Fed up with everything.

[Sort]

Just spend my New YearŽnight up wondering about my life.

This whole holiday weeks have been nothing more then total crap for me.
Im sorry to wind it all of here but i have to so if you don't care then don't read.

It all started on Chrismas day when i recieve sms from my "girl" where she say that she doesn't mean anything for me and that i don't need her.
I answerd that she means the world to me and that i will call her and we can talk thing out and that it is the same pain for me to be in Sweden and not with her on Christmas.

Late on Christmas day at 00:40 i get another sms from her where she say that it seems that i only come to Ukraine to relax from work, have fun time and get free sex.
That pissed me of and i asked her why.
she sayed that all her friends get flowers and gifts sent to them from there boyfriends and postcards with confessions about there love.
I have called my "girl" just about every damn day on the phone and talked to her since we met in July.
Doesn't that count anything for women in Ukraine???? or is it only gifts and more gifts that counts.

Yesterday she went to a friend to party and i have nothing against her going out and party.
I told her that i will try and call her and wish Happy new year.
she replyed that the phonlines will most likely be overloaded but i can try.
I called and called...no answer..Then the phone is switched of.
and the phoneline wasn't that overloaded because i called a friend at 00:15 Ukrainian time and that was no problem.

So my end of 2007 and beginning 0f 2008 have been a peace if crap.
I hope that no one else on the forum have been this unlucky this week.

Yes i have tried to call her all night and phone is still of.

What have i done wrong to always end up in shit??

[wxman]

Sort,

Before you get too upset, she actually may be depressed that you are not there with her for the holidays. She could be feeling lonely, and she may have told you those things because she feel left out this holiday. She may not even went out with her friends, but turned off her phone because she is sad and depressed. I know of people who get very depressed during the holidays. I'm not saying that she is like that, but she very well may feel that way this holiday.

I notice that my fiance is quiet this holiday and she is sad I'm not there. I'm leaving for there in a few days, but I could not get off for the holiday. I do the best i can to brighten up the holiday for her, but it's hard because Christmas and New Years is a time to be with loved ones.

Don't be too hard on her. Talk to her as soon as you can.

[I/O]

Sort: I don't know if or what you have done wrong. I don't know your story at all. Nevertheless, if what you are saying here is a balanced comentary of the situation (Rarely is when only one is telling the story) I'd tend to conclude you have a spoiled brat on your hands.

In the 2 plus years mine and I were communicating and meeting before she moved here, 3 birthdays and 2 womens days passed. She got flowers on the birthdays, cards on women's days and cards at Christmas. Nothing more. She expressed delight and surprise each time and laughed because the flower delivery contractor happened to be the same one 3 times (12 months apart) and he joked that he would see her again next year. She assured him she wouldn't. LOL.

I have never met (I am sure they exist) an eastern woman who is worthy that would take the tack yours has. It may simply be a case of frustration, but my guess is you are not the only suitor.

I/O

[Sort]

Don't be too hard on her. Talk to her as soon as you can.

Just talked to her.
I was calm and didn't raise my voice, im to fed up to do it anyway.

[Shadow]

Sort,

First of all as you are in Sweden, the distance to Ukraine is not far. That means that with a little effort you can visit her often. Now if that is not possible for whatever reason, every now and then you need to do something extra to keep romance alive.
Calling every day is just what you do. But with holidays, birthdays and on special occasions you just need to do that little bit extra.
Even a small thing can be enough, but continuing as usual is not what a woman would expect.

[Sort]

Sort,

First of all as you are in Sweden, the distance to Ukraine is not far. That means that with a little effort you can visit her often. Now if that is not possible for whatever reason, every now and then you need to do something extra to keep romance alive.
Calling every day is just what you do. But with holidays, birthdays and on special occasions you just need to do that little bit extra.
Even a small thing can be enough, but continuing as usual is not what a woman would expect.

I have been to Ukraine 3 times since July and i have called her just about everyday on the phone, many days i have called her more then one time so please do not say that i can and can't do.

[SANDRO43]

Just talked to her. I was calm and didn't raise my voice, im to fed up to do it anyway.

