If the third time is the charm, will my ninth trip be exponentially better?

[stoichman]

Hey Robert,

Thanks for the chats on the phone.  I may make it to Kiev even if it is to fly out.  After the thoughts I am having lately you should really try to make things work with J, she seems like an endangered spieces here and for women in general.

Scott

 

[stoichman]

June 13

I wake up and decide to check out a few new ladies at Cindy Agency.  They are closed on Sundays so I was not able, nor in the right frame of mind to do it yesterday. 

I get to the agency around 1pm.  There is one lady writing a letter and the same office worker behind the desk in this 10 x 10 room.  I wonder what the maximum capacity is?

Soon one more lady walks in.  That makes 4.  We are pushing it here.  And just a minute later one more lady arrives and that makes 5.  We have to be over the limit by now, and it is getting hotter.

I quickly put in my search criteria and get the same smiling faces I have seen from my last dozen or so times I did this at home.  I write down the three I want to meet the most.  And turn around to see one of them sitting there.  Or at least I think so.

I still have her profile up on the computer screen too, for the whole world to see, since the computer is in the corner, and faces the whole room.  "Swift move Exlax."  I am thinking to myself.  She leaves the room 30 seconds later. 

So I try and swing it in my favor by turning to the office worker, pointing to the computer screen and ask "Eta deabushka is dis?"  or "this girl here?"

All three ladies laugh and the office worker says yes and asks if I want to meet her.  I smile, nod, and give her my short list of three girls.  She says she will call me later with any news.

I go for a walk and not even 30 minutes later the Cindy Agency worker calls with a meeting for me.  The girl that was in the office wants to meet me today at 3pm.  Cool.

I walk home so I can put on pants for my meeting since I am wearing cargo shorts at the moment.  I am home for maybe 15 minutes and Cindy Agency calls again.  One of the other girls I asked to meet wants to meet me at 8pm since she works that late every night.  I ask if it can be tomorrow.  2 meetings in one day would break this trips record at this point.  I am not ready for such a blistering pace at the moment.  It is agreed, I will see her tomorrow.  The third girl is unreachable.

I iron my pants, and relax a bit before my meeting.  Athena Agency calls me and ask what I am up to.  Irina says she worries because I do not call, and she know I am not seeing any of their girls.  So she wonders what I am doing.  I had to admit.  Nothing, I have done nothing for the last two days. 

She asks about Glory, the girl whose number they gave me.  I said I have not called her she cancelled on me.  Irina says there is one more girl from my list that wants to meet me, but I said not today.  Maybe tomorrow.

I go to my 3pm and discover that the other lady, last to walk in, when I was there earlier will be my interpreter, and her name is Lena.  The girl I am meeting we will call Harmony.

We go to a cafe right across the street called Fiesta.  I am the only one eating.  I have pork grilled with mushrooms and cheese and mashed potatoes.  The ladies just drink.  It costs about $10.

I show Harmony my photos, which she likes.  Harmony travels a lot for her job.  She does exhibitions of clothes at shows for shops to buy.  She lives with her parents here, but she is gone usually 5 days a week.  After dinner she suggests a walk, and I agree.

We walk down the street that Fiesta is on, which also runs right in front of the building the Cindy Agency is in.  Lean explains it is called the "Alley of Love" by the locals since all of the couples come here to sit at night.  So it only makes sense that the clock tower here is called the "Clock of Love" also.  This is all in the park area I mentioned early called Alya Slava.

Now what I did not know is that this "Alley of Love" runs right into the river, Dnipro.  It goes right by the war plane monument I ran into by accident the other day too.  In addition, this road runs into the Santa Fe cafe on the river I was at with Tara.

Across the river is the Cossack ruins and museum I really want to see.  It looks nice and the weather is great for a walk.  We talk a lot and soon I am asked about my career.  I believe the question originated from Lena and not Harmony.  I was asked if I plan to go beyond teaching or progress in my career.  I kinda got the feeling maybe being a teacher was not enough.  I believe this is the first time I was asked this one. 

I explained I like being a teacher, but I could be a principal if I wanted to, since my masters is in this field.  But because I have National Certification and do extra things, like no planning period, coach beginning teachers, and more; I would actually take a pay cut to be a principal.  So it makes no sense to work more hours and days, for less pay.  I got blank stares, I don't think they understood a word I said.

Harmony ran into a cafe to talk to someone and Lena told me how she studied in America in Nebraska.  She said it was funny how they thought Omaha was a big city there.

We walked back to the office and Harmony had to leave to be with her family for something.  Lena said that Harmony wants to meet me tomorrow, but I state I am not sure of my schedule and I will have the office call her if I can.  I say good bye to Harmony, pay Lena for interpreting, and walk back to my flat.

I am not tired and it is around 7pm.  I decide to go to the gym since it is open late tonight.  I change clothes and I am on my way.

Two things I see on the way each day that are interesting. 

On a childrens' park fence there is a very unfriendly graffiti reference to a man named Bush.  Maybe he delayed some flights here too.

Also there is a lady that sets up empty beer bottles for sale.  Now I have always seen people collect them.  Like after a concert outside, or walking in a park, or even digging in the trash, you see people collecting them for the deposit.  But this lady collects them, and sells them as a middle man, so that someone else can collect.  I am talking like hundreds of them, all neatly categorized by kind, with little signs in front for the prices. 

I guess she could be the one buying them from others, but why the signs and the neat organization then, why not have someone take them away a bit at a time.  She sets them up and takes them down each day.  Same corner every day.  I found this weird.

