Maxx's rules of marital success by "being the man" with a RW wife.

[rose]

Yes, Maxx,

Women like strong men. I would repeat it again.

But, being strong and being controlling are two different things.

The thing is that those people who try to be controlling subconsciously feel their weakness, and in order to gain "strength" they try to control. I can understand that, it's much easier than to work hard on the self-improvement.

I also want to point out that in the later explanation of your rules, at least as I've understood it, you were advocating for men to be cautious, but unfortunately, your rules just scream: "Be controlling!"

These are two huge different things. To be cautious is good, and I agree with your late posts in many ways, but to be controlling is bad. There is no additional explanation needed.

It seems to me that you have good ideas, but took them too far.

For example, I think that woman has to work. Maybe not 40 h/w. It will let her to go out of the house, change some scenery, give her feeling that she also brings some money into the family, and even it might clear her head from being bored. What else to do at home when everything is already done? Just sleep 12 hours. Additionally, many RW who come here have at least bachelor's degree, it means that their mind is used to produce some amount of thinking. What will happen if such lady sits home all the time? She switches her attention on home, shopping, and some "great" ideas which can make even a saint man crazy.

I would say that instead of controlling money situation, man can just simply regulate it by involving a woman into his monthly process of paying bills and other related stuff. If woman is not selfish bitch, she'll see that life is not so easy, and will start thinking by herself if she can afford a new jacket or not. By the way, it'll take care of rule #2.

Involving her in the financial aspect of your life will send her a message that you trust her (Big + for you), respect her opinion (another big +), it will give her a filling of money in the US (huge +, since she will stop asking about buying some stupid stuff), she will stop thinking you that your answer "later" is just an excuse, etc.

Please, don't misunderstand "involving" doesn't mean that you giving her full power over your finances, it also doesn't mean that she can take you credit card and go on a shopping spree. It just means that you are in this together. Isn't how marriage should be? "Together forever and never apart..."

Rule number 3 is just ridiculous. Do you think a woman will want to have sex with you if you are using her as an object? Go get a rubber doll in such case!

Rule number 4: it can work if you don't want to solve the problem. It's a great way to do, by the way. But still, if the fight has place, it means something needs to be discussed. It is obvious, that there is no point to try to discuss something if one person is in such mood. But later you still will have to come back and have a talk. COMMUNICAON is a key word in building relations.

So, my female opinion, if not to go over the edge, and use a head, they make some sense. (Assuming that you'll delete rule #3)  

And as to women like strong men: To survive in this life I need to be strong. But there is a limit how strong I can be. Imagine a woman as a locomotive with x number of cars and a man with y number of cars. Do you think it'll be a fare if man will hook his cars to the woman train? I'd better see a man who'll take some cars from me and will free some of my energy to make me able to please and praise a man.

Maxx, you are trying to help other men, and it is great. Just don't let it to become a Crusade against of women.

 

[bbernard]

Rose,

First let me say that you contributions are to this community are important, needed and greatly appreciated. I have enjoyed reading your perspectives on the various issues you have responded. Thanks

Second, I whole heartedly agree with every word you posted above and they are very similar to the views I have for my fiance when she arrives. I am looking for a partner not a slave. I believe both man and woman need to be cautious when building a life together. Only a fool wouldn't. Isn't marriage is about integration. The integration of seperate lives into one. I think we call this a "family unit". Now how fast and what paths taken to build this integration (family) is up to the individuals involved. Caution should still be part of the equation but not so much as to kill the integration.

Just my two cents

bbernard

[Bruno]

4) Tire them out so they don't pester you to take them out dancing everynight. Many RW sleep 10 - 12 hours a day, watch soap operas, put on their makeup and ask their weary husbands to take them dancing or shopping (see #1) when they get home.

Many Russian women work more hard that us Western men, some have two jobs... Working on Saturday or Sunday is not unusual... 60 hours work week is not unusual...

Unfortunaly, several Russian women are not able to ask men for take them to dancing since men have dissappear in the same time that family responsability have appear ( children )... So Russian women make shopping themself, take care of home and children...

Some find enough power for follow new school formation after work in the hope to have a better jobs...

So, Russian women have one big job or a second one, they are housekeeper, take care of family and are ready to study new things... since a day is only 24 hours, how they can sleep 10-12 hours day...

[Maxx]

Rose, I am conscience of other people's perception of me. I rarely give marital advice as when I did ( 2 years ago) I was told to shut my mouth. So my title for this thread  is ironic.  

I am against control. My past actions would support this but no need to dredge up that. Ideally I would like my wife to be financially independant of me. Earn lots of her own money. Have a successful career or have a successful business like I have. I would like to respect my wife as a professonal or entrepreneur but if she is neither I would respected her rationality, self control and compassion.

HOWEVER my list  (forgeting #3 which I will clarify to our mutual satisfaction... later) is more a pragmatic guide for iffy marriages (many/most RW/AM marriages) than the guide for the made-in-heaven ones.

