London 2002 how it began...

[Jet]

1) In the beginning…
Having stepped out of a 10yr. relationship with a woman they clinically describe as a “high functioning alcoholic” in May of 2001, I was enjoying my newfound freedom immensely. I finally had time to get back to some old hobbies and pursue some new interests that had been kept on the back burner. I was 36, single & life was good.

During this time, a friend of mine invited me to participate in a PC simulation development team as they were sorely in need of a person familiar with CAD 3-D modeling. The team was scattered all over the Americas and Europe, and the most efficient way for everyone to communicate was ICQ (instant messenger). Because of the public prominence of this team, I was getting bombarded with ICQ authorization requests daily. Usually, I’d scan through and if there were no names I recognized, I’d just delete the whole stack.

On March 31, 2002 I got a single request from “SilverLynx”. To this day, I cannot explain the feeling that came over me at that moment. Something COMPELLED me to accept the request I saw on the screen. The only information I had was that this SilverLinx was a 27yr. old female from Russia, residing somewhere in the Moscow time zone (GMT+3). It would take a week before we were online at the same time. On April 8, we began chatting and it quickly became a daily conversation.


[red flag #1 she contacted me]

She was looking for a native speaker to practice her English with, and we wrote back and forth about everything from current events, to science, to computers, to politics, and more. We talked about our daily lives and our dreams and aspirations. After three or four weeks though, I still had no idea what this woman looked like or where she lived exactly, other than “a small town on the banks of the river Volga”. During this time, the development team I was working with had run up against a brick wall because they were trying to decipher some programming information written in Russian, and nobody knew the language (machine translators are completely useless for this type of thing also). I approached Liliya about her possibly helping out, and she quickly agreed.

By mid May, I was really starting to feel like I NEEDED to meet this woman in person, if for no other reason than to satisfy my curiosity as to whether she was as wonderfully intriguing in person as she was on the ‘net. It was also about this time that we finally exchanged photographs, and that sealed the deal in my mind!


[red flag #2 don't fall for a photo]

Shortly after that I asked for her phone number.  I got an e-mail the following day that stated:

I am really missing you this morning.

I received your letters. Thank you, my nice.
You said, I am sorry. I was not such good company last night.
Jim, my wonderful man.
I understand everything.
Different things can happen, but you have to know.
You are always the best company for me.
I always feel the warm wave in my heart when I see you on-line.

You are absent, my gentle light, but I am looking at the flower that you sent
for me.
This flower is like from the other planet.
I have never seen such fantastic flower before.

You asked my phone number.
It is not top-secret (especially for you, my sweetheart).
My phone number is 26062. this is no longer the phone number at her apartment in Russia
(Marilyn Monroe was born in 1926 and she died in 1962.)
I think the phone code of my town is ##### (but I am not sure).
You can call on my phone even in the night, but you have to know.
Jim, my sweet angel, I don t speak English.
I have never thought I ll have to speak English.
I studied just to read and to write in English.
I want to begin study English more assiduously now because I met you.

I think you have also to know my home address.
Different things can happen with my computer and I can lose you.

If my computer will be out of order you can write me the letter (on the paper).
This is my home address:
Russia
Zip code #######
Nizhniy Novgorod area
Balakhna City
Xxxxx street
House number ##
Apartment number ##
Kxxxxx L.X.

I ll get home later today.
It will be around 7 PM.
I have long days at school on Monday and on Thursday.
But you will stay in my thoughts all day.

That afternoon I made the call which was about 47sec of pure bliss before it got dumped and I was unable to connect again that day.
me: Priviet, how are you?
her: ........................ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnee.............................

[Enot]

Nice start Jet, let's hear some more!

[vwrw]

Finally, we will have a pleasure to read the whole story of admirable woman’s integration in Jet’s life and American culture!!!!! I am so excited in anticipation! 

