Second choice......Advise please.

[Gator]

I have noticed that one of the qualifications to advance to the OMB club is lack of patience, as if his entire supply of patience has been used on his wife.

[AnastassiaAsh]

When I wrote a bunch of ladies and chose my fiancee to visit. I wrote a letter to the other's and said something to the effect that I enjoyed my correspondence and new friendship with them but I have chosen another lady to visit and do not want to waste their time or play games. I do not know if I'm making the correct choice at this time but if I find I'm not compatible with the lady I'm visiting, I would like to ask if I could corresponded with you again and possibly visit you?

It is great you were honest, but the resulst is the same. It actually happened to me, and not once.... I said goodbye forever!

just want to watch this thread. 

Oh...

My opinion:  Fred - go for a new search for new women.  IMHO I think it would be hard for a woman to trust you after being dumped for another woman one time.  I know dumped is a harsh word...  but in the heat of an argument or if she gets that suspicion that you might be cheating - it will come to the front of her mind.

Correct!!

[KenC]

Anastassia,
Sorry to be using you to prove some points here lately, but a question for you please.  Do you think that a RW could forget meeting an AM a year before?  I mean to forget enough so she would not remember him if he tried to contact her a second time?
KenC
 

[groovlstk]

...

[AnastassiaAsh]

Of course she will never forget unless she has some drastic memory problems.  And even then these are the matters of the heart, how could one forget! Women want to be only your first choice, if that doesn't happen, everybody should move on and try again and be somebody else's first choice. If you want to have a great marriage, everything leading to that should be almost perfect. And this is the worst. I would advise to start fresh for both men and women.

KenC, you are welcome with your questions. That's great, i like it. 

[vwrw]

I have noticed that one of the qualifications to advance to the OMB club is lack of patience, as if his entire supply of patience has been used on his wife.

What an insightfut note!

[Gator]

VWRW,

Thanks.  I have noticed that even the unflappable Turbo was thin-skinned on a couple of his recent posts, just a couple. 

[BillyB]

It is great you were honest, but the resulst is the same. It actually happened to me, and not once.... I said goodbye forever!

Anastassia, I suspect you are a wonderful and devoted woman and a good catch for men.   Unfortunately, not all women are like you and men do not always have the ability to make the right choices through interpreting letters. Even good men could pass you over for a woman that is not as good a catch. They make mistakes but it does not make them any less of a good man. I also understand some women's point too. Many men do play the field and bounce around from woman to woman and a man who communicates with more than one woman may be a playboy.

[AnastassiaAsh]

Thank you, BillyB, for your kind words.

My problem was that i was 'too much' for those men, much better, and they didn't feel at ease at all - inferiority complex. Thank God nothing worked out because now i am absolutely blessed i found an equal and we are very happy and it's truly a match made in Heaven. 

[Erwin]

The real reason women act in such ways is a lot more simple, however: Regardless of what she told you a week before she dumped you, she doesn't love you, never did, and never will.

WISDOM...AMEN..

[Erwin]

The sooner a man accepts THE FACT THATshe doesn't love you, never did, and never will, the sooner he can advance through  the denial and other stages and be on his way to recovery.

WISDOM....AMEN...

[KenC]

Of course she will never forget unless she has some drastic memory problems.  And even then these are the matters of the heart, how could one forget! Women want to be only your first choice, if that doesn't happen, everybody should move on and try again and be somebody else's first choice. If you want to have a great marriage, everything leading to that should be almost perfect. And this is the worst. I would advise to start fresh for both men and women.

KenC, you are welcome with your questions. That's great, i like it. 

Thank you dear Anastassia for helping prove that it is a "ridiculous" notion to think a RW would forget meeting an AM in about a years time.
KenC

[vwrw]

VWRW,

Thanks.  I have noticed that even the unflappable Turbo was thin-skinned on a couple of his recent posts, just a couple. 

It is how I know that your comment was insightful 

[Taz]

This thread is an example of Darwinism at work! You are either the predator or the prey. The top of the food chain or the bottom. Take your pick!

If the woman doesn't love you, or you don't love her, nothing is typically going to change that. If you need someone to tell you that, you should know now where you stand in the previously mentioned model. Since Social Darwinism apparently doesn't work any more, is obvious that people like this need something akin to eugenics without its negative connotations.

It seems to many men are into self-flagellation here. What does it seem so often the man is always at fault here? He didn't do this right or that right? Groovlstk's sarcasm was right on target. Both sexes screw up. It's a fact. We are ALL going to make mistakes in this. The women are going to screw it up and so are the men. The more flexible and intelligent ones will adapt, learn to survive, become successful and the others will wonder WTF happened like JD did.

[Serebro]

She met someone else "better than you" and he proposed to her, so she chose him.

[DKMM]

Wow Fred, that really sucks sorry to hear that.  I know you feel bad because you had other good options and you feel like you wish you could go back and chose another who would have been a better option for you at the time.  You should be able to choose better next time as a result of going through this.  My very first RW dropped off too, although we didn't have a strong of a relationship as you did.