I get to the gym and it is packed.  And the smell is almost enough to gag you.  I need to do chest today and it is hard to find the equipment.  I can not wear my glasses while working out, that would drive me nuts, all the sweat and such.  So I do it half blind which causes problems.

They have two sizes of straight bars.  And only certain weights fit on the bigger one.  I do not realize this at first and I find myself looking and squinting all over looking for weights.  Often I need to ask if I can use something and it is not hard to do this, but understanding their answer is sometimes impossible.  I am sure I look very funny, stupid even.

So after asking if I can use something and not understanding an answer for like the tenth time I say "Izveneche, ya ne penymayo.  Ya gavaroy parufsky tolka nimnoga.  Ya Americanyets." which is "Excuse me, I do not understand.  I speak Russian only a little bit.  I am American."

After that a few guys looked out for me and brought me what I needed.  They are very friendly people.

About half way through I got a call from Athena and I think it was Svetlana this time.  Just checking on me.  The conversation turns to Buffy, makes sense, Svetlana got her to sign up.  She trys to convince me Buffy likes me.  She told me that Buffy thinks I do not want to communicate with her and that Buffy said I was crabby the other day on the phone.

Now, if it makes any sense to you, I was excited and a little miffed.  But I called Buffy on the spot. 

Buffy was happy to hear from me.  And agreed to meet me after my work out.  We tried to agree on a place to meet, but I told her I would call her later when I was ready.

Guess what happen when I began to walk home? 

Yep, you probably guessed.  It rained.  I was not about to let this stop me.  So I walked home in the rain.

Did it stop Buffy?  Yes.  I called her when I got out of the shower and she said the rain was too much.  She could not leave the house.  She wants to see me tomorrow. 

I have lost count.  How many times have I tried to see Buffy for a second time?  But since she is the only one I want to see again I will call her tomorrow.  Maybe I should give up on her.    

     

           


 

[stoichman]

[font="verdana, arial, helvetica"]June 14

I wake up and decide I will not call Buffy. I will wait to see if she calls me.

She does call around noon. Buffy says that she will be here at my flat in one or two hours. Buffy kept the sheet of paper I had my address written on from our first date. I carry one for the taxi drivers. At the time I thought this was a good sign that she kept it.

I get ready and wait.

Adean chasa= one o'clock, no Buffy

Dva chasa= two o'clock, no Buffy

Tree chasa= three o'clock, and still no Buffy

I get a call from Cindy Agency and they remind me about the lady that works at the mall that still wants to meet me any day after work at 8pm. Now it is around 4pm, so I say I will call them in two hours to let them know. I hang up and decide to go for a walk, but I do carry my cell phone.

I walk around for like an hour and go back to my flat. I call Cindy agency around 5:30pm and tell them I will meet this girl. They ask me to come over there and pay for the meeting, and then they will get me a taxi to go there for later.

I walk over to the office and Lena, the interpreter, is there and one other lady besides the office worker. The office worker gets off the phone and said, yes, you guessed it, she had bad news.

They called where she works to tell her that I will meet her after work. But she left work early with her mother. I guess there was some family thing going on. This girl has no cell phone.

Soon another American shows up and Lena leaves with him and the other lady. At least someone has a date.

I look at the office worker, shrug, smile, and say good bye.

By now it is after 6pm and no call from Buffy so I call Irina and say I am worried. Irinia says she will call right back.

20 minutes later Irina calls and says she called Buffys' neighbor (her flat has no phone). Irina spoke to Buffy. Buffy got some unexpected company from Kiev today and had to go to the train station to get them and can not come to me today. The relatives are staying with her. Buffy will call me tomorrow. Buffy did not call me today since she has no money for her cell phone.

I walk around and try to find a place to eat. I want to find somewhere outside near the sidewalk. I walk by Fiesta where I ate the other day, and continue down toward the river.

I look at a open bright cafe a few blocks down from the office, and guess who I see?

Not Buffy, but that would be a good one though.

It is Harmony from yesterday. We exchange a little conversation, I guess you would call it "Ruslish" a combo of Russian and English. I soon realize that she speaks good English, like a 3 on a 1 to 5 scale.

She invites me to sit down. She is with a friend. I say I do not want to bother her. But after she asks for the 5th time I say OK.

I sit down and quickly order. I am hungry, since I have not eaten since breakfast. I get chicken shaslik and french fries. Harmony and her friend, Yelena, are sharing a salad and french fries. They are drinking beer, and I have to admit right about now I need a beer. So I get one.

The two of them spent the day with Yelenas' mother looking for a wedding dress since she is getting married in August. Harmony will be her "best woman" so she was also trying on dresses. I describe it as "girl stuff" and state that I am sure it was fun. She laughed and agreed, sharing the fact that they spent most of the day crying out of happiness.

Soon Yelena is on the phone with sms text messages from her soon to be husband. He is on his way here. A funny looking taxi, like a minitruck with a sealed hard top, pulls up and it is him.

Yelena goes out to the taxi and returns a few minutes later with her man named Sergi.

Sergi is quite funny. We spend another hour or so at the cafe, it is called Boulevard Cafe. The food was OK, but the best chicken shaslik so far is at "Polit Buroe" the other day.

I was surprised when the waitress brought the check and gave it to Yelena and not me, and she quickly paid. I protested, "Dun Nyet" (this is how to contradict something) but she insisted and never gave me a chance. I thanked her many times. Harmony said that this is the way things are here, since I am the visitor, it is their treat.

