Need advice for an old friend

[jb]

I have to admit having had some thoughts about doing my last post and chiming in with a "what an idiot he is, it has no chance of succeeding" theme just to see what kind of reaction that got.   

I'd say you were looking in the mirror when you had that thought.

[ScottinCrimea]

The idea that he wants to have a child seems like a bit of a shocker for most of you.  It does not to me.  I have a few friends in similar age ranges (one ready to turn 66 and one 62 whose main goal is to have the child they never had and so they look for 20 something RW.  I suppose it is a little on the order of a 40 something career AW whose clock is running out and decides to have a child.   If my two friends or the one in question achieve their goal I have a feeling it may fit the category of "Be careful what you wish for.............." 

I think this is the big issue.  If it were just the two of them, they are adults and can make their own decisions, foolish or not.  But to bring an innocent child into the picture changes things.  These older men want to have a child for very selfish reasons, not thinking of the child, his/her life, and the impact it will have on them to have a father who is limited in what he can offer because of his age and the fact that he will die when this child is still quite young.  Down the road there will be grandchildren who will never know their grandfather.  To have a child sim;ly because your clock is running out shows that one had put themselves first.  A very poor attitude for any parent.

[KenC]

I have a old friend, 67 years old to be specific, that is in good shape (looks more late 50ish), and whom has spent the last several years taking advantage of his ability to do business in eastern Europe to data a lot of ladies in Ukraine, Russia, and the surrounding countries.  He is reasonably wealthy, speaks fair Russian, and seems to do quite well. 

He has commonly (almost exclusively) dated ladies in their 20s and 30s.  Recently he sent me photos of his fiancee, a 28 year old beauty!

There is a 15 year difference between my wife and I, and I can honestly say that, at least so far, it hasn't made any difference.  But I have got to think 39 years is a different story.

Does anyone know of success stories in this range?  Any "watch outs" from somebody married to a lady 30+ years younger?

Thanks,

Kevin

Kevin,
As a friend tell him the truth about your opinion and then just shut up as he will do what he wants anyway.  Just don't feed his rationalzations, because that is what he is really seeking.
KenC

[Goombah]

I think the esteemed members would appreciate it if you could attach a couple of photos of your outstanding friend. And yes, swimmsuit shots preferred   

Well... for his sake, I was hoping somebody here has a success story and suggestions to make it so - against all the odds.

I'm not sure my friend would appreciate me posting what I have, so a photo is probably not a good idea - but I can describe him:  Tall (over 6 foot), full, thick, head of black hair, trim and athletic (rides his bike to work, visits the gym several times a week, runs regularly), fit enough to give my 12 year old back rides without a second thought.  Has two sons in their mid 20's, divorced a decade or so ago from their Mom, a New York model.  Very bright - NASA has one of his instruments on the Mars lander.  Very definitely not your typical 67 year old.

Kevin

[Gator]

Lilly,

I think the esteemed members would appreciate it if you could attach a couple of photos of your outstanding friend. And yes, swimmsuit shots preferred 

     

I already did, yesterday in another thread.   


Serebro,

My father would spank me...

And the stary kozel too. 

[Gator]

Interesting how AM are more judgmental than RW. 

Some of you men need to get a grip.  You have no idea how this man and woman interact.  Maybe they are happy with each other.  You have no idea.

My father-in-law at 92 married a 65-yo woman.  He died one year later.  My ex-wife spent a lot of time with the 65-yo and swears that she loved her father, enabling him to die very happy.  BTW, the woman confided that the marriage was consummated.  Makes for bad visuals but sweet, nevertheless.

My only problem is wanting a baby.  Bear summed it up best,

Any idiot can be a sperm donor, but takes a real man to be a father (and last I checked $$$ alone does not make a father)

Great point.  In fact, $$$ without love and attention are harmful to a child’s social development.

[Shadow]

Well... for his sake, I was hoping somebody here has a success story and suggestions to make it so - against all the odds.

My reply may have seemed cynical, but actually this is how he should think about beating the odds. They can only beat the ods if they are 100% sure of each other and for what reasons they are together.
From your description I can understand a woman could find him very interesting, and he is used to a pretty woman by his side. But only if the two of them have the same goals and expectations they wil be able to avoid a train wreck, as during whatever time they will be together they will have to fight against a lot of prejudice.

[Leslie]

Well Goombah I will add my 2 cents.