Supdood wrote

Why would anyone get married while anticipating treachery?  Being so guarded about your finances and personal life seems anathema to the desire for someone to share yourself with intimately.

 

One needs to trust to love but to do so puts one at terrible risk. That is why I recommend verifying one's future with another to be done quickly (not 1 or 2 weeks... longer) otherwise the fire will extingush.   

Maxx

[rose]

Maxx,

Don't know why two things came up into my mind:

First is the phrase from some movie:

"-You don't have any doubts?

-Of course I do. It's just sometimes we have to jump of that bridge and build our wings on the way down."

 

Second:

Is a Ballad of Love, written by the famous Russian bard:

When waters of a flood that swept the planet
Returned once more into the ocean bed
From foam of a departing ocean current
Love climbed so quietly upon the land
And disappeared in air before its time -
And for it there are sixteen hundred times

And some strange people - there are some such yet -
Inhale this mix with full chest that is heaving
Reward and punishment they don't await
And thinking that they are only but breathing
They do appear to breathe, or so it's seeming,
So unevenly, unevenly, at that.

Only sense, just like a river boat,
For so long, so long remains afloat,
For before I know that "I love" -
That is, that I breathe, or that I live!

And there will be enough wanderings and travels
Land of love - such a great land it is!
And it will be asking for ordeals
From its knights, before they can have bliss.
It will ask departures and despair
And deprive of calm, of sleep and peace...

But you cannot drive off the insane
From this land, they do agree to pay
Any price - their life if that is called -
Just so not to cut, to keep instead
The magical invisible thread
That is woven in between their souls....

The fresh air intoxicated them,
Knocked them from their feet, raised up again,
For if I had never ever loved -
I'd have never breathed, have never lived!

But the many that are choking on their love -
You won't reach, however you may shout...
Counted by prayer and empty word.
But this count has been mixed in blood.
And we will place candles at the head
Of ones dead from not having seen love.

Their voices have to morph in single one
Their souls must wander in between the flowers
To breathe with the eternity at one
To meet each other sighing in some hour
Upon the fragile bridges and roads
Upon the narrow crossroads of the world...

I will lay the fields for those in love,
Sleeping or awake, just let them sing!
I am breathing - therefore, I love!
I'm in love - and therefore, I live!


Do you live, Maxx?

[Maxx]

I am alive Rose. I got to meet a friend but when I get back I will soak in this poam (spelling) and tell you where I see the flaws in it's message.

Maxx 

[rose]

And I'm going to take my test on distributed systems, when I'll come back I hope you'll take care of #3 thing

Otherwise, your statement is ridiculous.

[Maxx]

Rose, I am trying to float the novel idea of "don't trust your wife until you know her". There are a whole lot of guys who are married to strangers. One person's love doesn't conquer all. They need to be careful and not stick their neck out until they know the person and their intentions. I'll give you two examples of men who have recently confided in me.

1 A guy who noticed his UW wife of two days (in his country) quickly shutting down windows on her PC when he entered the room. He checks her Sent files in her Yahoo account and finds out she is sending the nude photos he took of her on their honeymoon in Ukraine to her Arab boyfriend.  

2) Another is having serious problems with his FSU wife of just a few months. Can't please her.

For the men in these situations there is a logical way to proceed. Love stars in their eyes and holding out false hope is not the way to go. Well maybe for the second guy.

The poem (I figured the spelling) is something for me to chew on tomorrow.  

Maxx

 

 

[supdood]

Rose, who is the poet, and where can I find this in Russian language?

[rose]

The author is Vladimir Vysotskiy.
Here is the likn to the song: http://www.kulichki.com/vv/pesni/kogda-voda-vsemirnogo-potopa.html

and this is a link to his other songs:
http://www.kulichki.com/vv/pesni/menu/

On the same site you can find even audio versions of his songs, his voice is very unique.

[Bruno]

[size="3"]"don't trust your wife until you know her".[/size] 

Maybe you can change the title by "don't marry a women before you know her and you trust her"...  seem more logical way...

[Maxx]

Bruno, we should all know that but let's face it most men do not know what they are getting until they (RW) get here. For this vast majority I say "Don't make yourself vulnerable until you know her and know positively you can trust her". That is know with the facts figured out over a brief time. The hopeless romantics get slaughtered if they find themselves in the unlucky 30 or 40% (maybe more or less) and have rushed to prove themselves as trusting to their RW wives. What's the big deal of waiting a bit and see how it goes??

Maxx ~ trying to be sensible

 

[Jumper]

One needs to trust to love but to do so puts one at terrible risk.

ah maxx, but what if you are a poor slob like me and nothing really to lose?

ahh the *wealth of the poor*!
 is to not have such *terrible* type of risks, or worries in love and life,  perhaps?


(you know i'm just messin ' with ya ,decent theory you presented ,but a tad harsh? remember  -everything in moderation- ??  and i'm sure you were over emphasising  to make your point?..lol )


rose- as always , the voice of reason.

