If she has a child

[olena]

I have a question for the guys.
If you met a woman and then found out she had a child, would you stop the whole "dating thing" right there?

[Thor]

Of course not. It seems to me that girls with a child are more willing to meet forreign men. This because it is very hard for girls with children to find a new man in FSU. Several girls has said that the competition among the girls for the men in FSU is so hard that the men don't want a girl with a child.

Also a girl with a child can settel down faster in a new country since she allthe time have to think and care for her child, there will be less time to sit down and be depressed by the change of her life....

Men that will consider girls with a child will a much better chance of success when they go the FSU to look for a girl..

[Rvrwind]

Men that will consider girls with a child will a much better chance of success when they go the FSU to look for a girl..

Undeniable fact!
Especially older men that are looking for young women will have much better success if they are willing to take on a woman & her child. Older men stuck on seeking young women with no kids are foolish, as their chances of success are very slim.
Young women with a child or two have been forced to mature quickly & are usually much more settled & know what they want in life whereas the same woman without a child will still be somewhat immature in her thinking & still rooted in the party scene.
There are many very beautiful young women with a child that are looking & know what they are looking for, as they have already had to deal with many hardships here & are willing to give more leeway in the age difference than those without children.

[Dan C.]

  I am looking for someone who does not have children, and I am fairly up front about it.  If she has children, then I politely move on.  Such a woman should not waste time with me, there are plenty of guys who want such a woman, and she should go find them.  

[Rvrwind]

Dan C...I don't know your age but I can assure you that if you are 40+ & looking for a young 20 something lady without children you better be prepared to have some or you can say goodbye to your relationship after a few yeras.
I have seen it many times. In fact a prominent boardmember had this very scenario happen & although I hate to admit it it has caused some desention in my own relationship.
My wife was well aware that I could not have children & was at the time willing to accept that, but now she is ageing as we all do & her hormones are kicking in & family preassure as well as she see's her friends having babies. It is a lot of preassure on her & of course that trickles down to me. We love each other dearly as anybody who knows us will attest but this one issue could lead to who knows what at this point.
All I'm saying is even if you find one that says it isn't a problem, I & many others will tell you it may not be a problem today but in 5-6 years, I can assure you, it will be a problem.

[I/O]

I have a question for the guys.
If you met a woman and then found out she had a child, would you stop the whole "dating thing" right there?

Yes I would stop the whole dating thing right there.  No right of appeal.  Fact is, I did exactly that.  Now I will marry someone with a child. Whats the difference? There is a very big difference and that is, my now fiance' made it very clear during first communication she had a child whereas in the other situation, it was deliberately disguised for whatever strange reason until well after meeting.  Children were never the issue for me, honesty and openess were the issues.

I/O

[Mir]

Children were never the issue for me, honesty and openess were the issues.

I am sure everyone will agree with that

[Dan C.]

Rvrwind,
  Here's where I am coming from.  I am 40, and looking for someone in their late 20's to mid 30's.  I want to have children.  If she does not, then I move on.  If she does have a child, and wants to have more, I could make an exception.  I have dated (briefly) a few AW with children, but it always seem to be hard for them to find time to see me, and in some cases they were not interested in having more children.  So when I look to the FSU, I will look for those without children who want to start a family.  

[BC]

Things to consider:

If you don't have much experience with kids and are unsure about your parenting abilities, best to bow out.

Children add responsibility and cost exponentially..  Don't think x2, think 2².

If you have your own children at home expect complex family dynamics and a LOTs of effort to pull it off.

There are several good threads on this subject. Use the search feature.

[Rvrwind]

Quote
Children were never the issue for me, honesty and openess were the issues.


I am sure everyone will agree with that

Yes, of course.
It should be made plain from the getgo for sure. Deception is not a desirable trait.
Dan C, that is exactly what I am sayng. If you want to build a family great then you should be fine. I'm more eluding to the guys who are older that don't want to cannot have children. If you desire a family by all means go for it. If you are like me 50+ & cannot have children you are more wise to seek women who have a child as long as you are in to enjoying the child & willing to accept it as your own.

