Solo trip, need advice plz???

[Koluji Ezhik]

Ok seems like I'm getting beat like a pinata in here. I got a strong chin, and can take it, though. I hear what you guys are saying. I greatly appreciate the legal advice. I am certainly not as foolish as some of you might suggest. I think some of you are really stuck on sterotypes of Russian people. Not all Russian people are scammers. There is a strong odor of arrogance in the air here. Some of you seem so high up on your American horse that seem to look down on Russians. I have many Russian friends. I have know many Russians living in this country legally. Not all of them are lying cheating criminals that would do anything to stay in your ivory tower of a country. I think most of you here are speaking from experiences of people that you met in Russia. While I have not traveled there yet, I have seen a very good side to these people, and their culture. Many of them have very strong values. I think the way some of you speak about these people strips them of their humanity. I used to think there were "good" Russians, and "bad" Russians. After meeting, and befriending many of them I think it is more like they each have a good side, and a bad side. Like a coin has 2 sides. It is a fact that in their country lying is a part of daily life. Due to the corruption, red tape, and many criminals it requires one to squirm their way through life.
As for my friend that I am going to visit. She is a good person, as I know her. She is from a better region of that country. Her father is a former General in the Russian Army, and now an executive for an oil company. Her mother has a PHD, and is head of a her department at the primary University there. She has her own apartment, a decent job, and a car of her own. She is not some street urchin. I am sure that she has not been 100% honest with me, about some of her legal issues. Does that make her into a terrible person that I should toss onto the scrap heap.  I can also say that I was not 100% honest with her in our relationship. Does that make me a scammer? When you guys go over to Russia on a "bride hunting" trip, you don't try to make your self seem like a better person than you actually are, ever? You have never told a lie to a woman in a relationship? I am not saying this is right, or good. But let's be honest with ourselves, as you guys say. I am going over there to see my friend, her country, family, and try to find the truth. I have some truths to tell her myself. I do appreciate most of the comments you people have made. Some of you would make it sound like I am being led to the gallows. I'm going to Russia for a vacation, to have a good time, and see if I can come to terms, and understanding with a person that I care about. I have found this conversation to be very stimulating, as well as completely discouraging. I choose to brave what may come, I spent everyday with this girl for 4 months, I might know her a little better than some of you. I choose to look past her nationality, and see her humanity. Maybe I will be shown to be a fool, but hopefully I will find the great happiness that some of you have found, and that others of you are going to such great efforts to find.

[I/O]

Bottom line is you haven't come for advice, but rather to articulate your objectives to people who have been to Russia several times, some including myself are married to a Russian woman and we have been through the process on which you are about to embark but we wouldn't have a clue. The secret to Russian women revealed right here, experience counts for nothing.

I/O

[ScottinCrimea]

It's so enlightening to realize that my multiple trips to the FSU, living there and having a Russian wife has taught me absolutely nothing about the Russian people.   And to think it took someone who has never set foot in the FSU but has known "many" Russians in America and bedded one for 4 months to set me straight.

We've tried to be open with you and throw out the red flags that we see based on our cumulative experience, but it seems that your mind is made up.  I hope you find the happiness that you crave, but the more I hear, the more I think you're in for a big disappointment.

As a small gift to you, here's something that raises a bunch of new red flags.  I know you'll ignore it, but hey, you can't say I never gave you anything.

She is from a better region of that country. Her father is a former General in the Russian Army, and now an executive for an oil company. Her mother has a PHD, and is head of a her department at the primary University there. She has her own apartment, a decent job, and a car of her own.

Now think about it--Why would the daughter of such prominent people need to come to the US on a temporary work visa and why should she need to overstay her visa to earn money?  Also, with such wealthy parents, why would she need to share an apartment with a criminal?  Having her own apartment in Russia, a decent job and a car of her own, why would she give up all of that to come to the US for a summer job and then stay?  Why, with parents who are so well off, would she need to turn to a relative stranger for her bail money?

Even if you have never set foot in Russia, it's easy to see that something doesn't add up here, but then I guess the testosterone is cloouding your vision.

Good luck!

[BillyB]

Koluji,

The only person who used the word "scammer" here is you. All we're saying is that you could be used and beware. Many of us have years of experience, good and bad, with FSU people. We like FSU people so much we want, are about to be, or is married to one. but we aren't blind either to the motives of some.

Not all of us on high horses live in America. You've had responses from people who live in the countries of Italy, England, and Australia. Try to be an unbais, equal opportunity insulter please.

[acrzybear]

  I've been to 6 countries in Europe, Odessa Ukraine and Several cities in Russia and am still a "newbie" (albeit a more seasoned one) and I wouldn't make the statements you made.

 You are not dealing with a bunch of men that just decided to start a board on Russian women, but seasoned veterans that have been to Russia, Ukraine and other FSU countries.  The guys have met and married (some more then once) FSU ladies.

