Kaliningrad no fun 2 be had

[Koluji Ezhik]

Some good and valuable points are being made here. I thank all for their responses. I didn't mean to get in a sparing match with Serebo. I also apologize about my lack of paragraphs. I did get a little lost in trying to boil down a two week story into a little web page. I did leave out many details. Some important, and some not. I made many many mistakes in this relationship, and I admit it. I guess if I fill in some more of the story it will become more understandable, believable, and certainly reveal much more foolish and down right stupid behavior on my part. It is very funny to me though that a month ago I was on here, blathering on about this girls greatness, and many people were suggesting that she was a liar, and criminal. Now that I have come back and said she is a liar and a criminal, other people are jumping up to defend her character, and question the truth of my words. She is in fact no angel. I will also clearly state that my actions, and thought process while in no way sinisster, was definitely foolish, and somewhat jack assish. That being understood, and no longer needed to be repeated over and over again in this thread, I will flesh out some more background, and also some more details of my trip.

Lucy, the girl in question here. Did tell me that she was here legally when I met her. I suspected that was not the case, but when I went to Russia. She openly said that she was here illegally, which confirmed that she had lied to me. I do know some other Russian people that are here illegally, and they are very good people, but I agree that this is definitely reason to consider a person's character more closely, especially if you are pursuing a long term relationship with that person. She did come on a summer work program, and just wound up getting caught up in the lifestyle here. She was 19 when she came. She was 20 when I met her, and I was 32 at the time. Now she is 22, and I am 33 for those that wondered. When I met her my marriage to an AW was completely unraveled, and the divorce process was underway. I was very lonely depressed, and living on my friend's sofa for months. I on occasion would get finished work early, and go to a strip club sometimes. One day I went to this very fancy club, and that is where I met Luska. Huge red flag number one, on day one, at minute one. I guess this thing was doomed from that point. I began to go see her at her work as often as I could. She had worked there as a coat check girl, then waitress, and then bartender. Her friend Ksu from Kgrad in my story also worked there. She returned home when she was supposed to. Lucy was quite pretty and customers were always telling her that she should work there as a stripper, but she didn't. When Lucy was arrested she thought to herself "Screw it. I have to leave USA, and I might as well make as much money as possible before I return." So she started dancing. I met here like her third day as a dancer. The first thing I said to her was what are you doing here. You are not a stripper. She told me her story that day, and that she didn't want to do it. The first time she went on stage she hated it, and asked to go back to bartending, but the club wouldn't let her. She hated it, and became very depressed at the poor decision she had made. This decision she made shows another flaw in her character, and another flag that I over looked. I saw her there for about 5 or 6 days in 2 weeks. I told her that it was crazy for me to keep coming there, and I would not continue to do so. At this point we had talked for hours, and it was enjoyable to have someone that understood the situation she was in. She gave me her email, and through that we began to spend time together outside of her work. This was the first time that I also knew something about her maybe liking women. She had a co-worker that was a lesbian, and was teaching her some tricks to be a better dancer. This girl was only her friend, but was also planting seeds about lesbianism in her mind. She was in a committed relationship with a woman, but sort of trying to convert Lucy over I think. She gave her dvd's of a show called the L Word, and took her to a few gay clubs I know about. I had gone out dancing with Lucy, and seen her dance with other girls also. This is not totally uncommon behavior for even straight American girls at 21, so I was Ok with it. Before she left American at one point I asked her if she was maybe turning gay, and she told me that maybe she was becoming bi-sexual. This was probably a red flag also.