[ScottinCrimea]

When I met my wife she had a 12 year old daughter.  Having already gone through the teen years with three daughters of my own, I knew what to expect but it was never an issue with me.  It was even more difficult at first because she doesn't speak English and I didn't speak Russian, so my wife was frequently caught in the middle of disagreements as interpretor.  We also had some very different ideas of how to raise and discipline children.  We have worked through all of that and learning Russian helped tremendously.  My wife learned that most of my ideas about how to handle teenage daughters actually worked, but in some cases I had to realize that some things just weren't going to be changed.

The point is that a child brings a lot of new issues into a relationship, some good and some bad.  If your relationship isn't strong or you're not prepared to deal with it, better to not go there.

[olena]

I think it's better to be honest in the beginning and tell the woman how you feel. I met this one guy and we were going out for some time. He was telling me that he really liked me, but the fact that I was a single mom and not "just single", well, it was an issue for him.

[Thor]

Undeniable fact!
Especially older men that are looking for young women will have much better success if they are willing to take on a woman & her child. Older men stuck on seeking young women with no kids are foolish, as their chances of success are very slim.
Young women with a child or two have been forced to mature quickly & are usually much more settled & know what they want in life whereas the same woman without a child will still be somewhat immature in her thinking & still rooted in the party scene.
There are many very beautiful young women with a child that are looking & know what they are looking for, as they have already had to deal with many hardships here & are willing to give more leeway in the age difference than those without children.

DA!! This is a fackt. If you are 40+ and looking for a girl in her 20`s it is very hard to find such a girl, and to find a beautiful girl is almost impossible unless you are a very rich guy . BUT, if you look for a young girl with a child I can almost gurantee that you will be sucessfull!!!!

[Gator]

Olena,

If a man truly loves a woman, he will love her children and treat them as his own.  Why?  The children are part of who she is.  So your man does not love you in the way you need to be loved.  Sorry to tell you this.  Yet, it is best that you learn this now before getting even more involved.  Tell him "paka".

Next time, use more scrutiny.  If a mother is seeking to remarry and not just having fun, she must determine the man's mentality before becoming more involved with him.  Men can be dishonest, so a mother needs to observe him and ask many indirect, open-ended questions.

The men requiring the most caution are those who have never had children.  When entering a relationship, they may believe that they are sincerely ready for children, yet change their mind as they slowly discover what is involved other than money.

Even though forming a family with two sets of children is complicated, it has become fairly common in America.  So I suggest that you focus on men who have children.  There are millions of them.

Me?  I love children and believe that they add so much to a family.  I focused on UW/RW with children.  In both of my failed relationships, children were not the problem.

When my ex-fiancee started to look again for Mr. Right, she refused to communicate with men who had children at home.  She said her own two kids were driving her crazy and she did not need to add others.  She now admits that was a mistake as essentially all men without children were ambivalent if not players.  So she continues to work on me, someone with supposedly adult children.  How can I say that on Father's Day?

[olena]

Gator, we are not together anymore.
I did tell him "paka".  Though it was more like "bye, dude"  , he doesn't speak russian.
I guess it all depends on the people.
Some guys are not thrilled about dating single moms, others don't mind and don't make a big issue out of it.
Well, maybe one day I will meet that Mr Right.
If not here in Texas, then maybe somewhere else.

[jb]

olena,

My wife has 2 sons from a previous encounter.  In my case a woman with some good children was a big plus.  I wanted to expand my family... Some step-children was a greart option, I wanted that "Instant' family, my boys made that possible.  Maybe I'm different, but I LIKE CHILDREN.   I don't think I'm too different.  Most of these guys are wanting a nice family.

[Gator]

Olena,

You made the correct decision.  I wish you the best.  Finding the right mate is never easy, and we can be particularly careful after sufferring a failed marriage as you seemingly have done.