  And lets not forget the ladies on this board that grew up or are still living in the aforementioned countries, you've never been to any of these countries and yet you know more about their culture then they do? 

Let me guess, you're not a world traveler or an expert on international relationships-but you DID stay at a holiday Inn last night.

   I've been on this board almost since it started and I'll give you some free advice from what I've noticed;
The quickest way to get folks to "gang" up on you and not take you seriously is to ask for advice and then ignore that advice and become a "know it all".

  Here's what you need to do-get your a$$ on a plane and go see this lady in Russia.  Perhaps she's using you or perhaps she really likes you, the only way you will know is to spend time on her turf and take things slow.

[timothe]

  Let me guess, you're not a world traveler or an expert on international relationships-but you DID stay at a holiday Inn last night.

Thread winner right here, folks!!  Too funny!

[Bruno]

I can also say that I was not 100% honest with her in our relationship. Does that make me a scammer? When you guys go over to Russia on a "bride hunting" trip, you don't try to make your self seem like a better person than you actually are, ever? You have never told a lie to a woman in a relationship? I am not saying this is right, or good. But let's be honest with ourselves, as you guys say.

I am always 100% honest in a relationship, never lie !!!

The reason is simple : relationship mean long time together, hoping for the rest of our live... soon of later, she will know the truth and it can mean the end of the relationship...

But in case of dating, with the goal of one night encounter or very short term relationship, lies are a tool for win what we seek...

So, if you wish fµck a woman, lies can be used... if you wish marry a woman, lies are only problem... Koluji Ezhik, what is you final objective ? Simply fµck or long term relationship ?

[Photo Guy]

KJ,
What reason did she give for overstaying her work visa?

I've known many foreign workers here in the southwest USA,
and many of them had permission to be here for more than
three months, working at hotels or resorts in our
National Parks. All of them knew exactly when they would
get on a plane back home to places like Poland, Russia, Romania,
Jamaica and South Africa. They typically made plane reservations
way in advance.

Actions speak louder than words, and her over-stay does
look like a huge red flag. Where and what was her job?  -Doug

[av8or1]

Holy Hell Koluji,

You gotta be kidding me.  Did I read your post correctly?  You actually made a fleeting reference to those who gave you advice as being "arrogant" and saying that we are "stuck on stereotypes of Russian people"??  I'll say it again: Holy Hell.

I'm at a loss for a reply.  Several other posters have mentioned our experience in the FSU versus you and your "many Russian friends" (all of whom you have known while NOT in their true element), so somehow me mentioning that seems redundant at this point, though appropriate.  Experience counts Koluji and you have none of it, despite your claims to the contrary.  Knowing the Russians in America that you have means little, hell it means almost nothing.  Though I doubt you can comprehend that at this point.  Experience.  Means everything.  Personally I'm leaving Friday for my 16th trip to the FSU and will make my 17th over the Christmas break.  I've had stable relationships over there with women who wouldn't even CONSIDER making the types of choices that your woman has made and yet I STILL work with a significant aire of caution.  Does THAT tell you anything?  I mean "Hello?!! McFly?" - wake up.  Sheesh but I feel like saying that is so obvious yet you don't get it and yet I feel compelled to try.  What the hell is that about?  Dunno.  If you wanna screw up your life, that's your choice in the end.....

I'll avoid the sarcastic response of I-don't-know-anything-and-you-do type of thing that others have posted already, though I agree with the general sentiment expressed in their frustration.

What I will say is that you are rife with contradiction.  You confess to not being honest yet you probably think you're a good person and so is she.  Perhaps you don't even believe that she's been 100% honest with you either, dunno.  But I'll bet you think that she's been honest about "the important things", right?  Sheesh.  Let me clear you up on a couple of things: any Russian who is a "true Russian" will not lie regardless of their situation in life.  Instead they will accept their lot in life and make the best out of it.  They will do their thing (whatever that is) and have the life they can manage to have.  They have a type of patience and strength that I am just beginning to understand after almost 4 years of involvement.  They do have other problems/issues, but this isn't one of them.  PROVIDED they aren't liars like your woman is (I feel ok saying that because she overstayed her visa).

One other note is that these characteristics are not tied to education, social status or wealth.  So your entire argument of her father being a general, her education, her car, her flat, etc. ad nauseum also means nothing.  If anything it is contradictory, as another poster has mentioned.  Most all of those types of Russians have no need or interest in the USA or any other country and any woman like that has plenty, I mean PLENTY of suitors in her own country.  She certainly doesn't need you.

Dude, you are on a one-way train to disaster, no two ways about it.  And what's sad in my mind is that you already have a child (at least I remember a reference to you having a child - am I correct?) and that child could be affected by your poor judgement in this situation.  Sad, truly sad.