Now more about my trip, after some important background details have been placed on the table. I didn't say these things before I guess, because I knew they were red flags I was over looking. I knew that people on this board would have been like "What are you thinking, bro." Lesson is here if you don't tell the doctor all of your symptoms he cannot give you a good diagnoses. If I wasn't in denial, and had said my whole story up front it would have almost certainly drew enough warnings from the folks on here to maybe convince me not to continue this relationship. I was one of those guys that was thinking, that my situation is different. This girl seems to have some major flaws, but she is special, and not like the rest. You have to be honest with yourself, you cannot get stuck thinking this way. It will only draw you in deeper, and cost, and hurt you more in the end. I think that at some point in the year that transpired she wanted me to come, and visit her, because she did want a real relationship with me. Maybe for real or maybe for green card I don't really know. I could believe either at this point. I think that she really did care for me, and imagined some way to make a future of this relationship. When i didn't come to Russia in the summer like we originally said, I think she started to think that I wasn't coming, and she lost heart a little. I kept saying I am trying to come, but the date kept moving later and later, because of a lawsuit I was in, my employment and some issues with my divorce. I think in this phase is when she met this girl Nastya. She was still telling me to come, but thinking I probably wasn't. In the meantime she got deeper and deeper into this relationship with Nastya.

I think when she did realize I was finally coming she tried to have her cake and eat it to. She came up with a kind of crazy plan to not let me know about her relationship with Nastya. She didn't want to cheat on her girlfriend, but she didn't want me to know, and possibly lose a future with me. Also she had told her parents a lot about me. I think her plan was much more complex than I first stated. She did kind of want to use me to trick them, trick me at the same time, and keep her girlfriend in the shadows for the time I was around, Her plan fell apart, because I was smart enough to sense something wasn't right, and her friends telling me some of the truth of the matter. I told her that I knew about Nastya, and kind of that I thought she had some crazy plan. At this point she went into crisis management, and tried to keep in this sort of hostage type lock down. She didn't want it all to fall apart and me to leave, because what would just be bad for her, and look terrible to her parents. I did leave, but I had to fly back to USA from kgrad, so I did return before I left. I had told her that she made a huge mistake by letting things go like they did, and not being honest with me. I think she considered this, and saw how much I really cared for her. My last night she tried to say that she was sorry, and that she wanted to fix things. That maybe we could have a relationship in the future. That she realized her realtionship with Nastya was not like what we had, and could have. She said for me to give it time, and come back, and maybe one day we could resume,  a true and lasting relationship. She tried to become intimate with me. Since I had gone to Moscow, and met with my Tatyana, I was much more aware of how a true and good woman acts towards a man. I told Lucy no way. Just let me go, back to American, and get on with my life. I would never be able to trust her, or have a real relationship with her. I told her how I had met with Taty in Moscow, and she had been so selfless, and true to me, even though our relationship had ended in a bad way long before. I told Lucy that she had been too selfish, and made too many mistakes with me. I told her she actually did me a favor, by lying, and trying to manipulate me. It had caused me to see how she really was, and saved me from getting in a long term situation or even marriage with a person of such low character.

At this point I think that she did lie and use me, but also there was a lot more going on. She did have feelings for me. She did want to sort of trick her parents. She was in a very hot, and intense relationship with Nastya. She was in the process of being sued by her former employer for theft. She just had a lot of schemes, and some real situations, and just tried to juggle it all. In the end she dropped the ball, and I was just one of the balls that hit the floor.  I did have some enjoyable times, and got a hell of an education in many was. I am just here to share it that we might all benefit from my situation. I am trying to turn negative into positive, by sharing. I hope we can continue further discussion, and make the best of this for me and others in this community. This is the only reason I am on here saying all of this. I am not making up one detail. that would serve no purpose. Please continue to help me reflect, and ask more questions so we can learn from this experience. I appreciate the wisdom of the people here, and need it so let's realize that we can all be friends, and benefit from this process.
-Kj

[Jumper]

Ezhik said:

Now more about my trip, after some important background details have been placed on the table. I didn't say these things before I guess, because I knew they were red flags I was over looking. I knew that people on this board would have been like "What are you thinking, bro." Lesson is here if you don't tell the doctor all of your symptoms he cannot give you a good diagnoses. If I wasn't in denial, and had said my whole story up front it would have almost certainly drew enough warnings from the folks on here to maybe convince me not to continue this relationship. I was one of those guys that was thinking, that my situation is different.

on the bolded part -

yea, they were already saying that,
 without the additional info..
i can imagine you wouldnt have wanted to add to it.

