Do's and Don'ts

[Dealmakerjc]

Adding to the other post, I have seen some threads by members thinking about flying their RW to meet them outside their country. In my opinion not a good idea.

Always insist on meeting them on their home territory first, meet their family and friends. You (and she) are supposed courting with the ultimate result being married and her family will want to meet you and get to know you (and vice a versa). Get to know her home country and her lifestyle so you can appreciate her background. Any self respecting RW will appreciate this.

If she asks you to meet her outside her country and you are to pay her fare, [glow=red]BIG RED FLAG[/glow] as it will be a free holiday at your expense......:X and you will be the poorer for it....... probably in more ways than one.....[/font]

[LookingForRW]

I totally agree w/[user=82]Dealmakerjc[/user].

Its just not a good idea early in the relationship.Know her town,her family.You always jet off later.If you start throwing around $ (early) .What will she expect later?

[TigerPaws]

While I agree that a man neede to back away from any lady who suggests they meet outside of her home country that dose not mean that the man can not ask if she would like to meet somewhere. I met 8 different ladies for the first time in the Bahamas all at my suggestion and expense plus 2 in Egypt and 1 in Paris. All of the ladies were honest and we had a great time together for 10 to 14 days, of course I was only able to select one of the ladies to marry non-the-less you can meet outside of their home country and have a sucessful meeting.

 Just be careful whom you choose.

Michael

[Scott Jay]

When I got started in this venture last November I said to myself, "no way am I every flying to the effing FSU.  I'll meet the lady of my dreams in Prague."  Didn't happen and I'm glad it didn't.  I met her in Moscow and some red flags went off because she wasn't in her home town.  We went back to her home town, as we had previously agreed to do, and while there I met her family.  More potential red flags and issues I am still trying to understand and resolve.

Had we met in Prague (though I doubt she would have agreed), we would have had a fantasy vacation and probably lots of intimacy, but I wouldn't have learned a thing about her.

So I concur: Meet her on her home turf first - it's absolutely invaluable.

[Son of Clyde]

We almost decided to meet in London the second weekend in February for an event I am attending. She felt that if her visa were denied it might ultimately have a negative affect on her obtaining a fiance' visa. I decided to travel the three days to London alone and meet her in Kiev the following Monday and spend five days with her and her son in Kiev.

Of course my first trip to meet her we were together in her country all 11 days.

[jb]

Scott-Jay,

I'm still waiting for you to start a thread.

However, I fear for you.  

Although a trip under your belt is always an eye opener, you still have much to learn.  As I understand things, your lady speaks very little English.  You had Igor and his wife fly to Moscow for his services, stayed in a fancy hotel and basically showed way too much cash.  This is called the "Green Lure", you will almost always catch the wrong kind of fish with this bait.

I don't have a problem with your woman, or her children, hell, I don't know them at all.   The problem I foresee is one of expectation.  She's basically spoiled now.  You have shown her the potiential for a life so far above whatever she could have expected, you are now almost duty bound to grant her every wish if you continue with this relationship.  

Now, couple this with the age difference and she can see a huge opportunity with little or no risk to herself.  She has the best of all worlds.  By the time she gets here you are in your 60's, while she is still in her 30's.  She has the benefit of your wealth to get her medical education completed, which will net her a 100,000+ annual salary most anywhere, and you are then a geezer ready for the old folks home.

As Donna said in another thread, you are prime meat for being dumped in a few short years,,, is that what you are looking for?  Think carefully about this. It is your life.

[Stirlitz]

• Make sure you can afford it in all respects
• Be ready to go across the ocean
• Do not fall in love with a photo
• Never send money to a woman you have never met in person
• Meet women in their country first
• Do not use the same party to meet women and talk to them
• Never use translation software
• Do not ascribe all red flags to cultural differences
• Do not get fixated on one woman, keep your options open
• Do not let anyone control you
• If the lady is from Yoshkar Ola or Lugansk, watch for scams

[Gef]

I also agree that meeting her in exotic places can be a red flag. But inversely, is it signifigant if she wants you to stay with her and her parents at their apartment? Isn't that very unusual? Could it mean that she has a very high regard for you or am I just thinking too much into it? Just wondering...

[ConnerVT]

Holy Necroposts, Batman!       

[al-c]

Don't stay in her apartment or with her parents.  Get your own apartment or hotel room.  You need to show her that you are strong and independent, and staying with her in her place is not going to cut it.

Also do not let her drive you around in her car.  If she has one, she needs to keep it parked.  You hire a car and driver if necessary.  If she drives you around, the strong and independent image gets smashed.  I found this one out the hard way last year.  My lady had a car, so I thought "How convenient."  Yes, convenient.  No to everything else.  Paying for her gas didn't help at all.  The car should have stayed parked.

