Why Lock DKMM thread? Mod # 7????

[tim 360]

Geeezzz.  Gettin' Kommunstik here lately or what?  Personally I did not see anything out of hand or untoward to DKMM.  And besides he is a man who can take it.  I think you lock too quickly MOD # 7.  Its your board and not mine so I don't really care much--- but like Putin you discourage debate by your pre-mature censorship.  Things would have resolved without your heavy hand.  Ban ME if you like I could care less.  Sorry Dan,  the board was better before all the MOD's.

Personally, I give DK alot of credit.  Most guys would not be so candid and post things going wrong for them (and their thought process) and I think we all do owe him thanks for his courage.  Many guys would slink and crawl into the woodwork.  Alot will learn something from DK's postings.  DK is A-OK in my book.  Cheerio, tim360

[William3rd]

Personally, I think that the thread was getting elderly. 17 pages, wasnt it? Certainly long enough for the readers to make up their minds. However, as I say that, I think it is important to look at the last thread in context with all the other posting over the last 8 months to get the real flavor of what happened.

RIP to E. Time to move on. . .

[acrzybear]

pre-mature censorship. 

  Now THAT was funny!!!!

[jb]

pre-mature censorship.

I agree, locking the thread insures it will sink into oblivion.  Keeping it alive, giving it a bump from time to time, would have allowed newbies to benefit from DK's experience.  Now it is, for all intents and purposes, lost.  DKMM made some serious mistakes and was brave enough to come back and lay it all out for analysis.    That ought to mean something.   Well,,, now it seems Mod7 has decided it means nothing.

Thanks, Mod7.

[catzenmouse]

I really don't think that thread had any further value to give aside from showing that people who don't listen will end up making the same mistakes again and again. Anyone who doesn't already know that by now is better off staying home.

Kudos to DK for being man enough to come back with the story. Negative Kudos for ever letting it get to the state it ended up in.

[Admin]

Geeezzz.  Gettin' Kommunstik here lately or what?  Personally I did not see anything out of hand or untoward to DKMM.  And besides he is a man who can take it.  I think you lock too quickly MOD # 7.  Its your board and not mine so I don't really care much--- but like Putin you discourage debate by your pre-mature censorship.  Things would have resolved without your heavy hand.  Ban ME if you like I could care less.  Sorry Dan,  the board was better before all the MOD's.

Personally, I give DK alot of credit.  Most guys would not be so candid and post things going wrong for them (and their thought process) and I think we all do owe him thanks for his courage.  Many guys would slink and crawl into the woodwork.  Alot will learn something from DK's postings.  DK is A-OK in my book.  Cheerio, tim360

Tim,

I am not around much right now - attending to a health issue. I need the Mods to manage the board - and they are doing the best they can. Sometimes you guys (not you, specifically, Tim) make it pretty tough to maintain a civil place where there can be worthwhile exchange.

In any case - the last thing you need to worry about (or mention) is being banned. We just do not do that except in the most extreme circumstances.

And for the record, I concur that it was a brave move for DKMM to share with us his experiences. While there are many ways to interpret his actions, frame of mind, etc. - it is undeniable that he offered to many the opportunity to learn from his experiences by posting here. FWIW

- Dan

[jb]

And for the record, I concur that it was a brave move for DKMM to share with us his experiences. While there are many ways to interpret his actions, frame of mind, etc. - it is undeniable that he offered to many the opportunity to learn from his experiences by posting here. FWIW

- Dan

If you think it has value, then why lock it?

[Mod7]

If you think it has value, then why lock it?

Its original value IMO deteriorated with the long recent string of "I told you so" posts, of no further benefit to the OP.

A locked thread cannot be posted to, but can still be read.

[Photo Guy]

It seems to me that everything was already said. What more can
be added to DKMM's story? Locking the thread doesn't
make it unreadable or of less value, in my opinion.
DKMM can always add a new 'update' thread later, where he
tells us that he learned his lessons, ...or where he
continues to play Russian Roulette with bad girls.
The locked thread has permanent value, just as it is.

[jb]

A locked thread cannot be posted to, but can still be read.

