me the money by Western Union. They have an office close to the train station but you need to do it soon or I won’t get a seat as the train will be full. Only 4 hours till it leaves.
Her reply is how do I do that I have never used WU & don’t have any idea how to do it. I tell her call Marina & she can help you as I don’t want to waste phone minutes explaining it as I may need them for more important things. I’ll call you back in an hour if I don’t hear from you.
Marina calls me 45 minutes later & tells me the money is on its way, she sent 150 US, so I’m out the door & on my way to WU. I get to WU & have no problem getting the money & I head back & buy my ticket. After I take time out to eat, while I wait for the train as I am friggin’ starved.
I know there are some minor details I left out but can’t recall what they are or were right now. I did get a little sleep today, finally, but I’m still pretty tired & worn out. My back is killing me from sitting on wooden benches & cement for nearly 3 days, but I’m still alive.
The rest of the trip was the way I like it, uneventful, & I arrived home safe & sound at 0627am this morning.
I don’t know how I feel at this point. I know it was a frustrating situation brought on by lack of proper details & information supplied to me in regards to the paperwork required. As well as the Visa agent charging an exorbitant amount of money telling me everything was handled & then I find out its not even close. As well as I learned I best take a hell of a lot more cash with me than I really need just to cover unexpected screw-ups.
I doubt very much I will be able to get any money returned from the Visa agent, even though I bloody well know they should & in the west they would. In fact in the west they wouldn’t tell you, you wouldn’t have to pay more money unless they were bloody sure they were right & if it turned out they were wrong chances of a refund are pretty good. But this is Russia & they sure as hell won’t refund anything or even admit they were wrong!
All in all this was one screwed up trip & ended up costing me twice as much as it should have. Once again I find I am flat broke, isn’t life grand????