And, more relevantly, what was her attitude today ? Any changes ?

[Shadow]

I have been to Ukraine 3 times since July and i have called her just about everyday on the phone, many days i have called her more then one time so please do not say that i can and can't do.

Allright here are the opinions of the Shadows:

1. Mr Shadow: Hey perhaps she saw a lot of friends getting some extra attention and she hoped for the same.
2. Ms Shadow: Ukraine does not celebrate Christmas like Europe or the US. Could she be just wanting some money ?

Take your pick.

[Alyona]

Sort, sorry to hear that you and your lady are having a rough patch.  Remember there are many bumpy spots in a relationship depending on what stage you are and depending on the level of commitment.  Perhaps she is ready to move forward in your relationship or wants to make sure you are not taking her for granted.

Alyona

[Jet]

Just spend my New YearŽnight up wondering about my life.
I have called my "girl" just about every damn day on the phone and talked to her since we met in July.
Doesn't that count anything for women in Ukraine???? or is it only gifts and more gifts that counts.
What have i done wrong to always end up in *snip*??

She can't show a phone call off to her friends, so it doesn't count for anything for women in Ukraine, (or Russia, or Sweden, or UK, or Thailand, or Brazil).
Take some of that phone call money and invest it in some postage stamps and cards. The cards don't need long well written confessions of love, just a few words will do. It's some tangible proof that you exist, that she can "show off" to her friends. That kind of stuff is important to women, much more so than men.

The first year my wife started working here in the US I brought home flowers for St. Valentines day. I thought I did good. I later understood that I had f**ked up! It seems all the other husbands were smart enough to have the flowers delivered to work, and I was the only one who did not. It was not about the flowers, but about the bragging rights. I have not made that mistake again, and the rewards have been plentiful 

[Serebro]

It all started on Chrismas day when i recieve sms from my "girl" where she say that she doesn't mean anything for me and that i don't need her.
I answerd that she means the world to me and that i will call her and we can talk thing out and that it is the same pain for me to be in Sweden and not with her on Christmas.

Late on Christmas day at 00:40 i get another sms from her where she say that it seems that i only come to Ukraine to relax from work, have fun time and get free sex.
That pissed me of and i asked her why.
she sayed that all her friends get flowers and gifts sent to them from there boyfriends and postcards with confessions about there love.
I have called my "girl" just about every damn day on the phone and talked to her since we met in July.
Doesn't that count anything for women in Ukraine???? or is it only gifts and more gifts that counts.

I don't think that these are only gifts, I think that this is your attention.Your every day phone calls have nothing in common with Christmas wishes...

At the same time the girl who says that you don't love her because you don't give her a present for Catholic Christmas doesn't sound too mature and smart to me...
I am sorry

[Sort]

I have not only called her on the phone.
I have bought her gifts and even payed for a course at the University.
I have sent her flowers and she have got them before Newyear.

Alyona.
I have no own home.
I live at my work in a damn room just so that i can instead of paying for a apartment i can use the money to travel and pay for a cheap apartment.
So you see i AM ready and willing to devote my life to her and i will try and spend as much time as i can in Ukraine and next to her and I'm not taking her for granted.


Shadow.
1. She have always had my full attention and yes i think she got envy at her friends since there loving  boyfriends send them flowers and a postcard.
2. The difference in Christmas as i see it is 2 weeks in time.
We celebrate in December and they in January.
No she haven't asked me for any money.

Sandro43.
Her attitude today is that she seem to be sad and she say that she loves me and want to live with me and for us to have a future together.
for me thats all i want.
I truly love and want her to be my wife and mother to my children.


Why i have changed my avatar???
cause thats how i feel.....trying to hold on to the most precious in my life

[Sort]

I don't think that these are only gifts, I think that this is your attention.Your every day phone calls have nothing in common with Christmas wishes...

At the same time the girl who says that you don't love her because you don't give her a present for Catholic Christmas doesn't sound too mature and smart to me...
I am sorry

Don't be sorry m8.
The truth is alwayes the best and thats why i started this thread to tell the truth and to hear your thoughts of this.

