She begged me to come back...

[timothe]

To bring someone as a K entrant and then let them disappear is doing them a tremendous disservice. The K must marry the man that brought them or leave. They cannot adjust status or change status from the K.

William, will you admit the strong possibility of the current immigration laws becoming more lax within the next two years?  If the Dems gain control of the White House and maintain control of both houses, Amnesty is a very realistic possibility, right? 

Is bringing someone over on a K-1 and allowing them to disappear fraud?  I never thought about it that way, but I suppose it is.  To be honest, I felt perfectly justified in bringing her over.  She'll contribute far more to the economy than the day workers I see at the gas station on my way to work everday.  (I live and work in Dallas...errr....Farmers Branch.  No shortage of illegals here.) 

Fact is, our legislators are incredibly self-serving with this subject of immigration...especially on the left.  If we made a true commitment to secure our borders and enforce the law at the employer level, then we could open up our great country to the best and the brightest in the world and secure our future as a great country, rather than just taking the crumbs that manage to make their way over our leaky borders. 

I just read that the 2010 Census will be counting illegals to lay out the congressional map.  (Although they aren't supposed to)  Our legislators actually keep up with the data annually, and they know where the new seats will be.  (South, Southwest, Midwest)  That's why some of them tried to ramrod through an amnesty bill.  The whole idea of me "defrauding the US Government", although correct, doesn't make me feel guilty for thinking about it. 

But in any case, I digress.  As I stated earlier, I'm not going to sponsor this woman over here unless I intend to marry her and I am willing to take on the responsibility that comes with having a family.  While I was on the plane to NYC, I was adding up the cost of this hastily planned trip.  And then I started to think about the actual costs of heading up this family.  From where I sit here in JFK airport, it's not going to happen.  But I promised her I would give her a nice vacation even if I didn't want to marry her, so that's what I will do.  (She asked me Wednesday if I was going to ship her back to Rostov if I didn't like her.  No dear.)

This is my 6th trip to the FSU and I've never been more nervous or apprehensive.  I guess that's good.  *shrug*

[William3rd]

I have not seen that previous amnesties have applied to K visa entrants who overstay and remain.

Good luck on your Odyssey. I am sure that you will resolve your issue to your satisfaction, whichever way it turns out.

[timothe]

Ok...now for a really bad question.  Do any of you know if there are places in Kiev that broadcast NFL games?  The Bears/Packers game starts at about 9pm Kiev tiem.

Thanks.

[William3rd]

There are sports bars there and I recall that I saw a sign once for an NFL game but I cant remember which one.

Dont worry about Bears/Packers- Packers are a lock, just ask my teenage daughter. Bears dont have Favre's boyish good looks to carry them through

[wxman]

Ok...now for a really bad question.  Do any of you know if there are places in Kiev that broadcast NFL games?  The Bears/Packers game starts at about 9pm Kiev tiem.

Thanks.

Hate to break the news, but the game is a sunday night game. So it will be on in Kiev around 3 in the morning. Go Pack!

[jb]

Tim,

I don't feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for any woman who gets mixed up with you.  You are a pretty sad case.

[timothe]

Damn!! That's right!!  It IS a Sunday night game!!  Oh well.

I guess that's OK because the Bears are going to get crushed.  I think Favre's record against the Bears is like 24-6 for his career.  

Thanks for the info.  

[timothe]

Tim,

I don't feel sorry for you, I feel sorry for any woman who gets mixed up with you.  You are a pretty sad case.

You're still the guy who posted someone's personal contact information on the internet, right?  That's what I thought. 

If you want to take the time to post something constructive, then do so.  Otherwise, how about keeping your "valued" opinions to yourself?

(Even a five year old can take shots at someone's character on the interweb.  You have contributed nothing to this thread.) 

[jb]

And you, sir, have contributed the notion that you have no interest in getting married, as well as that you think that it's OK to commit immigration fraud. 

What a guy....

[Ste]

Damn!! That's right!!  It IS a Sunday night game!!  Oh well.

I guess that's OK because the Bears are going to get crushed.  I think Favre's record against the Bears is like 24-6 for his career.  

Thanks for the info.  

Pouffs game.