FWIW- there are hundreds of FSU women in any major cities strip club circuit.
each one would have a similar story ..some of it true, parts of it certainly embellished..
and more than certainly each one would be leaving you OUT of a lot of the facts.
*shrugs*
and this also explains her friends paying the 10k immigration problem, and Lucy paying it back..(which also seemed odd,but now makes sense)

 
as far as red flags, those were not red flags.
those where huge *what are you %$^&* ing thinking bro* are you completely off your rocker.. things.. LOL

sorry dont mean to beat you up, you have been thru it , and beat yourself up enough...
but yeah chasing  a bisexul stripper ,who overstayed thier visa, and was busted by immigration, half away around the world -
is a good B movie plot,, one that noone wants to live thru..
and isnt whats commonly called a simple red flag..

Thanks for sharing it,i'm sure there are those that will benefit.


I do have a question in all this?

you met her and she was dancing already (only 3 days according to her story)
and you then went bak 6 days or so ti the same strip club within a week.. (thats scary bro)
and then you got her email etc etc.
in your original story,she had been arrested for overstaying her visa..then you had a 3 minth relationship of sorts.

i'm just curious the timeline of all that, as it still doesnt make sense,
and also if you ever actually had a real relationship with her before she returned to Kgrad?
as dancers job is t ohave the fantasy of a realtionship going i nthr guys head afterall..
its an important detail that youve avoided since the first story,and i understand it might not be the easiest to honestly answer..


You being recently seperated,, a bit down on your luck, lonely and hoitting th estrip clubs..
is exactly what many guys here post about being the absolute worst timeframe for any guy to be looking overseas.
its understandable,
but best to get back on your feet emotionally and financially,
 long before anyone goes off to the FSU in hopes of romance.

I hope i dont come off as some judgemental ass,
I guess i feel i can bounce stuff off you, as you seem to take it well, and as intended,
and i've seriously dated plenty of girls following that career path  in my life..
why? it was fun enough ,and i could(and fortunantely its in the past lol) 
 

I wish you luck,
and i think you know better than to chase such girls wherever they live,
just a bad moment in time for you perhaps?
and perhaps for her as well..






 

[Serebro]

Ezhik, where are the photos btw?!

[Koluji Ezhik]

timeline:working at club as bartender , arrested & ordered 2 leave within 4 months, starts dancing few days later, i meet her few days later. then pursued relationship. i meant 2 say i went back 6 times in 2 weeks. she only workd 3 days a week because she hated it. we were intimate , but didnt have sex. my ex wouldnt sign seperation papers yet, because she was holding out 4 more cash. i didnt want possibility of being sued 4 adultry. we even slept together sometimes, but I never hit it.

[timothe]

KJ,

Thanks for sharing your story...painful as it was.  

If there is a bright side to this, you are probably done rebounding from your ex-wife, no?

Lust and pride can be powerful emotions sometimes.  About a year before my first trip to Russia, I dated a "bad" American girl.  In fact, I was kinda hung up on her despite her very significant character flaws because she was young and sexual and she dressed really well.  Deep down, I knew she was no good and I knew I couldn't tame her, but I was too far into her to see it.  

That relationship taught me the difference between infatuation and love.  Part of a loving relationship is the deep seated knowledge that you are loved in return.  There is no guessing whether she'll be true.  None.  

Who knows, KJ?  I'm a big believer that nothing happens in this world by mistake.  Maybe you needed this tramp to get you on the plane so you can find true love.  Maybe Tatyana or some other woman from FSU will light your fire in a good way.  At the very least, you were able to visit a foreign country and pick up a lot of wisdom in the process.

Good luck to you.    

[Jumper]

Thanks for the clarification, it makes a bit more sense.

but i do  *wonder* how sleeping with someone would look in any divorce trial,
 if that was a worry? particvularly a girl with her career choice.

and her choice makes sense when having a few months to get enough cash to pay her friend off as well as return home with something..


I do find it strange you are not pursuing Tanya you met in Moscow though...
*shrugs*

anyway i dont mean to be the KGB ..

given the scenerio- two people both in bad times,, seems you both thought you had some type of relationship,,but in reality dint pan out..
certainly not the first time,, and in cases as odd as that, likely the most common outcome?

Good luck!

