Why is your marriage successful?

[jb]

StanRock does not sound familiar,,, it's a pretty good school,,, especially if you are a chemist, or a EE, best of the best.

[Mamma D]

I think it was called "THE FARM" ... There is a great story about it's founders, but I don't know where It is filed!  Must have a word with person!
Mamma D

[pk-uk]

To put it into context:  when we married, me 50, she 35, step-daughter 15.  Both previously married.  We'd had a committed relationship for 18 months prior to marriage.

My feelings (not sure about hers, but she'd likely concur):

Getting to know each other and our aspirations before marriage. Not 100% successful, but near enough. I asked lots of questions - she has always likened it to a police interrogation 

During the marriage - patience and understanding, including
- An acceptance on both sides that we came from different cultures and backgrounds and that there was no "normal" or even necessarily "better" or "worse", just "different"
- Our native languages are different, so not to immediately assume that the other understood or actually meant what was being said (or thought to be said, as the case may be)
- supporting each other rather than trying to change each other or dictate what the other should do
- not getting into a "blame" culture

Paul

[luda]

Russian Lady knows hot to use her head.  What is it calculator?
Meeting people that speak your native language makes feel good 4anybody.It's importance. Any relationships will survive if there is support. You can't image how i'm sorry for one girl who's husband didn't remember about difference in cultures so he tried to dictate her everything! I pray that God will bless her and such.

[Pacifer]

Why is your marriage successful when so many others have failed?

Mutual love and flexibility.

I really can't think of other factors comparable to those two in importance. She's my woman for life, period. And you sure got to be flexible to marry cross culture (both ways).

[AnastassiaAsh]

Why is your marriage successful?

Because it is CHRISTIAN, and commitment is the key. It is not between me and my husband, it is between me, my husband and God. We gave commitment not only to each other but to God too, more over i would say - first to God and then to each other, because God is always first. Now would you think TWICE before breaking that one? It may be hard to understand to some of you and Russian women too ( i was there myself ), but you have to love God much more than your husband/wife. This concept can be even harder to practice in life. I think only if you go through some serious 'stuff' in your life you may start understanding it. I think I am there.

Everything else that everybody mentioned of course constitutes the success of our marriage. Yes, i would keep using the word 'success', it is a really good one. Some members are too shy or careful to admit, but their marriage IS a success and can be a great example for newbies.

If you have 8 out of 10 similarities, then of course it is an awesome base for a successful marriage. And i don't mean language, culture and even character, no all of these can be different and are in most of our relationships on this board. I mean more - values, education, age, child rearing views - things like that.

Recently my husband Tim told me (we talked about it before but it was kind of nice to hear that again coming from him all of a sudden) that he loves being married to me also because 'we can live together' in literally peace and Harmony, understanding each other without words. He doesn't think any more 'oh, what did i just say wrong? again i am to blame! I am always wrong! I always have to do what SHE wants! I am tired of this silence treatment! Oh, shoot, i was so wrong, i am so afraid she would leave me because of that!'........and all that psycho nonsense....

He is totally himself, i am totally myself, and we totally love each other as we ARE. 

[Jazzyclassy]

I really understand Nastya

I think it is very important to be yourself and for your husband to be himself and I also understand the religious part of marriage

Well can not say much at this very moment but I trully believe everything will be great:) in my marriage

[ScottinCrimea]

Anastasia,
     You have noted rightly that your marriage is successful because it is based on solid Christian principles.  That works well for you and I don't argue that those values, correctly applied, can aid greatly in the success of a marriage.  However, I have some very good friends who are Muslim and they have one of the happiest, most solid marriages I know.  I also have friends who are essentially areligious who are equally happy and strong in their relationship.  There are many factors that contribute to a successful marriage beyond the inclusion of a Christian or Muslim God.  The advantages, in my opinion, of having religion included as part of your lives and part of your relationship is that the guidelines and precepts taught, those of unselfishness, pure love, faithfulness, etc. are exactly those that make for a strong marriage.  Still, as evinced by those who demonstrate those traits without the benefit of a religious background, they can be gotten by other means.

[Markus]

Kenc,

I typed up a big response and just didn't like it so here's my thoughts. You came up with a good topic. I actually read each post before posting this time. I don't read the board much anymore but am here occasionally.

I frankly don't know why Oksana and I are where we are today. I'm an impatient person, but I am a very patient person with my wife. We knock heads once in a while, and we always work it out. I will never forget that she gave up her life in Russia to come to the US with me. My life is all out her. My goals are all about her. And, of course, I benefit from having such a lovely wife. "Lovely wife" is what I call her all the time. A man must treat his wife better than himself to keep her. She needs to know that she is important to him. That's what I try to do.