Harmony says she wants to go for a walk, but needs to get a jacket. Her flat is only 5 minutes away so we walk there. I am surprised to see the taxi there too. Yelena stopped there to borrow some videos. One was "Sin city". Is that even on video in America yet?

Harmony insisted I come inside, much to the surprise of her Mom and Dad. Mom seemed very surprised and flustered, and I had to wait to meet Dad since he had no pants on when we walked in.

I am sure Harmony got an earful later from Mom.

She took me on a very nice walk. We went to the bridge that crosses the railroad tracks. I have never went over the bridge.

If you are facing Alya Slava park with the government building across the street (Lenin) to your back, the internet cafe is to your left, Cindy agency is straight ahead, and the gym is to your right. But when you reach the bridge you turn left and go straight for 10 minutes to hit the gym.

Harmony said we would get to a statue of Lenin soon, after crossing the bridge, sounds cool. She shows me many things.

Right after the bridge there is a road to the Cossack Island and museum. There is a Mc Donalds' (of course) with a 24 hour drive through. Then a theatre dedicated to a writer named "Gleenka", if I remember correctly, a statue of him is outside it. Soon the tall buildings light up with nice looking green and rose colored spotlights. The city looks great at night.

The statue of Lenin is quite impressive. And of course I do not have my camera. I will have to come back here. There is a nice walking park here and it over looks the port, also named after Lenin. It took like 25 minutes to get here from the cafe.

We begin to walk back. Harmony talks more and more in English, she says she is scared to do so, but she does great. We enjoy the walk and company. Soon we come to the other side of the bridge. She has to leave at 5am in the morning for work, so we say good night here. I am glad I sat to have dinner with her. It was a great night.

I walk home and I am in bed around 11pm.[/font]

[groovlstk]

[font="verdana, arial, helvetica"]
Buffy kept the sheet of paper I had my address written on from our first date. I carry one for the taxi drivers.[/font]

Scott, not to interrupt your fine report, but this is the sort of tip that's worth its weight in gold for someone making their first trip to an FSU country. You ought to keep a log of things like this that you've learned over the course of your many trips. I got lost on my first night in Dnepr, very very late, and I had the addy of my flat written on a piece of paper--in English, which was useless. I found a taxi idling outside a restaurant and the driver couldn't help me. Had I had the foresite to print it in Cyrillic, I might have saved myself some agita that night.

[stoichman]

June 15

I am up fairly early.  Around 9am.  I eat breakfast and decide to get to the gym before noon. 

While getting my stuff together for the gym I realize that I have the wrong member card.  Not because I can read my name on it or anything, but because it has the wrong days of the week at the top.  I hope this will not be a problem.  I did not pick up the wrong card, the desk worker handed me the wrong one on my way out last time.  I did not bother to look at it. 

I get to the gym and the guy that helped me first get signed up is there.  I begin to describe my problem, but he already knows what is going on.  As I hand him the member card I have I try to explain that it is wrong.  He pulls out a bag with some member cards and hands mine to me.  Wow, he is right on top of things.

I get home around 1pm and Buffy does call.  She says she will be at my flat in one hour.  I repeat, with some unnoticed and probably wasted sarcasm, "one hour?".

I take a shower and wait.  And wait, and about 2.5 hours late Buffy calls and says to come outside.

We begin to go far a walk, but I say I am hungry so we go to the cafe right by my flat Polit Buroe.  I ate the same thing I had there the other day and Buffy had some kind of salad.  Once again great food, the best here so far.  She has never been here and she also enjoyed the decor and many of the jokes found in the menu.

We talked quite a bit and she explained that the company that arrived from Kiev came without notice.  They are cousins or sisters, of her mother.  (it got lost in translation which it was)  Buffy went on to explain that she was late today because she took them to the train station to see them off.  I got no phone call because she has no money for her cell, and her flat has no phone.  (both confirmed by the agency) OK, I will buy it for now.

I point out that our last date was a week ago.  She did not think so, but I soon convinced her of this.  I asked her why this happen.  She reminded me that I met other girls.  OK, I will take the hit for those first 3 nights, and then?  She simply stated that she had some kind of problem at home.  I asked if she could describe it to me.  She said it was not possible.

So I left well enough alone.  I decided to to go with my gut feeling, as well as other parts of my body.  This is the first girl I am truly motivated to be with, or pursue in any fashion since the last girl I did a visa for back in 2002.

She explained in vivid detail how she was mad when I told her I was meeting other girls.  She went on to ask about 15 questions about them after this statement.   

We went for a walk after dinner.  And sure enough, it begins to rain.  I ask her if she wants to go back to my flat and watch DVDs since it is raining.  I have about 6 movies in both Russian and English.  She says it is only our second date and she will not go to my flat.  This is said with a grin, or a smirk, not sure which it was.  We continue for a little further and then she asks for a taxi.  It is raining fairly steady now.

I explain to her I want to see the Cossack Island with the museum.  She says OK and we will do this tomorrow.  We decide on 10am and we will meet at my flat.  I put her in taxi and send her home.

I go home and change clothes so I can go to the internet cafe.  It is always hot in there, so I put on shorts and a t-shirt.

I return to my flat after 10pm.  Remember how I have been pointing out my bad luck?  Well the top lock on the door would not open, it is broken..

I reach for my cell phone to only discover that I have no credit left on it.  I can not call anyone.

I run out to Lenin Street and all of the cell phone places are closed.  Even if I wanted to go to either office, they are both closed since it is after 10pm.