The real men's game is tmrw in France, England - Australia Rugby Union World Cup. I'm totally shitting it, cos Aussies are unbearable when they win...

We Brits can't cope with victory, we apologise for winning and of course, our part in the slave trade....

[William3rd]

Ste- are you going to begin apologizing for your ancestors talking about Quashee and his pumpkins?

[Kuna]

Pouffs game.

The real men's game is tmrw in France, England - Australia Rugby Union World Cup. I'm totally *snip*ting it, cos Aussies are unbearable when they win...

We Brits can't cope with victory, we apologise for winning and of course, our part in the slave trade....

Sorry for the  ... but let's just hope someone breaks Johnny Wilkinson's leg in the first 10 minutes and then we'll feel more comfortable about the game.  After the last world cup final I'm surprised someone hasn't hunted him down and amputated it by now.   

Now... back to our regular programming...



Timothe,

To be honest reading this thread leads me to believe you're off for a bit of fun in the sack but you're justifying your WOBO  (Write One Bang One) trip but talking possible marriage/immigration/family.

Don't get me wrong...  I don't have a major gripe with such a trip IF YOU'RE HONEST WITH THE LADY.

I hear you say you're not getting much action at home (perhaps because you feel you are physically unattractive) and maybe all this travel you do to FSU is a way for you to keep your sanity - but I do have concerns over your sincerity and honesty.

The talk about committing immigration fraud and not feeling any guilt or remorse for thinking this through suggests to me you might be the type to build justifications for doing the wrong things - and therefore I hope you're being more honest with the lady.

You already know you can't afford a family...  are happy being single... etc...  yet you're off to FSU to explore the opportunity with a woman who "begged you to come back".

I don't think there's any risk of you bringing her back... or bringing her back on the understanding she can become an illegal because I'm not sure those are your intentions for this trip.

Have fun... be honest...  and most importantly... I hope you eventually find something that will make you really happy because I don't think you'd be very happy at the moment (thus the WOBO trip to FSU).

Kuna

[Jumper]

Tim-

I met a Lithuanian woman that needed to get married before the Visa laws changed in 2001.  She was an exceptional woman (way out of my league, I thought at the time) and I was excited about a woman as I never have been before.  But alas, I wasn't in the best financial situation when I met her and eventually, she saw what she was getting into and bailed.

I hope you really think about the last few years..
and reread your own thoughts posted in this thread.

You were excited and seriuos about a lithunian woman that NEEDED to get married before the visa laws changed.
You recognize fully she wasnt really into you, as she bailed over her financial insight into your situation..?..
and knew that any marriage to her would be "of convenience"

I cant imagine why you would want this,
 with your assertion you are quite happy being single..

and yet that sparked you to seek a woman overseas..??

you know what i think?
that your quote in your profile needs a healthy review bro~!

Self honesty is a very elusive thing

You then have this off again on again relationship.. with a RW,,
and seem to have only seen her twice? or three times in 5 years?
and never seemed like things were great on any of those trips? and admit you certainly wernt enamored of her..
yet STILL offer to sponsor her,, for a k visa without real intent to marry..
just to help out right?

Now she writes a letter, quite some time has passed,
and you just KNOW she is the one person for your life, or noone is,,
 as in the same breath and sentence practically,
you state you are still quite happy being single ,
and very unsure wether marriage is something you want with anyone.
additionally yoiu would never consider a FSU woman agan as you just cant know someone from a few trips and so far away.

let me point out something... you repeatedly say you know this woman..
but completely disgard the notion of looking in the FSU again because you cant know someone well..
tim youve seen her on a couple of trips..
you guys have been on again off again,,
and a lot of time passes between the times when you do communicate..??
you dont know her anymore than you would know anyone else after a couple of trips..
you just know her more than starting fresh.
you are not even sure if you want marraige in your life.
You dont seem to have an idea of even what you want
,and seem to be simply drifting thru this process..
if a something fires you up,,
like a letter, or a liuthunian woman looking to get past upcoming visa regulations,,
great!! you go take a trip...
 
I know i'm harsh. but please,do yourself and this woman AND her child, a favor.

