Permanent Green Card-itis?

[beachcomber556]

I am curious to know about other men's experiences with wives and ex-wives regarding their level of concern and interest in the permanent Green Card.  Is (was) this a regular topic of discussion in your house?  For those of you who are divorced or separated from your FSU wife, how long after the permanent Green card arrived did the relationship go south?  Also, among her social network of FSU ladies, do you notice this topic coming up?  Several of my wife's friends are currently waiting on their permanent status to be approved, and are waiting for this approval before leaving their American husbands.

[KenC]

Beachcomber,
I am sorry that you even have to ask such a question as it exposes your own concerns.  All I can say is that my wife's green card was never a serious topic for discussion in our house and it's arrival was a non-event.
KenC

[groovlstk]

Ditto what Ken said, for my wife and I. My wife's only interest in the GC was so that she could get out of the house and look for work.

A few years back, there was another member of this forum (Happiness?) who became increasingly nervous as the day of arrival for his wife's GC got closer and closer. He came here for advice about his situation before the GC arrived and I think for the most part the rah rahs advised him to relax since he had no evidence she intended to leave him, outside of her remoteness and frigid demeanor. 

Ultimately, he sat tight and sure enough soon after she had the GC he discovered she was having an affair and they split.

Now, of course we only heard his side of the story. But if your wife is cold and distant and spends a lot of time with Russian friends of low moral caliber, then that clock ticking in the back of your mind may be connected to a stick of dynamite.

While I'd never advise anyone but a close friend to bail in a situation like this, if I were you I'd talk to someone about protecting yourself in the event the worst happens.

[Shadow]

Seems either your wife needs new friends or you will need a new wife.

[Misha]

Between this question, and the other question about wives wearing their wedding rings, I take it you have some pretty serious concerns at the moment  

[groovlstk]

Beachcomber, you might want to check out these old threads:

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=2803.msg52842#msg52842

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=3362.msg61295#msg61295

http://www.russianwomendiscussion.com/index.php?topic=4811.0

[Gator]

Several of my wife's friends are currently waiting on their permanent status to be approved, and are waiting for this approval before leaving their American husbands.

How do you know this?  Did your wife tell you?  I doubt she would tell you if she were planning to leave you.  Instead, I would think that she would say everything is perfect.

If she is complaining, have you done anything about her complaints.  Waiting until the day of the GC is too late to save your marriage.

Many happily married men have written how their wives prefer their friends from outside the RW circle.  It was portrayed that within the RW circle rests much negativity and plotting.  I am sure that there are many exceptions, but is this the general case?

My Moscow woman was here too short of a period (two months) to develop close AW friends.  Yet, she had a couple friends who treated her well (introducing her to the "best" hairdresser, etc.).  Furthermore, she had an opportunity to hang with a RW and she avoided it - a polite lunch and paka.

[jb]

My wife's GC arrival was a non-issue here, viewed simple as another milestone towards citizenship in her adopted country.  She has few RW friends here, preferring to associate mostly with her colleagues at the college where she teaches.  There are several RWs here who were agency girls that have attempted to make friends, but after one quick look she decided not to go there.   We know of two such women who divorced shortly after they got the GC.

[Jet]

She has few RW friends here, preferring to associate mostly with her colleagues at the college where she teaches.  There are several RWs here who were agency girls that have attempted to make friends, but after one quick look she decided not to go there.

Yep! Exactly the same situation here! Liliya much prefers the company of people she has more in common with than a passport. She was very favorably impressed with Start2's wife, but "V" was an exception rather than the rule. Locally it's usually RW/UW that either made bad choices and are looking for the companionship they don't get at home, or "favors" of all different descriptions 

Lil has voiced some concern about the GC, but I think it's appropriate, being that she's been here 5 1/2 years and still doesn't even have the conditional card.
(If she had any designs on becoming a GCG, she really screwed the pooch marrying me  )

[ScottinCrimea]

beachcomber,  Even from the limited information that you have provided, the red flags are flying.  Not wearing the wedding ring?  Worrying excessively about the arrival of the green card?  Those types of attitudes are so outside the behavior of the normal SINCERE RW I know personally that one can't help but wonder what other red flags are being overlooked.

[Gator]

Beachcomber,

There is more to the story than you are telling.  People here will try to help.  Some will even focus on what you can do and not criticize what you did do (can't change that).

This is a very complex issue.  So if you are shy, send a PM to a couple of the married men (not me).  A couple my wish to talk with you to help you.  At least you will sleep better.  Such outreach is the soul of this board.

[Jumper]

I am curious to know about other men's experiences with wives and ex-wives regarding their level of concern and interest in the permanent Green Card.  Is (was) this a regular topic of discussion in your house?

not at all..
for one, she had her *temporary permenant resident green card*
(what an understanadible, yet  funny name,  the BCIS uses lol)
an dSS card about a  week after she arrived,,though it was of little concern to her , other than a normal interest in having the proper documents to be living
in a new and strange land.

second- the AOS was appropriately 2 years later,  to
adust the status from ,"conditional", to permanent resident  ten year card.
she did not think much about  it, but we did end up needing to go to an interview,.
she thought strange, but basically its approval and arrival ,like many others was a
non -event.. looked at as merely a normal government formality ,like paying the family  taxes.

as far as friends-
 her friends are mostly from people she interacts with in her regular routine..
work, the gym, arobics class or what have you.
some are indeed RW,, (actually lithuinian) but generally they are just  across sectio nof people we both know thru are dailey routine or life..nationality having little to do with it.
 


 While your wifes "friends" may not change her character,
the fact she has them as friends would bother me,,if so many of them are of this
mindset.
I would ask her how she feels about those particular RW's motives, thier
aspirations , thier thoughts on thier husbands, and views on life.
 

i did not read the post about the wedding ring..
but sounds odd.

My wife initially wore it on the right hand ,orthodox style,andw ished me to do the same.
now she decided to wear hers on the left hand , as occassionally it  was not understood in our culture.

I know many married RW, they all wear them as normal practice.
I dont know a single one that is ever without it really.
Even one i know going thru a messy divorce
(she was married 9 years,and was already a GC holder when she was first married)


 

[catzenmouse]

She was very favorably impressed with Start2's wife, but "V" was an exception rather than the rule.

"V" and Start2 are extended family for us but better than blood family. Couldn't ask for better friends.