Lets' recap my situation.
*can not get in my flat.
*wearing shorts, sandals, and t-shirt
*cell phone with no credit on it, will only receive calls.
*about $20 on me
*offices are closed
*cell phone stores are closed
*no idea how to work local pay phones

I have an idea.  The night of my arrival I had to use the rest room so we stopped at a cafe before they took me to buy groceries.   And on my walks to the gym I realized it is right on Lenin and close to my flat, near the Irish Pub.  Irina talked to one of the older employees and seemed to know her well.  Maybe she will remember me and help me call Irina.

I get to the cafe, no one is outside so I have to go inside.  The door is propped open.  I ask one of the waitresses if anyone else is working.

I hear a loud racket outside.  A real loud cluttering.  So I spin to look outside. 

Glowing in the spotlight of the cafe sign there is a babushka, she had dropped her bucket.  She propped herself with her mop as she picked up the bucket.  Maybe everything will be OK, nothing bad can happen here.

I turned around to see the lady I need to find.  She smiled at me, so I assume she remembered.  She spoke no English at all.  So I did the best I could.

I asked her about Irina.  She knows who I am talking about.  Irina is her daughter.  (I thought they looked chummy)  I told her that my "klutch ne raboutit" or "key does not work." and "menya nada Irina" or I need Irina.

Mom gets piece of paper and starts to write down her cell number but I hold up my cell phone and state "Toja ne raboutit" or "also does not work."

We go into the kitchen and Mom calls Irina on the land line and I talk to Irina.  The first thing she asks me is......

"Did you use your finger on the lock?" 

I hung my head in shame, and began to make little circles on the tile floor in the cafe kitchen with the toe of my sandal.

I said "Yes."   And you are correct in thinking that I must explain.

You see when you rent a flat over here you are obligated to attend a 15 minute training on the use of the doors and keys to your flat.  They really are nothing like the ones over in America. 

Irina warned me not to finger the top lock.  It has a long key with deep teeth and you do not turn it, you simply shove it in.  It pulls the two bolts back and after the door shuts you release pressure on the key and the bolts snap in place locking it.  When you open the door you shove the key in and it pulls the bolts back again opening the lock.

I found it easier to simply hold the bolts back with my finger and gently close the door allowing the bolts to snap in place.  At the time I saw no difference, now I do.

Irina had no idea what to do.  I was told to go into "time out" until I was called again to the phone.  I sat in the corner and waited for a call.

The first call, 20 minutes later, was from Irina and she asked if I had my papers and money.  I said I had no passport on me, and only $20.  She wanted me to get a motel room for the night.  So that would not work.

The next call came about 15 minutes later and it was Svetlana.  She said it was too late to get a worker for the door, and we would have to wait until tomorrow.  I was going to sleep at her flat.  I never in a million years thought I would be sleeping at an interprets' flat tonight.  It is always an adventure here.

The next call came in 12 minutes and it was a directive to go outside and get in the taxi.  Mom came out with me and I thanked her many times.

As I got in the taxi I thought to myself, "That pee I had to take one week ago today was the luckiest one in my life."

I had no idea where I was going, and sad to say neither did the taxi driver.  He had to stop and get out the map like 3 times.  It is after 11pm now and we are behind a bowling alley.

Soon I see Svetlana walk up to the taxi.  I pay the taxi driver and we walk up to her flat.  I also receive a speech about giving the lock the finger from Svetlana.  In fact the first thing we do when inside is practice how to not finger the top lock on her door.  She makes me practice three times.  I still fail to see the difference, but I feel much more prepared to use the key now instead.

I sleep on the couch which pulls out to a bed.  I thank Svetlana many times.  This is truly over and beyond the call of duty.

I try to doze off, but I worry.  I worry about my stuff in the flat.  I worry about the door.  They tell me they may have to replace it, since they will have to break in.  I know I will be asked to pay for it.  I also worry about Buffy, and being late myself at 10am. 

Stupid finger.        

[Bruce]

Just when I thought things might be picking up for you........  Unexpected events just sometimes happen out of the blue in the FSU to throw we Americans for a loop.    Chances are everything is fine inside your apartment and a local handyman will get the door open without much of a problem tomorrow morning. 

Make sure Buffy comes to your apartment after your next date.  You should get some favorable physical response from her.  If you do not do not waste any more time with her.  All indications based upon what you wrote is that she does like you so far and was just playing a bit of hard to get to see how into her you were.  Girls like a bit of a chase.  Not showing enough interest in her turned her off a bit. 

I think it would be wise for you to call Buffy tomorrow morning and let her know what is going on.  Keep your date with her no matter what - even if the two of you are waiting for your apartment to get opened.  Hang outside / talk etc. until the handyman gets things fixed, then take it from there.  Or, just hang out with her until things are fixed etc. and go back to your place.

Good luck!

[stoichman]

June 16

I wake up around 6am since I am not sleeping well.  It is fairly light out already so I manage to find the bathroom.  I try to catch a few more zzzzzs but before I know it Svetlana peaks her head around the door and says, "Skot, get up!"

Getting dressed is not too hard, I have only one option.  What I wore the night before.  So I am ready in a jiffy.  

Svetlana asks if I want to stop somewhere to eat.  But all I really want to do is get back to my flat and get in.  I also do not want to be late for Buffy at 10am.

We walk outside and Svetlana insists we take a bus, and not a taxi.  I give in and we get on a bus.  We walk all the way to the back and sit down.  I rode the buses in Kherson to the beach, and this is not too much different.  Each bus has two workers, one driver and one that handles the money.

