Turboguy's K1 Ordeal

[andrewfi]

They can always use their interpreter, like they did before.

[BC]

I can only imagine the implications Andrew )

[Turboguy]

TurboGuy. Your fiancee didnt know the names of your children? You showed her pictures of your children and just didnt happen to mention their names? She didnt even ask? If I was the guy doing the interveiw I would have thought WTF. How much older are you than this girl anyway?

Well Facetrock if I am totally honest about it which is not usually a wise move here it was probably a topic I was just as happy not to talk about.   I showed her the photos and she said nice looking and we moved on to other topics.   We never talked about their names.  We never talked about their ages which is a little older than she is.   If she would have asked I would have been more than willing to talk about any of it.   It did not bother me that she did not ask and I did not feel I was hiding anything from her by not insisting. 

The age difference is 34 years.  It does not bother either of us.  It does seem to bother some people.   At the interview the CO asked about the age difference and she said she does not feel an age difference.  I don't either.  Perhaps 10 or 20 years from now that may not be the case.   Of course if we stay together 20 years we will probably have done better than most. 

[Turboguy]

[user=130]Son of Clyde[/user] wrote:

In case some of you don't know I have never been married. I don't have 3 wonderful teenagers. I don't have experience in this field. I learn one day at a time. I take your advice but I do what feels right to me. This is my new family and I can see what is needed and I will buy them what they want and need in due time.

Don't expect many posts from me until they are well settled.

Parenting can be a wonderful experience Son of Clyde.   It is great that you have a chance to experience it.   It can be very difficult at times.   I think for a novice you are doing great.   I have enjoyed the updates of what you are going through with this.  I hope you find the time to keep us informed.   If your computer at home is an expensive one perhaps the best thought here so far has been investing in a cheaper one for the boy just to save yours.    On the other hand if yours is not anything too special, let him mess it up for a while then get a new one for you and let him keep the old one.

[Bruno]

I would like to know how Clyde is going to sit down and talke to Ira about what the child needs. According to Clyde she can only speak about 50 words of English. Might be hard for both to agree on something if neither of them know what the other is talking about.

When my first wife and her daughter have come in Belgium, no one was speaking French or Dutch...

It was need only three month for the child speak almost perfectly Dutch... For the wife, it was needed around one year...

Like i have say before, language is not a problem... she will be able to study it... you choice a woman because she speak english, i choice a woman because i like her, i find her some qualities, because she have good character,... change a bad character is more difficult that learn English...

In reality, Ira will not speak a lot about child need... she will be enough busy to adapt to the new country... how can she know what the child need in USA when herself is in the adaptation phase... my ex-wife, when i ask her meaning, have always say :" i don't know... you are the man and it is your country, you know better that me... "... for a time, it will be only Clyde who need take the decision... he will have the full responsability... and i think that he is enough adult for this...

And he is the better placed for know the priority of his OWN family... what the hell we are coming say critic on his method... you are not in his place and Ira is not your wife...

Give your advice and he will make his choice... but spare your critic about him... you don't know the full situation... having three teenage daughter don't inform us on your succes in education... and same if your method is good, nothing say that it can work in other family... and the model of clyde can be very good for his family... Given a advice is not impose your method to other and say that only you have right and know the truth...

Clyde, make like you wish, make what you feel good... don't stop inform yourself and build your own way... You are Clyde, and what is need for you is certainly different of what is need for JB, Facetrok, Ken, Bruno, ...

 

[Son of Clyde]

I took them to a swing dance last night.

She sat and watched and Mischa tried to dance.

I think he won over every woman in the room and he's only 14 (he looks about 16 at 5' 9". 144 pounds). I never heard the word "adorable" used by so many women in one night.

I have a lady and son who are probably as perfect as I am going to find anywhere.

Even with her mood swings I am learning to deal with it.

[Hummer4x4]

I thought that was what we liked about the FSU women that they dressed like women,   Now they are going to want to fit in and run around in greazy baggy sweat shirts, baggy pants and old nikes with a cigarette hanging in their lips and a beer can in their hand.  

-Turboguy, Where in the world do you live? The only kind of women that dress like that live in the projects and make 5000 dollars a year. Frankly although i prefer FSU women, I have never seen women in greazy baggy sweatshirts and the like in the USA unless they were standing in the wellfare line. Is this the kind of women you hang out with?

