Trip Report, 7/3-10: Kiev, Zaporhozhye, Crimea

[groovlstk]

I spent a week in Ukraine recently with a sweet woman from Zaporozhye, V, whom I met through an agency, beginning on July 3. We planned to meet in Kiev. I'd exchanged about six letters with her prior to my arrival and about a dozen phone conversations. V is a lawyer and she had to be in Zaporozhye on July 6, and she invited me to accompany her from Kiev to Zap and then to Crimea. It looked great on paper, since if there was no spark during our two days together in Kiev, I could bid her adieu and meet some of the other Kiev women I was writing to.

V met me at the airport and I instantly spotted her in the crowd as I exited customs. She was wearing the tightest white slacks I've ever seen fitted on a woman (and I'm not saying this as hyperbole). She instantly reminded me of one of Tony Soprano's mistresses from The Sopranos (Svetlana), although she's a pipsqueak (maybe 5-4). She exudes sexuality and is by far the sexiest out of the dozen or so FSU women I've met, with lovely bee-stung lips, coal-black hair, and an incredible body. She was obviously very excited to see me, and her tentative English was a mess but I nodded and kept saying "da" anyway.

V earned major points from me by blowing off all the taxi drivers (forcibly taking my hand and dragging me away when they'd step between us to make an offer upon hearing me speak English) and taking me to the marshrutka and then to the metro. This was the very first in a long series of episodes throughout my trip--V was pathologically averse to spending my money. On the surface this sounds like the greatest thing in the world, but in practice it caused a number of issues between us.

I was impressed with the quality of the metro, it was at least as clean and serviceable as the NYC subway system. There was no a/c but the tunnels are so far underground that I imagine even on the hottest days the heat's not a problem. I had read that the stations are very deep underground but I wasn't prepared for just how deep--the escalators must run about 1/4 mile long. With my big suitcase and backpack, I shuddered to think what it must be like when the escalators break down. I also discovered that the people in Kiev are not at all shy about bumping strangers. I was a bit taken aback as that sort of thing doesn't happen on the NYC subways, where people will walk on their hands to avoid touching a stranger, except in rage. One of the hilarious things about V is that no matter where we were standing when the metro stopped, or how many people crowded the entrance waiting for the doors to open, she was ALWAYS the first person on the train. I watched in amusement as she bumped a few men who were easily twice her size, and even more funny was the men's reactions: they'd look after her with these startled expressions, as if they'd been pinched in the ass by a midget, or something. Her single greatest Houdini feat though, was when we piled onto one of those tiny apartment elevators one afternoon. We were the first to get on, so we were in the very rear of the elevator. At least 4 other people squeezed onto the car after us, we were packed ass to belly, yet somehow when the elevator got to the first floor she was the first person to exit the car.

V arrived in Kiev the previous evening and spent the morning scoping flats for us. The one she chose was about 100 feet from the metro station Druzhby Narodiv. It cost $50 per day, had a/c, a full kitchen and bath, TV, and the usual box-like balcony that you see on many apartment complexes in Ukraine. Like others have reported, the lock concept is interpreted very differently there. Our apartment had a keypad, with numbers 1-20 and a partial alphabet. It seemed easy, just type in your security code and bingo, the door pops open. However, as V explained to me, you had to enter the code by reaching around the keypad and pressing the tiny buttons that corresponded with each letter/number. The buttons for the console were on the rear, not the face, completely out of view. You can imagine how difficult this was, since the characters were closely spaced and there was no way to tell which was which. It was like operating a calculator that had the keypad on the back and display on the front. I fumbled around like a blind man until V took over and had it open in seconds.