I was not sure what to pay on the way in, so when we sat down Svetlana handed one grevna (Ukraine dollar of sorts) and said "Dva" (or two) to the man directly in front of us.  The money was passed to each person in succession, from row to row, with the message of "dva" until it reached the money taker in front.  Pretty cool.

Four minutes later Svetlana turns to me and says, "Wrong bus."  OK, we are off to a great start.  We stand up and work our way to the front.

We get off the bus and Svetlana points to a cafe and says, "maybe we stop to eat."  Once again I give in.

I have a coke (breakfast of champions), she has tea, and we both have fruit salads.  She trys to call Buffy, but no one answers.  We may be late.

I pay for breakfast and this time I insist on a taxi.  So we get a taxi and we get to my flat around 5 after ten.

No Buffy, no surprise.

But I did get a surprise, the cleaning lady is the owner.  The same lady that did my laundry on Sunday is there with a Mr. Fix It dude.

Mr. Fix It thinks he can get it open without ruining the door, good news for me since I will most likely get stuck with the bill.

You see, I also have experience in this.  Back in the summer of 2002 in Sevastopol on trip number three I rented a flat to spend time with Lena before I left.  When I rented the place I did not know that the water would be turned off from 10am to 5pm and I also did not know that the hot water required a ritual to obtain.

The ritual was as follows:  Walk from the south and stop 10 feet in front of the hot water tank in the kitchen, open the east window, pray to Ali out the east window, light a match and say three Hail Marys as you walk the last 10 feet.  Kneel in front of the hot water tank with only your right knee touching the ground, insert match in the third opening from the left on the bottom of the tank, turn the red dial 5/8 of a turn to the left, when you hear a "poof" turn away, and run like hell.

Well, as least that is what it seemed like to me.  A lot of work for hot water in any case.

I did something wrong on August 3, 2002 to that same water tank.  There was a slight, well...OK a huge explosion and I was out like $30 the next day.

Back to the present, Mr. Fix It hauls out a hammer and large chisel and begins to knock away at the wall right next to the lock that had been fingered.  This noise makes quite a racket, and it calls out like a beacon, to all the babushkas in the whole building.

Soon they begin to stop at our little hallway to my flat door.  And ask what is going on.  Mr. Fix It, the owner, Svetlana, and the babushkas talk in Russian.  I do not understand it all, but this is what I imagined it to be.

BABUSHKA: "What is going on here?"
OWNER: : "The American fingered the lock."
MR. FIX IT: "Da, fingered the lock."
BABUSHKA: "Tisk, tisk, tisk, did he not know better?"
SVETLANA: "I warned him, he did not listen, easier with the finger."
BABUSHKA: "Always the easier with those Americans.
MR. FIX IT: "Da, fingered the lock."

I just listened and looked very ashamed.

After 6 babushkas the door was open.  It cost me $5 and all of my stuff was OK.  I felt much better.

So remember this my friends; the penalty for fingering the lock is public humiliation and $5 in Ukraine.

Actually the owner tried to make me feel better, and told me it is OK.  She is actually a lot of fun, and made many jokes.

Buffy calls at 10:30 to tell me she will be late.  At least she called.  she said she will be here at 11:30.  That gives me time to get a shower.

I need to shave so I run into the kitchen to get a fork.  I poke the nozzle hole of my shaving cream can with the fork and the shaving cream starts to fly everywhere.  Green gel is seen on the white wall tile and soon sprays on the mirror.  I can not stop the stream, and it continues to spray out and does not stop.  Soon the can is empty.  I calmly throw the can away and use the gel that landed on the mirror to shave.

I may have won the battle with the shaving cream the other day, but it appears I have lost the battle.

I take a shower and she is here at noon.  Not bad, she called to say she would be late, and was only 30 minutes late from that rescheduled time.

Buffy has a taxi downstairs and we are on our way.  I want to go to the Cossack island and see the museum.  Buffy is a little confused, and thinks the museum may be closed.  I see the Lenin statue and tell her I want to take a photo.  We pull over and discuss if the taxi will wait or not.  I say I want to walk so we ask the taxi for the cost so far. 

I thought I heard fifteen grevna, but it was fifty grevna.  I was floored.  No way.  I give him the fifty, and get out with thoughts of my "taxi queen" from last year (see trip report) in my mind.

I was pissed and asked her about it.  Buffy said he had to wait for her 20 minutes while she got ready.  Maybe he charged her for that.  I said he probably heard me speaking English and jacked the price up. 

From what I have experienced so far here, the ride for Buffy to my flat and the ride to the Lenin statue should have been no more than 30 grevna, or $6.  I guess if he charged 1 grevna a minute to wait it could be 50, but it is my hope he gets no work for the rest of the day.

Buffy said the taxi driver wanted to drive us all day to the Cossack island and such.  He gave her his cell number.  I told her she will not need the number.

I take a photo of the Lenin statue and then we walk by the river for like 20 minutes.  I explain to her again that I read all about the museum on the island and I want to go.  So we walk up to the park again and we get a different taxi.

On the way to the island we drove over the hydroelectric dam.  The road goes right on the dam.  It is pretty impressive.  I guess it took 5 years to build it.

On the way there I remind Buffy I am to leave tomorrow.  She looks shocked and hurt.  I am supposed to be in Dnep. tomorrow.  Buffy says she does not want me to go.  I say I will stay if she wants me to.  She says that is what she wants.

Now this taxi driver was cool.  He knew exactly where to go.  In fact he walked us right up to the door of the museum and showed us the panoramic view from the top of it also.  It looks over the dam and river.