Yeah,,, but the nature of it is that it sinks into oblivion within a few days if it is not an active thread.  You've effectively killed it with the lock. 

WTF, you guys lock threads as you wish anyway...  You know, I'd love to know how many Mods are married men.  My guess is less than 50%... Bunch 'o dorks in my view.

[SANDRO43]

You know, I'd love to know how many Mods are married men.  My guess is less than 50%... Bunch 'o dorks in my view.

What if a vow of celibacy is a strict pre-requisite for the job ?

[Admin]

Yeah,,, but the nature of it is that it sinks into oblivion within a few days if it is not an active thread.  You've effectively killed it with the lock. 

WTF, you guys lock threads as you wish anyway...  You know, I'd love to know how many Mods are married men.  My guess is less than 50%... Bunch 'o dorks in my view.

I am sure they will be happy to learn of your view.

From *my* view, I am grateful for the help, and I feel they all do a great job.

- Dan

[acrzybear]

not revelent to topic

[Jet]

Yeah,,, but the nature of it is that it sinks into oblivion within a few days if it is not an active thread.  You've effectively killed it with the lock. 

This could probably be easily resolved by asking Dan to make it a "sticky" so it stays on the first page...perhaps a poll 

[Admin]

This could probably be easily resolved by asking Dan to make it a "sticky" so it stays on the first page...perhaps a poll 

For that matter, one of the dorks Mods could probably do that - if jb were to ask nicely.

- Dan

[KenC]

I think that the whole series of DKMM threads should be bundled together under the title "Don't let this happen to you!" and be required reading for newbies.

For what it is worth, I didn't see a lot of "I told you sos" being posted and the thread was mellowing out on it's own.  Locking it will assure it will be out of sight and unread.
KenC

[I/O]

The future................??? ??? ???

I/O

[BillyB]

If anybody feels they did not give DKMM enough advice in his thread, they are free to post that helpful advice here and send DKMM a pm to make sure he reads it.

The last 3 posts were made from posters who hinted to tone down the "I told you so", "laughing brigade" and the "pile on" attitudes.

Based on those 3 posts and from experience, I'd expect 2 or more pages of rebuttals and an insult laced argument from people on all sides defending their positions. From both sides, there would be about one post dedicated to patting each other on the back in agreement after each post made towards the opposition. It makes the thread difficult to read and hard on the brain. Lock or no lock, the thread will fall into oblivion anyway.

I think Mod 7 is smarter than you guys give him/her or the cat credit for.

When DKMM came back to finish his thread, most reasonable people reading would finally conclude DKMM was wrong again and again about pursuing his fiancee without anybody having to remind him with 2+ pages of added comment. Based on DKMM's last few posts, if a newbie doesn't "get it", then that guy is beyond any help we could give him.

The only thing I would advise DKMM now is to lower his current "high standards" he has for THE woman in his life and add some standards on his list that's missing such as demanding a woman have "character", "integrity", "devotion to him", and "good manners"  because if those were on his list to begin with, he would have dumped his ex-fiancee a long time ago.

[DKMM]

I'm glad to contribute something of value to RWD.

Well I didn't feel like I had much more to contribute to it either.  I didn't reply again basically because of what BillyB said.

The main problem I had with people were the "she's using you" types of posters.  Nothing E did came close to using me or scamming me, and if it seems that way either I didn't present things correctly or you didn't read it close enough.  Certainly it should have been obvious when her last thing she did with me was empty her bank account to pay me back, and also returned to me my expensive xmas presents to return to the store... and not to mention the 5k ring.  She hardly let me buy anything for her in our trips when I was ready to splurge.  The "free trip" to Turkey was my idea (whopping $250 I spent on her travel), she wanted to see me and her requirement was that we find the cheapest way to spend time together.  Enough about that though, believe what you want to believe.

The real things that went wrong have already been discussed and I hope they don't get clouded out with the wrong information by people tooting their own horns.  E and myself were both unsure of our future and we both approached this trip with the view that maybe we could start our relationship back up a few notches down from being engaged (we could leave the visa in limbo until this fall).  But that did not work.  I am really glad we didn't just go to some resort for the week, it would have been a week of hell.   I was emotional the past few days posting but now that I'm home I feel better and am ready to move on.