One of the costs of WMVM is having to make a very tough choice early on and basically burning bridges along the way as you reject women who were into you.  That being said, as I type this my "second choice" from a trip in April is bugging me in a chat window trying to webcam me back into her life (she magically reappeared when I broke up with my #1 choice recently).

I never saw you write the reason she gave as to not being able to see you in December, that would have been telling.  It could be any number of reasons, maybe she just wasn't into it after a while because people do grow apart more easily in this type of situation.  Don't be surprised if she pops her head back in your life.  All of my RW have except that very first one.

[Daveman]

I have noticed that one of the qualifications to advance to the OMB club is lack of patience, as if his entire supply of patience has been used on his wife.

That is kinda trippy how that appears...

I/O and T/G have turned to the dark side, Gator has one foot in his Vader costume (though Darth Gator does have a nice ring to it)... I sense an imbalance in the Force...

Serebro,  I read a survey not too long ago and I've been trying my best to find it again to post it... the details need to be scrutinized, e.g., sample size, sample demographics, etc, anyway, the numbers were, IIRC

68% of FSU women admitted they were not in love with (or did not love at all) their husbands prior to marriage, of these 65% admitted marrying strictly for financial gain (god only know what the other 3% were thinking, children maybe??) and, after marriage for at least one year, only 10% of those surveyed claimed to be "happy" (however that would be defined).... anyone seen this one? look familiar? where the heck is it?

So, if this survey reflects anything resembling reality (which is questionable, but interesting) then you could be absolutely right with the insinuation of the "quickest to the proposal" being the important factor in this or many other cases. 

--
Sorry to hear about the misfortune Fred, but better to move forward than to look back.  There will always be another in line to knock your socks off. Always. If a lady wasn't your first choice, or, you weren't hers, like others have said, better to forget "Do svidaniya" (until next meeting) and go for "Proshchai" (bye forever)..

Dave

[jb]

68% of FSU women admitted they were not in love with (or did not love at all) their husbands prior to marriage, of these 65% admitted marrying strictly for financial gain (god only know what the other 3% were thinking, children maybe??) and, after marriage for at least one year, only 10% of those surveyed claimed to be "happy" (however that would be defined).... anyone seen this one? look familiar? where the heck is it?

Dave,

I recall having read that survey somewhere a long time ago.  Frankly, I suspect there's more truth to it than anyone would like to admit.   To learn the truth I think one would have to look closely at the demographics of those women surveyed.  Were these women "Agency" girls who married the first man who came to see them?    I think there are as many women out there who are willing to put their hopes on the "Come" line, and roll the dice, as there are men who will take the big gamble.   If a man puts minimum effort into winning a woman's heart, little or no courtship, then I think it's a given that she will not be in love when they marry.   They may not even know if they are a good match personality-wise.   The concept of wedded strangers comes to mind here.

IMHO, this is the arena one enters when going into this game under funded in both money and vacation days. 

[I/O]

I/O and T/G have turned to the dark side, Dave

Rant mode on...........No Dave, I have been there all along, I have simply become less patient with idiocy. I had an experience a few weeks ago which reminded me very starkly to 1) Not trust people I don't need to, 2) To challenge BS at the earliest opportunity 3) explain to idiots they are idiots 4) Don't waste time trying to be nice to people I can't stand, 5) Be true to self and to hell with the rest. If that has been articulated here and others can't stand the bluntness of that, TFB, my life is fine without them.

Gator, your point of dry humour has a lot of truth in it, a Russian woman will absorb most of your patience and prolly leave you with a limited supply for others.

Notwithstanding any of that, being married, taking that formal (and for me final) step to total and absolute commitment does bring a certain clarity of thinking, focus on BS, impatience with nonsense (All subject related) which even I am somewhat surprised about.

I have a very long way to go before my tiny experience is worth much and I think I have always had a fairly dry approach to this subject, but OMG have some of these wish seekers got some shocks coming. I am seriously considering going into the locomotive manufacturing business because I can see the sales for new ones soaring soon. The soon to be squillion wrecked ones will need to be replaced and surely there is a dollar there somewhere. ....Rant mode off...........

Recycled dates IMO are something akin to used condoms, awfully messy and no use to me, never have been, never will be. BTW a Russian woman WILL remember. Billyb has a lot of learning to do on this one. I suspect some painful learning. Oh well, he was warned.

I/O

[KenC]

Dave,

I recall having read that survey somewhere a long time ago.  Frankly, I suspect there's more truth to it than anyone would like to admit.   To learn the truth I think one would have to look closely at the demographics of those women surveyed.  Were these women "Agency" girls who married the first man who came to see them?    I think there are as many women out there who are willing to put their hopes on the "Come" line, and roll the dice, as there are men who will take the big gamble.   If a man puts minimum effort into winning a woman's heart, little or no courtship, then I think it's a given that she will not be in love when they marry.   They may not even know if they are a good match personality-wise.   The concept of wedded strangers comes to mind here.