The museum was cool.  Buffy liked it too.  It had about five different panoramic views inside where there are real artifacts in the front and it blends into a painting on the wall.  Really cool.  Most were from battles fought here, and one was of the building of the dam.  A lot of the signs had English on them too.  Buffy asked a lot of questions of the workers, I could tell she liked it.   Buffy said she may have been here as a child, but liked it much more now.  Some of the stuff was really old, like 2000 B.C. even.  They even had some viking style boats they pulled up from the bottom of the river.  The name of the island is Khortitsa from what I read.

We asked the good taxi driver to wait.  From here we go to the river cafe area, the Santa Fe place I ate at before.  The taxi driver takes us there.  He drove us to the island, 25 minutes, waited for us, at least 35 minutes, and drove us to the cafe, 20 minutes, and the cost?  25 grevna, or $5.

Now Buffy is pissed.  She agrees the other taxi driver is bad, and she will call to tell him.

We eat at the cafe next to Santa Fe.  I wanted to try a different one.  The food was OK, not among the best here, but still good.  More pork and potatoes for me.  We had one beer each too besides our other drinks so the tab was $26.

I wanted to ask a few more serious questions so I brought up the children-career questions I asked on our first date.

The first thing Buffy does is remind me I asked that already.  But I explain that I want to make sure I got her answer right.  And I am glad I did, she did not understand the first time. 

She does agree with we about the need for children to be with their mother.  She said she would really want to be with her children until they are about 4 years old.  Cool, I was hoping there was a mistake before.

Buffy asks if that is possible with me, for my wife to be able to not work.  I told her yes.

At this point I feel OK with extending my stay here.  I wish this third date took place a week ago, (like it should have) but what is done is done.  And I need to decide today if I am staying in this town longer. 
 
So I want to set up one more safety net, if I am to stay.  I ask her to please tell me, if and when it happens, the very minute she decides that I am not the man for her.

Buffy tells me she is always very direct.  I feel good with this since we already had the honesty talk on date two.

We leave the cafe and quess who is parked there.  The taxi driver that charged us too much.  Buffy walks right up to him.  It appears she gave him an earful and walked off in a huff.

We walk back to my flat area.  This is the nice walk through the "alley of love."  The one that goes by the plane statue.

When we come to Alya Slava she says she must go soon to a birthday party.  Her family is in Italy:  Mom, Dad, and brother.  But the sister in law and nephew are here in town still until the paperwork gets done.  The birthday party is for the nephew.

She asks me to call her at 7pm.  I state that I will.  We talk about going bowling tomorrow.  I mentioned bowling back on date two, but we could not go then.  Buffy said she could not go bowling in the short shirt she was wearing that day.  Oh really?  I did not notice the short skirt.

I tell het that sounds good.  I walk back to my flat and I am in for a surprise. 

I have to go through 3 doors to get in my flat.  There is one outside with a number code lock, no key.  The second door has one lock with one key and opens to a common hallway with two flats, mine and one other.  The third door has two locks, and two keys, and this is one that broke.

But now I can not get in the second door.  It will not open!  Oh my God!!!!!

I try for like five minutes.  I go outside to make sure I am in the right building.  I run back in and try again several times.  I am about to call Svetlana and before I do the door opens.

The owner is there.  She is cleaning and locked the second door in such a way that even if you have the key you can not get it.  She laughs a bit and convinces me all is OK.  Did she play a joke on me?

I call Athena and extend my stay in this city for 5 more days.  I plan to see Buffy every day, and I hope it leads somewhere.  Or that at least it becomes clear what I should do.  I know that if I leave I will regret it.  As I said before I have not been this motivated in years.

I call Buffy at 7pm, but she will be at the party much longer.  I guess we were not getting together again tonight, she just wanted me to call her. 

I tell her "spakoni noche" or "good night."

And the same to all of you. 
   

[groovlstk]

Scott, I don't want to alarm you, but if you go to Dnepr the flat you're staying in also has a tricky lock. I sometimes had to turn the key a dozen times before the tumblers would move. Just FYI, but I hope this doesn't become a recurring theme during your trip

[anono]

I did something wrong on August 3, 2002 to that same water tank.  There was a slight, well...OK a huge explosion and I was out like $30 the next day

so you are the one that did this...LOL!  i heard about this from andrew when he was showing me a flat in dneper...

about buffy..  scott, i thought this before and i am still thinking it. this lady does not show a lot of desire to spend time with you. you come half way around the world and she would rather stay at a birthday party than spend time with you. i wonder if she would have done this had you not volunteered to stay longer. she is taking advantage of your time. this is not the only example, we spoke about her no shows on the phone. i have never had a lady do this to me and it just shows a lack of respect. she must be hot because she sure is using it to her advantage. i just do not think this lady would be a good wife. i would seriously rethink this. try and not think about the way she looks, think about the way she treats you. we all beat up on doug for larisa's lack of affection, but at least she was spending time with him...think about it....  you are getting even less from buffy...

on another note. i never use shaving cream. i just lather up my face with whatever soap i am using...  is there something i should know?:dude:

 

[stoichman]

June 17

I wake up, eat breakfast, and once again decide to let Buffy call me.  I leave for the gym and she calls while I am there.

She wants to go bowling.  I told her to meet me at my flat around 3pm.  She agrees and I finish my work out. 

I get home, take a shower, get ready, and oddly enough she is only 20 minutes late.

But as always, there is a surprise.  I see the taxi pull up from my flat window.  There is a little guy in the front seat.  I quickly deduct that it is the nephew.