I have never been able to sleep on planes, but I scored some Ambien from my doc and it's a Godsend. I can now sleep 5 hours or so on each flight which not only helps me feel energetic when I arrive, but the flight seems so much faster that I don't really feel as if I've flown overseas. So after a shower and shave, I was ready to tour the city but V insisted on cooking me dinner first. I suggested we go to a restaurant, but she said "not necessary," words that were repeated many times during our time together. V's English was serviceable and we had an easy time communicating basic stuff. After a few days, however, it became more difficult as she kept telling me she wanted to say some things to me but couldn't find the proper words in her limited vocabulary. I had the same problem.

Our first two days were fantastic, although I was disappointed to learn that she smoked. V was very affectionate with me, the weather was astoundingly good, and we did all the touristy things like visit the Lavra and Andreevsky Spusk.

Here are the usual touristy photos:

http://home.comcast.net/~marka136/artery.jpg
http://home.comcast.net/~marka136/center.jpg
http://home.comcast.net/~marka136/stmichaels.jpg
http://home.comcast.net/~marka136/lavra.jpg
http://home.comcast.net/~marka136/ind_square.jpg

We shared a bed and it took every ounce of restraint I had to behave--seeing her in a thong was a glorious thing, but I knew if we were intimate before the end of day 3 that I would pretty much write off any long-term expectations. We met another member of this forum, Mike, who was also in Kiev. Mike's got the process of meeting women down to a science, and I envied his ability to spend nearly a month in Ukraine as he was smart enough to ask for the time off up front when he started a new job. Afterwards, Victoria declared him "very handsome, calm" and self-assured, and I'd have to agree completely. Later in my trip I also met our very own stoichman, and both men were good-looking, confident, and gentlemanly--the complete opposite of what the media would have us believe represented the usual MOB guy.

The next morning, V told me she was having her "red days" and it was imperative we find a pharmacy so she could buy tampons. Her openness took me aback a little, as most Western women don't deliver this sort of bulletin to anyone outside their closest circle. We took the metro to Independence Square and found a pharmacy. Just as we exited, V handed me her package and told me to wait a few minutes, as she was going to find a train schedule. There I stood, in the middle of Kreshachtick, trying to act suave and relaxed while holding a big box of Tampax tampons, and failing miserably. Afterwards we ate at my favorite restaurant, Ukrainian National Food. It's a kitchen-style place, ridiculously cheap, and the food is fantastic. That night I decided to accompany V to Zaporozhye.

The next morning, we went to the train station to buy our tix. I told her "first class" but she kept saying "not necessary." I told her I'd pay her way and it was my money and not to worry about it, but when we got to the ticket window they had no first class berths available. Our train left just after noon, and we shared a very cramped cabin with a Russian man, his wife, and their granddaughter. Our tix specified that we occupy the two top bunks, but the little girl wanted to be up top so I took a bottom bunk. Big mistake, as on top you at least have a little privacy and can look out the window at the passing scenery from the prone position. I was amused to find that all the other travelers had "train clothes" which they slipped into once we were underway, sort of the equivalent of sweatsuits or comfortable pajamas.

I was mortified to discover that the trip would take 12 hours, even though Zap is less than 300 miles from Kiev. In retrospect, it was probably too early in our relationship to have to endure a trip like this. Sure, maybe I'm a spoiled American but I was on vacation and I didn't want to spend half of a precious day on a smelly train. I'm sure it would have been different if we knew each other better and could spend the time talking, but with V's limited English there wasn't a whole lot we could say to each other, so it felt a bit awkward. By hour 6, I was seriously contemplating eating the stuffing out of my smelly, musty mattress just for something to do. There was a group of 20-somethings a few compartments away from ours, and they soon had the garbage can outside our berth filled to the top with empty beer bottles. Train traveler's tip: try not to eat or drink anything prior to your journey, the bathrooms are that bad.

V got an SMS from one of her co-workers with sad news: one of the men who worked in their office had been killed in a car accident earlier that day. V explained to me, through her tears, that this man had actually proposed to her several years ago, and even though she didn't feel romance for him, he was a good friend. I held her hand for the next hour while she reminisced and cried, and eventually she fell asleep. She woke up around Dnepropetrovsk, it was about 10 PM , and she climbed into my berth and I comforted her as best I could.