[Serebro]

Ezhik, your story is getting full of more and more terrible details concerning the girl, she is becoming close to the number one FBI enemy, it's just a big surprise how you managed to know so much within a few days' time being locked in her apartment without any access to the internet.

my ex wouldnt sign seperation papers yet, because she was holding out 4 more cash. i didnt want possibility of being sued 4 adultry. we even slept together sometimes, but I never hit it.

you mean at the moment when you met your RW you were married and even slept with your wife though you didn't want it?! :hairraising:

She was 20 when I met her, and I was 32 at the time. Now she is 22, and I am 33 for those that wondered

I thought you were 23-27...
BTW, where do you live in the USA?

and go to a strip club sometimes. One day I went to this very fancy club, and that is where I met Luska.

It's so funny to hear this Luska said by a foreigner....
 

When i didn't come to Russia in the summer like we originally said, I think she started to think that I wasn't coming, and she lost heart a little. I kept saying I am trying to come, but the date kept moving later and later, because of a lawsuit I was in, my employment and some issues with my divorce. I think in this phase is when she met this girl Nastya. She was still telling me to come, but thinking I probably wasn't. In the meantime she got deeper and deeper into this relationship with Nastya

Nastya's girl was invented to make you be jealous and come faster.

I had gone out dancing with Lucy, and seen her dance with other girls also. This is not totally uncommon behavior for even straight American girls at 21, so I was Ok with it. Before she left American at one point I asked her if she was maybe turning gay, and she told me that maybe she was becoming bi-sexual

I don't think that she is a lesbian or a bi-sexual, it's not that common in Russia i think. At the same time after the band Tattoo appeared many girls liked to pretend that they were lesbians but most of them saw that as a game.
When I was a student I had a group-mate and when we went to some night  club to dance we liked to play that way, too, but just for fun to see the guys' faces when they tried to start a conversation...we laughed a lot after that.

I think when she did realize I was finally coming she tried to have her cake and eat it to

WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that could have spoilt her relationship with Nastya or made her look bad in her parents' eyes, if she wanted to use you she would have told that she has a small apartment and would ask you to book a room in a hotel.

Also she had told her parents a lot about me. I think her plan was much more complex than I first stated.

I still insist on the fact that it would have been easier to find a local guy.

BC

Actually the gay thing was a good idea under the circumstances.. a local boy would have been found out quickly.. besides he would desire a 'real' gf or?..  This way he wouldn't be around and the fantasy affair could continue. 

BC, HOW would the fantasy affair with Nastya continue?!
Her parents would think that she has a bf who is the USA, where does she go every day?!If they knew that she had Nastya and they were lesbians...
For my parents it would be much calmer to know that I have meetings with my student friends(girls) every day, because the older generation doesn't know a lot about the possibility of this lesbian love, they would never thought that the female friends I have are not my friends but my girls friends?!How did they know about their lesbian love?!

I know the scenario you say about lesbians and their clubs sounds normal for the USA but it's different here...people have different ways of thinking.
If her parents knew about their love from Luska's( )"friends" who helped you, why did she still have them as her friends, why did she allow them to meet you and tell you about Nastya and about her past and about her crimes and about... everything, too?!?!


If the only thing she wanted to do is to use you, why had she invited you before she met Nastya?!
Why would her friends, who are such good people(in Russia we have a proverb "tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are"-that's strange that such a bad girl had such good friends who helped you?!!)tell you about her to spoil her life, to destroy her plan?! you were the person they would probably never see again but they would have to meet Luska.and they would have big problems if she knew about their words about her?!

If she was such a bad girl why those really nice people were  her friends?!
If they are such good people and they know that their friend is in a big trouble why not to help her to build relationship with you, so maybe she would forget about her bad friend Nastya?!on the opposite, those "good friends" help you to escape to let Luska continue relationship with her bad Nastya?!WHY?!

Ezhik, there are many "Why"'s in this story which make it sound very confusing

[jb]

EJ,

I hate to be the one to throw dirt here, but did it ever occur to you to check her passport?  If she over stayed a visa and was deported, she most likely has a 5-10 year ban on re-entry to the USA.  So,,, even if everything had been hunky when you went to visit she still would not have been able to return to the US for a good long time.  Count your blessings, you dodged the bullet here.