She walks up to my flat and rings the bell, I let her in and I sit to put on my shoes.  Buffy asks me if it is alright that she brought him.  I say it is not a problem. 

Well, what do you guys think?  She brings her 12 year old nephew on our bowling date unannounced.  Is this a good sign?  A bad sign?  Is she testing me again?  To see how I act around kids?  Or am I being used?

As soon as we are in the taxi Buffy says, "I am glad you are staying."  This would be the highlight of my day.

We will call the nephew Spike.  He is a great kid.  We go straight to the bowling alley.  We sit to have drinks first and then we begin to get our shoes and such.

It turns out that both Buffy and Spike have never bowled before.  The lanes are the same as I have seen in every city here, Brunswick stuff.  You pay by the hour and not the game.  All together it cost about $20 for bowling and drinks.

After we decide to go to the river cafes again, by Santa Fe.  We eat at a different one again.  We try to sit at Santa Fe, but there is no where to sit in the shade.  (or shadow, as they say here)

I am curious, so I ask about Willow.  And my instincts were right.  Willow is out of town again.  Am I a stand in until Willow returns?

Buffy asks if I still get calls from the other girls.  I say no, since I did not give out my number to anyone other than her and Harmony.  But I do tell her that the agency calls and tells me about the girls that want to meet me.

After we eat we go for another walk, a real long one.  We walk back from the river cafes all the way to my flat, and then we turn towards the internet cafe.  But we go past the internet cafe and walk all the way to the main new shopping center here called "Ukriena".  This is where I was supposed to meet the one lady from Cindy Agency twice, but it never happen.

Buffy says she has to go and get Spike home to his Mom.  So I put them in a taxi.  Buffy is a little miffed that I do not get in.  I tell her that I want to walk home.  She asks about tomorrow, and I tell her I want to see her.  So she says that we can call each other.  She get in the taxi looking perplexed.

I am confused again.  It is not progressing the way I would like it to.  I am partly at fault since I have not tried to implement any affection other than hand holding and kisses good bye.  But there really has not been much of a chance either.  I wish there was more from her end though.

No other red flags.  No expensive anything.  She has not asked for anything.  And once I stopped seeing other girls I have seen her every day.  But what will happen when Willow returns?

But after 4 dates maybe I am looking too hard at this too soon. 

When a Ukrainian girl likes you, you will know it.  This is the thought in my head as I walk home.  What have I gotten myself into this time?

I get home and Harmony sends me a text message.  I decide to call her back.  She is still away on business.  She will be home on Monday and she says that she will call me then.

After a trip to the internet cafe I am in bed around midnight.

[Goombah]

Stoich -

I suspect Buffy expected you to join her, take her nephew home, and then continue your date...

Kevin

[anono]

scott, just being the devils advocate.. this lady does not respect your time. she was 3 hour late for a meeting or was that one she never showed. i would not let a woman get away with that. she did this repeatedly. it shows a lack of respect and consideration. what do you think she would have done if you made her wait three hours? first, she would not have let it happen. you should have put your foot down, i do not care about her excuse "you are seeing other women".

you should be more lover than provider. a provider lets a woman walk all over him, i do think this woman has interest, but she is not respecting your time.  i would never let a woman get away with making me wait more than 20-30 minutes, let alone three hours. she doies this on a regular basis, it is not a one time "i had problems" situation.

put your foot down. tell her you are staying to be with her, but if she is going to take advantage of you and not respect your meeting times, you will leave. after all, you are in ukraine and there are a lot of other women.

this thing about her nephew, well, i had the same thing happen. i buy tickets to the movie with a lady and suddenly she asks if her little sister can come. of course i say OK. was the woman sincerely interested in me? as it turned out, she was a professional dater.

i think a lady who wants to spend time with you is NOT going to bring a child along, especially after all of these mix ups and birthday parties and everything else. you seem to be the last person on her priority list...

try and think objectively scott, i know it's not easy.

[Albert]

Scott, we are certainly quite different.  When a gal dicked around with me (See part 3 of my trip report), I dropped her within 3 minutes.

 

[stoichman]

June 18

The gym does not open until noon today so I go to the internet cafe before the gym.

I am tracking my package and it is stuck in customs.  I had my house sitter mail my old contact lenses using over night mail and it has been 5 days so far, they are stuck in Kiev.  They are asking for phone numbers of the place they are being delivered so I email the phone number for Athena.

I call Svetlana and she says she has heard nothing about the package, but that she will try calling the local Fed Ex office.  But there is a holiday this weekend and they may not be open.  The Athena office will be closed today and Monday as well.  So the earliest I can get my package is Tuesday.  Wonderful.

I go to the gym and I call Buffy from there.  She says to call her tonight. 

I finish my work out, go home, shower and go for a walk before I call Buffy back at 6pm.  She will not see me tonight.

Well I am pissed.  I remind her that if she does not like me she should just tell me instead of wasting my time. 

She says she does like me.  She asks why I think she does not.

I explain to her that the only reason I agreed to stay longer in this city was because of her and I now I will spend the entire day alone.

She says it is only one day and she wants to spend time with her cousin that she lives with.  Her cousin has complained that she is always gone.

I tell her again if she does not want to be with me just tell me, don't waste my time.  Once again she says she likes me and asks why I think she does not.

I bring up that I have been here many times before and I point out that she does not act like a Ukrainian girl that likes a man.  She does not kiss me or touch me in a way that suggests she likes me.

Buffy says that after 3 dates she can not do this.  (It is actually 4, but who is counting?)