We arrived in Zap at just after midnight. I wanted to go to a restaurant since V had to wake up at 6 AM the next morning for work, but she said "not necessary" and told me she'd cook me dinner in her flat. We arrived at her flat after a short taxi ride (no marshrutkas were running at that time) and her roommate, Svetlana, woke up to say hello to me (or rather, we woke her up with all the noise we were making). The moment I crossed the threshold of her flat, I spied one of those creepy crawly bugs with 1000 legs moseying across the floor. Instinct took over and I reached my foot out and squashed it--V's roommate caught my movement and eyed me curiously ("oh great, my roommate brought home a spastic!") but I didn't want to explain what I'd done. It's like visiting someone you've just met and spying a roach in their kitchen--you know you'd embarrass them by pointing it out so you keep your trap shut. And besides, the apartment was immaculately clean.

V cooked a big dinner for me, and while she was cooking I attempted to wash some of my clothes in her bathtub. I was getting short on boxers and t-shirts, and V showed me her system, which consisted of 3 buckets. The first bucket was filled with soap and water, the next two with just water. Agitate, squeeze, and boogie-woogie in bucket one, rinse in buckets two and three. Hang clothes to dry on the clothesline located in the little pillbox balcony. By time I finished the wash, dinner was ready, it was after 2 AM. There was no hot water that day but it was hot out and I was desperately in need of a shower, so I made do. V shared a bedroom with Svetlana, and when I entered the room I noticed several big mosquitoes flying sorties around the ceiling. I'm all for animal rights and such, but I believe every person has a primal ultimatum to kill all rats, mosquitoes, and cockroaches they encounter. Especially if said creatures want to share living quarters. So I balled up my shirt and tried bagging a few, but these SOBs were very fast and hardier than the ones at home. Svetlana watched me with a bemused expression from her bed for a minute or two, but when I chased one near her bed she hurriedly pulled the covers over her head. I was creating quite an impression on her, I figured

V is the first Ukrainian girl I know who has a roommate who isn't a family member, evidently this practice isn't nearly as common in Ukraine as in the US. V had explained to me that she has trouble sleeping if she's alone. I knew it wasn't for lack of funds--she has a good job and last year she bought a late-model car for herself. However, her bed is a pullout and I can still feel pressure points where some of the worst springs dug into my back. As I lay in the dark in the moments before sleep, it dawned on me that I'd lived like a local for the last day or so, and I realized that no matter how much I saw or read about the day-to-day life of normal Ukrainians, I wasn't prepared for how difficult it was. And this was for a girl with a better-than-average living standard. It embarrassed me to think of how spoiled and pampered I was.

The next morning we took the marshrutka to V's office. Already I liked what I saw of Zaporozhye. From what I'd read the air quality can be really bad at times, but we had clear, cool, sunny days and the air was fine. I was impressed by the number of trees and parks. It's a much nicer city, in my opinion, than Dnepropetrovsk, although it lacks a cosmopolitan boulevard with trendy shops and cafes like Karl Marx St. Perhaps it was the time of year, or maybe it was because Zap has fewer universities than Dnepro, but I also noticed a lot less young people drinking outside during the day and a lot less empty bottles washing up along the shores of the Dnipr.

V's office was pretty nice, about what you'd expect from a typical suburban office complex here. I accompanied her to court and waited out in the hallway. It was pretty much like what you'd see outside American courts--lots of people with hangdog looks waiting around wishing they were somewhere else. Afterwards we were free and V took me to the embankment beach area. It was very nice, clean and full of couples strolling around, holding hands.

Here's the Zap beach at sunset:
http://home.comcast.net/~marka136/zap_beach.jpg

We decided to leave the next day for Simferopal. She had a court case in the afternoon there, and afterwards we were going to visit Crimea. I didn't want to take the train again, but V told me we'd have to drive to the airport in Dnepropetrovsk so I reluctantly agreed. At least this train ride would be only 6 hours, a walk in the park after the Kiev-Zap local.

