Romantic Russian women an oxymoron?

[beachcomber556]

She is beautiful, sexy, intelligent, clever, classy, educated, artistic, talented in so many ways -- is it any wonder I fell in love with her?  The only thing missing is romance.  She does not like anything romantic.  I on the other hand am very romantic.  We have been together two years, and every time I try to do something romantic for her, it is not received well.  Too sentimental.  Passionate kissing is reserved for the few moments every week or two when she is experiencing an intense orgasm.  Is this typical of Russian women??  If not, can anyone offer suggestions??  I am at a loss for what to do.  I hate to think that our future will be void of passion and romance.  I always believed that Russian women were the most passionate and romantic on earth.  Was I wrong?  Or is my Vika not a normal Russian woman?

[Lily]

There are millions of Russian woman, and every of them may have her own perception of romanticism and have her usual amount of daily tenderness. Don't think one can figure out something like 'typical'. It is very individual thing that apparently has developed through the childhood, teenage and adult years of the woman. Some of them may have been pampered all the time from morning till night, some may have received a kiss on the birthday only.

Suggest talking with your woman about this. Share your urge for tenderness with her, tell her that you need it. You never tell, she never knows.

[Gator]

Lily,

Great answer.  I would think that after two years the two of them have discussed this at length.  If not, that says much.

Beachbum,

It is not apparent what you are talking about.

If it is just the lack of kissing that bothers you,  some RW are into it, some are not.

I assume, however, that you are talking about more:  a fine restaurant, good wine, a walk in the evening air, holding hands, telling her how beautiful she looks in the moonlight, telling her how important she is to your life, and returning to your home for candlelight, soft music, perfumed bath, whispers of affection, cuddling.    I know of no woman not into that package.   

Fortunately, I meet my woman in a week for New Year's holiday in the tropics. I can not wait to see her under the swaying palms.

[Jazzyclassy]

Russian women are very passionate and romantic of course, you were not wrong, they are!
And your girl is not abnormal , maybe there is something more to it ?.................

if a woman loves so much and it is sincere love she will never hide her passion and wont be pretending Snow Queen ....

And I would not be surprised if she is not romantic , she is probably 20 y.o. or something .It is really important in my point of view , of course there will come again all those people with their morals about age gap, but to my opinion if a man is 55 and his wife is very very young and she is not passionate and not romantic with him , he should consider the age problem as well! Plus I looked at your profile and saw you are married for 2 years already, am sorry why you never told her about your worryings?

[Phil dAmore]

I assume, however, that you are talking about more:  a fine restaurant, good wine, a walk in the evening air, holding hands, telling her how beautiful she looks in the moonlight, telling her how important she is to your life, and returning to your home for candlelight, soft music, perfumed bath, whispers of affection, cuddling.    I know of no woman not into that package.

   


My Nina has never been one for romance.  She finds it contrived and insincere.   However this doesn't affect the passion level in any way.

[I/O]

Passionate kissing is reserved for the few moments every week or two when she is experiencing an intense orgasm.

You can get laid without going through all the usual kissing, cuddling stuff that them wimmin folks seem to like beforehand and you are complaining? :hairraising: :hairraising: Gawd, most blokes would reckon they had died and gone to heaven. 

The heads up from my end of the spectrum is that my wife (Russian) and I are both about as romantic as a brick, although we do have our moments, nevertheless it surely has never cut the passion level down. Me thinks you've already mapped out your future and I suggest you have 3 choices, get on with it, get over it or get out of it.

I/O

[Makkin]

Hi,

  Sounds interesting on many levels and could you please explain more about your relationship? Does one thing have to do with the other?

  Emotion has a lot to do with this but expectations could change with the proper communication. Communicate as others have said about what you FEEL and how you FEEL. Women are good at the little things in emotion that you may be feeling. She can sense usually(opinion) what you may think and are thinking at all times..lol
  Maybe if you tell her that you want to kiss more then she will be open and happy for that. Maybe brush ya teeth and be cleaner than usual?? Just kidding but maybe there is something simple to this?

Makkin

[Gator]

Beachbum,

As Phil and I/O have said, there is a difference between passion and romance.

Jazzy,

You think intuitively and you frequently react emotionally.  Thus, I would expect you to be both romantic and passionate.  However, not every woman is like you.

I agree with you about an inverse relationship between age gap and passion.  Nevertheless, there are exceptions.  Thank God because I could not live with a woman just going through the motions without feeling something. 

