She makes more money than you

[Icarus]

Im sure that a number of RW have jobs and careers in the FSU.

Have any of you expereinced, when after you are married and she returns to your home and after she settles in, adjusts to the culture shock etc, has a desire to work, discovers she makes more than you.

How does this affect the roles of Husband and Wife in the r'ship?

Any power struggles?

Ick

[purpletib]

This will be interesting to see replies to.  There are a couple doctors and lawyers I've considered writing to, and I've wondered this myself.

[Globetrotter]

If you actually think an FSU trained doctor or lawyer can make money here.....before about 6 years of hard work, you are pissing up a rope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A doctor must first pass TOEFL, then her medical boards, then FIND a hospital that will accept her as a resident/intern, do this for 3 years to become a GP, then 3 more for her speciality.  A law degree from the FSU means she knows FSU law.  Do you think former Soviet or Russian , or Ukrainian law...cuts any ice here?  Think again!

Does she have a drivers license?  Can she drive a bus?  If so, and if you make less then these people do, then she will make more than you.

Pal, not a good place to look if you're looking for a meal ticket....
but good luck anyway!

[Lily]

Im sure that a number of RW have jobs and careers in the FSU.

Have any of you expereinced, when after you are married and she returns to your home and after she settles in, adjusts to the culture shock etc, has a desire to work, discovers she makes more than you.

How does this affect the roles of Husband and Wife in the r'ship?

Any power struggles?

Ick

IMHO if a woman is inclined to struggle for power in relationships, it must have been inherent in her nature and therefore should be discovered early before marriage.

If a woman is born and bred to struggle for her life, more likely it would mean that she will struggle in the outer world, so to speak, but not within her own marriage. If a Russian woman in the US has really managed to climb up the social and business ladder, I only can cheerlader her 

But see, it makes a lot of difference whether she fights outside or inside her little home universe! If the latter is the case, then this woman should have been deeply spoiled and rotted, and those things should have been discovered long before the engagement!

[MaxxumUSA]

Personally, I was seeking a woman who does not have great ambitions in business.  I am not saying the my Elena seeks a lazy life.  Rather - she prefers to be a home maker in our future life together.  - BUT - that is what I was seeking.

Many women that emailed me before talking with Elena had aspirations to become successful wherever they moved.  Seemed that this was ONE motivating factor for them to seek a relationship with a foreign man.

Knowing what I know about making money - I could easily see a FSUW woman being able to market herself in the business world and making six figures.

Globetrotter - I think you might underestimate the intelligence and earning potential of these women.  My Elena is extremely intelligent and if she chooses to one day attempt to enter the workforce - I am sure she will do well.  Once they are able to communicate in English - they will have an opportunity to make tons of cash - if that is what they want.

Some high paying jobs I think an FSUW would prosper in here in the USA:  real estate, auto sales, small business owner to name a few.

[Lily]

The auto sales field look quite surprising to me..why?

[MaxxumUSA]

The auto sales field look quite surprising to me..why?

Hehe...

I used to be a sales manager in a different industry.  As such I also made purchasing decisions.  Definitely male dominated industry.  I remember a sales agent coming to my office unanounced.  She was interesting and very attractive.  The president of the corporation I was working for pulled me aside and asked what is she selling.  I told him - I don't know - but get your check writing hand warmed up because whatever she's selling - we're buying.




Lily - get it now?

[Lily]

Hehe...

I used to be a sales manager in a different industry.  As such I also made purchasing decisions.  Definitely male dominated industry.  I remember a sales agent coming to my office unanounced.  She was interesting and very attractive.  The president of the corporation I was working for pulled me aside and asked what is she selling.  I told him - I don't know - but get your check writing hand warmed up because whatever she's selling - we're buying.




Lily - get it now?

 
Maxxum, I think an opportunity to talk to you in person is well worth taking extra vacation from work.
 