The next morning, we left her flat for the train station, and had our first spat. It was during the AM rush hour, and marshrutka after marshrutka passed us, packed so full they didn't even bother stopping. I decided I wasn't going to lug my 50-lb. suitcase and backpack onto a crowded marshrutka. I kept saying "taxi," she kept saying "not necessary." When finally a marshrutka pulled up, all the seats were taken and people were lined up in the aisle from back to front, standing. I immediately told her "take the marshrutka if you want, I'm grabbing a cab." I guess she didn't think I was serious, since she did her usual Houdini routine and bumped all the other people in line aside and was on the marshrutka before she noticed I wasn't coming. My taxi cost me all of 15 grivna, a pittance to not to have to clobber strangers with my suitcase and get stepped on whenever people entered or exited the marshrutka. I arrived at the train station just before V, vindicated and pleased, but man was she smokin' mad when she caught up with me. I calmly tried to explain to her that I appreciated her efforts to save me money, but that I was on vacation and it was my choice on how I wanted to spend my money. She kept repeating "not necessary" and I realized that our communication issues could tank our relationship very easily, so I vowed to be patient with her.

We arrived in Simferopal in early afternoon. I noticed as soon as I left the train that most people arriving were headed on vacation, as the mood was lighter and more festive. We walked to the courthouse and V left me at a cafe and went to do some lawyerin'. She had no idea how long she'd be, so she urged me to have lunch and relax. I was there for perhaps two hours, and I had a light lunch and some piva. V arrived back from court, very happy as she'd received a favorable ruling from the judge (she claims to get better results when she dresses sexily, and I'm not surprised) on some sort of tax dispute. She talked about her other cases, and showed me a copy of the passport for another client she was representing: a woman of about 50, who's partner had died months earlier. Although they were together more than 30 years, the man and woman had never officially married so legally she wasn't entitled to his estate. V thought she could turn things in the woman's favor, and it became clear to me that she's very good at what she does. My bill at the cafe came to 57 grivna, higher than I expected. I checked my wallet and didn't have enough local currency, so I dropped a $20 bill and we left. As we walked to find a marshrutka to take us to Crimea, V chastised me angrily for leaving such a big tip. "Not necessary! Not necessary!" At this point I was getting a little tired of her attitude--sure leaving the equivalent of 100 grivna was excessive, but not to the point where it was irresponsible or embarrassingly showy. I hadn't had this issue before with any of the women I met previously, so I was at a loss at how to deal with it.

After she calmed down, I gently tried to explain to her that what I did with my money was my business. I'm not sure how much got through, but she seemed OK as we settled into our seats on the marshrutka (I let her win this one). Our destination: a small town called Simeiz, "the nicest town in all of Crimea," as V put it.

Soon to come in Part II, when I get the energy to write the damn thing:
-Simeiz or Bust
-A Glorious Day at the Beach
-Groovlstk Wanted Dead or Alive for Financial Transgressions
-Meeting Stoichman and his babe
-Back to Kiev, Return Home

[GregfromGa]

Very good trip report. Keep the stories coming and dont worry about telling a lie from time to time. My  married friends used to love to hear my stories and now I know why. Have a great time man.

[andrewfi]

If you are going to have a relationship then your money is not just your money. You would, I am sure, win few points for making such a 'selfish' point. Your companion was trying to help you and you knocked her back. Also, she would, quite reasonably, be thinking that as you are just an ordinary guy, that excessive tipping wuld probably curtail your ability to spend money with and on her. That you are much richer than her would not actually make much sense to her, she would have little concept of how much more.

It does not set a good example to go around giving big tips, especially if you are trying at other times to encourage an aura of thriftiness, it jsut makes you look bad. Be consistent in your habits.

