Why WM who were married to WW think RW to be better after some years of marriage

[Jazzyclassy]

It is all understandable KenC, but that happened to you not cos Russian women are better than American one, it is just you married wrong american woman from the start that is it , you  were mistaken in her, and was charmed by her appearance when she occured to be weak personality and wanted to do nothing on the account of her husband, but that is just a type of woman she was  there are millions like your wife and some american men love such women , they cherrish them , they love to be under their control and it is fine for them, so you can not blame only her ,being kind of lost in marriage when kids grew up, in the fact that your first marriage was  ruined , you were just not compatible, you also did not match her, you are both to blame in this mistake, but anyway it is not a mistake you have 2 kids from this marriage and  for their sake you could try and be friends with your ex wife.

[KenC]

It is all understandable KenC, but that happened to you not cos Russian women are better than American one, it is just you married wrong american woman from the start that is it , you  were mistaken in her, and was charmed by her appearance when she occured to be weak personality and wanted to do nothing on the account of her husband, but that is just a type of woman she was  there are millions like your wife and some american men love such women , they cherrish them , they love to be under their control and it is fine for them, so you can not blame only her ,being kind of lost in marriage when kids grew up, in the fact that your first marriage was  ruined , you were just not compatible, you also did not match her, you are both to blame in this mistake, but anyway it is not a mistake you have 2 kids from this marriage and  for their sake you could try and be friends with your ex wife.

Jazzy,
I don't think you can say that my ex and I were not compatable when we spent 24 years together (mostly happy).  I don't look at that marriage as a "failure" because we raised two great kids into great young adults.  I do not blame my ex for being lost when the kids grew up, even though she could have worked on herself to be a more complete person for that time.  But I do blame her for her infidelities.  I might have even been able to forgive her indescretions, but she was unwilling to commit to a minimum of standards that I set before her.  In our final meeting to try and save our marriage I told her that we could save our marriage under three conditions.  #1 She loved me #2 That she trusted me (as I never gave her reason not to trust me) #3 That she would always be honest with me.  Her response was that I asked too much.  I filed for divorce the next day.
KenC

[Jazzyclassy]

It is very sad Ken C, that such thing happened in your marriage and you could not save it , though really of course it was never a mistake that you married that lady and had 2 kids, well you have them right now

I am wondering what is the attitude of your adult kids to your current wife? and how they reacted when they first saw her and from the start which were their emotions about it, cos I know it is very hard to accept somebody new into the family , knowing that once it was their whole family mom and dad and now , some other woman is taking place of their mom beside their father,of course their mom will always be their mom , just  even for adult people it is a huge hard test to accept somebody new

[KenC]

It is very sad Ken C, that such thing happened in your marriage and you could not save it , though really of course it was never a mistake that you married that lady and had 2 kids, well you have them right now

I am wondering what is the attitude of your adult kids to your current wife? and how they reacted when they first saw her and from the start which were their emotions about it, cos I know it is very hard to accept somebody new into the family , knowing that once it was their whole family mom and dad and now , some other woman is taking place of their mom beside their father,of course their mom will always be their mom , just  even for adult people it is a huge hard test to accept somebody new

Jazzy,
First you must understand that I am very close with my children.  My son even choose to live with me after the divorce.  My daughter, who is almost the same age as Lena, adapted to Lena very well.  She loves to shock people by introducing Lena as her step mom!  My son was OK with Lena when she first arrived but did have some adjustment issues after we married.  All is good now and Lena has developed a good relationship with both my kids.  They both will be coming in town this week for a visit and we all have a great time together.  We all are of similar personalities and it makes for a very interesting time.
  My ex wife has asked my daughter, "How is your father's Russian adoption coming along?"  To which my daughter replied, "It is going good for him.  I think he might be adopting a boy next!"
 
KenC

[Jazzyclassy]

well yeah that is good for you , but not everybody are lucky

I know some people had so many issues with their kids after they married the other time, well it is basicly psycological trauma for kids anyway, well of course mostly when they are young

[KenC]

well yeah that is good for you , but not everybody are lucky

I know some people had so many issues with their kids after they married the other time, well it is basicly psycological trauma for kids anyway, well of course mostly when they are young

Jazzy,
If the kids are very young they adapt well usually or as in my case where the children are young adults.  It is the in between ages that prove to be most difficult.  Divorce is terrible for the children regardless of age however.
KenC

[Mamma D]

Well now...It takes two to make a relationship.....And if there were no mistakes it would be......But we see the word....WERE.... meaning it was not perfect and is no more.

The key question is....Were lessons learned, and perhaps a more mature level of expectation reached?  Since each relationship is not the same.... we find ourselves comparing Apples to Oranges....Not the same.

All relationships require constant work....both physically and verbal to sustain them over time...

I still find little notes here and there, piece of candy, and other small, but VERY Important reminders that we are best friends....And it is fun to do these things.
I found one in a coat pocket not long ago...been there 4 years!

Once my grand-baby told me, when she was about 5 or 6...Grandma, I know it is you and grandpa that puts things in my pockets.... She knew, and never doubted how much she was loved. And then ..... we found began to find notes from her.... "Grandpa thank you for loving me...", A picture she had drawn..... and other gifts. I have a box I saved them in...and it is nearly full!