The vast majority of May to November relationships are temporary affairs.  I pass no moral judgements, the people involved are grown ups and capable of making their own life decisions.

The international marriage element adds a new dimension because the people involved must marry in order to be together.  Basically this guy needs to see a lawyer.  A pre nuptial agreement is almost mandatory in these circumstances, not just for the 2 people involved but for his existing children and the children which may be born in the new marriage.

This talk of “if it is really love” then there should be no prenup is horse *hit.  Both the adult partners need to negotiate their exit rights.  The interests of any existing children must be preserved.  Not doing this will only lead to these rights being established by the courts and that is an expensive business.

A lot of criticism is being made about starting a family late in life – well I have done that.  I will be 70 when Tamara graduates University - Indeed I may not live to see that day.  My daughter will have enough money to go to university though.  I have already set up a trust fund…

If you compare my behaviour with that of many Ukrainian guys I am a paragon.  It is usual for a Ukrainian guy to walk out of a marriage and pay not a single Hrivna towards his child’s upbringing. I reckon some years of a good father is way better than that alternative.

I remember back when I was searching there was a charismatic 75 year old French man.  He found a 28 year old, good looking girlfriend.  He had the pleasure of her company and she enjoyed spending his money.  Both people were getting what they wanted.  Nothing wrong with that.   The fallacy is that this type of relationship will last “till death do us part”  In the vast majority of cases the younger woman will leave way before that.  Not many want to be full time care workers pushing a guy around in a wheel chair and changing his diapers (LOL!)

[Turboguy]

If you tell him he is an idiot and he should not do it he is not going to listen anyway.   

I think the fatherhood part is what seems to bother a lot of the people here and I can understand that.   It sounds like he is healthy and active enough that there is a good chance he would be around to see the kid graduate from college. Life has some uncertainty and some of the younger ones here will not manage that.  He just is a higher risk than the others.   Every so often you hear of some movie star fathering a kid at 75 or 80 so he is not doing anything a lot of others have not done.   What the heck, if they are both happy they should go for it.

[mspanky]

I have a friend who often goes on business trips to Syberia and Russia. This guy is 51 years old and lives in one of the most expensive zip codes in the world. In shape and very rich. Since he is somewhat a public figure his bio is on the internet,so he can't hide who he is.

 He has a bunch of 20-30 year olds over there who are all "In love with him" so they say.It kills me to see how they will call him to complain he has not called or e-mail him. Many will send him pictures which are very provocative. Most of the girls are so drop dead gorgeous they make Victoria's secret models look barely average.

   Anyway, my friend is one guy who actually thinks with his head. when I pointed out 2 of the hottest girls and asked if he was planning to marry he asked "are you nuts"? They are too young!!! I would'nt know what to do with such a young wife and do you think they are all really in love with me? Or know what life I can give them"?

   Besides, he already had married a girl nearly 20 years younger in the U.S. the first time around and divorced with pre-school aged kids. He wants no more kids and thinks he was too old to be a father now. He wishes he had started earlier and wants badly to stay healthy so he is not a burden to his kids and can still do many things with them when they are adults.

   He is now dating 2 woman. one 37 the other 43. They both have kids and he thinks that's great. Sure,the young head turners are great ego boost. But someone had to fit into your life too.

   If this 67 year old decides to pursue fatherhood, he may have his wish when he is 68 or 69. Even 70 if he can't get her pregnant right away. Older men such as he have a much higher rate of autistic kids then men under 40. In my group of friends between about 30 kids,we know of 2 who have already been diagnosed as autistic, Not a good thing. Then the energy it takes to keep up with a child is tremendous.  Good luck to this guy. He's gonna need it.

  Poor kid. I wonder if he understands his 10 year old will be more embarrased than anything when 80 year old dad comes to school. If he lives till college graduation father will be about 90 years old. Hopefully not in a wheelchair.

[Wayne B]

Kevin, if your older friend and his young friend...come together as one...more power to the both of them.....Knowing that at his age...he is 'not' normally at an age when men father children....yes, it happens from time to time..... To my way of thinking....as long as he provides financial support for his future child weather he is ever able to be with, hold, or ever watch this childs progress into the future is the 'key'  To be a real father, requires time spent....not money spent....but, with the age...it is very likely that time 'quality' will not be spent....so at the least...make sure that a possible 'future' child and his/her mother are able to lead a life of comfort....not a silver spoon...but, comfort....