Meet her in her home town.  Insist on it.  Tell her that no gentleman would make a lady travel to meet him.  And be firm.  She won't object; believe me.  Many things that would turn a Western lady off will turn a Russian woman on, and this is one of them.  If you lose her over this, you only lost someone looking for a free vacation, so you really lost nothing except a big vacation bill.

When you get there, do not let her pick you up at the airport.  Use a car service.  Many hotels will, for a fee of course, pick you up and take you to the hotel.  Send a car to her flat to pick her up and bring her to the hotel to meet you in the lobby.  Then go to the restaurant there or to one nearby in town if the hotel one stinks, and buy her dinner.  Wear a suit and tie for your first meeting.  Casual dress can follow later.

And take it from there.  But always be bold and assertive.  Don't be an American wimp.  AW may like wimps, but they don't.

 

[TigerPaws]

[user=527]al-c[/user] wrote: .

And take it from there.  But always be bold and assertive.  Don't be an American wimp.  AW may like wimps, but they don't. 

al-c,

 I am going to disagree with most of what you said, then again it all depends on the lady and her age as well as a thousand other things. I met my lady (along with many others) for the first time in the Bahamas and I know of several other men who have done the very same thing except meeting their now wife's in Spain, so there is no right or wrong answer to this issue.

 As I said it all depends.

[catzenmouse]

[color="#00008b"]• Make sure you can afford it in all respects
• Be ready to go across the ocean
• Do not fall in love with a photo
• Never send money to a woman you have never met in person
• Meet women in their country first
• Do not use the same party to meet women and talk to them
• Never use translation software
• Do not ascribe all red flags to cultural differences
• Do not get fixated on one woman, keep your options open
• Do not let anyone control you
• If the lady is from Yoshkar Ola or Lugansk, watch for scams [/color]

I agree with almost everything you wrote here.

1) Translation software can be successfully used if you do some extra  work with it. Translate your text to Russian then back to English  again. You will see some remarkable changes from your original text.  You simply have to edit your tex a couple of times and reverse  translate to make sure the meaning comes across correctly.

2) YO and Lugansk are no more scammer cities than anywhere else. Yes, I  have heard that most scammers come from (insert city name here) and  these two have been mentioned but I also know of several men who are  very happily married to ladies from YO. A good woman can come from any  city as well as a bad one. The man must use his upper head to see  through the obvious tactics used by scammers and just move on if he  notices anything too out of the ordinary.

Ken

[al-c]

As for the translation software, it is not particularly good, but Olga, who speaks fairly good English but not perfect, finds computer translated versions of my English language letters helpful as a guide for the few words here and there she may miss in English.

Last year, I found a pocket translator helpful for a lady who also spoke good but not perfect English.  We were stuck on one English word.   I knew she didn't understand it, and I had no luck finding a synonym for it.  The pocket translator broke the impasse.  So have it in your pocket, let her know it is there, and offer it to her as needed.

 

[Zhena]

Al-c,youre a gentleman:) But why you dont want to let her to meet you at the airport,I didnt get?

About the neutral territory-why you guys proposing that? Why dont visit a woman at her home first? You will learn more about her by that way. A second meeting can be everywhere if she can get a visa,of course.

[Dealmakerjc]

How do you know they were "honest" ?????  Many women are great actresses, and can show you what you want to see, hear and feel to get the result they need....:-( Bottom line they have had a free once in a life time holiday at your expense in a foreign country) ........ however, it's your money of course and you will have to "wear" the consequences if the one you have chosen does not turn out the way you had hoped, imagined and wished for........ In my opinion very dangerous ground with the potential risks that could eminate from that arrangement.....

[Dealmakerjc]

al-c, I don't see a problem in the lady coming to meet you at the airport.....particulalry if she is the only one you have been communicating with in that town or city. The fact she makes the effort to to do so and wants to is a plus...... If she did not want to or made some excuse not to after the distance you were travelling to see her, I would view with high reservations....

[Dealmakerjc]

A Fiancee,

I agree with your sentiments....... if you read my post (the very first one in this thread almost a year ago if not more.......

 

In my case, and I go back to 1999 when I first met my now wife, followed by another trip to her city in June 2000, then another trip to meet her in Moscow in November 2000 (for her interview with the Australian Embassy)and then finally in June 2001 to her home again to collect her and my "new" daughter........to bring my new family to their new home......

