Would you marry a woman with a child?

[Nando]

My answer is No for the same reasons as Jerry.

I had a relationship with a woman with a kid from a previous marriage before while not UW or RW.
My actual Ukrainian GF also didn't want any divorced man with or without kids from previous relationships, so I guess I was lucky

Not the most political correct anser but at least honest, so I don't waist the time of women with kids at least-

[I/O]

You guys who don't want a lady with kids seem to be afraid of some PC backlash. Why? It's your choice and good for you for making that choice, the trick is to stick to your original convictions and don't sway when some hottie crosses your path.

When it comes to a life partner, this is one of fewer and fewer areas we do actually get to choose. Choose wisely.

I/O

[BC]

You guys who don't want a lady with kids seem to be afraid of some PC backlash. Why? It's your choice and good for you for making that choice, the trick is to stick to your original convictions and don't sway when some hottie crosses your path.

When it comes to a life partner, this is one of fewer and fewer areas we do actually get to choose. Choose wisely.

I/O

From this multi bio/non-bio father don't worry about PC - If you feel you are not sure about it and decide not to travel this route then I'll be the first to applaud.  Much better than messing (further) with expectations and lives of the kids involved.

[2tallbill]

You guys who don't want a lady with kids seem to be afraid of some PC backlash. Why? It's your choice and good for you for making that choice, the trick is to stick to your original convictions and don't sway when some hottie crosses your path.

When it comes to a life partner, this is one of fewer and fewer areas we do actually get to choose. Choose wisely.

I/O

Very sage advice, I agree.

[USCFAN]

Scott, your daughter is very attractive ...

(said in a respectful, gentlemanly way )

[I/O]

Scott, your daughter is very attractive ...

(said in a respectful, gentlemanly way )

Nahhhhhhhh..!!! Forget respectful and get to the point, Scott needs two shotguns, one cooling down whilst he is using the other one.

Scott, look on the bright side, if she runs amuck, she can only bring one problem at a time home, those of us with sons are in much greater danger because they can bring several problems home at any one time.

I/O

[catzenmouse]

I voted "Already Married" because I am and I did (marry a woman with a child).

Sure it brings more challenges with it but so what? If you were afraid of challenges you would have stayed home and married the girl next door.

Ken

P. S. Since nobody else has done it: Jerry - You're Wrong! Wrong! Bad Man! Bad! 

[ScottinCrimea]

Scott, your daughter is very attractive ...

(said in a respectful, gentlemanly way )

The worst curse of a father is to be "blessed" with a beautiful daughter.  I was "blessed" with four of them.  I think it's God's revenge for my sins as a teenager.

[av8or1]

Hey- it isnt a matter of PC, AV. You are only contacting women without children, so more power to you.

PC kicks in when the stated preference is for no children but the guy is communicating with single moms because they are just too good to pass up or he might change his mind later or other similar crap.

No William, PC != conflicting/contradictory behavior (C/CB).  C/CB == Pure Utter Teetsy Zsheeit (PUTZ).

PC DUNG == Stating a personal position and then having others attack you because that position is not aligned with popular opinion (usually that of feminists, bleeding hearts, etc.).

You're a lawyer, presumably a knowledgeable one, so keep your terms straight. ;-)

I'm not "afraid" of PC backlash as one poster mentioned, I simply don't want to be bothered by hearing/reading it.  When someone starts that nonsensical noise, I'd rather just run 'em over in my 4X4 and call it a day.

Good one, Catzen, good one! ;-)

Best,

Jerry

[Serebro]

Thank you for your voting and for your comments.

My next question is based on the attitude of many Russian people towards it and your comments concerning "maturity".

A single/divorced woman with a child(especially with children) has low and almost zero chances(in small towns) in Russia to get married again. Very often when her friends find a "good match" for her that she doesn't like she is often forced to having relationships by remarks like "think about your child/children, s/he/they need a father..."