[Photo Guy]

It's tough. You're coming from a place that is known for generous tipping, the New York area. I agree that you should have spent the extra money on the train - 12 hours in a shared cramped space doesn't sound like something I'd want to do.  On the other hand, giving 100 instead of 57 grivnas was over the top. Yeah, in her world that extra tip money would probably be socially unacceptable. When I dined in Kyiv, my interpreter kept my tips down to about 10%, so the norm is apparently less than the NYC standard of 15-20%. With any relationship you must be careful about money issues ruining things. Money issues are at the top of the list for reasons marriages fail.

Hey, great trip report! I'm looking forward to the book.  ;-)  

[Todd]

I really enjoyed the trip report!  The only thing worse than a long train ride...would be a long bus ride.  I could tell you about a bus ride in Belarus that would turn your hair gray!

 

[MandM]

Groovlstk is one of the few people whose reports I actually read 'from cover to cover' because they are so well written. This one is up to the usual standard!

I disagree with previous comments about money. Yes, leaving nearly 100% tip is over the top, but he didn't have any other option at the time. He could of course run around looking for Bureau de Change and then run back to the cafe, but that would be quite embarrassing!. And he's definitely made somebody's day! 

I think it is very good if RW is trying to help her guest to save money. That is if SHE doesn't go over the top with her 'help'. She of course should let him know what cheaper options he can go for and then let him decide what he wants to do with his money. If someone would go on and on with 'not necessary' when I am pretty sure what I want to do, it would drive me mad! I don't think getting a cab for 15 grivnas is excessive at all, especially if you carry a suitcase. Be aware of some Russian women who take away their husbands' wages every month and then decide how much a husband needs to survive on and give him a little 'pocket money' for cigarettes etc!  

Speaking of cigarettes, I don't get it why so many of you make such a big deal about RW smoking (OMG she is a smoker!:shock:) I don't believe that you all are so perfect and completely free of bad habits or vices. Though I understand that for a non-smoker dating somebody who smokes can be unpleasant at times, I think being more tolerant and flexible wouldn't hurt!

[Elen]

Bossy girl, that's all. For some men they are just right these women men need in. Though if you are not such kind of men then in future there will be "problems" not only with  tips.

Agree with M&M about smocking. - some tolerance from males' side is nessesary as well.

[Michelangelo]

Speaking of cigarettes, I don't get it whyso manyof you make such a big deal about RW smoking (OMG she is a smoker!:shock:) ...I think being more tolerant and flexible wouldn't hurt!

My FSU girl smoked....a lot.  It truly bothered me.  I did not complain at the time, becasue I wanted her to feel at ease, and she was addicted to cigs so I knew she would not be herself if I asked her not to smoke, even when she offered.

She smelled stale and nasty all the time, and my clothes did tool   Plus, the sweet smell of a woman's hair and neck and perfume is lost with a smoking girl.

It sucks that the US has gotten smoking under control here but has pushed even harder for sales and addiction to the rest of the world!  

[TwoBitBandit]

Agree with M&M about smocking. - some tolerance from males' side is nessesary as well.

The culture in America regarding smoking is very different.  Russia is much more European in this regard.  In Russia and Europe, tons of people smoke.  It's not a big deal.

In America, it is very different, especially in California where I live.  People rarely smoke here..  It's not considered a classly thing to do, especially for women.

I could tolerate any number of sins from a woman...but if she smokes, it's over.  When I am on a date with a Russian girl and she pulls out a cigarette, it's over.  I'm not going to see her again.

[BC]

Guess that's why us smokers get the pick of the litter LOL

[jb]

:D  My wife does not smoke, although I do love a cigar, I haven't smoked a cigarette in years.  We have a workable plan here, I get to smoke my cigars out on the patio and she gets a smoke free house.

If you are attracted to a girl who smokes, make some concession like we did, let her have her puff outdoors. It's really not such a big deal and it's part and parcel of dating women from Russia and the FSU.

[Elen]

I could tolerate any number of sins from a woman...