[purpletib]

If you actually think an FSU trained doctor or lawyer can make money here.....before about 6 years of hard work, you are pissing up a rope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A doctor must first pass TOEFL, then her medical boards, then FIND a hospital that will accept her as a resident/intern, do this for 3 years to become a GP, then 3 more for her speciality.  A law degree from the FSU means she knows FSU law.  Do you think former Soviet or Russian , or Ukrainian law...cuts any ice here?  Think again!

Does she have a drivers license?  Can she drive a bus?  If so, and if you make less then these people do, then she will make more than you.

Pal, not a good place to look if you're looking for a meal ticket....
but good luck anyway!

Wow, got a problem?  Who the hell ever said anything about looking for a meal ticket buddy?  The poster simply asked a viable question and you start flaming?  The doctors and lawyers where simply a couple of professions that I noticed FSUW had.  Obviously they could not immediately pursue that work here, but if they have the drive to do that there, then I'm sure they will succeed over here in whatever they pursue.  Obviously if FSUW where to pursue the same kind of work here it would take a lot of work, but if the husband has that kind of work ethic and wants the same in his future wife, then why would it be an issue?  Plus, I highly doubt anyone who makes less than a bus driver would ever have a shot at pursuing a wife abroad, considering he probably couldn't even afford a trip over there.

[Wayne B]

purple, just for fun....look at the per/hr that sanitation workers in New York make...plus their benefits..  

[Mir]

Glob

TOFEL is just a test for English compitency and will get a Russian doctor nowhere. They will need to take USMLE to check their medical compitency plus a valid test of English.
Only if they get good scores on USMLE they get a chance to be matched to a residency programme that can be 4-6 years depending on speciality. They can do boards at the end and can enter practice but many will the do a fellowship for 2-4 years. Some do two fellowships. Still at the end of all that they can start earnint upwards of $150,000 per year. So it is possible that the girl who comes here from Russia leaving a job that pays $1200 per year and joins her American knight who earns $50,000 per year will after say 6-8 years will be making $150,000 while the husband has only progressed to $100,000 or even worse has been made redundant.
So the question is very valid and people potentially in this situation can make a contribution to the discusion.

[purpletib]

^^^^ Exactly my thought on the issue, and a very valid possibility.

[groovlstk]

I know a doc from Novosibirsk who married a guy in California a few years back. She's selling real estate now, and is quite successful. When she arrived and discovered the years of work she'd need to do to continue as a physician here she instantly abandoned the idea.

Anyway, back on topic... My wife was one of the top interior designers in the largest interiors/furniture store in Europe. Many of her Moscow clients were celebrities and government workers (only in Russia could a celebrity and government worker command roughly the same cache and salary, but I digress...). Her (adjusted) salary was roughly equivalent to mine and it's entirely conceivable that in the long term she could be out-earning me. I (and we) have absolutely no problem with it.

[ecr844]

I guess at the end of the day it boils down to the dynamics and basis of your relationship. Are you a team? Do you love each other and support each other? Are you able to applaude and encourage your wife to succeed and grow professionally and as a person? If your answers are in the negative then probably you will have issues with your wife earning big $$'s and being sucessful.

  As as aside I work with a guy who doesn't make all that much money. He's married to a polish lady who happens to be a doc. They're happy and support each other, etc.... It's not about the money for him or them. YMMV.
ECR844

[catzenmouse]

Heck, I would love it if she could support me in the life that I would like to become accustomed to!

Sure, I may get bored from time to time but that is a chance that I am willing to take! Bring it on!!!

Ken

[Vaughn]

English compitency

Mir, normally I overlook spelling errors, but that one
is a laugher.

[Mir]

Yes   
I guess no chance for me in passing TOFEL

[Lily]

TOFEL is just a test for English compitency 

A TOEFL is aimed to evaluate how one is able to study at a U.S. educational institution. It shows how a foreigner can understand, sort out, sum up things written in a rather sophisticated way, and in what degree a person is able to clearly express him/herself in a high-level, rather academic English in a well-ordered, concise and easy-to-read way.