[Serebro]

EJ,

I hate to be the one to throw dirt here, but did it ever occur to you to check her passport?  If she over stayed a visa and was deported, she most likely has a 5-10 year ban on re-entry to the USA.  So,,, even if everything had been hunky when you went to visit she still would not have been able to return to the US for a good long time.  Count your blessings, you dodged the bullet here.

I agree, after your story I am not sure that she was sent away from the country.. maybe she used that explanation because she had to go back and you begged her to stay or when you asked her to come to the USA again she explained that she couldn't do that but the real reason was that she wasn't a student anymore (22 yo) so she couldn't come according to the students'program anymore and it was nearly impossible to use any other way like getting a tourist visa as she belongs to the middle class.

[Koluji Ezhik]

Serebo, sorry 4 insulting u. I think u are getting alot of things i said confused. Some of what u ask i already said very clearly. Nastya wasnt a fantasy. I met her. Lucys parents went away to the sea so Luc and I could be alone together. Lucy had Nastya come over and they slept together with me in the next room. Luc didnt know her friends would tell me. they helped me because i am very nice guy. they knew i loved her greatly and felt bad 4 me. i am not a yucky person. I live in Baltimore City MD.

[Serebro]

Ezhik, I didn't have any doubts that Nastya was real, I had doubts that they were real lesbians.
Ezhik, so where are the pics

[Jumper]

serebro-
he met her at a strip club in the US,
if you find that unusual, ,its understandible as you may not have been to many strip clubs..
but it is very easy to find FSU women in strip clubs around the world,
and certainly in the US , dependent o ncity half the staff may be FSU.
and o nsome weird wor kor student visa,,tha twas bougyt by certain people in the home country.it isnt hard t ofind bi sexula ones either.his stiruyy make sperfect sense if that
is where he met here.
A photo doesnt prove or disprove his story?

as told , it is confusing..

but honestly i was thinking along the lines that she was a dance/strip club girl,
 from his very first post-
 which left so many things out  intentionally , that it was clear somethng was being
hidden on purpose, about her life and employment in the states.
 and this type of employment would be a very  common reason to leave facts out,
 and a very common way for a recently divorced man to meet a hot FSU girl.
certainly one that had overstayed her visa..
sorry but its incredibly common scenerio..in the US
Knowing many FSU girls in her exact  situation, during my  life,
I do not doubt his story at all..and it doesnt make her out to be a villian,
 as it makes him out to be foolish.

you rush to the defense of any RW, its understandible.

his story is very plausible- surely you dont think that any number of hot young girls from cities such as Kaliningrad work in strip clubs all over the world and particularly in the US?
and somehow you think bisexuality is not common amoung them?
His story is repeated a hundred  times a year!!!!!!! its just most of the dancers dont get sent home ,(as thier club owners normally have an *in* to get thier visa's renewed somehow) also normally a regular customer doesnt  follow them home if they do go....

[wxman]

The most unusual thing about this story was in fact that she was caught by INS and deported. With over 11 million illegals in this country, and only a few thousand INS agents, the odds of being caught are very small. So either she did something really obvious that got her caught, or random dumb luck dropped her in the lap of an INS agent 

[Koluji Ezhik]

I put a few pics in the photos page of the forum. i will some in this thread. i didnt know you could do that. Luda lived in an apt with 4 other RW. one girl that had lived there before did something really bad. Homeland security showd up at apt looking 4 other girl. They arrestd Luda & Natalia, because they thought they were hiding the other girl. Natalia was married to AM at the time.

[SANDRO43]

o ncity half the staff may be FSU. and o nsome weird wor kor student visa,,tha twas bougyt by certain people in the home country.it isnt hard t ofind bi sexula ones either.his stiruyy make sperfect sense if that

AJ, you shouldn't post while riding a bike on a dirt road .

