Turboguy's K1 Ordeal

[Photo Guy]

[size="3"][color="darkred"]If you find a good thing, go for it!   :dude:

If you aren't sure of what you want and often cannot recognize a good thing when you see it, then take your time, take years to figure it(her) out.  ....Some guys will understand my point. From where you sit, how can you tell if I'm perceptive or delusional? Answer: You cannot. [/color][/b]
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[Bruno]

Unreasonable expectations of life together in a new culture can lead to some interesting and possibly devastating consequences. The ability to prepare a Russian lady for changes in lifestyle hinges on the man's honest portrayal of his true situation in life. Yet, even with full disclosure there is a good chance that some unreasonable expectations will linger in the mind of a Russian lady until she has experienced the new culture first hand. More than likely, your lady will not be the only person with unreasonable expectations. Western men usually hold some unrealistic opinions as well.

America and the western world are not really similar to what is portrayed in most movies and television programs. Unfortunately, the media is where most Russian women get their opinions about life in the west. It's unavoidable, but true. We know the real score, and we take it for granted. We realize that the vast majority of Americans are not industrial magnates and that they don't own vineyards in Napa Valley or hobnob with celebrities. However, there is a perception among most Russians that all westerners, especially Americans, are wealthy. America has money trees, and the streets are paved with gold. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but this is not far from the truth based on comments I've heard while visiting in FSU. Instant wealth is the most common misperception. Other strongly held beliefs that may cause problems during adjustment include: life in America is a constant vacation, people don't have to work to make a living, everyone travels extensively, and the people are friendly because they don't have any problems.

Russian women expect life to be very easy after moving to America. They assume their financial worries will just disappear. They don't think that westerners, especially Americans, must work hard for what they have. The big shock is when they realize how many hours most Americans work just to make ends meet.

It becomes easy to understand why problems might arise given the disparity between reality and expectations. This is no more true than the unreasonable expectations held by many western men regarding Russian women. The most common misperception of Russian women is that they are docile wallflowers. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Russian women have assumed the preponderance of responsibility for the family and social order in Russia. On top of this, most are reliable workers, earn degrees from universities, and to a greater or lesser extent, are opinionated.

Don't make the mistake that because Russian women are sophisticated and intelligent, that they a somehow cold and independent. Expect civility, nor servility. Expect feminine, not feminist. With all their strength, they are still women who want a strong man to lead and protect them. But, they want that leadership in the form of compassion and example, not an iron fist.

I need to add that several men, when they visit the lady in FSU, confort her in the way that all is so easy for his foreign man... of course, all is so cheap in FSU, it is easy to impress a lady... unfortunaly, this give a false image of her future life in US...

[jb]

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From where you sit, how can you tell if I'm perceptive or delusional? Answer: You cannot.

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The really funny part is, Doug, I don't think you can either.

[TigerPaws]

From where you sit, how can you tell if I'm perceptive or delusional? Answer: You cannot.

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The really funny part is, Doug, I don't think you can either.
[/quote]
Ah! We hear once again from the boards resident expert on everything for everyone and yet another personal attack on people you do not know.

 

[jb]

Ok, TP, let's hear something constructive from you.   Other than  your constant harping on pre-nups and how to hide wealth from your  family, I don't recall a single post from you about how to sort out  some of the problems these guys face.  I attempt to shed some  light into the darkness, while you are, IMHO, just a one trick magician  with nothing to add to the collective knowledge base of the  board.  You have bragged to the effect that you made several trips  to the FSU, shopped until you found what you wanted, and then bought  it.  This hardly qualifies you to be overly sympathic to the care  and feeding of a typical FSUW as married to a typical working class AM.

And while I'm in the mood for personal attacks, my opinion of you is  quite low.  I suspect you are a troll of the first water, that you  are indeed not what you claim to be.  Your writings here do not  seem consistant with your stated experience or education.  There  is a huge difference between miss-typing and miss-spelling, your  literacy level tells me you have not the background you profess, in  other words, it is clear to me that you have padded your CV from whole  cloth.  In short, you are a fraud.

Now THAT'S a personal attack, just so you know the difference.

[Sonar]

Sonar,

You came to this board, made a few statements, and got a mauling for your efforts.

jb,

I agree with what you are saying, but that first sentence is hard to swallow. I really don't feel that I have had a mauling. I feel that I have had an attempted mauling. Very much of what you are asking me to explain has already been told in previous posts. A detailed chronological account of a 3.25 year MOB relationship that involved more than a dozen visits to the FSU would amount to a small book at the least.

There are some here who would perceive this as an opportunity to search between the lines for dirt that does not exist and sling even more mud than they already have. I really don't have a problem with that, but the mob mentality that I have already witnessed here in not a pleasant experience. Hell, one guy has tried to insinuate that the word kidnap is relevant in some way. Others fall just short of calling me a liar, which I am not. Some seem to think that I am searching for advice. I have asked for none and as far as I can see, no usable advice has been offered other than what you say in your latest posts, and Turboguys willingness to share his experience.

I understand that there is no way possible to explain this completly without going into further detail. I have no problem doing that. But you have to understand that for every single post that I make, there are three or four comments thrown at me that require a response. It is definately not a level playing field.

Since you have asked all of these questions, I think that it would be necessary to start from the very beginning in order to make this sensible. But it is Turboguys thread. I don't know if this is the right place or not.

[KenC]

Sonar,

Why don't you start a new thread?  May I suggest the "no holds barred" section?

KenC

[Sonar]

Sonar,

Why don't you start a new thread?  May I suggest the "no holds barred" section?

KenC

Sure Ken, What would you like to discuss?