Son of Clyde,

Boy this is a tough one isn't it, instant fatherhood of a teenager! I could offer my two cents and all that, but I'm not a dad yet! So basically I'm not really any more qualified than say Gumby, LOL! But seriously the only area I can give you advice on is the Step-Father portion.

I'm a step-son to a man I consider the best to ever walk the face of the Earth. I was extremely lucky in this regard. Not only did he go to every single little league baseball game, he also went to every practice and participated as an assistant coach. He did this at a time when he and my mom had just finished making my 2 bros and 1 sis. He was working 10's and still finding the time to give all four of us what felt like his undivided attention. For this and many, many other things I love this man more than air! So my friend all I can say is, not to imply that you had this thought, this young man will look to you for more than you financial support, he will look to you to be his dad. As I've matured I grown to appreciate and recognize this as the single greatest purpose a man can serve. So just remember he is probably freaking out over all the recent developments in his life and my guess is right now he will be reaching out (maybe even lashing out) for some serious attention, and finally my advice...give it to him.

Good Luck,

Doug

[Turboguy]

I think the secret is to just learn to be happy that you have something so special and understand that there is a learning and adapting process you must both go through.   It won't take long but it may seem like forever as you go through it day by day.   In the end it won't always be perfect but your life will have a fullness that you never had before.

[START2]

Turbo,  I've been working lots of extra hours lately so I haven't checked the board and was surprised to see Clyde and your posts. Sorry to hear about your ordeal Turbo. One never thinks till later , why did this happen to me. After reading, it seems to me that maybe the CO put some emphasis on the age factor. That's just my opinion. Sounds like to me you had all the other ducks in a row. I wish you well with whatever happens next. I'm sure many of us here are sitting around thinking how happy we are that it was not us it happened to. I believe that most of us here have a very persistant personality so keep the faith and you will get the results you desire.

 

Clyde, I didn't realize you were never around kids, and especially boys. Take in a deep breath and count to 10!!! Blow it out and do it again, and  again , and again. It's possible , think back to your youthfull days. Were you ever careless in judgement? If you can't remember, just ask your mom and dad. I raised 2 sons. and one is still 16 and lives with me. Even with one grown and away from home I still shake my head at some of the stuff my youngest does. Believe me, patience is a virtue. I think back to my youth and wonder how the hell I made it this far. Don't you remember that when you were even 16 you had all the answers to lifes problems and was the smartest guy on the palnet? It was everyone else that didn't have a clue. Especially your mom and dad. These are his toughest years coming up. I would never choose to go through them again.Well, most of them anyway. He is goes to think things and do things that will just blow your mind. As a parent you'll need to know when to take a stand to teach and when step back and be a friend. But never and I mean never think you will be his BEST friend. He will find those on his own.That's not your job. Your job is teach him to be a man and and how to act like a good moral person. I assure you what you teach now will seem like it does not phase him, but those are lessons that will pay off later in life. Just don't sweat it now. In the meantime at this point in your relationship, you still have to develop some kind of rapore with him.  Tread gently here. It's hit and miss. He might be testing you to. Set the ground rules. Make you yes mean yes and your no mean no.  Of course it'd be better if he was younger but he's not. But he needs to see stability in you. If he's on the pc alot that's ok. Just use a time limit. The other stuff like bikes and games is up to you. Let me tell you something. Take time with him. Activites together are great. Take him to a movie, or do some sport thing with him. Get a couple gloves and a ball and go play catch. I do this with my boys and had some of the best conversations ever . Get a football and toss it around. After , go get a soda or some ice cream. Remember, mom is watching. You'll gain huge points with her when you develop with her son.  If you have to reprimand, do it with love. Don't talk down to him. Correct it then put your arm and on shoulder and move on. Whether you know it or not, he pays attention to you when you don't think he does, just like Irina . They are looking to you for leadership in the home.  You have to be strong and gentle all at the same time. Yes, you have to be SUPERMAN!!  I'm sure others will have great advice for you, but in the end, everything is up to you.  Nothnig happens over night. It's a process. Just be calm, patient , and the rewards will come later.  You reap what you sew.