[Tim7]

Forget all these rules. They are too simple and weak.
Maxx, I was disppaointed

Be smart. Try to hide your wealth before you marry them.
Most of these women know the U.S. laws better than you do!

Make sure you dont make them feel/think that you are too interested

Be strong. Get rid of them if they ..................
Dont forget there is always another


STAY AWAY from whores and prostitutes.

GET details of her personal accounts everywhere including internet datging sites, emails, chat, .....

I have more rules but I will not waste my time posting them!


Timdman


P.S. Where are all the weak posters who are going to argue with me about any of my rules?

[Shadow]

Yes guys lets be smart.

Do not show the person who you really are.
Control your wifes every move.
Make sure she never gets to know you before you fully control her.

She might find out too soon you are a loser 

Maxx, I respect you experience and I can understand that it has built a wall which will be hard for any woman to break through. Hovewever be sure to have a key to the door ready, as I think the person behind the wall is worth it.

[Turboguy]

Forget all these rules. They are too simple and weak.
Maxx, I was disppaointed

Be smart. Try to hide your wealth before you marry them.
Most of these women know the U.S. laws better than you do!

Make sure you dont make them feel/think that you are too interested

Be strong. Get rid of them if they ..................
Dont forget there is always another


STAY AWAY from whores and prostitutes.

GET details of her personal accounts everywhere including internet datging sites, emails, chat, .....

I have more rules but I will not waste my time posting them!


Timdman


P.S. Where are all the weak posters who are going to argue with me about any of my rules?

Why should we argue with you Tim.  You are the expert and have all the answers. 

[catzenmouse]

Why should we argue with you Tim.  You are the expert and have all the answers. 

Right on the money TG. When you find someone with an IQ hovering around the temperature of the refrigerator it is probably best to toss a nickle in their cup and ignore them.

Ken

[PeeWee]

I agree, "stay away from.....prostitiutes." I say it all of the time. If she looks like a prostitiute then she probably is a prostitute. Unfortunate that some of the naive wide eyed lads are caught by that look in a woman. If one has little expereince with women and he should happen to choose a woman with a lot of experience then I think she will spin him around so fast he won't know what happened to him. Avoid the obvious mismatch.

 I have sometimes thought that it would be easy for a guy to marry an RW that was way more than his experience with women could handle. Like a new driver who attempts to drive a Ferrari on a snow covered street or a guy who just learned how to fly a Cessna and now finds himself ready to roll an A-380. That lad is probably headed for a crash of some significance. Just because she is hot does not mean that behind all of that charm and beauty there lurks a financial snake of some kind.

Peewee 

[rose]

One needs to trust to love but to do so puts one at terrible risk.

Where have you seen love without risk? It's always about taking chances. Even after 20 years of love and happy marriage one still can get a surprise from the pertner. I see the only way to be safe: to stay away from love!

Right on the money TG. When you find someone with an IQ hovering around the temperature of the refrigerator it is probably best to toss a nickle in their cup and ignore them.

Ken

Right on the point!!!

[Daknack]

I dont have enough nickles for all the stupid people

[KenC]

Right on the money TG. When you find someone with an IQ hovering around the temperature of the refrigerator it is probably best to toss a nickle in their cup and ignore them.

Ken

Ken,
I actually "laughed out loud" when I read your post!  Terrific! (And funny too)
KenC

[Maxx2]

I am going to reply to all of this but first I got to check out the rest of the board and see what other trouble I maybe in.


Maxx

[tm33398]

VERY general "rules"!!! I consider a woman a woman, whatever country and people like to be treated with dignity, man or woman, he sounds like he is training an animal and they are people not animals. I think RW are very smart and don't always say what they really think or observe! I prefer a partner and not a pet, if my wife could comprehend more of this financial system, she would like to know how it is done. But I do handle the finacial matters, but that appears to make her feel overly dependent and tends to keep her that way and that is not what I want. She just received her green card and she feels more of a person and considers herself an american and I look forward to the day when she can become a citizen. She is very intelligent but because of language difficulties and accent her confidence in her intelligence is inhibited. She was trained to be a teacher of art in Russia, but did not pursue it becuz they did not pay much.

[catzenmouse]

tm33398,

 Maybe start off with getting her a bank account with a debit card and let her get used to using the debit card, writing checks, balancing the checkbook, start to use the online banking features then work her into paying a bill or two and before you know it she'll be off and running.

Ken

P. S. KenC, thanks, most people say that I'm funny.... looking that is! 

[Maxx2]

Daveman said

"I like the way you think Maxx..."

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=12969.25

Perhaps now both of our reputations are ruined?  

I changed some in the 5 1/2 years since I posted this. I am less tense now as I am over my P.T.S.D. My position change would be to throw caution to the wind and let everything ride on the marriage to a woman I know I could trust. Nice to see some of these posts from members now long gone.