So I took a trip to see if things could be salvaged.  I guess if that is being stupid so be it but I don't regret it.  The thing I regret is not listening to myself - not to mention friends and you all - that I should have ended this sooner.  In any case I hope someone learns how not to pursue a woman showing the red flags.

[catzenmouse]

DK,

 I'm sorry if my posts felt like "piling on" to you. I guess is just comes from the frustration of seeing someone who has a good head on their shoulders but is not using it (IMO of course).

 Stupid as it may be, I look on many of the newbies here like they are my children. Some need a gentle guiding hand, some need to be yelled at a bit, and some need to be grounded and not allowed out of the house. The longer someone goes on making one mistake after another, when they have been given plenty of advice about why that is wrong, the more frustrating it gets and the harsher (prickish in my case ) the responses get.

 Take my oldest son. He came to live with me when he was 17 (his mother is in rural Nova Scotia, Canada BTW) as there were more opportunities in my area for education and career) and he did fine for awhile until he decided that he was going to be a rock star and he really didn't need to do much at school. I did not see it the same way that he did and continued to push him on his grades and attendance. Since he knew so much better than I about how his future would pan out he decided to move back in with his mother (who would allow him to get the barely passing grades) and now 4 years later he has a fantastic career pumping gas and lived at home until just a few months ago (he now lives in a dinky apartment with a couple other high rollers).

 Was I a prick to him for insisting on his paying attention to his schooling? In his opinion I sure as hell was. Did I do it out of hate or malice? Nope. Does it feel good for me to see his current situation and that I was right? Again Nope.

 So, regardless of what you (and some others apparently) may believe there is no grand conspiracy of "I told you so's" here. Just a good bit of frustration and disappointment that again someone decided that they know better and that they are "different" than the hundreds that have gone before them and ended up in the same situation.

FWIW,
 Ken

[BC]

I am kind of in favor that threads get locked up when they have run their course.  Locking a thread does not have to be bad.

Someone could maybe add a 'memorable threads' wiki article linking to these great newbie experiences, in effect keeping them quite 'alive'.

[BillyB]

The main problem I had with people were the "she's using you" types of posters. 

I don't think she was using you but she tolerated you and out of sympathy, tried to give the relationship another chance without putting much effort into changing herself. Why should she change? She's a good looking woman and she'll eventually find a man who will bend over to do anything she wants. What was clear was there we're times she treated you like garbage, she hid and was not proud of her relationship with you. Some guys never look past the beauty of a woman and remain blind but when they do see, they then forgive a beautiful woman's faults even if she craps on him. A good woman will not crap on you or people in general, period.

 Hopefully DKMM, you'll find a woman who has good manners at all times and is totally devoted to you. Then you'll look back at this relationship and wonder why you were wasting time. I certainly look at some of my past relationships as a total waste now that I have a better understanding on what I should look for in a woman.

[Serebro]

 Hopefully DKMM, you'll find a woman who has good manners at all times and is totally devoted to you. Then you'll look back at this relationship and wonder why you were wasting time. I certainly look at some of my past relationships as a total waste now that I have a better understanding on what I should look for in a woman.

I am sure he will find his woman!He is young and I think that he is a nice person on the whole, but I just think that he should change his attitude towards RW a little(and towards himself of course) and act using the rules that are normal for RW.

[DKMM]

E sent me an SMS today to talk.  I called her and after she asked how I was doing, I told her how happy I am now and how much less stress I have.  She apologized and asked how my mom took the news (she knew my mom through their own talking for the past months).  I told her no problem all my friends and family are happy that the best thing for us turned out.  She seems rather depressed.  Oh well, that's not my problem.  She's crazier than I thought she was if she thinks I'm going to try anything else with her.

Well Billy, I won't consider it a waste of time.  I dragged out the end for a month too long, but the rest of it was great and I learned a ton so I'm glad I tried.

I went out with a friend tonight, told him my story and got a phone number from a pretty young thing who was tagging along with her friends.  Life goes on...

[William3rd]

BTW- anybody heard from Wiz and Mirror lately?

I wonder if they gave it another try. . . . .