Questions about "compliments"

[sensei]

Hi all,
Something to think about. Do Russian/Ukrainian women like to receive compliments? Or not?

We know that AW (or any other women in this world) likes to receive compliments and this can be translated in many different ways. For example, it can make a her feel good about herself or special when a man say "Your dress is beautiful - you look great in it!" or "I love what you did with your hair!".

With RUW, would you say that "compliments" are viewed differently (different culture, different language)? What do you think? What was your first time like when you complimented a RUW about something?

~ sensei 

[Serebro]

As for me I can say that I like compliments concerning the results of my work/study.

I don't like compliments concerning the way I look.
and I don't like when people say too many compliments all the timeas it doesn't look natural.

[Kuna]

Sensei,

I'd say it depends on the context in which the compliment is delivered.

IMHO... it's poor form to give physical compliments to someone you're courting...  I believe women want to be known (and loved) for something other than their looks.  Of course it's important they know we appreciate their physical beauty but I believe all women want someone to find that "inner something" that THEY know is there, but no one yet has really appreciated.

Until you know a woman I wouldn't "compliment" her on her sexy accent because she will be conscious of her English and you might make her feel uncomfortable.

Complimenting her on her clothes is risky.. It can seem a bit cheesy unless she's wearing something that obviously makes her feel sensational - then a compliment will make her feel even better.

Complimenting her on her comments, thoughts or opinions is dangerous when in the writing phase because many people will just be putting on the best face.  If she's "fluffing it up" and you're complimenting her on it she probably won't respect you.

In general I think compliments should be used sparingly and carefully.  Of course beautiful women have men salivating over them all the time but why do you think most western men can't date very beautiful western women???  They are either salivating over them or they are too scared to talk to them.

After marriage it's different...  A well delivered compliment can change a woman's day and make your life MUCH more pleasant.   

Just my opinion... but I'd keep the compliments to a minimum and impress her with your actions not your words.

Kuna

[jb]

Kuna,

I'm sorry, but you are a bit off the mark here,,, IMHO.

My wife absolutely beams when she puts on something new and pretty, and I say that I like it. 

I'm careful not to say something stupid like; "you look very nice today", because she will ask; "what was wrong with the way I looked yesterday?". 

I think all women like to hear compliments from their men when they "dress up", it makes them feel special for the moment.  They have paid care to the way they look, she is careful with the make up, hair, clothes, shoes and handbag, etc., and she is wanting to present a special picture to you and to the public... Bad on you if you don't notice and mention it. 

[Gator]

Concur with you JB.  But did you note Serebro's post?

I have never met a woman whose eyes did not sparkle when speaking sincerely to her and making her feel that she is really beautiful.   Come on Serebro, admit it.

Perhaps Serebro is talking about those "automatic" comments in the category of "Hello, How Are You"  rather than sincere, unique, heart-felt comments.  Yes, it can become trite to say "You look wonderful tonight" every night unless you are Eric Clapton.

Kuna,

A hint for you.  Some years from now after a child or two, when your wife asks "Do I look fat in this dress?", the answer is "no".   She already knew the answer is "yes".

[jb]

Perhaps Serebro is a very unusual girl.  From my very limited experience, it is a rare woman who would not like to be noticed if she has put forth some effort to look good.  But then, I'm pretty easy with my praise, I even compliment my bird dog if she does a nice retrieve.

[I/O]

I'm careful not to say something stupid like; "you look very nice today", because she will ask; "what was wrong with the way I looked yesterday?".

I phriggen knew it....!!!!! I fell for something like this last year, I must admit, I am fairly sparing with my compliments, but I do pay one if I think it due.  Mine was sporting a new pair of jeans and I happened to notice and simply said as I walked past, "Looks good". Response...."You don't love my other jeans"? .....I had two choices and neither of them looked good so I gambled and said "No I don't like your other jeans".....luck's a fortune.....she responded..."Good, I don't either, now I give them to my sister". Final outcome, all day looking for another pair of jeans because of course we needed two pairs just in case.......