[Koluji Ezhik]

Here are some pictures from my trip if you are interested. I will delete the ones that I put in the other photos section....
1. Mama, me, and Luska my first nite in Kgrad
2. Me, Luska, Ana, Eugene at bowling alley
3. Me and Luska out front of Epicenter
4. Me and Luc
5. Sergi Sasha Me, and Eugen at Sauna
6. Genya and me after Sauna
7. Me and Ksusha at the Baltic Sea in Svetlagorsk
8. Me and Eugene climbing cliffs at the Baltic Sea
9. Me at Russia Banya
10. Me, Genya, and Luska chillin in Svetlagorsk

[Faux Pas]

Kolugi

Certainly not the trip you were hoping for I'm sure. It would appear that you didn't pay any heed to the red flags and frying pans pounding you on the noggin but, made the trip and hoped for the best. Some can admire that optimistic approach. You made it back and obviously much wiser.

What will you do now?

[sudz]

Yes please, continue the story.. only this time with paragraph breaks!!  I got out of breath reading the OP.

One bit of advice I can give you, albeit off-topic, is to use highlighting to help you.  When I'm confronted by the dreaded "wall of text", I click inside the text next to where I'm reading, read a line, then press <shift>downarrow.  This highlights what I've already read but doesn't affect the colors of what I'm about to read.  It helps me to keep my place when my eyes stray off screen and I don't have to scan for the continued line to read when my eyes shift back to the left.

Sorry - back on topic . . .

[Koluji Ezhik]

What will I do next? Very good question. I have some very good Russian friends here in USA, and some still in Russia. I had a relationship with a girl Tatyana that i mentioned in my story. She was here in America for 4.5 years. She is very tall, and an incredible volleyball player. She palyed professional v-ball in Russia starting at age 14. She was on the Jr National Team and won 2 National Titles. She also won a silver medal in the Jr Olympics. As a professional she was paid what most of the adult pros were making because she was highly recruited. She came to American on a full scholarship to St. Louis University. She set many many records in the Big East, and when I googled her there was like 1800 hits on her name. I think I read somewhere that she was like the 14th ranked college vball player in the USa at one point. I met her online, and flew to meet her in St Louis after about 2 months of chatting online, and the phone. We really hit things off, and she came to visit meat my place. We had a few bumps in the road, but we had a very steamy and intense relationship. I can go into this more later. Like my trip story I am leaving out many details for the sake of clarity, and to not get into too many deeply personal issues. This was in the begining of the summer. Luska and I had a period where we didnt talk for sometime. She really stopped making any effort to correspond with me, and thought I was never going to come. I pretty much gave up on it, and I was very lonely. I din't expect to fall in love with Tatyana. I was very upfront with her. I knew she was trying to marry someone and stay in the US after she graduated. i told her my divorce was in its fianl stages, and would not be complete before she left. I told her that she was better off finding someone else. We had a very close relationship, and she was very bored because this was the first summer she didn't return to Ivanovo. She had completed her eligability to play college vball, and she was scared that they wouldnt give her visa to come back, and finish the last of her classes. So we just had kind of a Summer fling type of relationship.

She came to stay with me for a few weeks. We visited the Ocean and did many fun things. Some trust issues arose when I was away during the days working, and I would return home. She had taken the liberty of snooping through a lot of my financial papers, and a lot of othe personal things. I would have showed her if she asked me to. It was sort of like she was checking out my story. She also read some text messages on my phone without my knowledge. She thought that I was messaging with my ex, and was planning on getting back together. It was a total misunderstanding. My ex had gotten drunk one night and texted me to get back with her. My reply was no way, but Taty read another message I wrote to my friend or something, and thought I was planning to get back with my ex. She got furios, and stormed out. I had to go all over the city looking for her. It was horrible. She was very unsecure, and had some trust issues because other guys had treated her awful. She is a great girl at heart. we talked about it all, and got it straight after I found her in the park by my apt. We decided that she should return to St. Louis and we should let things cool off. We continued to talk for the following months. In the meantime. Luska contacted me, and resumed our correspondance. My head and heart were really spining at this time. There are so many things I wish that I could go back and do differently.