As others have said, you have made up your mind.  Perhaps you were looking for a support group when you came here, dunno.  What exists is indeed that kind of thing, provided that a guy uses a rationale in his decision making that bears some fleeting resemblance to sanity.  Unfortunately your situation and your mindless loyalty to it are void of such a characteristic.

And with that I'm done.  If you refuse to listen and continue down the path you're going down, all I can do for ya is pray.  And I'll pray a lot 'cause you're gonna need it.

Jerry

[acrzybear]

Jerry

Save your prayer for those that actually deserve them, all you would be doing is peeing in the wind.

[av8or1]

Jerry

Save your prayer for those that actually deserve them, all you would be doing is peeing in the wind.

Yup, you're probably right.

Anyone seen the photo of the gal that this Koluji is so hot and bothered over anyway?  Sorry but she "ain't all that", 'specially by Russian standards.  To use the vernacular (again).  So I am even more perplexed over this one.  Gettin' laid for 4 months by a woman who is perhaps "exotic" (at least to those Americans who haven't ever been to Russia - ahem, Koluji that means YOU) because of a foreign accent is hardly worth screwing up your (and your child's) life over...

Eh whatever......

Jerry

[timothe]

Personally I'm leaving Friday for my 16th trip to the FSU and will make my 17th over the Christmas break.  

16 trips?  Now that's amazing!!  (and expensive!!)  I'm sure you've got stories on top of stories, Jerry. 

Enjoy your trip!!! 

[av8or1]

16 trips?  Now that's amazing!!  (and expensive!!)  I'm sure you've got stories on top of stories, Jerry. 

Enjoy your trip!!! 

Thanks timothe.  Yeah, I am full of 'em. ;-)

Most routine trip = Kiev.  Almost like going to Dallas.
Most bizarre trip = Baku, Azerbaijan.  Wow-zeee.
And everything in between.

And I still consider myself to be in learning mode with respect to this venture.  Then a guy comes along who's never been there, knows a Russian person (or people, lest we forget) for a short time and subsequently claims to understand Russians better than we do. <sigh>  Makes me tired.

Take care,

Jerry

[Mir]

I think he is already on the plane 

[Hub]

Too weird to comprehend.

[ScottinCrimea]

Not so weird. The man has a fantasy and any information that might spoil it is to be avoided at all costs.  If your reality sucks, what else do you have?

[pk-uk]

The only person who used the word "scammer" here is you. All we're saying is that you could be used and beware.

Interesting statements.  Much of the advice being given here seems to be in the form of questions or statements doubting the girl's sincerity and suggesting that her intentions might simply be just to get back into the US.  Isn't such a girl a scammer?  A number of scam sites seem to think so & I do too - or am I missing something  ???

[pk-uk]

My girl said I should stay at her apartment, and come on a personal invite visa. I have read that one can encounter more problems wih this type of visa. Is it better to go on a regular tourist visa?

I made a couple a trips, Koluji, albeit some time ago and did it different ways.

On a VM trip I got a tourist Visa and stayed at a hotel.  All very straightforward.  The hotel did all the paperwork.

On a VO I went on a personal invite.  Of course, I had to register when I got there and, from what I could work out, it had to be the local office which covered the address of the person inviting me.  As this was on the edge of a city it was some small office in the suburbs.  The first challenge was trying to find out when it was open and if it was a day on which I could register.

Despite being very crowded we were seen reasonably quickly (I spoke no Russian and, to be honest, it would have been impossible without a Russian speaker).  I seem to recall my passport was kept and once we had the first piece of paper we had to go to another office in a separate building to exchange it and then off again to some sort of post office to exchange that as well.

At each stage I had to pay to get the paper stamped.  I can remember being amused as the amount I was charged was so small it didn't seem it would cover even a Russian wage for the time it took.

A couple of days before I left, I had to go back for my passport.  I went on my own, but even without knowing any Russian, managed to get it back very quickly.

When I went, I didn't stay with the girl I was visiting, but in a family home in the centre of the city.  It made it easier in case things didn't work out.

However, in your case as you already know each other pretty well and it would be more like visiting a friend then I'd say you'd probably be better off staying at her place. You'll find it much more interesting, I'd imagine.

As for should you go, if it were me I'd probably be going as soon as possible.  In respect of the advice I've seen, only you and she know the depth and strength of your relationship at this point in time.  Nobody on this board really knows either of you. Yes take care.  Maybe a little more than you would in a relationship with somebody local - but don't let it get in the way.

Good Luck,

Paul

[BillyB]

Interesting statements.  Much of the advice being given here seems to be in the form of questions or statements doubting the girl's sincerity and suggesting that her intentions might simply be just to get back into the US.  Isn't such a girl a scammer?  A number of scam sites seem to think so & I do too - or am I missing something  ???