Her mom began to find these little gifts as well...and soon there were others doing small things, for not only family...but friends as well!

There are many small gifts we can use to tell the people we love... just how special they are....

Love and hugs for beginners

Mamma D

[jb]

Momma D,

You are just too sweet.

[KenC]

Momma D,
Have I ever told you how much I love to read your posts?  I think not, but I want to correct that right here and now.  I have never read anyone's posts that shows their love for family (and spouse) as yours do.  Thank you for sharing your wisdom here with us at RWD!
 
KenC

[Marcopolo]

   This one is easy.

   American women are worthless. It is a cultural thing. I can't explain it but I suspect it has to do with the birth control pill basically reducing the motivation among American Women to find a man as being based on sex and money. All the traditional  traits which made a good husband like loyalty ,intelligence, and  virtue are gone for them. Then the media does not help because  shows like Sex in The City and Oprah glorify these endeavors and tell women men are pigs and everything they do is wrong. The sexual revolution is over and BOTH sides lost. Women are sold a bill of goods about the female American dream(career, rich husband,  great sex life) which basically can't exist all at once. Just look at the content of Men's media vs. women's---Men's is all about sports and business and politics...women's media focuses on how to trick your man into cooking dinner that night or how to get a BETTER man. Women want a guy who is an Alpha male at work and a submissive personality at home---good luck! It don't exist!!!

   All this psycho garbage is stripped away by conditions in Russia and Ukraine...but these women are not third  world or white trash ...they are educated , classy, and pragmatic. They are simply better than women here.

  My fiance has her interview in a few days and I hope to be married soon. I think it  will work out but nothing in life is certain except this: I will never give an American Woman the time of day again in my lifetime...they are not worth it.


Marco Polo
 








 




   

[groovlstk]

   This one is easy.

   American women are worthless.

Whenever I see embittered posts like this I can't help but think that the poster is searching for FSU women not as a matter of choice, but because he's been rejected by American women.

Good luck with your engagement, I hope your current fiancee never seeks whatever quality it is that American women found lacking in you.

[Misha]

   This one is easy.

   American women are worthless. It is a cultural thing. I can't explain it but I suspect it has to do with the birth control pill basically reducing the motivation among American Women to find a man as being based on sex and money.

   All this psycho garbage is stripped away by conditions in Russia and Ukraine...but these women are not third  world or white trash ...they are educated , classy, and pragmatic. They are simply better than women here.

  My fiance has her interview in a few days and I hope to be married soon. I think it  will work out but nothing in life is certain except this: I will never give an American Woman the time of day again in my lifetime...they are not worth it.


Marco Polo
   

I am sorry but you clearly know nothing of the culture in Russia. Birth control??? Yes, it was sometimes hard to get birth control in Russia and the FSU, but it was always free to get an abortion. There were years when there were more abortions than live births. So how does that fit into your "theory"?

Good luck with your marriage! Something tells me that you may be surprised to learn that Russian women may not conform to your preconceived notions.

[timothe]

I will offer my opinion despite the fact that I have never been married. 

I think the high divorce rate in the USA has to do with the environment of emancipation/feminization of American women.  They have grown up in a society that has taught them if they don't get everything from life that a man has, that they are not living the American dream.  It used to be desirable to marry right out of college.  Now, if you marry before 30, you're giving up on life.

I think the high divorce rate in Russia has to do with economic hopelessness on the man's part along with infidelity on the man's part.  Before 1991, every man had a job and although the standard of living was low, there was still a level of self-respect gained from working every day and raising a family.  After the fall of communism, a man could work and still not make enough to feed the family and for many men, there was no hope of obtaining financial freedom in the future.  So the men reverted to imbacilic behavior...drunkenness, infidelity, etc.  Meanwhile, the successful men literally have the pick of the litter, aggravating the divorce problem.

Sad as it may seem, marriage seems to be tied to mutual needs as much as love or the sense of commitment or any other reasons.  When the need for marriage is equal for both man and woman in a given country, then the divorce rate will likely be lower than when the need for marriage is lopsided on one side or the other.  Here in the USA, women have all the power while in Russia, men have the power.  (or so it seems)  Therefore, it seems natural that marriages between FSUW and WM should work if the intentions of both people are good.  ("Should" being the operative word here.)   

[Jazzyclassy]

I am sorry but you clearly know nothing of the culture in Russia. Birth control??? Yes, it was sometimes hard to get birth control in Russia and the FSU, but it was always free to get an abortion. There were years when there were more abortions than live births. So how does that fit into your "theory"?

Good luck with your marriage! Something tells me that you may be surprised to learn that Russian women may not conform to your preconceived notions.

he was not talking about Russian women, he was talking about his point of view on American women, I think you misunderstood

[Misha]

he was not talking about Russian women, he was talking about his point of view on American women, I think you misunderstood

No I understood, but he was talking about Western Women, comparing them to Russian women without clearly knowing anything Russia. Also, if you create a hypothesis that birth control leads to Western Women, then you have to use the hypothesis to both Western Women and women from the FSU.