Figure out what the heck Tim really wants in life before you go screwing
with other peoples.

thinking of offering a marriage to the lithunian woman to meet her visa deadlines,
offering a psedo sponsership to this RW.. in the past,, then taking it off the table..
and now entertaining the idea of marriage,
without really sure that  you want to be married at all..

is just a huge recipe for heartache and problems in your , and thier lives.
This isn't just a red flag or a bad idea.
this is a prime example of exactly why this process has so many bad stereotypes ,and bad results..

YES, before considering marriage (or heading to the FSU)
  you need to be pretty dang sure that you at least really WANT to share your life with someone else..and in this case two other people!
and be fully READY for being responcible for them.
this isnt about a half hearted sponsorship..offer
this means being prepared to be the man, the husband ,the confidant,the best friend, and the father..   
financially, emotionally and in every way.

Man up..
decide what you actually want!
and be ready to be the person ,and take the responcibilty that it takes to have that.

you can flop around thru relationships stateside all you want..??if you arent sure or arent seriuos..?
thats fine? and somewhat normal enough?

but to fly around the world..
and not have a clue wether you are ready to be the man youll have to be in this kind of scenerio..
and not sure of the woman as well..
I just can't fathom it.

 I know i havnt said anything to help.. i just hope it makes you dwell on it more, and figure out what you want in life.

As for just going to visit her again..
it wouldnt be a bad thing really, yet you know ,and she knows theres a lot MORE expectation in this visit than just seeing an old girlfriend.

I hope the new guys reading , learn something from this ,
to  really do some self evaluation... long before you get involved.
it takes a few things.. 
knowing what you want,who you are,
 committment, and patience being some of the key things.

Hey changes in mind , and heart,  happen..
thats life..i'm really not trying to crucify tim over that..

but in this game its going to leave a mess , and probably a mark...
for the sake of yourself and others,
be VERY sure of yourself ,and of what you want.

[timothe]

Timothe,

To be honest reading this thread leads me to believe you're off for a bit of fun in the sack.

Wrong, Kuna.  Sex would actually get in the way of what I'm trying to accomplish.  Between October 2002 and August 2003, I spent about 6 weeks of face time with this woman.  I KNOW what the sex is like. 

Unless I am 100% certain that I'll marry this woman, I won't have sex with her.  But thanks for your comments, I appreciate them.

[timothe]

Before I get into the nuts and bolts of the trip report, I just want to thank AJ for taking the time to write a very elaborate and mostly accurate assessment of my situation.  I read your post multiple times...it was so pertinent to my situation.

I'd like to think that I understand exactly the weight of responsibility to care for and provide for a wife and a child from a completely foreign country...and that's why I've been so troubled.  I had already told her once since our reunion that I'm not marriage material.  I'd also like to think that I know her pretty well considering that we had an 18 month relationship with 6 weeks of face time.  Yes, a lot changes in 4 years.  But when I made the decision to bring her over in 2003, I was as sure and as careful as you were.  (or Jet, or Leslie, et al.)  However, my ladyfriend just mentioned not more than 30 minutes ago that we had to relearn each other.  So obviously, there was some truth in what you said. 

Again AJ...thanks. 

[timothe]

The flight from Dallas/JFK/Borispol airport was uneventful...until I got off the plane.  You see, I have a passport that's been through the washer and dryer once.  The cover is almost completely separated from the rest of the passport.  (The stamps in it survived just fine, however.)  When I submitted my passport at customs, I was pulled aside.  Some time later, the "head" of immigration came over to inform me that he cannot let me into the country with this mangled passport.  They took me to get my bags and they held me at the entrance to customs.  I was livid!!!   I followed the guy around demanding to speak to the consulate for about 30 minutes until he 'disappeared'. 

I was scared to death at this point!!!  Here my ladyfriend was waiting inside the airport and I couldn't even contact her.  Although I had my mobile phone with me, I could not call her for some reason.  So I sent a text to my boss at 3am Texas time to get the number for the US Embassy. 

My boss had to call me back because he had no idea how to find the US Embassy in Ukraine and just as he called, the "head" of immigration came back with my passport in hand welcoming me to the Ukraine.  Oy Vey!!  So I changed into some cooler clothes and ran out to meet my ladyfriend.

