The Distance Factor

[Lily]

So you had the hots for an older man?!

I seems that I had the hots for a man in my league, my equal ones. That guy was 30, I was 20. That time, it has some potential, probably we would make a well-balanced match and a fine couple. He was having a different opinion on that, though 
After that time, the men who were attractive to me were 2 years older one, and all others a few years younger than me...

[I/O]

and all others a few years younger than me...

Do we have a "Closet Cradle Snatcher" in our midst?

I/O

[Icarus]

Ick (that sounds funny in Russian! )...I really like that nick!

Spasiba

[Lily]

Do we have a "Closet Cradle Snatcher" in our midst?

I/O

what's that please? 

I just say what I used to have in the past. We met in real life without an idea about anyone's age. It was revealed afterwards and was not a factor to consider for falling in love. I am not sure whether the history is going to repeat itself.

[I/O]

what's that please? 

A "Cradle Snatcher" is one who steals babies.  Closet.....meaning hidden or secretive (Slang humour).  It is humour (At least in my country) often inferred on someone married to a younger person.

I/O

[Mir]

often inferred on someone married to a younger person.

There are several of such gents here

[vwrw]

You can find young girls who have the maturity for a long term relationship but they won't have the life experience to help them navigate through the problems of a relationship. 

Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes. Do you mean that a woman who made many mistakes or encountered with a lot of problems in her past relationships can be a better wife?
  [/size]

As a new young bride matures there will be a risk her life goals will change.

NOT only young women may alter their life goals, woman of any age may alter her goals, point of view, preferences...so, there always is risk in relationship with any woman.

 Most men chasing young girls are doing it to feel better about themselves and because it makes them feel good. 

Are men chasing old "girls" NOT  doing it because of the same reasons? Or maybe they are doing that to feel bad?

I hope they're actually looking for something more than just "fresh meat" though...
.
As well as I hope the men chasing the same age "girls" are looking for something more than just a homemaker, cooker and reproducer for his children.

[Mir]

Mistakes are just mistakes, experience is what we learn from them (or at least what the wise ones learn). We don't only learn from our mistakes, but also from our successes and from what we did right, that is also experience.

BTW since I am in a musical mood today, here is a song you may like:

The truth be told, the truth be told
I'm worried about the future holds, the future holds
I'm starting to worry about Ray

The truth be told, the truth be told
I'm worried about the future holds, the future holds
I'm seriously worried about Ray

They say the future's out to get you
You know that I won't let you fall
They say the future's out to get you
You know that I won't let you fall

The truth be told, the truth be told
I'm treading on my tippy toes, my tippy toes
I'm starting to worry about Ray

The truth be told, the truth be told
I'm treading on my tippy toes, my tippy toes
I'm painfully so worried about Ray

They say the future's out to get you
You know that I won't let you fall
They say the future's out to get you
You know that I won't let you fall
                     No!

They say the future's out to get you
You know that I won't let you fall
They say the future's out to get you
You know that I won't let you fall

The future's out to get you, the future's out to get you, oh
The future's out to get you, the future's out to get you, oh

The truth be told, the truth be told
I'm worried what the future holds, the future holds
I'm so tired of being worried about Ray

(BY THE HOOSIERS) 

[vwrw]

Mistakes are just mistakes, experience is what we learn from them (or at least what the wise ones learn). We don't only learn from our mistakes, but also from our successes and from what we did right, that is also experience.

Really! However, single women who have the experience from successes can be found only among widows, isn't it? And most of them are older than 65 and probably they cannot to be consided as a desirable marrital matterial by most men here. Women with the experience from successes do not get divorced nor break happy relationships with their beloveds. So, if one wants woman with the experience he has to take woman with the baggage of past mistakes or he must take widows. 

[Turboguy]

Catchy tune Mir,  I am sure I will hear it every time I turn the radio on.

[Mir]

Success is not only about getting married and becoming an old widow.

Not every woman and man who has failed relationships is in that position because he/she made mistakes that caused the relation to fail.

Many times people are in the relationship at the wrong time, or for the wrong reason and the relation fails.
There is not always someone to blame.
However they both learn from it.
They learn from why the relation failed and the learn from the happy times they had in that relationship (if any)
All that is experience.
People also learn from the world around them, from others and their experiences.
All that is life experience.
For some this makes them a better person, more tolerant and flexible. Less naive and uptight. So they might succeed in their next relationship. For some it makes them a bitter person and they do bad in their next relationship as well.
There is no sure formula of success.
A young girl may turn out to be a disaster for one man and a mature woman might be the same for another and in the same way a young girl might be a gem and an older divorced woman might be one as well(for different men of course).

[Turboguy]

I agree with you Mir that life is a journey and not a destination.    I don't think that life is measured so much by our sucesses and failures as it is by the way we live our life and the things we do with it.

I am not so sure I agree that our mistakes to not usually cause our failures including in relationships.  Those who usually think they did nothing wrong and they were in the wrong relationship at the wrong time or with the wrong person usually are just blind to the truth.  We make our decisions and we live with the success or pay the price for the failure.   It we learn and grow from it, then it was a good things even if it failed.

[Mir]

TG

Yes failure is often due to our mistakes but not always.

[Turboguy]

I am not even sure at the moment there is such a thing as failure.   Perhaps all failure is just like Edisons attempt to make a light bulb.    I do think that the times when there was what some consider failure it is most always caused by our own actions, inactions or poor evaluations.

Would you care to cite a hypothetical example of when failure is not our mistake.

[catzenmouse]

Experience: The ability to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 

[Mir]

Would you care to cite a hypothetical example of when failure is not our mistake.

Withing the context of relationships or in a broader sense?

[Mir]

Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success.
Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man under Socialism (1881)

[Turboguy]

Withing the context of relationships or in a broader sense?

Well since this is a forum about relationships we might go for that as the number one choice but as far as I am concerned anything.

Ken,   That sounds typical for most of us.   Some learn and others like me just make the same mistakes over and over. 

[MaxxumUSA]

Experience: The ability to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 

Wisdom:  The ability to not repeat dumbass mistakes.

[Mir]

Well supposing there is this lady who is a good wife. And one day her husband tells her that he does not love or desire her anymore and is starting divorce proceedings. The reason is that he has the hots for a younger, prettier woman. Did she make mistakes that could have been prevented? I doubt it.

[I/O]

Did she make mistakes that could have been prevented?

Denial ain't just a river in the Mid East.

I/O

[Icarus]

Maybe SHE shouldve looked for the "red flags" in him, before saying the "I do's"

Ick

[Blues Fairy]

Would you care to cite a hypothetical example of when failure is not our mistake.

Sometimes "failure" can be the smartest move.  E.g. getting out of an unpromising or hurtful marriage.  But when you get out, the marriage is defined as "failed".    

[Mir]

Maybe SHE shouldve looked for the "red flags" in him, before saying the "I do's"

He didn't have any, he changed, like we all do.
Some for the better and some for the worse.

[Icarus]

He didn't have any, he changed, like we all do.
Some for the better and some for the worse.

So obviously there is risk involved either way. Unforseeable risk at that. I hardly call trying, then failing due to circumstances beyond your control, a failure. I would see it more as a lesson learnt.

The trick is not to take it out on your partner in the next relationship you have.

Ick