My fiance arrives tomorrow. Can't wait. Last week I wrote a letter to her mom and dad telling them that I can't imagine what it was like to feel like they are losing a daughter and grandchild. I included many other things to promising that I would take good care of them while they were here. My fiance translated it for them. A few days later they wrote back saying how much they appreciated that letter and here's the the kicker, which I thought was just an american expression. They said that they completely trusted me with their daughter and grandchild and ..... they felt like they weren't losing a daughter but gaining a son. I will admit, that brought tears to my eyes. For me, I couldn't have  have been paid a higher compliment. Tonight they get on the train to Kiev and fly out tomorrow. You can't believe the butterflies I feel at this moment. Then again, you probably know.

[KenC]

Start2,

One hell of a post!  I thought the best idea someone had here was for Clyde to buy 2 bikes and for him to ride with his new son.  Some of the best conversations I ever had with my son was while we were bike riding.  Best of luck to you.

Turbo,

I find it a little odd that you and your fiancee didn't have more conversations about your children.  My wife is a year younger than my daughter and a year older than my son, and we had many a conversation about them.  My wife looked forward to meeting my kids and becoming friends with them.  Your finacee didn't show any interest in your kids?

KenC

[Turboguy]

Luda does not ask a lot of questions about anything.  Not just with me with anyone.   She has seen photos.  I have told her about my son's wedding.  She knows that they both work with me in my business.   She knows that two years ago I spent every weekend for year helping my daughter and her husband build a beautiful new home only to have my daughter leave her husband for another guy 6 months after they moved in.    Of course she did not get the house.  She knows a lot.  We just never talked about names.   I never really thought about it that much, but sure, I guess it is strange.   Luda can be a little strange sometimes, well lots of the times, but she is a good girl and I don't mind her odd ways.

[Bruno]

Start2,

One hell of a post!  I thought the best idea someone had here was for Clyde to buy 2 bikes and for him to ride with his new son.  Some of the best conversations I ever had with my son was while we were bike riding.  Best of luck to you.

Yep, it was one of my idea... two bike... easy for resolve the problem of security...

In my case, the best conversations with Anastasia was during a fishing "party" ... fishing + pic-nic... without her mother who hate this...

What is good for one is maybe bad for a other... nobody here know better the personality of these young boy from 14 year that Clyde... he is the only one here able to judge what is good for him...

Now, my advice, the from Start2 or the your's are not bad but it is Clyde who make the decision to see what apply the best to his situation...

 

[KenC]

Turbo,

Hindsight is always 20/20.  Sometimes I wish Lena would stop asking me questions.  Best of luck to you.  I hope everything works out the way you want.  Has Luda gotten over her "it must be fate" way of thinking?  I know I had to battle that crap in the early years with my wife too.  That kind of thinking rubs me the wrong way.  I don't accept things that don't go my way, I just look for a different way to succeed.  I think a lot of Russians seem to have this defeatist attitude.  The slightest bump in the road and they talk about "fate" not being on their side or "it wasn't meant to be".

KenC

[START2]

Bruno, the point I was trying to make was that Clyde needs to find what ever works for them. Not what I do or did. Being european, I don't imagine you would understand what basaball meant to almost every young boy growing up.  Even though the professional game today is questionable and not the place you look for heroes or role models, the time spent as a child just doing something so simple as playing catch left many memorable impressions on me that I will never forget. Whatever activity Clyde chooses, the importance is one on one time that will insure a bonding process. The best times had with my grandfather were fishing but it wasn't just the fishing, it was the stories and his experiences he would tell me of his youth while we waited for that bobber to get sucked under the water and feel the tug on that fishing line.  Wow!!! I will never forget that. With my dad, it was other things as it will be for clyde and his new son.

[Wayne]

Turbo, I have been reading your posts here and also on vj.  Sorry you had such a problem at Luda's interview.  From what you say about her, it seems like the Mexican CO and she got a bad start at the beginning of her interview.  If she is quiet and moody he may have misunderstood this --thinking she was not telling the truth! 