She was pretty much as I remembered her; tall, with very pretty facial features.  She is a Cossack woman and looks very much like a Cossack, with the patented dark hair, light skin, and dark eyes.  Her eyes lit up when she saw me and we embraced warmly before we headed out to the awaiting driver.  (and her 10,000 questions)

We drove to the apartment, unpacked, and quickly headed out to the city to see everything we could see.  Both my ladyfriend and I are "do-ers".  We don't like to sit around and eat and drink for hours on end nor do we do the candlelight dinner/romantic music scene.  We see sights, take lots of pictures, and we talk about whatever.  She's a socialogy major and I have 17 years of therapy under my belt, so it works.  (I guess  *shrug*)

Alas, I don't have time to go into the details of what we saw on the first day, but it was a good day.  The evening was not as good....

(continued)

[Gator]

Timothe,

It was interesting that you acknowledged the accuracy of AJ's post, in that it was mostly critical.  AJ is a special man: Hollywood looks, superstar athlete, charming, and very wise.  However, his spelling is something else (and the piece he wrote you is his best effort at spelling that I have seen in 5 years).

You are indeed marching to a different drummer in this chapter of your life - at least you recognize it and do not deny it.   Personally, I would only get involved with someone who made me forget about all other women.  What do your close friends advise you?

17 years of therapy?  Receiving or giving?   

I appreciate your candor.  A man must have a lot of self-confidence to write so frankly.  Please keep us informed as you address your internal struggle (and don't defraud Uncle Sam).

[BillyB]

The evening was not as good....

(continued)

Don't torture us!

Good thing you did not have to bribe your way into the country or get rejected because of your passport. In the FSU, do not give any reasons for sh!t to happen. Important tip learned here: Make sure your paperwork and passport is in order and make sure it's never been through a washer or meat grinder.

[Kuna]

Timothe,

You should get that passport replaced...   

There are many countries that wouldn't let you in if the laminate has come from the cover.  I know of an English guy who was turned away and put back on a 22 hour trip back to London (from Sydney) because one corder had peeled back by about one centimetre.

Best of luck on your trip.

Kuna

[Jumper]

Gator..
  I'm a pretty average joe, but flattery will get you everywhere..
and thanks for noticing the writing effort..LOL
to be honest it's embarrasing,and humbling, i must have edited that for two flipping hours,and it is still a mess.
The longer i tried the worse and more fragmented it got. LOL
 All these years it should be very obvious why i never prefered
any correspondence type of situations.

 

Tim-
 Honestly something in your earlier post just struck a nerve with me that you wernt
really dwelling on the impact this *could* have on of the others in this situaition, particularly her child.

 I certainly went a bit overboard in my reply, and glad you took it in the light intended,
which was simply my own *hope* that you were really thinking it thru..before jumping in again, as its double the emotional investment the second time , in my opinion.

Like many things posted , we tend to only go off the last few items read, or disclosed..
wether it paints an entire picture or not.
my apologies  for that.
 Your clarification that your own reservations, are mostly because of
those exact concerns for these other two people paints quite a bit of a different light,
and i had passed over the fact that you had indeed filed a K1 before which is a seriuos commitment.

Hey, it's easy enough to be unsure in this process,
 of the situations,of yourself, your surroundings ,and people in it..

like i stated before ,it wasn't my real  intent to crucify you over that..


I hope you have a good trip, and sort out what you want.

Good luck!

[Todd]

You seem to be getting a great deal of advice, but I thought that I would distill it down to one sentence.

Don't even consider persuing a fiance visa unless you are 100% sure that you both are deeply in love with
each other.  Otherwise, it just isn't worth the challenges that you will face in the future not to mention the
fact that a child complicates everything by a factor of 2 or 3.

Todd

[timothe]

 I am writing this while flying back to jfk.  I intended to give a more detailed account during my stay in the Ukraine, but I just didn’t have enough time to use the internet. 

Our first problem arose the first night.  We used a driver provided by www.kievhotelservice.com to get to our apartment in the center of kiev.  We paid $80 per night for a nice apartment across the street from the ministry of defense.  It was a nice place with pretty much all of the amenities we needed.  My ladyfriend really liked the apartment.