Paul, you might be missing something. I've read a number of anti scam sites and never seen a story like what's in this thread labeling the woman a scammer. Can you provide the links to the number of anti scam sites with similar circumstances labeling the woman a scammer?

The woman in question could be a GCG(green card girl) and not necessarily after Kolugi's money as a scammer would be.

[Markus]

I read your post and nothing afterwards. (but I read it after I posted and edited)

So, let's see, you are worrying about the money you will lose to go visit the lady that you described, and this lady is the FSU lady that you are seeking that you got the hots for. I would lean more toward your money than a lady who got kicked out of the US. Why would you want to invest to much of your time and money to a lady that kicked out of the U.S.? Are you in love with her looks?

Drop it. If you want a good FSUW, go the route that this board is about. Begin writing and then go visit a lady that wants a husband. Your situation seems too shaky to me. But, I could be wrong. If you want to go for a lady who got kicked out of the US, go for it.

And don't listen to Willliam3rd. His answer is mostly, you need to hire an immigration attorney. This guy doesn't have a clue.

Mark

[William3rd]

Well well well. Look what got off his meds. . . . . What brought the one weak blunder back?

In this case, he does need an immigration attorney- actually his girlfriend does.

Or should he listen to you describe the various waiver processes to him. . .

Now that you're back, I can place you back on IGNORE again. I refused to talk to you during your last round of pestilence several months ago and I will not talk to you this go round either.

Every time the wifey is away from home, you stink up the boards until she gets back. You will be here a month and then vanish again for a few months. Prozac might help you!!!!

[Jumper]

Anyone seen the photo of the gal that this Koluji is so hot and bothered over anyway?

no, maybe it was removed?

and the story sounds like a B movie plot..


Koluji-
Hey it's your time and your dime,
and your adventure.. if you recognize the risk and possibilties ahead of time..
why not.
but there is no rush..?
other than you having your own limited free time coming up?

shes well off there,  by your tale,
and needs to finish school?
you have family  and concerns here..
keep in frequent touch,
 and see where it goes ?
instead of scrambling to meet some self imposed deadline..?

if you talk often enough, youll learn more about werher you rerally wan tto see each other buy summer?
and you never made it clear wether this was just friends,, or more..
thats an important point..?

this isnt about board members being paranoid of russian scammers..lol most of us are married to a Russian afterall 
if i read this story to my wife,and she knows her society well,
 she'd be a lot more direct with you than these pansies..

just sayin'

good luck whatever you decide...

[timothe]

Not so weird. The man has a fantasy and any information that might spoil it is to be avoided at all costs.  If your reality sucks, what else do you have?

I believe the Witchdoctor referred to this thinking as "wish fulfillment".  If only I wish it to be true, it shall be true.

[pk-uk]

Paul, you might be missing something. I've read a number of anti scam sites and never seen a story like what's in this thread labeling the woman a scammer. Can you provide the links to the number of anti scam sites with similar circumstances labeling the woman a scammer?

The woman in question could be a GCG(green card girl) and not necessarily after Kolugi's money as a scammer would be.

Billy,

Ahhh, I see now.  From what you write I guess it's down to how one defines a scammer.  Whilst I agree that the common definition is a girl who asks for money with no intentions of a relationship/meeting or a fat Yuri (or even fat Bobby as in the link below),  over the years I've often seen a GCG considered a scam.  Whilst I've neither time nor inclination to provide links to a number of anti-scam sites, this one seems to sum up scams as I understand them pretty well:

http://www.russian-detective.com/scams/classification.htm

and one more with a similar take:

http://www.consumerfraudreporting.org/russian_women.php

I guess one could 'google' some more.

As for introducing the fact she might be a scammer, if I was Koluji, that is certainly how I would have interpreted this one, so I can see why he posted as he did.

This is not a positive, Koluiji.  Rather, you are the perfect "find" for a scammer.

Best Wishes,

Paul

[BillyB]

over the years I've often seen a GCG considered a scam. 

You probably won't find on any anti scam site a GCG listed as a scammer. Most major anti scam sites do not list women like that. Unlike having proof of email and headers for requesting money or Western Union receipts of sending money, when it comes to GCG's. it's he say/she say. When a divorce ends quickly, a man is quick to say the woman married him for a GC and the woman is quick to say the man has issues she can't live with. Sometimes marriages are business agreements. Woman gets the green card and man gets two years of sex with a young hottie. Both people get what they want, no scamming there.

I'm sure everybody here has lied to gain material possessions,  money, or gain the advantage pertaining to certain situations in their life. Technically we're all scammers to some degree. Some much worse than others. It's just best not to lump everyone in the same category.

There's a lot worse people out there than Koluji's girl. If by a small chance Koluji's girl loves/likes him, then Koluji's girl is not a GCG at all but her motives for associating with him is suspect which most of us pointed out.