[Daveman]

What city does she live in?  Unless she's just trying to blow you off and looking for an excuse to do so, I would say Jet is spot on. It's about bragging rights.  There are two distinct categories that I have seen.  I'll just call them 'normal' and 'idiotic'.  The first - she just wants to get physical thing you send to her from your country.  Gifts from a flower agency are cool, but the little things you send her from home have a very special meaning and she'll love to brag about the little things.  Hopefully this is your girl.

The second is the one that is really idiotic.  "Look what MY boy gave me" to imply it's better than what her friends' boys gave them.  The endless competition for status.  To us (or at least to me) this is incredibly stupid, even more stupid than idiocy, and more idiotic than foolishness, but, 'tis the way it is with many FSU women.  If this is her, you're in for a rocky road because when you are together, nothing will ever be 'good enough' and she'll always be pushing you to attain for her the perception of "status". It's all about status.

The funny thing about this idiotic category is that she may not even LIKE her friends, she doesn't TRUST them, but she'll follow them like a lost puppy to the demise of your relations.  And if there is ever a disagreement between you.. what her idiotic friends say will always be right (even though she neither likes nor trusts them) and what YOU say will be some kind of excuse or a lie, or whatever her idiotic friends tell her.

First decide what kind of woman she is, and if she shows signs of the latter.. get away from her or be ready to continuously and continually pay a price for your relationship.

Dave

[BillyB]

I have not only called her on the phone.
I have bought her gifts and even payed for a course at the University.
I have sent her flowers and she have got them before Newyear.

Sort, you claim to do enough for her and completely devoted to her. She claims you're not compared to other men based on what they do for their girlfriends and you're using her for free sex. Maybe you need to buy her a new flat to keep up with or beat the competition to keep her happy and in style or maybe you two aren't meant to be. If things do work out with you, hopefully she doesn't continue to get more out of you by playing a guilt trip scenario and punishes you for what she thinks you lack. It's true some of us men could be more romantic and need to get educated but if she's unforgiving, you should be too for her intolerance. If my fiancee accused me for using her for sex after all the time we've known each other, I'd be insulted and I'd question her intelligence and motives for saying that.

[Sort]

Well Dave.

I can't honestly say what kind of woman she is reading your post.
If she show sign of to be "the second" in of in a instant.
I don't know what the future will hold other then when we meet again we will have a serious talk and if i don't like tha outcome of it i guess im back in the "meat market" again.

[Sort]

Sort, you claim to do enough for her and completely devoted to her. She claims you're not compared to other men based on what they do for their girlfriends and you're using her for free sex. Maybe you need to buy her a new flat to keep up with or beat the competition to keep her happy and in style or maybe you two aren't meant to be. If things do work out with you, hopefully she doesn't continue to get more out of you by playing a guilt trip scenario and punishes you for what she thinks you lack. It's true some of us men could be more romantic and need to get educated but if she's unforgiving, you should be too for her intolerance. If my fiancee accused me for using her for sex after all the time we've known each other, I'd be insulted and I'd question her intelligence and motives for saying that.

Yeah i asked her how she could even think of me to be only in for sex.
if i want sex i do NOT have to travel to Ukraine.
I not gonna buy anymore things for her until i know what she wants from me.

[Daveman]

Well Dave.

I can't honestly say what kind of woman she is reading your post.
If she show sign of to be "the second" in of in a instant.
I don't know what the future will hold other then when we meet again we will have a serious talk and if i don't like tha outcome of it i guess im back in the "meat market" again.

Well, the sex comment may or may not mean anything at all... sometimes they'll be feeling a little down, or whatever, and just blurt out a thought they are having at the moment and it doesn't really mean anything.  This "blurting" will sometimes surprise you, but most of the time it's meaningless. But then again, Billy could be right about the guilt trip... you just have to pay attention to the surrounding situation.  Take in the big picture rather than focus entirely on the words of one singular event.

Have you had other conversations similar to this one?  Think about all the many talks you have had.. how often does she try to make you feel guilty about something to get her way? 

Has she ever, or how often does she mention gifts her friends have received?