[jb]

Whoa, Ken.  In Sonar's case I think a few holds should be barred  if anything good would come of it.  I think Sonar has a  contribution to make to the board, we should try to extract as much  information regarding his experience as possible.  We shouldn't  subject  him to further unwarranted torture.  Just my opinion.

[Sonar]

Whoa, Ken.  In Sonar's case I think a few holds should be barred if anything good would come of it.  I think Sonar has a contribution to make to the board, we should try to extract as much information regarding his experience as possible.  We shouldn't subject  him to further unwarranted torture.  Just my opinion.

HaHa!! Steel cage or open arena? Seems that we already have a tag team vs. a solo.

[Ste]

To add to jb's list:

1. You must be able to speak to each other without an interpetor or third party.
2. You are not 'bringing her home' - you are 'taking her away from home' - remember that.

Ste

[Sonar]

To add to jb's list:

1. You must be able to speak to each other without an interpetor or third party.
2. You are not 'bringing her home' - you are 'taking her away from home' - remember that.

Ste

Sure ste, you are correct. My girl spoke perfect English and we never had to much of a communication problem. But there were times when I felt that her Elglish was more of a hinderance than a help. Sometimes they use the wrong words and we interpret the meaning differently than it was intended. But overall, yes, her ability to speak English was a great help.

[KenC]

Sonar,

I promise not to jump on you until you have your say.  There just seems to be some holes to your story that baffles me.  I too would like clarification. 

KenC

[jb]

Wow~! Over an hour and a half since my personal attack on TigerPaws and  no response, seems he's even left the building now.  I'm amazed he  didn't know the difference between a critical review of facts and a  personal attack.  Well,,, now he does.

BTW, I couldn't imagine all the PM's I'm getting over that post, I  guess I wasn't the only man here with misgivings about the blowhard  TP.  Score that about 10 for the good guys, and 0 for TP.

[BC]

I'd add to jb's list:

1. If you believe a foreign relationship is the only way to satisfy your relationship needs you are WRONG. First seek evaluation by a good mental health professional.

2. If you believe your 'case' is an exception, that experiences of others and established rules of conduct do not apply, you are WRONG.

3. If you consider yourself 'lucky' having found the 'woman of your dreams' you are WRONG. Only those with several years of marriage can even begin to consider themselves truly lucky.

As a side note to upthread discussions about attacks:  If you take yourself so seriously that posts to your anonymous virtual personae are offensive you really do have a problem that should be evaluated...  Try it on me!  Attack!.. see if I really care

[Bruno]

What happen here !!! ... These forum become a pissing contest...  Maybe some have abuse too much of the bottle !!! This remember me my young time, when children pest other children... Maybe the number of post and member grow but it seem that the quality level lower

[Sonar]

I'd add to jb's list:

1. If you believe a foreign relationship is the only way to satisfy your relationship needs you are WRONG. First seek evaluation by a good mental health professional.

2. If you believe your 'case' is an exception, that experiences of others and established rules of conduct do not apply, you are WRONG.

3. If you consider yourself 'lucky' having found the 'woman of your dreams' you are WRONG. Only those with several years of marriage can even begin to consider themselves truly lucky.

As a side note to upthread discussions about attacks:  If you take yourself so seriously that posts to your anonymous virtual personae are offensive you really do have a problem that should be evaluated...  Try it on me!  Attack!.. see if I really care

What the hell are we talking about here? I suppose that you are talking to me.

[jb]

Get on the same page, Bruno.  You snooze, you lose.

[BC]

What the hell are we talking about here? I suppose that you are talking to me.

Actually I wasn't.. but if you feel addressed make the best out of it.

[Turboguy]

There is a new thread down in NO HOLDS BARRED to talk about Sonars expereinces.  Keep it all on one spot and go there to respond if that is acceptable.

[Sonar]

What the hell are we talking about here? I suppose that you are talking to me.

Actually I wasn't.. but if you feel addressed make the best out of it.
[/quote]I didn't feel addressed. That's why I asked the question. I think that you said something like "to add to jb's list". I must have missed a list somewhere.

[Sonar]

Sonar,

I promise not to jump on you until you have your say.  There just seems to be some holes to your story that baffles me.  I too would like clarification. 

KenC

Jump on me anytime that you wish Ken. I'm used to it by now.

There is a new thread down in NO HOLDS BARRED to talk about Sonars expereinces.  Keep it all on one spot and go there to respond if that is acceptable.

Please follow Turboguys advice. Been watching this. Continue like the last pages and the topic will be locked.

[andrewfi]

Sonar ~ You quoted a post of mine above, and it is, in my opinion, true. But that is irrelevant to your case. You had taken three years building a relationship that you then threw away in less than a week, a week after she arrived in the USA. Now, if you think that there is any kind of balence between the three years previously and your panicked ending of the relationship then you are a seriously deluded person. I find it hard t obeleive that you knew a person for three years without uconvering problems and then in just a week you magically gain a huge new insight into this person. It beggars belief, or suggests that you are a bigger fool than you might otherwise appear!

You claim not to have run scared; your actions, as conveyed to us, tell the tale that your spinning tries to deny.

I warrant that you had made little or no real preparation to deal with the arrival of this woman into your life, that you had underestimated greatly the responsibility that you faced and that you chose to ensure the end of the relationship with as much haste as possible. You can not have it all ways, as you are trying to do. (OK you can, but only in your own mind!)

[Turboguy]

Andrewfin,  Not meaning this to be negative, but if you read more and talk less you will see this discussion is being moved to "No Holds Bared.  Please go there to post.  Thanks.