Aren't you afraid that their "maturity" is often explained not with a great love and life experience of her but with desire to give a parent to her child/children, that's why she ignores her own true feelings and the main criteria is material possessions to upbring a child and the attitude of her partner towards her children and "if it's good for them it's good for me" point of view?!
I have met 2 women who had that attitude in the past, one of them married a foreign man.
At the same time this attitude has a plus as a woman may have lower criterias and is less demanding and is really thankful to her partner for making this for her and her children and this makes her more attractive for a man.

[Jazzyclassy]

I would like to say few words in support of  Jerry , as it is amazing that he is sincere and telling straight that he would like to have his own kids and he admits that for him it would be difficult to marry a woman with children. At least it is honest

As I think it is better to be opened about this matter from the start and not to marry a woman with kids and then try to abuse her kids and treat them badly , while beforehand such man never told any opinion about her having kids and about him being against them. So it is mean

Of course I admire those men who married women with kids I think they should have monuments alive :)if they treat them in an appropriate way of course. As in Russia it is almost impossible for a woman with a kid to get married again and find happiness , so it is all very good. God sees good people and he will always help and support those men who decided to help in upbringing some other's kids!

[Bruno]

Have reply "yes" to the poll... but i am unsure if i can make it again... it hurt a lot when the relationship break-up...

My first russian wife was with a charming daughter ( Anastassia, 3.5 year old ) from a previous husband... these previous husband have flee when she was pregnant...

I have take care of Nastia like my own daughter but i have not more see her since her 11 y.o. ( now, she is 15 y.o. )... all this due to the divorce... being not the real father, in case of divorce, i have no right on the child... that you have grow up a child don't count... you are nothing for the law...

Of course, adoption allow you to have some rights... but since i have receive the adoption paper from the Russian embassy 6 month after the divorce ( more of 5 year was needed for find the previous husband ), it was too late...

So, now, i am more seeking a lady without child... but due to my seek age range, i am open to previous child if needed... i am almost 40 year old... i seek ladies between 35 y.o. and 45 y.o. ... a lady from 45 y.o. without child almost mean "no kids" in future ( of course, all is possible with the medical technic but i prefert the natural way )...

And the age of the kid is important too... younger that 6 y.o. or adult of almost... a young child can accept you more easily like his/her father... a adult or almost adult will have his/her own life soon...

Serebro wrote :

she ignores her own true feelings and the main criteria is material possessions to upbring a child

Material possessions is not the main thing for upbring a child... By example, education & medical care are almost free here... the main problem is time... a lot of people work too much for collect material possessions... and they have not time who can be used for the child... babysitter & children garden exist because people don't take time for grow up child... when i have marry my ex-wife, for the child, i have quit a very good pay job... i have earn 5 time minder but i was at home each evening, each week-end, i was able to have holiday with the child, etc...

and the attitude of her partner towards her children and "if it's good for them it's good for me" point of view?!

Don't need to have already child for a woman having so point of view... same a lady without children but wishing build a family wil check if the potential husband can be a good father...

[Serebro]

Of course I admire those men who married women with kids I think they should have monuments alive :)if they treat them in an appropriate way of course. As in Russia it is almost impossible for a woman with a kid to get married again and find happiness , so it is all very good. God sees good people and he will always help and support those men who decided to help in upbringing some other's kids!

I agree, but the main reason of starting this thread was showing of the results to my friends who didn't believe that western men are ready to marry women with a child...

[I/O]

the main reason of starting this thread was showing of the results to my friends who didn't believe that western men are ready to marry women with a child...

I may be off beat here, but it is my impression that generally speaking, western or at least American and Au men are perhaps more fond of children than Russian men. There could be a number of reasons for this and I would suspect economics may play a big part.

There is two sides to this, one being the challenge a guy has (Personal and emotional challenge) with becoming a father to someone elses child and on the other side, the mother has a huge challenge because very often the child is her love in life and she has a whole new set of dynamics to deal with. She will be naturally protective and suspicious of the guy's actions towards the child and she is forced to "let go" to a certain extent in order to allow the father/child relationship to develop. This is no cake walk for either side.