 

[GreyScales]

My Nina has never been one for romance.  She finds it contrived and insincere.

Maybe I'm missing something...  But how can being romantic be contrived and insincere?

Wait!  Let me answer that, in part.  If a guy does something romantic in order to get sex - THATS insincere!

To me, there are many things that make up romance and being romantic.  Yes, candle lit dinners and flowers are two ways of being romantic.  As does everything Gator said about the beech, etc.

Like others, I have to ask...  Have you asked her about this?  If she's been conditioned that romantic gestures must equate to you getting some, I can see her being an ice queen in the romance department.

About 12 years ago, I was involved with a woman 6 years my senior.  Her parents were very strict, very religious, people.  Her mother even went so far as to lecture my GF that it was inappropriate that she was not dating the man mom wanted her to date.  I mention this because, it sounds like I was with someone similar to what you describe.

My GF was not romantic.  Walking hand in hand was out.  Candle lit dinners?  Out!  Anything romantic inevitably led to her "assuming" I wanted to be physical.  And to the requisite "fights."

After one of our more heated fights, I yelled something to the effect of: 'You honestly think I am romantic only to get you into bed???'  I think her answer was 'yes'.  I do remember that I completely turned off the romance, didn't say I loved her, wouldn't open doors for her, hold her coat, no cards/notes...  Nothing.  I took it so far as to go to bed 30 to 45 minutes ahead of when "we" normally did.

It took a few weeks, but she finally wanted us to sat down and talk.  She admitted she missed me being a gentleman, and being romantic.  We finally agreed to a level of romance she could live with without thinking I was using romance for sex.  I actually was a little less romantic than we agreed - initially.  Over a period of time, I asked her if my romantic behavior was pushing her buttons in a negative way - and almost always was told I was within her boundaries.  It was after these questioning times that I would add a little to the romance.

It took quite a while, but she did start reciprocating...

Not being an expert in RW like guys here, I can't give you RW related advise.  Maybe you need to do something to get her to talk to you about what she feels.  In my case, it was a drastic change.  I don't recommend that to anyone - but it worked for me.

Please....  Keep us posted Beechbum!


GS

[Phil dAmore]

Maybe I'm missing something...  But how can being romantic be contrived and insincere?

You pretty much answered your own question.  With Nina however it goes beyond that.  You would have to know her overall mindset.  I won't go into details but to put it mildly she is a little 'out there'.  You know, crystals, positive energy, healing cats, global harmony, holstic medicine... stuff like that. 

Romance doesn't really fit into her 'global mindset' because... well I really don't know why but she just isn't receptive toward it under normal circumstances.  She needs to prepare herself somehow. :noidea:

[Jazzyclassy]

Yeah Gator I understand

well there are rarely women who are not romantic believe me , maybe Phil's D'amour wife is not romantic , well she is very unique then

where you will find the woman who wont like sweet words, compliments ,cuddles , those romantic movies , and so on

those  most women who will say they hate all those Pride and Prejudice film , will really lie to you! And that is what I call insincere as well

[BillyB]

  Passionate kissing is reserved for the few moments every week or two when she is experiencing an intense orgasm. 

You want MORE romance and passionate kissing? You answered your own question on how to obtain it.

Ideally, you should have got to know you're lady more before getting in a long term relationship. Personally, I don't want an ice queen or a teenager who clings on to me kissing me every second out in public.

[beachcomber556]

Thanks to all who shared their points of view and experiences.  There have been many red flags in the past two years, but I keep dismissing them as the fruits of snake-bit paranoia.  Time will tell. JazzyClassy, thanks for restoring my faith.

[Jazzyclassy]

you know sometimes people live and live happily in their marriages and then they find  forum and start reading things about the relations, I know how interesting it could be I am myself reader and poster in the forums , though sometimes living life without internet makes you much more happier and you do not have really any problems in your relations , once you are digging into personal feelings of your partner and yourself, comparing,them with all those stories in the forum, suddenly all those problems appear, maybe cos people invent them themselves? Do not you think so?

[Mishenka]

you know sometimes people live and live happily in their marriages and then they find  forum and start reading things about the relations, I know how interesting it could be I am myself reader and poster in the forums , though sometimes living life without internet makes you much more happier and you do not have really any problems in your relations , once you are digging into personal feelings of your partner and yourself, comparing,them with all those stories in the forum, suddenly all those problems appear, maybe cos people invent them themselves? Do not you think so?