Have you tried the Internet such as Yahoo Personals?  If men are willing to fly 8,ooo miles for a blind date in Ukraine, there are many more who would come to Texas. 

On the Internet your profile would show that you have six kids  and most men responding would seemingly have read that if they somehow looked past the photo of your beautiful face and body.  I have looked on the American internet and did not find many women who impressed me, and the ones who did proved very difficult.  So you should be refreshing new addition. 

There are many men who love kids and appreciate what they add to a family.  Another name for these men is "family man".  Yes, some can be so contented that they are boring, but that is another problem.  An intelligent, energetic family man should not bore you.

[jb]

Gator,

How funny... I guess I forgot to run spell check before I hit "SEND'.

Not a problem,,, usually I just hit send, and it's gone,,, no worries...

I need to be more careful in the future.

[BillyB]

I purposely looked for a woman without children. My ex had a child from a previous man and we have one child together. If I am to have anymore children, I want them to be my own.

Gator, you mentioned to Olena to find a man who already has children. From my experience, the many women I corresponded with never asked how my children are doing as if they weren't interested. I have also heard many RW would never love a man's children as her own.

I know many of the forum members have children. Did you guys notice many RW do not ask how your children are doing during correspondence except to possibly reciprocate the question after you ask how her children are doing?

I remember one lady appreciating the fact I told her I have children in my first letter. She said many men forget about the fact they have children.

One reason I liked my fiancee during correspondence was the fact she always asked about my children and what I do with them as if she was sizing me up to be a father for her future children.

[Serebro]

I have an impression that most men I like are looking for women with children.

[wxman]

For me it's a true joy to have met a woman with a child. Hearing your future wife saying she loves you for the first time is wonderful, hearing her child say for the first time that she loves you, is a gift from God.

[Turboguy]

My two cents worth are that as the original scenario pointed out meeting her and THEN finding out later that she had a child would not impress me.  I am not saying that I would end it but to me if she hid the fact she had a child it would make me think she could be a person who keep secrets and would not be a real open person.

I think someone who is flexible about children can have a much wider choice of women.  I am sure there are some men who want their own children and don't want to raise someone else's and that is their personal choice.  I see nothing wrong with it.

I have seen a few women who had a child that was being raised by someone else and it always made me wonder about them a bit. 

I think when a woman has a child you should think about the child as much as you do about the woman.   When I was in the searching stage and a woman had a child I liked it better if the child was either younger or older.  Younger and you could have a hand in their upbringing.  Older and if they turned into a handful you would not have to put up with them for two long.  I meet a few teen aged kids of women I had contacted that I think would have tuned into instant best friends and a few that seemed like they had the potential to make life a living hell.

Personally children we never a big issue for me.  The plus is that kids can make life full and rewarding and be a real joy.  The negative is you are a lot more tied down.  The record for me was a gal I exchanged a few letters with who had 4 kids but three of them were her sisters who had been killed in a car crash.  I guess I always looked at it as, If I met someone who was really special and she had a child or children, great, we would have this happy family (hopefully) and if she didn't I would think great, we can do all these things together.   To me the issue was always finding the right person who really was the one I wanted to share my life with.

I think it is like everthing, a personal choice.  It is what is right for you and what you want for your life.

[FreddieK]

I have not posted in a long time but when I saw this I had to comment.

I have to agree with Turboguy, this is a very personel decision to make and is based on the mans past experiences, current situation and future desires.

But I hope that before a man begins his search he has a perfect understanding of himself and wether he wants a prefab family or not.  Knowing this can save someone a lot of heartache down the road...

[Wayne B]

Olena, I will tell you that I had two children before I started my search.....If I met a woman that had children....there would be no problem what so ever....I would learn to love her children as my own!  I will say for the record that my Anna, has no children but, she wants children.....I want to give her this gift from God, if he will grant this wish.....Also for the record, Anna was attracted to me in one sense, that I already had children....but, she also wanted to know if I was sincere about having children in the future.....I can also say that she loves my children and she shows it