It is a very different situation than two people getting married and children coming later. Frankly, admire many though I do, many Russian men I have met are not mature enough financially or emotionally to take up the challenge and usually they have easier options anyway so they would prefer not to bother. I do think many of them miss something very special, but each to his/her own.

I/O

[Turboguy]

When I was in the searching stage most of the women I wrote had a child or more.  One lady actually had 4 little ones but three of them were really the children of her sister who died in a car crash.   I didn't care if they had children but liked it best if they were under 12 or over 17.   I felt it was better to have them young enough to enjoy their growing up and to have some impact on their development or old enough that they would soon be off living their own life.   That was not an absolute thing, just a preference. 

I do think being open to children can greatly increase the number of women in the poll of those interested and probably give you a shot at a woman who might not be interested if she were childless. 

[Gator]

In Defence of Russian Fathers

I/O your comments paint a bad picture of many RM, and justifiably so in many cases.  Yet, many RM are good men.

Over the 5+ years of dating RW, I have spent much time in vacation resorts (Turkey, Egypt, and Sochi) frequented by Russian families.  I have never observed a bad father, e. g. someone ignoring his crying son or teaching his daughter how to swim in an abusive manner).  Russian fathers were indistinguishable from American fathers:  happy with time together, laughing at their children's antics, proud of whatever they can accomplish, etc.

These are the good fathers who did not divorce their wives and abandon their children.  I do not know what percentage of RM they represent.  There is also a large percentage of RM who do not want anything to do with children.  My guess is that they married too young (Russians do marry early).  I waited until my early 30s before deciding I wanted children and believing I had what it takes to be a good father.  I may have been a neglectful father if I had children at the age of many Russian fathers.  Perhaps the economic downturn in Russia not too long ago also created a crises that younger men could not handle and instead they chose the option of abandonment.  Cowardly, but many did exactly that.  I always wondered if RW contributed to the problem and were not the perfect angels we think we are dating.

My Moscow woman's grand-grandfather, grandfather, and father abandoned her and those before her.  The stories were sad.  Nevertheless, a fine RM married her grand-grandmother and raised a step daughter, step granddaughter and even her in his ripe old age.  He was generous with his time, money and love.  Every woman spoke about what a wonderful, loving man he was.  He gave my Moscow woman faith that good men can be found.  He is the only man interred in the family plot.

[Gator]

Serebro,

Some women with children are not looking for a father but a provider.  I do not know why.  Maybe the past history with men has eliminated any possibility for trusting a man to be a parent.  Maybe they have been too independent too long.  These women are to be avoided.

OTOH, there are mothers looking for much more including a good father.  These women are more selective in choosing a man than single women IMO.

[Nando]

I agree, but the main reason of starting this thread was showing of the results to my friends who didn't believe that western men are ready to marry women with a child...

They are Serebro, because many of them are divorced with kids from a previous marriage. Just make a quick statistic study in this small universe of RWD.
I also would answer yes if I had my own kids before. See...

[Christian]

I agree, but the main reason of starting this thread was showing of the results to my friends who didn't believe that western men are ready to marry women with a child...

You have been given many fairly good and truthful perspectives on why or why not both foreign men and Russian/Ukrainian women might seek such a partner.

Basically, it boils down to the values of the individual.  Some women (whatever nationality) will do whatever it takes to take care of their child - including prostitution.  They become calloused to the act intended for pleasure and hardened to any emotional attactment.  

On the other hand some men will do whatever it takes to provide for the whims and wishes of their wife and child(ren), becoming workaholics and estranged emotionally to the very essence of their own existence.

If a man falls in love with a woman with children, they will be accepted and respected, but the level of the emotional ties between the father and child will be dependent upon their own time spent together.