I/O

[ScottinCrimea]

I agree with others who have posted that compliments can be risky with many RW.  I always tell my wife she looks beautiful and mean it.  If you say, "You look beautiful today."  prepare for the question of why today is different.  You can say, "You look beautiful in that dress".  That way you don't fall into the jeans trap mentioned up thread.

I have found what Serebro said to be basically true.  My wife would rather hear compliments on something she has done, like her cooking, how clean the house is, how she handled a particular situation, etc. than on her looks, though she still on occasion enjoys hearing how much I enjoy looking at her.  She may brush off such a compliment, but you can bet she will notice if you stop doing it.

[KenC]

Compliments (big and small) have always been appreciated by the women I have known.  You can never get a into routine though.  Make them original and sincere.

Men fall in love with their eyes and woman with thier ears.
KenC

[I/O]

Make them original and sincere. KenC

Agreed..!!  Short anecdote.  An older lady (Dear Friend) always bakes me a cake at Christmas and duely delivers it.  Her cooking is without peer. 2 years ago she duely delivered "The" cake and of course I made tea and we shared a slice of cake.  For once she asked my opinion of the cake.  I answered honestly, "An excellent cake but not quite up to your usual standards". Her face positively glowed and she threw her arms around me and hugged me to bits. Why? She had been ill and her sister had baked the Christmas cakes for that particular year. 

I/O

[jb]

I would never compliment my wife on her cooking,,, she is incapable of turning on the stove without burning herself. She is an intellectual, not a cook, and will tell you so in a heartbeat.  But she looks great while she burns herself.

[KenC]

jb,
Lena considers herself quite the good cook and from what I can remember, she wasn't bad.
KenC

[sensei]

As for me I can say that I like compliments concerning the results of my work/study.

I don't like compliments concerning the way I look.
and I don't like when people say too many compliments all the time as it doesn't look natural.

This is precisely what prompted me to ask questions. Each RUW is different and unique in its own way. 

~ sensei

[jb]

and from what I can remember, she wasn't bad. Cheesy

TFF

[KenC]

jb,
The best is when my MIL is in town!!!!  There are two RW vying for the title of "best cook."  My FIL and I just shut the hell up and eat to hearts content!

The funniest thing that happened was when I cooked for my inlaws.  My MIL was half crazed not to be participating.  I am sure she thought I was a Martian because from what I know RM rarely cook.
KenC

[sensei]

Some years from now after a child or two, when your wife asks "Do I look fat in this dress?", the answer is "no".   She already knew the answer is "yes".

I had seen or heard of this all the time. An AW who was a friend of mine asked me that question often and I refused to give her an answer because I wasn't her girlfriend nor husband so I didn't want to say anything.   

~ sensei

[sensei]

I'm careful not to say something stupid like; "you look very nice today", because she will ask; "what was wrong with the way I looked yesterday?". 

Oh boy...I knew something like this was going to come up. I better stay on my toes!

~ sensei

[sensei]

Compliments (big and small) have always been appreciated by the women I have known.  You can never get a into routine though.  Make them original and sincere.

Men fall in love with their eyes and woman with thier ears.
KenC

Thanks for the wise advice, KenC.

~ sensei

[USCFAN]

My .02

I'm sorry, but I've never met a woman in my whole life that did not like to receive some kind of sincere compliment. Calling her 'sexy' or things of that nature may not go over well ... and maybe she would feel uncomfortable it you showered them upon her constantly ... but I don't care if they are from Korea or Iceland, Egypt or Sweden ... every woman likes to know that her man is attracted to her and one way is by sharing a little positive comment or two.

For a RW to say that she doesn't like compliments about her looks 'smacks' of the feminist movement. "You have to respect us for our brains and NOT our bodies"... give me a break 

Believe it or not ladies, we can like you for both ... your appearance AND the quality of your person, your skills, your character, your heart and soul 

[groovlstk]

My wife always appreciates compliments, but she'll give me flack if I do it in a offhanded or distracted manner.

I've also come to dread this question when she's trying on different stuff: "Which outfit do you like better?"

[USCFAN]

I've also come to dread this question when she's trying on different stuff: "Which outfit do you like better?"