Then she says she just wants to stay home tonight, she has a headache.  Oh my God!!!!!!!

I tell her to call me tomorrow, if she wants.  She reminds me that she has no money on her cell phone and no flat phone.  She asks me to call her.

I say good bye and hang up.

Well isn't this special?

I go to Polit Buroe to eat alone.  The waitresses are in Ukrainian school girl outfits.  Black short skirts, white puffy shirts, white knee high stockings, black shoes, and huge white bows in their hair which are often bigger than their heads.  I guess they wear these for graduation and such.  But not even this cheers me up.

So what do scientists turn to when upset?  Science.  I begin to flesh out a hypothesis that I hope will become a theory.  I have been working on it for a while.  I will share it with you tomorrow.  It looks like I will have a lot of free time on my hands.  The agencies will not be open until Tuesday even if I wanted to meet someone new.

[Bruno]

It is holliday in Ukraine... so people don't work and agency too... this mean a lot of women in the street... hunt... hunt... hunt... why think only about agency who have give you no result until now... the right woman don't come in a Fed-ex package ... you need to search her actively...

[jb]

Scott,

It's just my opinion but it appears to me you are being led by the nose.

No woman, no matter how pretty she is, is worth puttin' up with, to the extent you have discribed here.  Just think, if you married this woman, you'd be in for a lifetime of this sort of disrespect.  No kisses by the third or forth date equals no interest in the future on her part.

Sorry to say, but it looks like your ninth trip is turning out to be a big fat zero.  

[Photo Guy]

Scott,
It doesn't look like the two of you have good chemistry, but only you can judge that. Some women are slow starters, shy, or modest. You can tell if a woman is interested in you by looking at other signals, like her body langauge and how she looks at you, speaks with you. A friend of mine married a modest woman from Russia. It was a number of dates before she held hands with him. Presently, the two of them are very affectionate and in newlywed bliss. So that's one tangible example of a couple that started slow, in terms of affection.

jb wrote: 'Sorry to say, but it looks like your ninth trip is turning out to be a big fat zero.'

I'm sorry, but I don't see the value in a statement like that.
Would that be considered 'tough love' or the 'clue bat'?  Doug

[Turboguy]

It just sorta seems to me that when you find the right one, it feels right.  I really can't see from the runaround you are getting that it would feel right to you.  I think you like her a lot and I think she must be a doll, but does it really feel right to you?

[BC]

[user=134]Photo Guy[/user] wrote:

jb wrote: 'Sorry to say, but it looks like your ninth trip is turning out to be a big fat zero.'

I'm sorry, but I don't see the value in a statement like that.
Would that be considered 'tough love' or the 'clue bat'?  Doug

jb probably has had past experiences like I and countless others have had -> If you feel like you are chasing a woman then you are doing exactly that.. and you will never will catch up with her.

Funny how so many think RW are different.. Cats have fun killing a mouse.. It's rare that the mouse is eaten. Just guess who is cat and who is mouse around here..

[jb]

I really don't care what anybody thinks.

Newbies are in a class of their own, even with one trip under the belt, they are still unexposed.  As Leslie said, "Until you've been in a relationship with a RW for a year, you have no idea what you are talking about".  Truer words were never spoken.  After nine trips there is still not a  one year relationship here.  He is still in a newbie status with a girl he doesn't know past three dates.

You guys can hammer at it til the cows come home, I never promised you I'd say things that made you feel good, in fact, I told you all, early on, that I'd probably say things which would irritate you.  But I also told you I wouldn't lie to you, nor will I blow smoke up your dress.  Sometimes the truth hurts.

In this case, I think our boy is in over his head, he's dating a girl who isn't all that interested and she's giving him all the signals.  He just hasn't been able to read the handwriting on the wall yet.

[jb]

I'm sorry, but I don't see the value in a statement like that. Would that be considered 'tough love' or the 'clue bat'? Doug

Doug, it's called,,, "you have no idea of what you are talking about".  You do not have a relationship to brag about, do not hold what you have up as a shinning example of "how to do it".  IMHO, you are about to bitten on the ass by the cold hard facts of life, not a good place to be giving advice from.

[Donna_Pedro]

And this is the 9th trip? Oh my... Nobody wants to admit it, but for those guys who have been in FSU over 3 times for the purpose of finding a wife  and still come back with no relationship  - look for the reason in yourselves. Buffy is a typical representative of a landfill girl -  she humiliates herself infront of a man, nearly begging him not to meet others. A lot of wasted time and money. What a pity.

[Photo Guy]

I'm sorry, but I don't see the value in a statement like that. Would that be considered 'tough love' or the 'clue bat'? Doug

Doug, it's called,,, "you have no idea of what you are talking about".  You do not have a relationship to brag about, do not hold what you have up as a shinning example of "how to do it".  IMHO, you are about to bitten on the ass by the cold hard facts of life, not a good place to be giving advice from.[/quote]

First of all, who's bragging about a relationship? And what kind of person would 'brag' about a relationship? My friend and his Russian wife are not me. Also, did you read the RW's comment about another RW: . 'Buffy is a typical representative of a landfill girl -  she humiliates herself in front of a man, nearly begging him not to meet others.'  jb, what does that statement tell you about RW?
jb, why take your perspective seriously, when we can get the perspective of an actual RW? Just something to think about. Also, if I do fail, does that neutralize my opinions? ...and if your shining example of a relationship was flawed, would you tell us?
I doubt it.  Doug

 

[Photo Guy]

Donna,
You are right.

[Donna_Pedro]

I thought me and jb were on the same wave?