[Rvrwind]

Hm, I have got the question .. mainly to myself.
Do all these young girls have relatives?! How do they introduce this man to them?!
My father would spank me...

As well he should!!!
These two want to be together, hey, let them. Just don't try to tell me its love, cause that is bull!!
Both of them have ulterior motives & those motives will surface & destroy the relationship.
Before anyone goes patting them on the back & wishing them a happy future just look in the mirror & pretend its your daughter bringing home a guy older than you for tea!!!
Me, I'd be showing him the exit real fast & she would get the lecture I must have forgat to give her  when she still had a brain!!!

[vwrw]

Here is a successful story. Meet Andrei Konchalovskiy!

He is 70 years old. His wife is 37 years younger. I do not know exactly but I believe they are married for about 9 years or more. They have two beautiful kids: a girl (probably, she is 7 y.o.) and a boy (probably, he is 4-5 y.o.)
From his interview: (I very much liked these words) It is very important for me that my children become educated people in Western understanding of this word. Good education is not equal to having a lot of knowledge. So as one can have memorized a lot of knowledge and still to be an idiot. Good education is equal to a well- developed ability to think and to make right conclusions and decisions and also to respect one self and others. In Russia, to my regret, the respect to a personality is still not developed….I personally prefer insincere Western smiles in opposition to frank Russian rudeness.

As far as I remember most time in school and university we were taught WHAT to think, NOT HOW to think. Maybe that is why in discussions all that many Russian people can do is loudly shout and often repeat their opinion on this or that subject, instead of bringing relevant and sufficient evidences in support of their argument’s conclusions. They just are not taught to think but only to believe in what were said to them at schools.
 I am sorry for a little off topic.

[Turboguy]

Sometimes relationships with age differences don't work.   I saw today that Joe Hardy, owner of 84 Lumber Co who is ironically 84 years old just divorced his 23 year old wife.    His first marriage seemed to last the longest, until 1997.  He had two children with the lady her married as his second wife and the 23 year old was his third wife.   Hopefully number 4 will work better.   Maybe a few more children might have helped with the third marriage.

I still have to think it is an individual choice and if someone doesn't like a marriage or a relationship with a larger age difference no one will force them to enter one.  Heck if you want to talk about foolish marriages, some people actually marry American women  

[Kuna]

Sometimes relationships with age differences don't work.   I saw today that Joe Hardy, owner of 84 Lumber Co who is ironically 84 years old just divorced his 23 year old wife.    His first marriage seemed to last the longest, until 1997.  He had two children with the lady her married as his second wife and the 23 year old was his third wife.   Hopefully number 4 will work better.   Maybe a few more children might have helped with the third marriage.

I take it you're attempting some humour here??? 

I still have to think it is an individual choice and if someone doesn't like a marriage or a relationship with a larger age difference no one will force them to enter one.  Heck if you want to talk about foolish marriages, some people actually marry American women  

For a moment there I thought you were about to add something insightful and realistic.

The point about wide age gaps isn't that everyone is free to make a choice...  the point about wide age gaps is the delusion and emotional inadequacy that is required for a man to even think he is on the track to happiness.

There was a news report here last night about an old guy of 80 or so who was ripped of by a 30 yr old woman.  He bought her new boobs...  gave her money...  sent her on holidays etc.  He even made erotic video's of himself for her.  All up he forked out something like $80,000 and now she claims she was never interested in him "in that way".

Sit for a moment and think about what he was thinking and feeling when he was pursuing this "relationship"...  Hmmmm....  is that feeling familiar?  I thought so...

Some vast age gaps can work...  look at Anna Nicole-Smith     ... Well that might not be a good example...  but I'm sure some have worked.  It's a one in a million thing so I reckon all these couples should keep it real and call it a business transaction.  At least that way you can prepare a "Statement of Works" and remove the chance of confusion when it's time to pay up!

[SANDRO43]

As far as I remember most time in school and university we were taught WHAT to think, NOT HOW to think.

Not surprising, and not a Russian-school-only trait. It's MUCH easier to teach that way, if one does not care much about the results, and not many real "Professor John Keating" around .

[Turboguy]

I take it you're attempting some humour here??? 

Yes, I was!

For a moment there I thought you were about to add something insightful and realistic.

Sometimes there is a time for humor and a time for realism.   I was just going for humor.

The point about wide age gaps isn't that everyone is free to make a choice...  the point about wide age gaps is the delusion and emotional inadequacy that is required for a man to even think he is on the track to happiness.