I tend to agree with you jazzy,, the power of suggestion is something to deal with Online, especially in forums about relationships!  Sometimes life is going along so easy and we create a little "drama" to liven things up a bit. One thing I have learned here from you all here is to keep my personal life private.  Take care!
Mishenka

[Mishenka]

By the way Jazzy,,
Let me introduce you to Galina, in photo to the left, Moya lubimaya dorogaya, Moya milaya Galina is 100% real romantic, loving, kind, generous, beautiful Russian woman. We fit together perfectly! Most of her family is living in Moscow. I will meet her face to face in Tashkent for Valentines day Feb 14th.  Lucky for me that we can talk on SKYPE and video chat every day,, it makes life so much better.  Cheers,
Mishenka

[Serebro]

Thinking about my friends I can say that I only know a couple of girls aged 23-27 who I could call romantic.
I would say that my mother is romantic, too:)
To me it's very important to have this in relationship with someone but it my opinion most WM don't have it at all and that's very sad.

[Shadow]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wzIGB2eVgo[/youtube]

Here are some romantic men for Serebro. 

[Serebro]

Shadow?!
WHERE?!

Well, in fact I have a man but I wish he was a little more romantic, too as he is too "modern" and not old-fashioned at all...

[rusexplorer]

My friend, T, from Russia made an interesting comment about kissing. T mentioned that whenever her friend's husband wanted to make love, he would start kissing wife. Ordinary the husband would largely ignore his wife, but kissing was a signal he wanted to make love. Perhaps, this is the case in the situation here.
I offer this only a possible explanation.

[groovlstk]

My friend, T, from Russia made an interesting comment about kissing. T mentioned that whenever her friend's husband wanted to make love, he would start kissing wife. Ordinary the husband would largely ignore his wife, but kissing was a signal he wanted to make love. Perhaps, this is the case in the situation here.
I offer this only a possible explanation.

There are no special cues or gestures that Russians use to show affection to the people they love. Couples hold hands while walking, trade kisses, etc. In the example above I'd guess that the husband lacks intimacy for his wife outside of sex, an issue that plenty of Western people have, also.

Guys like the original poster in this thread simply refuse to accept the obvious explanation, despite overwhelming evidence, and do backflips to attribute her behavior to anything besides the real cause.

[Faux Pas]

I think Serebro actually hit on a pretty good point I felt with several women whom I dated that was much younger than I. At the time they were early to mid-20's and didn't have a clue about romance or if they were being romanticized. Flowers,wine and a bubble bath? Nah, just let me jump in the shower and we'll watch a movie types. I've always appreciated the older, more mature types because most were romantic, huggy, touchy, feely.

Beachbum didn't mention the age of his Vika. She may be too young yet to appreciate it.

[ScottinCrimea]

It took me a long time to learn to be romantic, but I got pretty good at it and the women I dated appreciated it.  Then my wife came along and her concept of romance was totally different.  What gets her "in the mood" isn't a fancy dinner, candles and soft lights, but the day to day way I treat her.  She is most passionate when she feels secure in our relationship and in my love for her and this is demonstrated by how I treat her on a regular basis.  To suddenly present her with a "romantic" evening isn't going to suddenly change her feelings toward me.  It can be an enhancement to what is already there, but if the close feelings aren't there in the first place, it looks too contrived.  The other thing that drives her feelings is how she feels about herself, and I can play a part in that.  if she feels feminine, she acts feminine.  If she feels like a "wife" rather than a "lover' she will act the part.  I think in every case where I felt her passion was lacking, I could look squarely at myself and know the reason.  As some have commented, some women see romance coming with the price of the expectation of sex, as if that is the only purpose of romance.  If that has been their experience, something needs to change.

I don't recall who talked about this, but it explains a lot.  Woman would much prefer a rose every day to a new car once a year.  It's the small things, repeated on a regular basis, that really count for them.

[beachcomber556]

Wow, it's hard to believe that this topic still has legs after all this time.  Update time:  I have finally realized  that my beloved Viktoriya, the woman of my dreams, is perfect just the way she is.  All my whining and worrying      was a big waste of time and energy.  I just had to take the blinders off, and focus on her and all her wonderful loving qualities.  Romance takes many forms....... and is expressed in many, many ways.  I just had to be quiet, and let my beautiful little butterfly come and show me her way.  Our relationship is deeper, wider and stronger than we ever dreamed possible.  I am a VERY blessed man.

[Al_C]

Here is a kicker:  My lady, the one I am going to visit at the end of this month, says that I am the one who needs to be more romantic.

So I suppose that it is a function of the individual.