But I could not sleep on the double bed provided for us.  And the sofa was about half my size. (I’m a pretty big guy…pushing 300lbs.)  I’d get up and down often throughout the night.  When I did sleep, I snored loudly, causing her to wake up.  By Day 2, we were already starting to snipe at each other.  Especially at the end of the day, when she insisted that we climb up the steep hill from the square to our apartment when we could have taken the Metro to the tram which rides up the hill.  But our little arguments weren’t dealbreakers in my book and I was pretty sure I would be able to handle the constant walking better once I was accustomed to it.

Now, if I could figure out how to get some sleep.

The sites:  During our three days in kiev, we pretty much saw most of what we could see.  We were lucky enough to hear a full choir inside one of the churches on the 1st day, to which my ladyfriend explained was a good sign for our relations.  We saw a lot of brides and grooms which she also believed to be a good sign.  I’m always amazed at the artistic brilliance of the various Orthodox cathedrals, both inside and outside.  We also spent a lot of time in Independence Square listening to live concerts and taking pictures of each other.  It was a nice three days.

The food in kiev was unspectacular, I thought.  When we ate out, it was mostly at cafes near the square.  My ladyfriend generally enjoyed going out to dinner, while I was mostly ambivelant.  I tried to eat Ukrainian food as much as possible, but again, I just couldn’t get excited about any of the meals in kiev, unlike other places in Russia. 

We did have an interesting experience at a café named Artichoke.  My ladyfriend wanted to try asparagus for the first time, so we ordered it as a side dish.  They served her green beans.  Then, the waiter tried to convince my ladyfriend that the green beans were in fact, asparagas.  Then, she got mad at the entire Ukrainian population and everytime there was a discrepancy with something we bought, it was always those Ukrainians trying to scam us.  (she’s half Ukrainian, but lived in Russia her whole life, so she is Russian.) *shrug*

The first time I thought about marrying this girl was on Day 3 in Kiev.  I tried to sleep on the couch and basically didn’t get any sleep until she woke up at 8am.  We had to get tickets for Simferapol that day and we had a full day of sightseeing to do.  I told her to wake me at 9:30 so we could go out.  At noon, I finally got up to see a bunch of ham and salami and cheese and bread on the table along with some juice.  My ladyfriend had gone out and bought food with her own money and let me sleep!!  She even found us a travel agent nearby!!  And she was beaming from ear to ear that she was able to help me...full of energy and not the slightest bit upset that I slept until noon.  Even though I’ve known this woman for a long time, I was still shocked by her willingness and eagerness to step up to the plate. 

By the time we left Kiev, I was ready to ask her for her hand in marriage.  But I decided to wait until we were in Yalta and I’m glad I did.

[BillyB]

 

By the time we left Kiev, I was ready to ask her for her hand in marriage.  But I decided to wait until we were in Yalta and I’m glad I did.

More suspense? You like to torture us timothe. I snore sometimes too and my fiancee, who is a light sleeper, wakes up often. A few times I told her I'll sleep in the other room so she could get some sleep but she wouldn't have that and told me she'd grow accustom to my snoring.

I think it's strange and disappointing your lady friend is looking for signs that your relationship is to be successful. People who rely on signs for guidance tend to leave a relationship rather easy when they see a bad sign.

[Misha]

More suspense? You like to torture us timothe. I snore sometimes too and my fiancee, who is a light sleeper, wakes up often. A few times I told her I'll sleep in the other room so she could get some sleep but she wouldn't have that and told me she'd grow accustom to my snoring.

I snore like a tractor. I would wake up with my wife in tears. I went to see my doctor and was checked for sleep apnea (they measured by oxygen levels with a sensor that clips onto your finger while you sleep). Turns out, I had a bad case of sleep apnea (I would stop breathing a few hundred times per night as I was snoring like a steam engine) and I ended up getting a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) machine that blows air into my airway via a mask. It cleared up my sleep apnea, I now get a good night's sleep and I do not snore. It likely saved my marriage as there was no way that anybody could get used to my snoring :-)

[SANDRO43]

We were lucky enough to hear a full choir inside one of the churches on the 1st day, to which my ladyfriend explained was a good sign for our relations.

You gave me a splendid idea for a great business venture .

Anybody courting a superstitious FSUW ? My choir will give a good-omen church performance for FREE anywhere (just provide transportation, lodging, food and drink for 15 ).

Address enquiries to: http://www.coroban.it