I hope you are able to sort this out and still get the K-1.  If not, you can always get married in Russia and go for the K-3 along with the I130.  Did you talk to Luda about having children?  I know it would be a second family as your kids are grown up.  If your child was born in Russia, it would be easy to get dual citizenship.  You could get a DNA test to prove you are both his parents.  Do you think that would be enough evidence for the Mexican CO?

My Oksana is scheduled for her K-1 in Moscow on 24 August.  We lost three months being in AR before the interview was assigned.  She has had all the documents ready for a long time.  Oksana is very friendly and outgoing.  She is emotionally strong and brave.  She likes to talk and has many friends.  She will probably do most of the talking and the CO does not even need to ask questions.  Her English is a little weak--but I think she can interview in English if necessary.  Her bags are all packed.  She, her 14 year old daughter and several lady friends and girls are going on a camping trip into the mountains where Oksana does rock climbing.  After this trip, she will give the mountain climbing gear to her friend, as it is too heavy to bring with her to America. 

Oksana and Yana live in Krasnoyarsk, so they are planning to stay in Moscow and pick up the visa package form the DHL office in Moscow.  As soon as they get the visas, she will purchase the airplane tickets. 

I have a son 26, and two daughters, 24 and 21 years old.  Yana is a very nice, well behaved girl.  Her birth Father hardly ever sees her.  Oksana had to go to court to get permission to bring Yana to America, so if anyone faces this problem you can send me a message. 

Go luck to anyone with an interview coming soon!

[ConnerVT]

Reading this thread is like listening to an old 8-track tape -- you get to hear two songs at the same time! 

[Turboguy]

Thanks for asking Ken.   Luda seems to be fine now.   I think sometimes you just need to adjust to the disappointments life throws your way.    She seems like she actaully wants it more now.   Sometimes when something becomes a challenge it has more value than if it is just dropped in your lap.  

[BC]

I hope you are able to sort this out and still get the K-1.  If not, you can always get married in Russia and go for the K-3 along with the I130.  Did you talk to Luda about having children?  I know it would be a second family as your kids are grown up.  If your child was born in Russia, it would be easy to get dual citizenship.  You could get a DNA test to prove you are both his parents.  Do you think that would be enough evidence for the Mexican CO?

Sure go have a kid for immigration purposes..

Insanity.. total insanity..

Better off selling your soul to the devil.

[Turboguy]

Better off selling your soul to the devil.

Does that get me the visa?

[Bruno]

[user=297]START2[/user] wrote:

Bruno, the point I was trying to make was ...

Start, i have agree with your previous post... it was a reply to Ken... both post was good, different view but good... and in anycase, it is Clyde who chose the way, it is his life...

[Bruno]

Oksana had to go to court to get permission to bring Yana to America, so if anyone faces this problem you can send me a message.

All information are welcome... Larisa have several problem with previous husband... and his work in militia don't help us... of course, our situation are certainly other that you... i am European and she from Belarus...  but his ex-husband is really a a**hole, she have already win several law procedure again him but the sanction are very low... for have put fire on his own son and send it to hospistal, he was condanned to pay a little sum from it militia income... some divorced, he have always the right to go inside her appartment since he is always partial owner...

With Larisa, the relation is wonderful but these ex-husband is a hell...

[facetrock]

TurboGuy, you are 34 years older than her and you wonder why the interveiwer had his radar up. Coupled with the fact that she didnt know your childrens names and can hardly speak English. So after you were turned down you broke up and got back together again several times. Sounds like a teenager to me.

[Turboguy]

Hummm sounds like a teenager huh,  Ahhh me or her?

I got a bit of a surprise for you Facetrock,  I know this is going to surprise you but this is supposed to be America.   If she is stupid enough to fall in love with a guy a bit older than her dad and I am stupid enough to fall in love with someone a bit younger than my daughter that is our business and our right.   We are supposed to be allowed to be that stupid.   We have the same rights to happiness as anyone else.   It is not his or your place to tell us what we can and can not do.    We deserve to be treated just like anyone else.    

[Erwin]

TurboGuy, you are 34 years older than her and you wonder why the interveiwer had his radar up. Coupled with the fact that she didnt know your childrens names and can hardly speak English. So after you were turned down you broke up and got back together again several times. Sounds like a teenager to me.

F,

So, do you think marrying a much younger woman is a priviledge of the rich and famous only????

E