All Good Things Come to an End

[I/O]

I/O

How about an update on your darts and laurels of wedded bliss to a RW? Anymore learning curves?

  Lots of darts...!!! Learning curves? It is one big learning curve and I suspect that will continue forever. What to say? She has settled happily in to Advanced English studies and that has brought a few interesting matters to light in and of itself. Most notably, the differences between the Russian and our learning/teaching styles. She misses the "learn by rote" technique and has struggled a little adjusting to the "make your own way" style of learning. The important thing is that she CAN see the difference and is prepared to embrace that difference.

Road rules are now being studied and her car sits waiting the day she can "legally" drive it. I'm kinda hoping that day never comes in a way, but I suspect it is not far away. Not sure my nerve ends will handle it too well, not to mention the other road users.

The lad is settled in kindergarden and is pretty much happy there. He has that Russian ability to charm..............go figure.

I have been insistent she calls family and or friends back in Russia every day. I think that has been a major help thus far. I do believe the modern age of communications, internet and so forth has made it somewhat easier on these girls. (If that is possible) I really feel for those who came into this process before that time.

I suspect the most difficult times are yet to come, however we'll cross those bridges (Hopefully) when we come to them.

I/O

[KenC]

I/O,
Just get yourself some rolls of foam and lots of duct tape and wrap that car in a cocoon of protection because I guarantee she will be running into things with it on occasion.  I hope you had the sense to buy her something left over from the Demolition Derby and nothing of value!
 
KenC (Been there done that)

[I/O]

I/O,
Just get yourself some rolls of foam and lots of duct tape and wrap that car in a cocoon of protection because I guarantee she will be running into things with it on occasion.  I hope you had the sense to buy her something left over from the Demolition Derby and nothing of value!
 
KenC (Been there done that)

KenC: You're tellin' me nothing...!!!! My personal car still bares a minor scar from her first visit here way back when. (My nerves bare some major scars) Gawd I've done some stupid things in this caper. :selfharm: :selfharm:

My city has, on average, arguably, the worst drivers anywhere in this country and perhaps beyond. I doubt Russianising the traffic here is likely to improve the average standard one iota. I haven't even discussed the matter with my insurers yet.

I/O

[Faux Pas]

I/O

Well it sounds as things are working out quite nicely then (tongue in cheek) LOL.... actually you do sound like a like things are settling quite well and adjusting to married life. You're already complaining about the things you can't do anything about :selfharm: Thats a happily married man if I ever saw one. Keep us posted, as good as this thread has been, I sense it's only getting better

[I/O]

I/O

You're already complaining about the things you can't do anything about

Fauz Pas, you do actually raise a very good point here. I see no point in complaining about the things one CAN do something about, makes a whole lot more sense to simply fix the problem.

What I have learned about my wife over recent months include at least, but not limited to  the following, a domestic Goddess she is not, (Although capable) a stunning women, (IMO yes) patient, (Sometimes) tough, (Yes she has well proven that) a tad crazy, (Yes, she married me) powerfully strong, (She left the homeland she loves so much...enough said), a challenging partner, (Absolutely) Russian, ohhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaah she IS Russian.

I/O

[I/O]

6 months of marriage to a Russian woman ticked by today.........what have I learned? Skype is a great innovation.

I/O

[AnastassiaAsh]

I/O, are you sure you put commas in right places? 

Maybe you meant -

a domestic Goddess she is not (Although capable),
a stunning women (IMO yes),
patient (Sometimes),
tough (Yes she has well proven that),
a tad crazy (Yes, she married me),
powerfully strong (She left the homeland she loves so much...enough said),
a challenging partner (Absolutely),
Russian, ohhhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaah she IS Russian.


Your words in brackets belong to the previous comment...Is that right?

Talking about change of meaning... 

Also, I will show some courage and say that VERY MANY men on this board don't know the difference between it's and its. They always put apostrophe there where there shouldn't.

The process and its difficulties. (not it's)

It's hot outside. = It is hot outside.

No offence please. Other than that you are an awesome bunch of American studs!    

[SANDRO43]

I/O, are you sure you put comas in right places? 

The right place for comas is a hospital ICU .

[AnastassiaAsh]

The right place for comas is a hospital ICU .

yeah, and that's why the spell checker didn't catch it.   

[SANDRO43]

yeah, and that's why the spell checker didn't catch it.   

It also cannot catch misplaced it'ss, some members have problems with homophones and parahomophones (advice/advise) .

[ScottinCrimea]

As long as we're on the topic, the one that gets to me the most is when someone says, "I seen" instead of "I have seen" or "I saw".  Then of course there are those who "sight" a reference rather than "cite" it.