Taty returned to Russia. She was really hurt when i told her that I was going to Kaliningrad. From the start I had told her about Luska also, but she was very upset when i said that I would go to see her. When things didnt work out in Kgrad I was shocked that Taty wanted to see me when i went to Moscow. She came and visited me, and expressed a deep love for me. This took me off gaurd. I thought she hated me, and thought I had used her, and was a total piece of crap. I had been very honest with her the whole time, but she is a very emotional girl. I left things kind of hanging with her when i left Moscow. We had some intense moments in our brief relationship, but I don't know if that can turn into a lasting relationship. She has a very strong personality, and is very assertive, and aggresive. While I care for her deeply, I just don't know if I can be in a long relationship with her. It is hard for me. I feel bad that she has such a strong affection for me, and I don't know where my true feelings lie. I am sort of fumbling along blindly. I have been corresponding with a few other women, and there are many many to meet at the Russian resturant/nite club that is only 3 blocks from where I live. I am starting to wonder if meeting a Russian girl in the US is the right thing for me. It is hard to explain, but the ones that live here, have a very different attitude I think.

I am planning on returning to Russia this summer. I have only been once, just this past trip in the winter. My good friend Denis has invited me to to travel with him this Summer. I am planning on meeting him in Moscow, and then to St. Petersberg for about 5 days, and then go to Sochi for about a week. His home city is not far from ther, and he has raved about the beaches and fun to be had on the Black Sea at Summer time. I am just trying to live a little I guess. I want to take my time, and get some more distance from my divorce. I dont want to rush into another relationship with my head not completely screwed on again. I am just going to chill, and see whatever comes my way. Maybe there will be a future with taty. I don't know time will tell. She just signed a contract to play professionaly for a team in Moscow, and I am very happy for her. I want to get my head straight, and find someone that I can build a family with. I am sure that I will be back here looking for advice, because as you can see I have a lot of issues of my own, and I don't always make the best decisions.

[Faux Pas]

Koluji

You seem to be a nice enough guy going through some times that many of us have experienced. I went through a divorce in my early thirties so I can relate probably more than I'll express here. It's easy to lose your way and yourself in times like these. I covered it up with as much booze and sex as I could, mostly from loneliness I think when I reflect back.

My point is; don't beat yourself up. Take some time and find out who the newly divorced Kolugi is. Get your poop together. It takes time, self reflection and working on your demons one at a time. The Luska situation really sucked no matter what the cause but, do yourself and (I don't mean this in a negative sense) any future lady for you a favor. Get your own issues worked out first. You'll think much more clearly and feel better about yourself in the process. Good luck to you.

[Serebro]

AJ, you shouldn't post while riding a bike on a dirt road .

AJ,
I agree that it wasn't the best work for the girl to work in a strip bar, at the same time, what did Ezhik do in that strip bar being married?!

What a pity, I can't find the article I read about 2 weeks ago, that article was written by an ukrainian girl- a journalist who went to the USA to work in a camp and then she moved to NYC and worked for 1 night in a strip bar, anyway the article was in Russian, so it would have been hard for you to understand I think, but it was interesting to look at the situation "from inside".
It's not a surprise to know that FSU girls work in strip bars in many places of the world, yes, I knew about that, but the type of girls described in the article was a bit different..maybe I will be able to find it and give the link later...

I don't know a lot about K visas but I could work as a consultant in anything concerning J-1 visa... and I know a lot about it and I have read and heard more than 100 stories of students who have been to the USA using that type of a visa...

so from my point of view the story is full of "strange things" and illogical actions from the girl's side.
It's hard to explain to the person who doesn't know a lot about J-1 visa...

As for Ezhik, as I have already told, I think that he should pay a lot of attention to reading more about the country and its traditions.The girls he knows are different from the girls who can be found on many websites local RWD guys know of.They can understand some "strange details" of his behavior, but if he had come to meet an ordinary RW from an agency he would have been left 1 day after he came...
Or with all this attitude he has he should pay more attention to the russian students he can found in the USA.

[I/O]

EJ,

I hate to be the one to throw dirt here, but did it ever occur to you to check her passport?  If she over stayed a visa and was deported, she most likely has a 5-10 year ban on re-entry to the USA.  So,,, even if everything had been hunky when you went to visit she still would not have been able to return to the US for a good long time.  Count your blessings, you dodged the bullet here.