 

[AnastassiaAsh]

well, guys, are you serious? this is walking on egg shells all your life for what? Why are your wives so...can't even find right words... so 'sensitive' or 'paranoid', as if they try to catch you and torture you for one wrong word or answer....rediculous...

We don't have such a problem at all. I appreciate honesty in EVERYTHING, give me blunt truth, because i want to improve, both in my looks and my 'brain'.
It matters to me a lot when my husband makes compliments, he should and often, and i do the same about his appearance and all other things i can notice...

Attraction is very important, both partners have to try to take care of their appearance and being in shape. The more i 'doll up' the more he likes it and appreciates it.  Again, with all the every day routine, it is very hard, but you have to keep the fire and excitement going on in the relationship as much and often as you can. 

Compliments, both ways, are very important, and about everything, not only looks. These are sweet reminders how much you love and appreciate your partner and not take him/her for granted.

Me personally, I need much more compliments about my looks rather than anything else. I feel (for some reason) that i have more or less mastered everything else and don't worry about that any more, but looks - it seems i always want to look better than somebody, better than last time, better than i or he is used to. The only problem for me is time it takes to make myself beautiful - make up, hair, tan, manicure/pedicure...  Being a mom definitely makes everything you do longer, we can't even watch the whole movie from the beginning to the end any more, it takes 2 and some times 3 evenings.  So it may take several days to actually prepare and look great at the end when we go out on a weekend or some party or something.

[Todd]

It is funny.  My wife Kate has really pushed my creativity and language to the limit.  Why?  Generally, she is very unhappy with me if I don't compliment her at least two or three times per day.  The challenge for me is that if it is a repeat, then she will say try again.  It is certainly a challenge, but it helps to always remind me of how lucky I am to have someone as wonderful as my wife.  Hmmm...only a few weeks until our second anniversary.  I better start thinking of a REALLY great compliment.

Todd

[Kuna]

Sensei,

I'd say it depends on the context in which the compliment is delivered.

IMHO... it's poor form to give physical compliments to someone you're courting...  I believe women want to be known (and loved) for something other than their looks.  Of course it's important they know we appreciate their physical beauty but I believe all women want someone to find that "inner something" that THEY know is there, but no one yet has really appreciated.

Until you know a woman I wouldn't "compliment" her on her sexy accent because she will be conscious of her English and you might make her feel uncomfortable.

Complimenting her on her clothes is risky.. It can seem a bit cheesy unless she's wearing something that obviously makes her feel sensational - then a compliment will make her feel even better.

Complimenting her on her comments, thoughts or opinions is dangerous when in the writing phase because many people will just be putting on the best face.  If she's "fluffing it up" and you're complimenting her on it she probably won't respect you.

In general I think compliments should be used sparingly and carefully.  Of course beautiful women have men salivating over them all the time but why do you think most western men can't date very beautiful western women???  They are either salivating over them or they are too scared to talk to them.

After marriage it's different...  A well delivered compliment can change a woman's day and make your life MUCH more pleasant.   

Just my opinion... but I'd keep the compliments to a minimum and impress her with your actions not your words.

Kuna

jb,

Maybe I wasn't clear...  I agree with you when it's your wife... or already your SIGNIFICANT girlfriend... After a relationship has started no compliment will go unappreciated.

I still maintain that compliments when dating (or even worse, while corresponding) are VERY risky if they seem insincere, shallow or relate to a womans body, hair, eyes, teeth, little toes or dry skin free elbows.

A woman must know we appreciate her physically but I think too many men think they are giving a woman a compliment when the woman has already heard the same blah blah blah before. 

I think KenC mentioned complimenting a woman on things she has done.  This is safe and valuable, and in my experience is the best compliment early on in a relaitonship.

Kuna

[ScottinCrimea]

I think KenC mentioned complimenting a woman on things she has done.  This is safe and valuable, and in my experience is the best compliment early on in a relaitonship.

Again, here's someone attributing one of my quotes to KenC. LOL  Either I need a better publicist or KenC needs a better makeup artist.