Does routine kill everything :even the most perfect love and marriage?

[IAmZon]

It is not only ROUTINE that is a threat to love. 

I have read several books this year that center on the theme of "How to make love lasts."  It is not easy.  Life brings challenges (illness; unemployment).  Life brings joy (children).  The natural chemistry that causes love bliss does not last more than 24 months.  All of these points tend to create a decrease in passion.

But there are other things too that bring two people closer together, and enables a deeper kind of love to endure.

In the end, the passion of love can only be preserved in the most healthy of relationships where both partners are mature, tolerant, and committed to the same goal.

[Jazzyclassy]

Yes I can agree with you Rivardco, I am thinking that in the contraty routine life together can make people closer , it was just my friend who is married she told me such a thing that routine kills feelings maybe cos she is bored herself and just wanted to scare me or anything , she is now pregnant in 2 months the baby will appear , maybe she just felt like telling me something sad about marriage my best friend though , I do not know, I will see how it will go in my case:) hopefully it will be good

[redsquare]

it all depends on the people in the relationship.  I find routine pretty boring. But those little things, like putting clothes on the floor are not routine, they're just life, and i mean, if you care that much, talk about it or don't bother at all!
it's all about communicaiton, in the end of the day
 

[Turboguy]

My own feelings are that it can go either way.  I won't question the excitement and thrill are gone after a while but I think too there is something where you become used to being together and accept each other as part of your life. 

I was married for 18 years.  It was a miserable marriage but the routine never bothered me.  Life never got boring.   I think you need to stay active and do things together.  I would not take those concerns to seriously Jazzy.

[Jazzyclassy]

Well am not taking little things too serious but I need to be aware of them  anyway:)

I think it will be all great ,

Another thing I noticed about relations, I have an acquaintant he was looking for a girl for a long time, dating several girls but he would not be satisfied with their characters after spending some more time with them and getting to know them better, now he has a nice girl who is caring and nice , though she controls his every action, he is not Brad Pitt though but she apparently is scared to lose him or something , but she calls him every five minutes asking him where is he and what is he doing, such behaviour started to irritate him and also she does not want him to communicate with his female friends without her, so he was thinking that she is so annoying about this matter and realised that he does not watch such a girl though she is all nice cuddly and very good person. He wants to go out all the time and she wants to sit at home most of the time and have a family , I thought that he does not deserve such a girl who is caring and so much oriented on creating the family , so I told him that you know if now when you are 26 you feel that you wanna party and things, it does not mean that at 30 you will suddenly want a family , though he keeps telling that he wants a stable girl , how come he wants a stable girl when he does not want to be faithful enough and to count on his partner's opinion as well while doing things and cooperating where to go for example ?

I think it is already a mentality of such people, they are created to be alone ..... and he did tell that he can not tell for sure if he ever could be faithful till the end to  any partner ..

[2tallbill]

Well am not taking little things too serious but I need to be aware of them  anyway:)

I think it will be all great ,

Another thing I noticed about relations, I have an acquaintant he was looking for a girl for a long time, dating several girls but he would not be satisfied with their characters after spending some more time with them and getting to know them better, now he has a nice girl who is caring and nice , though she controls his every action, he is not Brad Pitt though but she apparently is scared to lose him or something , but she calls him every five minutes asking him where is he and what is he doing, such behaviour started to irritate him and also she does not want him to communicate with his female friends without her, so he was thinking that she is so annoying about this matter and realised that he does not watch such a girl though she is all nice cuddly and very good person. He wants to go out all the time and she wants to sit at home most of the time and have a family , I thought that he does not deserve such a girl who is caring and so much oriented on creating the family , so I told him that you know if now when you are 26 you feel that you wanna party and things, it does not mean that at 30 you will suddenly want a family , though he keeps telling that he wants a stable girl , how come he wants a stable girl when he does not want to be faithful enough and to count on his partner's opinion as well while doing things and cooperating where to go for example ?

I think it is already a mentality of such people, they are created to be alone ..... and he did tell that he can not tell for sure if he ever could be faithful till the end to  any partner ..

IMHO 99% of guys under 30 are NOT ready for marriage and 99% of women under 26 are not ready for marriage. This is an excellent example.
 
Good luck,

Udachi

Bill

[Misha]

Yes I can agree with you Rivardco, I am thinking that in the contraty routine life together can make people closer , it was just my friend who is married she told me such a thing that routine kills feelings maybe cos she is bored herself and just wanted to scare me or anything , she is now pregnant in 2 months the baby will appear , maybe she just felt like telling me something sad about marriage my best friend though , I do not know, I will see how it will go in my case:) hopefully it will be good

IMHO, most people fall for the natural high of falling in love as was mentioned in a previous post, a high that is very much like a drug or alcohol induced haze. Then in two years or three years, they wake up and realize "what the hell did I do." Some people then move on for the next "hit" and quickly get divorced. Some realize that they made  a mistake and settle in for marriage even if they are going through withdrawal. These people may be married for 10, 20, 30 years before they call it quits, or unexpectedly fall off the wagon and fall in love with someone else. Some people were lucky (or smart) to find someone with shared interests, goals, hopes, dreams and as the rush of romantic love fades away, then the relationship can grow into something deeper and truly meaningful where socks left out of place are seen as quite insignificant in the bigger scheme of things...

[redsquare]

Jazzy,
First of all, if he wants to go out all the time, it doesn't always mean he doesn't wanna be faithful - some people are just a lot more social than others. Your friends real problem is that she wants to control him all  the time - noone wants to be owned, the more freedom you give men the better off you are in the end. That's my philosophy.

[Turboguy]

I have seen a number of relationships like that where one party is always checking on the other and to me that would make a horrible life.   I have always guessed it comes from poor feelings of self worth and I think it ends a lot of relationships.   I am not sure if it is harder on the paranoid individual that spends every minute worrying the other is doing something wrong or to the other party feeling he is being watched and controlled every second but it definitely is not healthy.

About your original question about adapting to each other.   It probably depends on how much you are alike to begin.  A sloppy person marrying a neat person is going to be tougher than two neat people would experience for example.   Sometimes differences may blend well.   For example a very talkative person marrying a very quiet person.  One can talk and the other can listen and they may be quite happy.  I knew a happy couple long ago that were very happy and I knew them a long time and never heard him utter a word in all the time I knew him.  He just nodded his head in agreement as she babbled away.

[mike_61]

My wife tells me that the name for toes and fingers is the same word in Russian, at our house we have it figured out to be "hand fingers" and "foot fingers".   Incidentally, it's the same problem in German. 

No it isn't - in German: toe = Zeh and finger = Finger. hand = Hand and foot = Fuss - you see, English is just a ripped-off version of German