[Muj]

I agree, meet her in her home town where she is most comfortable.  You  learn of her culture and family.  Her decison to further relations with you is based on her comfort level and not her dependence on you because you provide the vacation.  Also, I read and observed many instances where the meeting ends in one or both parties deciding there is no further interest after the first day.  Then what?

[Gef]

Holy Necroposts, Batman! 

 

Huh?

[al-c]

[user=743]a fiancee[/user] wrote:

Al-c,youre a gentleman:) But why you dont want to let her to meet you at the airport,I didnt get?

About the neutral territory-why you guys proposing that? Why dont visit a woman at her home first? You will learn more about her by that way. A second meeting can be everywhere if she can get a visa,of course.

I certainly value your opinion as an FSU woman.  Do you really think letting her meet me at the airport is OK?  I don't want to let her think that I am dependent on her for anything because that might impair her image of me as a strong man.  Am I being silly taking it this far?  Should I just ask her where she wants to meet me?

I pride myself on being a gentleman, going as far as to hold subway doors for strange ladies and waiting for them to before I get on.

As for visiting her at her home, I have no way to get there.  I can't read the street signs since they are in Russian, and I can't instruct a non-English speaking cab driver on where to go.

 

[Bruno]

[user=527]al-c[/user] wrote:

I certainly value your opinion as an FSU woman.  Do you really think letting her meet me at the airport is OK?  I don't want to let her think that I am dependent on her for anything because that might impair her image of me as a strong man.  Am I being silly taking it this far?  Should I just ask her where she wants to meet me?

I pride myself on being a gentleman, going as far as to hold subway doors for strange ladies and waiting for them to before I get on.

As for visiting her at her home, I have no way to get there.  I can't read the street signs since they are in Russian, and I can't instruct a non-English speaking cab driver on where to go.

 

Seriously, what is these image of strong man who fear to visit her home...

Simply have her address write in Russian on a paper is enough... Do you think that all these tourist who visit Russia speak Russian...

I don't speak russian but last year, in nikolaev, i was able to make my shopping in market street... to buy cinema place... order drink in cafe...

Don't show the image of a strong men, be a strong men...

About her meeting you at the airport, it is not a problem if she is the only lady you visit... and if she is the only one and you don't allow her to see you at airport, she can think that a other woman wait you at airport, that you visit other women... never underestimate the jealousy of a russian woman.

[Jay Patches]

Scott-Jay,

I'm still waiting for you to start a thread.

However, I fear for you.

jb, all very well said (and I truly hope ScottyJay listened to you), except you can't put the genie back in the bottle.

JP

[Gef]

In my humble opinian, let her meet you at the airport. I have done this enough to know that a "strong image" has nothing to do with it. The girls I met came to meet me at the airport without being asked because they wanted to meet me. Think of it this way: if you had a guest coming to your city to meet and visit with you, would you not meet them at the airport out of common courtesy if not out of affection for them as your friend/girlfriend/relative? They feel the same way too; it is part of the emotional aspect of developing a relationship. It would be rather rude otherwise unless they had a compelling reason not to do so. For if she allowed you, a foreigner, to find his own way to her home without knowing her language and city, I would have serious doubts about her. Be careful to not let your pride get in the way, I have and regretted it.:? 

[Ethelgethe]

[user=16]Bruno[/user] wrote:
About her meeting you at the airport, it is not a problem if she is the only lady you visit... and if she is the only one and you don't allow her to see you at airport, she can think that a other woman wait you at airport, that you visit other women... never underestimate the jealousy of a russian woman.
[/quote]

BRAVO!!!

absolutely right about conclusions, a russian woman can make from the non wishing to be met at the air-port

Only one question, boys: why not asking the woman????

[al-c]

Let's take these one at a time:

1.  Of course it is important to be a strong man, and part of being a strong man is to not be afraid to ask for help.  I know all that.  But perception is just as important as reality, and if she perceives me to be weak, no amount of strength is going to do me any good with her.

2.  Letting her meet me at the airport is a good point, and yes I am going there for only one woman.  I can't ignore that the opinions here are overwhelming towards doing that.  Thank you all for your advice.  Just one problem:  I would like to present her with roses, and they don't exactly sell them on the plane.  Would it be OK if I got the roses perhaps later on that evening?

3.  Traveling to her flat alone:  I would attempt it if it were Novisibirsk since I have spent time there and know the layout of the city quite well.  But St. Petersburg, even though there is more English spoken there, is a place I have never been to and could get very lost in.  Maybe it would be a better choice to go there with her once, since we are now going to be meeting at the airport, and then I can find it thereafter on my own.  What does everyone think about this choice?