I think it would be a big mistake to stop giving her anything.  Gifts are extremely important as 'tokens of affection'... they love giving and receiving little gifts to and from everyone.. friends, family.. it's just part of the culture...  send her a few small gifts from your country.  Buy a pack of various postcards and drop one in the mail to her once a week with a little message to her on it.

These little tokens of affection mean a lot.  It doesn't have to be anything expensive, you are simply saying this... "not only do I SAY I care about you, I prove it by little things I do, and these little tokens SHOW you that I am thinking of you, even when I'm away from you."

Words usually mean far less in their culture than actions. SHOW her... and tell her.. but SHOW her.

After you do this, listen closely to what she says... is this still not 'good enough'? does she give you the impression that what her friends have received is better than what she received from you?

Before long, you will have the answer.

Hang in there Sort.. it'll become clear soon enough.

Dave


edit:  yes, of course your phone calls every day are showing her something.. but she can't carry those with her, she can't touch them and think about you.. she can't pull a phone call out of her purse and smile...

[Sort]

Dave.

This is the first time we had any thing wrong between us.
everything have been a walk on roses until christmas.

I asked her if she wanted us to part and o told i will walk away if she wants me to.
she said "no" and i hope she now knows and think about what she say and do because one step is one step away.

[I/O]

Sort: Forgive me if I missed it somewhere, I don't know your story at all, but how long have you known this lady? When did you first get in touch? When did you first meet face to face? (Not talking webcams here)

I/O

[Sort]

Sort: Forgive me if I missed it somewhere, I don't know your story at all, but how long have you known this lady? When did you first get in touch? When did you first meet face to face? (Not talking webcams here)

I/O

We met in July.
she is not from a agency and we met true a friend.

[I/O]

We met in July.

Face to face?

I/O

[Sort]

Face to face?

I/O

Yes
We met face to face.
I was out from the dating on internet at that time.
I was in Ukraine and i mer her when meeting a friend.


For all you guys here.
can you ask your wifes/girlfriends if i am doing wrong to be ready to travel to Ukraine once a month to be with my girl?
is it better to meet 2 or 3 times a year?
I would like to have there opinion on this question.

[Ronnie]

Assuming you accurately quoted her in your original post, the use of the term "free sex" should tell you everything you need to know about this girl.  Run Forest...run.

[BillyB]

Well, the sex comment may or may not mean anything at all...
Dave

Maybe,.... but when a woman accuses her man of getting sex from her for free and in the same breath say she needs more gifts to make her happy, it starts to become a question of what it's going to cost a man to get in her pants. Maybe Sort's woman need to grow up and learn to choose her words more wisely but  women with class and dignity will not accuse their man of using them for sex and then tell them what the cure is to make her happy, they will simply walk away from men they conclude are playboys or users of women.

My fiancee makes it real clear to me based on her actions of not wanting me for gifts or money. She does want a good, responsible and reliable man and that in itself will make for a good husband and provider for a family. Just as most of you men go out of your way to prove your love and show that you are not using your gf/wife and demand little from her, there are women that will go out of their way for you too. Find a woman who will give you the effort you give her.

I can't speak for Sort but I probably give less flowers and gifts to my fiancee than most men do for theirs. I also talk less and probably spend less time on the phone with my fiancee than those men do with their woman. But I take care of business in other parts of my life and I know my worth. I have much more to offer to a woman than many men who shower their woman with gifts, money and sweet talking words. I also feel men who overly give gifts and money to women do it to make up for deficiencies in their character. They may keep the woman happy when she's young, but when she grows up and figures out the man she married is always in trouble at work and can't get along socially with other people, lacks personality, confidence, and/or character she divorce him anyway no matter how many gifts and flowers he'll promise her if she stays in a relationship with him.

Sort, have a talk with your woman and ask her what it is that she likes about you. Maybe there are some things you can improve on and be a little more romantic but if your woman wants to be spoiled equally or more than the friends she envies, you need to think if you want to keep this woman in style. Maybe you hit a bump in the road or maybe you are starting to see the woman for who she truly is or will become since I assume she's still young since she's attends a University. Whatever you conclude from this episode from your lady, don't force a relationship under less than desirable circumstances.