IMHO, this is the arena one enters when going into this game under funded in both money and vacation days. 

jb,
Good post as usual.  Most guys go from the infatuation stage directly to engagment skipping the all too important courtship phase.  I too agree that most of the RW are hoping that things will work out in the long run and sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't.  Maybe they are sold a "bill of goods" at their end as the men are at this end?
KenC

[catzenmouse]

Gator has one foot in his Vader costume (though Darth Gator does have a nice ring to it)... I sense an imbalance in the Force...

Methinks Gator needs a new avatar... 

Rant mode on...........No Dave, I have been there all along, I have simply become less patient with idiocy. I had an experience a few weeks ago which reminded me very starkly to 1) Not trust people I don't need to, 2) To challenge BS at the earliest opportunity 3) explain to idiots they are idiots 4) Don't waste time trying to be nice to people I can't stand, 5) Be true to self and to hell with the rest. If that has been articulated here and others can't stand the bluntness of that, TFB, my life is fine without them.

There's "blunt" then there's just being a prick. I've been accused of the later recently (and probably rightly so) but IMO there have been several members here lately hell bent on taking the lower road under the guise of "calling out BS". I'm sure that makes them feel rather superior about themselves and about their position as the Defenders of Truth, Justice, and the OMB Way. Hey, whatever floats their boat I guess. All I see, when that occurs, is generally someone who is more concerned with being right (in their mind) rather than being helpful.

Gator, your point of dry humour has a lot of truth in it, a Russian woman will absorb most of your patience and prolly leave you with a limited supply for others.

No arguments there which is perhaps why I don't have patience with all the bully posts around here.

Notwithstanding any of that, being married, taking that formal (and for me final) step to total and absolute commitment does bring a certain clarity of thinking, focus on BS, impatience with nonsense (All subject related) which even I am somewhat surprised about.

I've sure had my moments of wanting to reach through the screen here and slap somebody(s) upside the head (or worse) so I do understand the feeling. What does that really achieve? A momentary bit of satisfaction in the "I sure told that @sshole didn't I!" realm but it doesn't add anything of value here nor does it take one step towards how I want to live my life or raise my son. I sure don't want to raise another arrogant ass as we have plenty of those to deal with in life already. Probably enough to deal with for several lifetimes!

I have a very long way to go before my tiny experience is worth much and I think I have always had a fairly dry approach to this subject, but OMG have some of these wish seekers got some shocks coming. I am seriously considering going into the locomotive manufacturing business because I can see the sales for new ones soaring soon. The soon to be squillion wrecked ones will need to be replaced and surely there is a dollar there somewhere. ....Rant mode off...........

There is absolutely nothing that we can do to stop a train wreck from happening. Those who will end up in that situation will do so regardless of how the clue bat is swung around or how sweet the sugar coating is.

RWD is filled with absolutely great mentors for those who are willing to learn but I'll guarantee that many of them will turn away from good advise when they feel that the adviser is perceived as one of those arrogant asses.

FWIW,
 Ken

[KenC]

OK, Catz,
Just how should someone point out bad advice when it is posted?
KenC

[Shadow]

OK, Catz,
Just how should someone point out bad advice when it is posted?
KenC

Something along the line of :

ZOMG tat is tha gayest advice evah! PWND!!!!

[KenC]

Something along the line of :

ZOMG tat is tha gayest advice evah! PWND!!!!

Funny, Shadow,
But that hardly answers a serious question.  Up thread I called some advice ridiculous, because it was.  I even solicited an impartial view from another member on the circumstances and she validated my point.  At the suggestion of "super mod" I detailed my disagreement with some other advice, in a totally noninsulting way and it got deleted.  The fact remains that there are posters who throw out flippant and erroneous information and advice that could be very misleading to those of less experience.  And of course my fav, members giving advice on how to do something they have yet to do themselves.  Give me the acceptable format please.
KenC

[Admin]

Funny, Shadow,
But that hardly answers a serious question.  Up thread I called some advice ridiculous, because it was.  I even solicited an impartial view from another member on the circumstances and she validated my point.  At the suggestion of "super mod" I detailed my disagreement with some other advice, in a totally noninsulting way and it got deleted.  The fact remains that there are posters who throw out flippant and erroneous information and advice that could be very misleading to those of less experience.  And of course my fav, members giving advice on how to do something they have yet to do themselves.  Give me the acceptable format please.
KenC

I don't have much time, so am going to kludge this reply together quickly.

I don't think there is any one "acceptable format". Sometimes *effective* point and counter-point comes in the form of a gentle whisper, and other times it comes in the form of a screaming missile to the side of one's head.

Still, the message which is being communicated from an ever-growing percentage of the membership is - the bickering and insults serves nobody. Stick to KNOWABLE facts. When point and counter-point is offered with a genuine attempt to educate another, it is apparent to all. When it is offered with an ulterior motive (self-aggrandization or attempted discrediting of another) that, too, is apparent to all.

- Dan