The TOEFL is relatively far from the language people talk on the streets, although it may contain colloquials, idioms, etc.

As I had only a short history of formal English classes, my TOEFL result scored a minimum, less than that of my fellow Russian applicants, but summarily with other credentials it worked for me.

[2tallbill]

Lily you are fluent. You make very few mistakes, surely less than I do.


Just my two kopecks (I don't know how to spell kopecks)

Bill

[Leslie]

Some thoughts on this topic –

Back in the old millennium when I was “looking”  I decided not to date professional (Doctors Lawyers etc.) at all.  This decision was based on personal experience.

The doctors and lawyers I met had the primary motivation of working in a western country where their skills were more highly valued. They were career oriented.  Finding a life time partner was secondary, indeed many expressed little interest in starting a family.

A little research demonstrates how hard it is to transfer those professional qualifications, as has been discussed up-thread.  The cost of this process has not been highlighted.  It is very high.  Before citizenship is attained the FULL (foreign student) tuition fees must be paid.  Think $50k a year minimum – though grants may be available in certain cases.  I reckon the five year support cost could run to $400k.  Of course there will be a substantial return on this investment.  Question is will you still be around to benefit from it ? This question becomes more pertinent if she is much younger than you…
 
For me the answer was clear.  If I wanted  a career woman I could marry a New Yorker or a Brit.  Why should I even consider this process with a woman whose primary motivation was other than building a successful marriage with me?  This quest is extremely difficult anyway so why stack the deck against myself from the start and gamble half a million$ that we will all live happily ever after she qualified…

I mean no offence to you guys who have made this choice and made it work.  A strong relationship can overcome many difficulties.  I address this viewpoint to those who are beginning this quest or are still looking. 

This issue belongs on your “must have list”  along with your preferences with regard to children, basic personality traits, education etc. IMHO you should think very carefully about this list.  You have to understand the factors that drive the international marriage process in order to improve your chances of success.

[Mir]

It is very high.  Before citizenship is attained the FULL (foreign student) tuition fees must be paid.  Think $50k a year minimum – though grants may be available in certain cases.  I reckon the five year support cost could run to $400k.  Of course there will be a substantial return on this investment.

I am not sure what fees are you talking about.
I don't think anyone would look to marry an 18 year old girl and put her through medical school.

[Leslie]

Let me be clear about this - FSU Medical and Legal qualifications do not transfer easily to their western equivalents.  I will leave the details of these processes to those who have personal experience of them.

A FSU qualified doctor would have to spend around 5 years of training to qualify to practice in UK.  Even longer for a lawyers who effectively must start again from scratch.

Hence my comments on the high $ costs.

Mir perhaps you should read and understand a thread before commenting in that manner?  As it is only little wit excuses you…

[I/O]

Heck, I would love it if she could support me in the life that I would like to become accustomed to! Sure, I may get bored from time to time but that is a chance that I am willing to take! Bring it on!!!
Ken

Thwack...!!!!  Bullseye brother...!!!  Ain't never gunna happen but, more's the pitty.

I/O

[2tallbill]

Mir is a sharp guy,

Just my two kopecks

Bill

[Lily]

Leslie,

May be to certain extent about certain people your findings are right.

However, a professional life and private life have one difference.

To succeed at the professional life, one can and should make some efforts, spend some resources, try a bit harder. One can really work her or his way up in profession. If you are good, most likely you will be rewarded.

The private life, however, is totally different. A person can be good looking, devoted, kind and personally skilled, but he or she can not work the way up to his/her loved one. No matter how good you are, you cannot work to create chemistry. Trying hard can be, and often is, repulsive in love.

A woman can be Miss Universe, a Nobel price winner or a Crown Princess, sorry for my exaggerations, but it would hardly get her to his heart. Workability is the issue.

My girlfriends are mostly those who are usually called career women. Some of them understand that phenomenon and believe that if they are unable to get the man who they want, they better direct their efforts in the rewarding way...