In reality, I speak from experience, children are not a great burden - but a delight.  They are a responsibility - yes, but certainly not a curse.

If, in Russia, especially in the villages and lesser principalities, the situation has become almost impossible for a woman w/child to remarry, such a situation does not generally exist in America.  However, divorce in America is rampant and sexually immorality and casual relationships are numerous.

In America (ask any CPA) there are families making $25,000.00 per annum whose standard of living is higher than those who make $65,000.00.  It all depends on how one spends and not on how much one makes or whether children are involved.

Christian

[groovlstk]

If, in Russia, especially in the villages and lesser principalities, the situation has become almost impossible for a woman w/child to remarry, such a situation does not generally exist in America.  However, divorce in America is rampant and sexually immorality and casual relationships are numerous.
Christian

And you honestly think "sexual immorality" is worse in the US than in Russia? I'm guessing you've never been to Russia, if you spent any time there getting to know people you'd quickly discover that sexual mores are much more relaxed than in the US. Casual sex is no big deal and divorce is as easy as going to a local judge, signing a decree, and having your passport stamped.

[Christian]

And you honestly think "sexual immorality" is worse in the US than in Russia? I'm guessing you've never been to Russia, if you spent any time there getting to know people you'd quickly discover that sexual mores are much more relaxed than in the US. Casual sex is no big deal and divorce is as easy as going to a local judge, signing a decree, and having your passport stamped.

Well, I never thought we cornered the market of lax mores and eating two "southern style" hot dogs might be more laborous than "a quickie" in America, but I can't believe that such mores are any different.  I've seen two dogs stuck together going sideways down the street - but not two humans whether in Russia or elsewhere.

For those who want a little bit more out of life and their relationship there is still hope.  Not all wish to roll in the mud.

Christian

[Misha]

Well, I never thought we cornered the market of lax mores and eating two "southern style" hot dogs might be more laborous than "a quickie" in America, but I can't believe that such mores are any different.  I've seen two dogs stuck together going sideways down the street - but not two humans whether in Russia or elsewhere.

Cristian, I am curious, what is your native tongue? It is hard trying to decipher what you really mean. What is this about "southern style" hot dogs? What exactly is the relationship between hot dogs and a quickie? And what is this with dogs stuck together going sideways? I think you are referring to dogs having sex outdoors, but why sideways? It is English, but it reads as if it was a Google translation from another language.

[ScottinCrimea]

I' too, have no clue what point Christian was trying to make in his last post, if any.  Knowing his propensities, though, if I ask I'm bound to get a morality lecture.

[Christian]

Cristian, I am curious, what is your native tongue? It is hard trying to decipher what you really mean. What is this about "southern style" hot dogs? What exactly is the relationship between hot dogs and a quickie? And what is this with dogs stuck together going sideways? I think you are referring to dogs having sex outdoors, but why sideways? It is English, but it reads as if it was a Google translation from another language.

Fair enough question.  I am a third generation emigre from Russia.  My native tongue is Russian.  However, at age thirteen I was forbidden to speak Russian because my English was so poor.  My mother even made me take Latin in the eight grade.  My Russian is rather rusty now so I am applying myself to its resurrection.  I still, however, think in German or English, although syntactically my sentence structures are ofttimes Russian.

Like sex, "southern style" hot dogs can be quite messy to eat.  The lax, casual, insignificance that is given to the sex act by many is in fact a degrading of themselves, their own significance and that of intimacy altogether.

Dogs mate indiscriminately.  They go on four legs.  Man who walks upright and who posses reason as well as instinct has reverted back to base animal instincts of his own choosing discarding responsibility etc.

Christian

[catzenmouse]

What's that waaaay up there?

It's a bird!

It's a plane!

It's a frog! A frog?

No, no little ones. It's just christian up there on his high horse looking down on you base creatures who are as animals in the muck. Cast off your evil ways and follow the light of truth and embrace the enlightenment shining forth from his sword of righteousness and morality!