 

Really?? And what's sins for example?

[Turboguy]

Humm Nymphomania might be nice. 

My gal smokes and I quit 5 years ago after being a heavy smoker for decades.  It really does not bother me that she smokes and the smell doesn't.   The only thing I worry about is that she will get me hooked again.   It was a real bummer to get off.

 

[MandM]

I can't believe so many RW smoke, because none of my Russian girlfriends have this bad habit. I've never smoked before moving to England, but it is difficult not to take up smoking living here! Now I have occassional cigarette while socialising with friends, but never during the day or in the house.

Turbo, i think that could be quite tough for you! I think you need to make some agreement with your girl so she doesn't smoke in the house and may be not too much in front of you?

[BC]

Turbo, i think that could be quite tough for you! I think you need to make some arrangements with your girl so she doesn't smoke in the house and may be not too much in front of you?

Yes.. RU and even Europe can be quite challenging for ex smokers and ex drinkers.

[ConnerVT]

My wife observed while we were in Sochi that there seems to be an increase of the number of younger women smokers.  While on the beach, I began to keep a tally in my head.  Although there were about twice as many women than men, women smokers outnumbered the male smokers about 4 to 1.

Not good science, I know.  But an observation...

[Son of Clyde]

A woman at my office is 60 years old and has been smoking over 40 years. Her voice now sounds like a man's voice from all that smoking inhalation over the years. I can imagine if all these FSU woman smokers develop "man voices" over the next 20 years. Not very sexy.

[Turboguy]

Humm,  I was sort of planning on letting my gal help out in the office a bit and paying her a little in cash so she has some of her own money.   Perhaps I should do that but let her buy her own cigarettes.   At $ 4.00 - 5.00 a pack that may deter her a bit. 

[BC]

Turbo,

You can forget that 'allowance' attitude.. she's not your daughter LOL

I get that sneaky feeling you're gonna get exactly what you asked for

Enjoy.

[corncrowe]

I was sort of planning on letting my gal help out in the office a bit and paying her a little in cash so she has some of her own money. 

I was looking for a housekeeper.  That's why I decided to find a woman in the FSU...

  

Jon

[Turboguy]

Who said anything about an allowance.   I was talking about trying to install some good old American work ethic in her.  Actually she already likes to work.   I have been busily remodeling and will not have it done before I go.   She is happy about that because now she can help me and we can do it together.  

[jb]

Just make sure she doesn't get her hands on any power tools.

[Turboguy]

Turbo,

You can forget that 'allowance' attitude.. she's not your daughter LOL

I get that sneaky feeling you're gonna get exactly what you asked for

Enjoy.

I think life has a great equilzing force and we often get what we ask for.  Sometimes that may be wonderful and sometimes it might be a real life example of the famous saying, be careful what you wish for.  You might just get it.

As far as the power tools when we are remodeling she will mostly be pasting some wallpaper and helping me with some painting.    As far as the work part the closest I have in mind to anything with power is a postage meter and a computer.    I have already seen her around a microwave and it is scary.

[corncrowe]

 I have already seen her around a microwave and it is scary.

Not so much as when she cooks your dinner in a microwave...you should hide the darn thingy!!!

 

Jon 

[Turboguy]

When we were in Moscow she tried to heat up a frozen pizza for me in the microwave.    She put it in a heavy metal frying pan and was going to put that in the microwave.   The microwave did not work though (probably someone else tried the skillet in it)   Then she was going to put the heavy metal skillet with a plastic handle in the oven to heat it.   Hummm,  

Right now my microwave is still in a box on the floor.   It is one of the things I did not get to yet.  (yet is about zero now)    You guys talk about having flowers and everything spotless.   I don't even have the tub hooked up for her at this stage and won't till after she is here 3 or 4 days.   There is a shower but some gals like tubs.

I hope she does not want to do too much shopping after she arrives.   I blew about 12 grand in one day this week.