Wife using Russian language too much??

[Daveman]

I dunno Dave, normally I would agree completely with what you are saying there.  If the girls were hanging out, I'd be off doing something else, enjoying my freedom for the afternoon, whatever.  But, if they are doing something as a "family", then it's rather off the wall for both the mother and daughter to be off in their own little world, with him tagging along I guess as the bankroll of the excursion.  I am positive he becomes the center of attention and there is no problem speaking English when they arrive at the register.    Joking aside, it just seems weird.. why not just say "hey, my daughter and I are going to do our thing, we'll be back later"... why go as a family? because they can't drive? heck drop them off at the mall and escape! What is the reason he's there? Are the intentions to be a family event?

If he invites himself everywhere with them, then hey, they need some space. Let 'em do their thing, and him do his.. and for god's sake, enjoy that freedom while he has it.. toss some darts with the boys, watch the game in his underwear, toss back a few brews and burp loudly for several hours. For any guy I know, going shopping with not only one, but TWO women would be a boring nightmare from hell.  Why would he do that?

There is something about this that is setting off my "this story ain't right" detector. It doesn't make complete sense.

[MaxxumUSA]

Daveman...

Not sure if this is off topic or not...  but...

For some reason I am brought back to remember my first week in boot camp in the army.  Drill sargeant informs us that if we forget we are men to hold our balls every morning while we brush our teeth.

LMAO

[Yozhik]

and the one thing that is different there is that the women DO walk arm in arm.  Friends, mother/daughter, etc.

I concur, same as where I was living. Young girls, old ladies etc etc.

Regardless of who is right and wrong, if in fact anybody is...you need to talk to her about the situation and let your feelings be known. Good luck.

For some reason I am brought back to remember my first week in boot camp in the army.  Drill sargeant informs us that if we forget we are men to hold our balls every morning while we brush our teeth.

LMAO...gold!

Cheers,
Yozhik

[Markus]

Dude,

 I use dude because I've been watching too many Bud Beer commercials. My wife doesn't have a daughter so I'm a little disqualified to offer an opinion. But, here goes.

Obviously, you haven't been to visit the in-laws much. I've been there 9 times with a 10th time scheduled in May.  I hear my wife talk to her family on the phone all the time. I actually watch Russia television with my wife and I don't have a clue what's going on. But, I do try to study Russian and ask occasional questions about the language. But, I know that unless I live in Russia, I will never ever be fluent in the language. Donna Pedro was correct in stating that fact a few years back. But, I do try to communicate with the in-laws and have fun at it.

So, if what you're experiencing is bothering you, then just tell her to stop it. If that doesn't work then grab her butt in public; That will get her attention. Tell her why you grabbed her butt and not because it looks good. A man must deal with RW on their level. And if what a man "says" is not good enough, grab her butt in public and you'll get her attention. Of course, I'm using humor but try it. You'll be in trouble either way, but the point is to get your point across. Trust me, your point will get communicated.

Mark

[Phil dAmore]

I know that unless I live in Russia, I will never ever be fluent in the language

Immersion is not all it's cracked up to be. 

[Daveman]

Immersion is not all it's cracked up to be. 

Maybe not... but...

Would you trade it? or do you regret it?

Serious question...

[thompsongunner06]

I always grab her ass,,she loves it. When I have been in Russia with her family/friends I just nod my head and drink the Vodka they give me!! I have seen that RW are vary family driven. Her daughter is at college and when she comes here for a week or two it no "fun time" if you get my drift. Same thing in Russia,,the rooms are so small and no privacy. Her friends and family would not let us get a hotel room. And there was always more than us in the train room . Any way, when the daughter goes back to college we will go back to normal.She will wear a lot less around the house!!

[Phil dAmore]

Maybe not... but...

Would you trade it? or do you regret it?

Serious question...

This is something that I have been dwelling on as my time in Russia draws to a close.  At some point my thoughts and reflections on what life in Russia is like will be posted in a new, separate topic.  Expect it to be lengthy.

However I can answer your question 'would I trade it'?  When taking into account the entire experience I can say with total certainty that the decision to move here was probably the best thing I have ever done with my life up to this point.  In other words, no, I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

That said, there have been more than a few times when I have seriously questioned my sanity....

It ain't over yet folks.  When Putin assumes the Prime Ministership next year he may well change the visa rules again (it falls under the PM's authority) and that may enable me to stay here.

Stay tuned....

[Voyageur]

I would think that in normal family situations that - to involve everyone, when only two out of three people are able to speak Russian - English is spoken to include everyone in the conversation.

I would also expect that the third wheel not get too bent out of shape when Russian conversations are flying around on the phone or under normal household conditions.  It is a great opportunity to pick up a second language, even better than Rosetta Stone  You should be confident enough and know that you are respected enough to not worry about being left out of anything important.  Sometimes you might not want to know what the hell is being said.   

[chivo]

This is something that I have been dwelling on as my time in Russia draws to a close.  At some point my thoughts and reflections on what life in Russia is like will be posted in a new, separate topic.  Expect it to be lengthy.

However I can answer your question 'would I trade it'?  When taking into account the entire experience I can say with total certainty that the decision to move here was probably the best thing I have ever done with my life up to this point.  In other words, no, I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

That said, there have been more than a few times when I have seriously questioned my sanity....

It ain't over yet folks.  When Putin assumes the Prime Ministership next year he may well change the visa rules again (it falls under the PM's authority) and that may enable me to stay here.

Stay tuned....

Phil,

Since this thread has mainly died, I wanted to ask you about your plans in/out of Russia in the future. Do you plan on going back the the 'States'? Have you considered taking 3 mo. visas at a time (possible at least now by going to Ukraine instead of all the way back to America)? It is affecting some people my way as well (some are getting work visas though).