IIRC I raised this exact question in his other thread long before this visit took place. The whole thing was nuts from sneezer to breezer.

I/O

[Jumper]

serebro-
for what its worth -i wasnt pointing out her being *bad* for working there at all?
her choice, and a was saying it might be a hard or difficult time in her life or whatever
the situation is..?

i did say the story by KJ's own admission puts, him in the foolish position.
her in  a quite  normal mode of operation, for most girls working that scene.

as far as *inside information*,
not proud of this ,it was  a very foolish but fun time in my life..
but i lived for two years with such a girl,,and at that time in my life knew many of her friends..and dated some before and after that..
friends with a few owners...hundreds of silly parties with them.
so,some article from a  girl working only one day in the club situation,
 isnt likely to enlightnen me much ..unfortunantly
and why i guess i felt a little empathy to both parties when hearing the story.

[Koluji Ezhik]

Serebro,
What is your beef with me. You misinterpret so much of what I say. And you take it all so negative. Like about my hotel stay in London. I had to get a room at the last minute, without a reservation. I didn't know that I couldn't stay at the airport. The police later told me I could have. Because I couldn't research a cheap hotel I had to get a room at wherever I could. It was very expensive for me. This wasn't my choice, it was all that I could do. Also I was in London for the first time ever. I wanted to just see a little bit of the culture. I went to a pub and had 2 beers. I spent $19. You said that I stayed out all night drinking. You jump to so many conclusions, and try to paint me with a bad brush. I was very happy and excited when I arrived in K-grad. I loved that girl, and had waited a long time to see her. I was very happy to meet her mother also. You said that I was very upset, and they could sense that. You are just putting things into my story that weren't there. You said I have so much attitude? Im sorry but I did a lot for that girl. I had already bought her many many presents, and for her parents. She asked me for the boots, it just seemed very out of character for her. She said she would pay me for them, so I asked her to do as she said. That is not rude. I did buy her a lot of other things and never asked or expected her to pay me for, like a Playstation, a Playstation Portable, a Zune MP3 player, perfume, a cell phone, a Calvin Kline Leather jacket, Clark Boots, Sweaters, Jeans, Victoria Secrets stuff, bath products, a laptop, and I brought many nice gifts for her Mother, and father, and brother. Most of what I took there were gifts. The thing about the Ugg boots is that it was her mother's birthday, and I asked her what is something special that I can get for her mother. Her reply was "You dont have to get my mother anything, just bring me these Ugg boots instead. Brown, size 7 the tallest ones. I thought this was a very rude response. I told her that I already had many many presents for her, and she said to buy the boots and she would pay me. Yeah I was an idiot to do all of this for her, but certainly not the asshole that you make me out to be. I wanted to stay in a hotel. Her family insisted that I stay at their place. I said no, but they said they would not have me staying in a hotel. It would have been better for me, because I could have gotten ot of this difficult situation easier, I think. Don't be so quick to judge me, just because there is a little bit of language barrier between you and I. You read where I said that I slept with Luska,but didn't have sex with her, and said that I was sleeping with my wife, even though I was separated from her. I went to this club, because I hadn't had sex for like 18months at that point, and I had been moved out of my house, sleeping on my friends sofa for 4 months. God forbid, I go to a place and have a beer, and sit and talk with a beautiful woman. Many many men that are happily married are in those places everyday. I was just in a bad point in my life, and was searching for a little comfort. Again you twist it around and take it as an opportunity to bash me. You do not speak for all RW like you think you do. You come across as very naive, judgmental, and presumptive. Lighten up a little, and it is okay to ask a question if you don't understand something, instead of jumping up on your soap box and acting like you know everything, and you are God's gift to the world. I just had to get that off my chest, because you are way off base with a lot of your responses. I think my response here will just cause more misunderstanding and ridiculous comments from you, but I had to get it off my chest, because you keep attacking me.
 

[Serebro]

Ezhik, I don't attack you.
If you want only good replies why not to write EVERYTHING?!
why not to write about all those presents one could hardly put into 2 bags...
no, you write a couple of phrases about her and then you complain about conclusions people make about you and your relationships.
WRITE the TRUTH and write ALL!