I guess we all have our own little language pet peeves.

[I/O]

I/O, are you sure you put commas in right places? 

Anastassia: You are quite correct. I noticed it also, sometime later, too much later to edit.

I/O

[2tallbill]

I was looking at the Title of your post. 

Yep, it seems that I/O got married then just faded away 

I am glad to see you are still here and continuing this post which seems to get more interesting daily, instead of doing a "MacArthur" and simply fading away.

Take care,


Bill

[I/O]

Seeing as it is about a year since I seriously updated this thread, if anyone is interested, a few developments.

1) She drives.   (I'm considering Prozac)

2) She works.   (God knows what is in the cash stash under the bed)

3) She gets up before 10.00 am. (For the most part)

4) We have a fairly constant stream of foreign visitors.  (Bonus)

5) I own 75% of Skype. (Just kidding)

6) Young'un is in school. (And brags to everyone how he "catches" the bus each afternoon)

7) Serious planning is underway for her first trip back home since her final arrival. (6 in the launch party)

I'm 24 pounds lighter than 12 months ago. (Bill, perhaps I am fading away)

9) The house floors are always perfectly clean. (Don't mention tidiness though)

10) The biggest surprise for me has been her development of a taste and sharp eye for good quality antique fine bone china. My mother has been a particularly bad (Or good, depending on how you see it) influence in this respect and jointly they are a particularly bad influence on my hip pocket, although if I dare to comment, I am reminded that she spends "her" money on these collectables.

11) Visiting friends are expected to get out of bed by 7.00 am or so.  (Ironic)

12) The supermarket trolley always has 2 (or more) of everything loaded. (That is a huge change)

There has been so many changes and developments that it would bore the reader but my underlying message is, as always, yes, it is worth it but browsing the pretty pages of websites is not the place to form opinions on whether or not this pursuit is for you. More times than enough you will question your sanity and often reflect on how you are doing as a couple. I've never thought, even from the first time I bumped into my now wife, all that time ago, this was a particularly sane or intelligent pursuit to embark upon. I remain true to that conviction but it is indeed very pleasant, at least for us.

I/O

[Gator]

I/O,

Life is good.  Congratulations!!! 


You did not comment on the pains of adjustment.   In my case, I assert that I made the greatest adjustment.  My daily routine was ingrained by a long life plus seven years without a woman staying in my house for longer than a weekend.  Suddenly my habits had to confront the needs and demands of three 24/7 active Russians. 

The end result after 10 months - my friends say that I seem even happier.  The three Russians?  They are not the least bit interested in returning to Russia for a visit.

I've never thought, even from the first time I bumped into my now wife, all that time ago, this was a particularly sane or intelligent pursuit to embark upon. I remain true to that conviction but it is indeed very pleasant, at least for us.

You are very clever to have realized this fact "...even from the first time I bumped into my now wife..."  It took me a couple of years, thus delaying marriage with its realization.  Yet, when deliberating the alternatives, none compared with marriage.  As with you, "...it is indeed very pleasant..."

[catzenmouse]

Glad to hear things are continuing to go well for all of you I/O!

I continue to learn the "right" way to do things and have to admit that for the most part she is right. Hope you'll grace us with a T/R from your train travel adventure.

Ken

[I/O]

Gator: I guess I am not exactly silently stoic but I am not a habitual whinger either, thus I have tended to pass over your question to an extent, however I did allude to questioning one's own sanity from time to time. Certainly, as with you and IIRC, I pointed out rather bluntly (Surprise surprise) a couple of years ago that it isn't only the ladies in this caper who make huge adjustments. It has taken a long time to regain some semblance of normality in my daily routine. Perhaps that is true for any marriage. In its most simplistic form, I am an early riser which met with continual resistance for quite some time until I eventually left her to her own devices and started going to bed much earlier and rising at normal time (around 5.00 am). Certainly there was some sulking for a while but eventually it has become her suggesting it is time for her to shower  bed at around 9.00 each evening rather than the 1.00 am thing which came with the original package.

I admit to feeling I was pulling in one direction and she was pulling in another on many subjects and I couldn't really see a productive way forward in many areas. Its a given that a divided house will ultimately fall or at very least, two people not cohesively working together will achieve very little. I don't think we are/were abnormal in this respect but I do think the issues were magnified by the age gap factor. It took quite some time to achieve a real breakthrough and it came in the simplest forms when it did. Firstly, I was repainting sections of the yard fence and other oddments around the house. She got somewhat involved and wanted..............My answer, go to the garage, pick up a brush and get some painting clothes on. It was not my direction which made the difference but rather the demonstration at the end of the job as to what two people working together could achieve very quickly.