I do agree with you about questioning our "sanity", but also wouldn't trade a minute. I'm sure I'll be able to relate on many levels when you decide to write about your time here.

About learning the language, sorry, unless you're here specifically to learn the language, 2 years is the absolute best case scenario, and even then my money's on the fact that you won't be fluent in this time frame.

Total immersion will drive almost anyone crazy, especially at first. I tried it and was ready to kill someone after about 2 months .

With regards to the OP and him learning the language, well, while he might understand some things better after a year or two, he won't be anywhere near where he needs to be conversationally. His best strategy would be to talk to his wife asap about how he feels about things...in English of course.

chivo

[Phil dAmore]

 

Do you plan on going back the the 'States'? Have you considered taking 3 mo. visas at a time (possible at least now by going to Ukraine instead of all the way back to America)? It is affecting some people my way as well (some are getting work visas though).

My plan is to return to the U.S. by next September at the latest.  The 3-month visa really isn't a practical option because it would require me to be in a constant state of invitation-visa pursuit.  It takes a month to get an invitation (at around $100 each).  Then there is the cost of travel to and from Ukraine (assuming that they are even issuing Americans visas, I know Finland isn't)  There is the cost of the visa itself (extra high if you want it same day) and if not then there are the costs associated with lodging in Ukraine until the Russian Consulate there gets around to processing the visa. And lets not forget the visa registration, currently running about 2300 rubles.

I would basically be spending all of my time and money doing nothing but chasing invitations, visas, or registrations.  As soon as the process is completed, it's time to start over again.  I have better things to do with my time and money.

Working visas are a very risky proposition because then the visa issuer owns you.  Unless someone is working for a reputable company I would advise them to avoid working visas, especially if they will be teaching English.  Many of these schools are, as the Brits say ' a bit dodgy'.  They can and likely will use the threat of visa cancellation to get you to do all manner of unpleasent things.  I know this from personal experience.

About learning the language, sorry, unless you're here specifically to learn the language, 2 years is the absolute best case scenario, and even then my money's on the fact that you won't be fluent in this time frame.

It depends on the learner.  I know of people who picked it up in 3 months.. of course they already had a couple of other languages under their belt before undertaking Russian.

Total immersion will drive almost anyone crazy, especially at first. I tried it and was ready to kill someone after about 2 months .

With regards to the OP and him learning the language, well, while he might understand some things better after a year or two, he won't be anywhere near where he needs to be conversationally. His best strategy would be to talk to his wife asap about how he feels about things...in English of course.

Let me pass on something that took a while for me to figure out that may help some struggling learners:  The dirty little secret about Russian is the amount of base verbs is actually pretty darn small.  THAT'S why they have all of the prefixes and suffixes.  It is necessary in order to expand the vocabulary.  There was no other way to create new words. 

When reading Russian you need to train yourself to look for the root verb, somewhere in the middle of all those letters. With time you will understand what the prefixes and suffixes do.  Written Russian is actually a fairly phonetic language, what you see is what you get, so to speak. 

[chivo]

Phil,

As you know Russia is a country where the people you know can make all the difference in the world. While this is basically true for most places, its absolutely vital here.

I've been very fortunate to meet some people who are able to do things for me that many expats don't have access to. I've spent alot of time cultivating this. While English sustained me at first, i've expanded my "game" here in other ways.

Say what you want about Russia, but the game here is money and who you know, and no matter what game you play you need to understand the rules. virtually anything you want can be had at a price (and many times that price is not as much as you would think). I would think that in your time here you would have met some to "take care" of your situations.

I spend very little time with/in the expat community. Russians are the people that you will depend on. Living here without this assistance will be a struggle on many levels. This often requires the assistance of many different people also.

maybe things will get back to business as usual as far as the visas go for westerners, but who really knows what will happen in the future here.

Ukraine is a country that is issuing visas to Americans only without a residency card (sorry Brits), but if you call they say the process takes 10 days, although I know of people getting it in 2. BTW, why does it take so long to get all the paperwork done. It takes me about 2 hours of effort to handle this, but yes I wait for an invitation (about 14 days), and my registration is free and takes about 2 minutes to do.

Again with the right people, nowadays, I don't even have to leave the country to get "all" this done for about the same price as I would spend if I took my usual trip to Estonia.

As for the language, I find it hard to believe anyone can pick this language up completely in 3 months...from scratch. The best I have heard anyone doing here with the language was a young man who was able to speak pretty good Russian while here studying the language intensely at the local university after about 1 year. His level was about low intermediate when he got here. I suppose anything is possible, but it surely isn't the norm.

I'm about 40-50% there and give myself another 2 years for fluency should I stay here for that long. I'm in no hurry and my Russian is good enough to deal with most situations. I still go crazy if my brain is in "Russian" mode for an extended period of time (something all you who bring a RW to your non-Russian speaking countries should keep in mind).

Whatever happens, good luck to you in the future.

chivo

[Daveman]

This is something that I have been dwelling on as my time in Russia draws to a close.  At some point my thoughts and reflections on what life in Russia is like will be posted in a new, separate topic.  Expect it to be lengthy.

However I can answer your question 'would I trade it'?  When taking into account the entire experience I can say with total certainty that the decision to move here was probably the best thing I have ever done with my life up to this point.  In other words, no, I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

That said, there have been more than a few times when I have seriously questioned my sanity....

It ain't over yet folks.  When Putin assumes the Prime Ministership next year he may well change the visa rules again (it falls under the PM's authority) and that may enable me to stay here.

Stay tuned....

OOoOOps, Sorry Phil, I missed this post when it was fresh.  I'm looking forward to reading about your time there.  I'm planning something similar in the not so distant future and reading your story would be extremely helpful... you too Chivo if you feel like writing about it. :-)

Dave