Everyone has their own path to happiness.   For some it is a bottle, for others a needle and for others it is a woman.   I am sure there are lots of delusions in the overall scheme of men looking for a RW.   Nothing most of us say will convince someone who believes something different.   Time will tell, but I am quite sure what it will tell in my case.

There was a news report here last night about an old guy of 80 or so who was ripped of by a 30 yr old woman.  He bought her new boobs...  gave her money...  sent her on holidays etc.  He even made erotic video's of himself for her.  All up he forked out something like $80,000 and now she claims she was never interested in him "in that way".

Sit for a moment and think about what he was thinking and feeling when he was pursuing this "relationship"...  Hmmmm....  is that feeling familiar?  I thought so...

No, sorry, doesn't sound familiar at all.   Are you suggesting VWRW needs a boob job?  Darn, I did a video house tour for out last "holiday".   Too bad you didn't suggest the erotic video sooner I could have made it a little more spicy.  Perhaps this thread can be made a sticky so she doesn't miss it and can get the idea.   Right now she is about as frugal as any RW you could imagine.   We need to get her with the plan.  

Anna Nicole?   I never heard her complain.  

[jb]

Anna Nicole?   I never heard her complain.

The fact that it is now confirmed that she, Anna Nicole, had a child out of wedlock should tell you something.  That old duffer, if he could still get it up, was likely shootin' blanks, someone else pumped a few rounds in that beaver.

Sorry guys, I couldn't resist.

[catzenmouse]

Kevin,

 If he is a friend just tell him about your concerns and opinions. He and she will do what they want to do in the end but at least you will have had your say and will not feel bad later on if/when it goes South about not speaking up.

Ken

[Goombah]

Here is a successful story. Meet Andrei Konchalovskiy!

Per Evia, Andrei is a successful movie director/writer from a well known family.  Perhaps that helped him a bit...

Kevin

[BillyB]

The fact that it is now confirmed that she, Anna Nicole, had a child out of wedlock should tell you something.  That old duffer, if he could still get it up, was likely shootin' blanks, someone else pumped a few rounds in that beaver.

Actually the old duffer died in 1995, a year after they got married so he couldn't be the father. He was 89 and she was 26 when they married. He first met and fell in love with her when she was dancing at a strip bar. After he died, she fought many years with his children to get her share of money for the physical and emotional support that we know all wives give. After she gave birth recently and died on an overdose, 5 men came foward to claim they are the father. It's amazing how many men what to assume their fatherly duties when millions are on the line. It's quite possible she was banging at least 5 men at any given time. If I remember right, her bodyguard hit the jackpot was ruled the father through DNA tests.

[Jazzyclassy]

 
Andrei Konchalovskiy is a rich man he can buy any silly young woman , and that is what he was doing during the most part of his life

he had millions of wives , enormous quantity of kids and even unknown to him kids , he was learning about their existence like after the baby was already like 19 y.o. or something . I consider it to be a poor treatment towards women and total disrespect towards them ,he should have been alone as that is his nature to just be so devoted to his art of movies but he was never born for a family

and some of you here make him look like he is a hero, he is not

he is simply a rich fop and there is nothing smart in his actions, at least from my point of view , I would never ever gave him such praise as he receives nowadays , lets not take his career , but from the point of view as a father and husband he definitely sucks , I do not understand such type of man and I do not consider them to be strong enough to confess that they are simply fans of polygamy and  love young meat in order to prolong their bored life a little bit .......

P.S
Why none of you gave any example of a poor old man who married a young sweet girl ? you only give example of rich old people who married young girls from the villiages , so once again believe it or not , Money is the huge clue to all this not equal marriages ...

[vwrw]

From Goombah: Andrei is a successful movie director/writer from a well known family.  Perhaps that helped him a bit...

vwrw: Perhaps, you are right. But we should NOT forget that Andrei is intellectual, well-educated, has a great body, blinding smile and a lot of charm. I personally find him very sensually attractive and seductive.   Perhaps, that listed qualities have helped him NOT less than being the movie director. 

[William3rd]

Way to go, Jazzy. . .  Probably the best opinion of this character posted yet

[BC]

I find a couple things quite interesting about this and similar topics discussed on-board

In general:

1. Those that have lived in such marriages for a while are the first to deter others from following their footsteps.
2. Those providing examples of 'success stories' have not lived in such a marriage.

It simply ain't adding up folks..