The next real breakthrough came when I announced (She was waiting and hoping) that we definitely would be going to Russia in June/July and more importantly sat her down with a trip budget laid out. To say she was shocked would be something of an understatement although she was well aware of ticket costs. There were so many other things she hadn't taken into account and yet she had done plenty of travelling herself. Basically, she just had not thought it through. I digress. By wheeling and dealing and making a complete prick of myself over time, I have eventually reduced our ticket cost from about $7500 USD to less than $4500 USD and I am not finished yet. She simply couldn't see that was only half the deal or less. Eventually, we worked through the household budget and I asked her to point out what would be deducted in our absence (About 50%). Then I asked her to cost out living in Russia. Of course we were simply going to live with M&D. Wrong answer and alas she started to get a grip on the whole package. OMG, I/O we can't afford this (Actually we could but I wasn't about to give much ground).

The solution: I handed her $5K, told her to go open another bank account which paid some interest (Good exercise in and of itself) and from there on, I would transfer $150 per week into it and she could contribute what she thought fit. She suggested $100 per week from her salary. The number was/is unimportant but the exercise is invaluable. Suddenly the account has gone from $5K to $9K and we are still months out from this trip. Interestingly, yesterday I was amused by her remark that when this trip is over we should do similar and target something else we both want. Breakthrough...!!! She has "got it". Two people working together can achieve much more than 3 working separately. This is waffle but in essence I think the new guys or newly married guys need to set things up so their wife and they have something similar to this as a joint target to shoot at. Houses and big ticket items are far too distant and abstract. New Russian wives (IMO) and particularly younger ones, need a shared target which is short term achievable.

Ken, Kuna is the man for trip reports and as I understand it, he is travelling around the same time. Nevertheless, I’ll make an effort to enter some notes on my observations.

I/O
   

[2tallbill]

Thanks for sharing

Bill

[catzenmouse]

Excellent points I/O. Something we also struggle with at times and how to more forward collectively. No matter what we say or how we explain things here I suspect that most folks will take the hard road forward in learning about these things.

Ken

[groovlstk]

Glad to hear things are going well, I/O. My wife and I went through (and continue to go through) many of the same issues, it's always heartening to see others who've met the same challenges and come out stronger for it.

[Daveman]

I/O, this is  an excellent thread that I have enjoyed reading from beginning until now, and hopefully it will continue into the future.  Thanks a million for sharing some invaluable tidbits to those of us who are following somewhat similar paths in whatever stages we currently find ourselves. Food for thought as well as food for planning. Congrats on the continued success and best of luck with the work ahead. 

Dave

[I/O]

Almost 2 years since her final permanent arrival and the better part of 3 years since my last visit to Russia, we are now just 3 weeks out from departure. I had quite an update written here but thanks to upload speed or lack thereof, it was lost (twice) thus the short version now.

It will be most interesting for me to observe from the sidelines, a much “older and wiser” woman returning to her motherland. Given all goes to plan, I will be in Russia around 3 weeks and she will be in Russia around 5 weeks. Definitely a stronger and IMO, when I look back at early photos, some of which are up thread, prettier woman who will return to family and friends.

I/O

[Ooooops]

It will be most interesting for me to observe from the sidelines, a much “older and wiser” woman returning to her motherland.

Your wife looks very young.   I'd say late 20's - early 30's.   And there is a pretty big age difference between you two, right?... 

[Gator]

Definitely a stronger and IMO, when I look back at early photos, some of which are up thread, prettier woman who will return to family and friends.

I observed the same in my wife.  She and I have discussed it, and she thinks I am BSing her. 

My theory is that her life is less stressful today than years ago.  This happiness relaxes her beauty lines, plus allows her inner beauty to come out and soften her aura, imparting a luminous glow.  A deeper feeling of love does that as well.

Everyone, even RW beauties, have imperfections, however minute.  I believe if one truly loves his woman, he will not notice imperfections and instead see only her as the person he loves, especially what is special about her.

[Jazzyclassy]

I observed the same in my wife.  She and I have discussed it, and she thinks I am BSing her. 

My theory is that her life is less stressful today than years ago.  This happiness relaxes her beauty lines, plus allows her inner beauty to come out and soften her aura, imparting a luminous glow.  A deeper feeling of love does that as well.

Everyone, even RW beauties, have imperfections, however minute.  I believe if one truly loves his woman, he will not notice imperfections and instead see only her as the person he loves, especially what is special about her.

Awww that is a very sweet thing to say about women I also believe the same