I have a sense of humor that is like a kid. And, I'm fortunate that I found a lady who also has a sense of humor. We get along so good. We have been remodeling our home together, and that's when we butt heads. But, we having been working together so much, when we butt heads, it's normal. Sometimes I am wrong, and sometimes she is wrong.

Oksana just had a miscarriage about 2 weeks ago. When the symptoms began appearing that we could possibly loose our baby, I held her in my arms while she cried. We are both past that experience and look forward to trying again. Yes I know I'm 47. It's amazing how many people ask if you are going to have kids, then when one is on the way, how they become mathematicians calculating how old I will be when the kid graduates from high school. The math is really not too difficult if one can add and subtract.

Patience has been the word of this topic but Trust is as important.

To AnastassiaAsh:

Since many people today have different god's, I know the God that you refer to, so I will say his name. Jesus is His name and there's something about that name, different from any other name.

Mark

[BillyB]

Sorry to hear about your loss Mark. Heartbreaking. There's not many things in life worse than losing a child.

[FSUrookie]

I agree with you 100% Anastassia. Christianity was a big factor in selecting my present FSU woman. And yes, to others, maybe Muslim is ok, it's their freedom of choice. I choose to be Christian and want my future wife to be Christian too. No debate on Christianity here, just the choice I made in life. Best of luck to everyone in their present & future marriages.....

[KenC]

Mark,
My heart goes out to you and Oksana.
KenC

[Christian]

Kenc,

I typed up a big response and just didn't like it so here's my thoughts. You came up with a good topic. I actually read each post before posting this time. I don't read the board much anymore but am here occasionally.

I frankly don't know why Oksana and I are where we are today. I'm an impatient person, but I am a very patient person with my wife. We knock heads once in a while, and we always work it out. I will never forget that she gave up her life in Russia to come to the US with me. My life is all out her. My goals are all about her. And, of course, I benefit from having such a lovely wife. "Lovely wife" is what I call her all the time. A man must treat his wife better than himself to keep her. She needs to know that she is important to him. That's what I try to do.

I have a sense of humor that is like a kid. And, I'm fortunate that I found a lady who also has a sense of humor. We get along so good. We have been remodeling our home together, and that's when we butt heads. But, we having been working together so much, when we butt heads, it's normal. Sometimes I am wrong, and sometimes she is wrong.

Oksana just had a miscarriage about 2 weeks ago. When the symptoms began appearing that we could possibly loose our baby, I held her in my arms while she cried. We are both past that experience and look forward to trying again. Yes I know I'm 47. It's amazing how many people ask if you are going to have kids, then when one is on the way, how they become mathematicians calculating how old I will be when the kid graduates from high school. The math is really not too difficult if one can add and subtract.

Patience has been the word of this topic but Trust is as important.

To AnastassiaAsh:

Since many people today have different god's, I know the God that you refer to, so I will say his name. Jesus is His name and there's something about that name, different from any other name.

Mark

Although I don't know you and am a newbie I jsut want to express my own heartfelt sympathies for the both of you in this trying time.  But I also want to remind you both that their is hope.

I am friends with a couple who were told by their doctor that they would never have children because his sperm count was too low.  Well, they now live in Indiana and the winters are long and cold.  They have five children.

There is another couple in the church who experienced several miscarriages early on in their marriage.  They now have six little ones.

47 yrs is not old.  He or she will just have to run and pick up the balls for you which you drop!

Finally, my ex's sister had her first and only child at 39 yrs.  What a pistol he turned out to be!

Christian

[Dnepr Girl]

Dear Mark,
I am so sad to hear this news.  I wish you the best for you family in the future.

[AnastassiaAsh]

To AnastassiaAsh:
Since many people today have different god's, I know the God that you refer to, so I will say his name. Jesus is His name and there's something about that name, different from any other name.
Mark

    

Oksana just had a miscarriage about 2 weeks ago.

  Hugs to you, guys...

[FSUrookie]

Mark; my sympathies to you & Oksana. I also feel that Jesus is the true God (my faith), and yes we do live in a world filled with many Gods, so very good to clarify.... Anyway, the important things now is to pray always and have the support of family & friends.... Take care...

[Vic]

I would have to write an E-Book to fully answer this question. First, would be my ability to read people.  I saw at first sight my wife was basically in love. As a comparison, on this trip, there were several women who were trying so hard to have feelings for me. I was able to see the difference. Second, I saw in her the ability to adapt to a new country and to adapt to the impending jealousy which would grip her friends and family. Third, being the man in our marriage. My wife is Ukrainian not American. Fourth, being her constant tutor on American Culture. Repeating lessons as often as necessary. Eventually, she will see or experience something, then she understands. I could go on. Our four year anniversary is at hand it has been a rough ride at times, but things look strong for continued success