[Jet]

2) How naive can one man be… 

Talk started to revolve around the possibility of meeting "face to face" and it was suggested that if I flew to Moscow, she'd be very happy to meet me at the airport and escort me back to the Nizhniy Novgorod area some 500km East, where she grew up. Not that I had any aversion to flying to Moscow, but I knew from our correspondence that she had never really travelled anywhere exciting besides the Crimean peninsula and a few river cruises. I started to look at airfares and discovered that for the cost of one ticket to Moscow, I could also find two tickets to either New York or London. I gave her the choice..."Where would you like to meet?" After a long pause, the answer came back in a very tentative tone "London? I have always dreamed to see it!"
[red flag #3 one should meet in her home town first]

The preparations commenced, and I began to get an education about travel outside the Western hemisphere. I found out that she would require a visa to visit London (who'd have thought?) and read up on the requirements. At almost exactly the same time, several European members of that development team I mentioned were planning a get together for the big annual air show at RAF Fairford in the SW of England. This seemed like the perfect "reason" for a young Russian Lady to want to travel to the UK, so I had Mark, one of the members living in UK, draft up an official written invitation that had Liliya's name included within. I forwarded that, along with my personal invitation, which explained that I'd cover all costs, etc..., to Lil so she might present it to the British Embassy along with her application for the visa. She had taken the time to visit with some friends of her parents who were rather wealthy and well travelled, to get whatever information she could. They did refer her to a very helpful travel agent in the city, but warned her not to get her hopes up as she'd almost definitely be denied due to her age, looks, marital status, and income. A day or two later she called the travel agent and found out the particulars - what documents she’d need to provide, what she’d need from me, the fees, processing time, etc… The travel agent also warned her that the odds of actually receiving the visa were about a million to one against her.

I was working with a local travel agent to try to build the trip and get things arranged so that in case something fell through (her visa), we could move to an alternate plan. My tickets to London were easy enough, and finally after a lot of searching we were able to secure refundable tickets for her from DME in Moscow to Heathrow on TransAero, which would put her in London about 12 hours after my arrival. Things were progressing nicely, I thought (being the eternal optimist)

I kept her informed of the progress at my end:

Hi Sweetheart,
Today was an EXCELLENT day!!!!!!!
The travel agency called in the afternoon...................are you ready for this? ........................I can pick up the airline tickets Friday! Tickets will be refundable in case there is a problem with the consulate and we cannot get you a visa. Once I have them, I can send yours by FedEx so you will have it to show the Consular General. The travel agent also thinks she can find us a nicer hotel than I found. She will show me what she has found when I pick up the tickets. So, if all goes well, you should receive a package with all the papers you need to apply for the visa by next Wednesday. I cannot send any kind of currency by mail (I was told Russian customs will confiscate (take) it upon entry to the country) BUT, I found out, I can send it by "Western Union" and there should be an office where you can pick it up in Nizhni Novgorod. So you will need to find out what the fee's are from your agency for processing of the visa. That part should be easy, and you have at least a week to find out. I will also need to know exactly how your name is shown on your passport (so they get it right on the ticket) before Friday. I am getting VERY excited now! We have overcome so many problems in such a short time, it is amazing................................only 1 more to go, I hope it is as easy as the rest has been
See you soon,
Jim

I dutifully mailed out the package on time, complete with the airline tickets and a copy of hotel reservations and fired off a Western Union cash transfer in the amount of $100. ($70 for the visa/$30 for the travel agent’s fee)
[red flag #4 never send money to someone you haven’t met in person]
Nothing left to do now but wait to see what the British embassy would say…

[Gator]

Jet,

Splendid! 

I first "met" you when I joined RWG in 2002 after your trip but before marriage.  So this is new and interesting even for those who have been around for a long time.

Have you always been a rebel, breaking all the rules?!  Wait until the forum sees your photo from then (I am jealous).  Speaking of hair - yes, Liliya naturally makes a beautiful photo punctuated by her auburn wavy hair!!! 

[Photo Guy]

Jet,
Thanks for the report!
I can see how you were knocked out by a one- two punch.
1- Her photo (which does project her inner personality)
2- Her powerful romantic writing style

side note: Vlad Klitschko won an easy decision last night.

[Voyageur]

Wow, great story Jet. Quite interesting that there were some red-flags for you along the way - as there was for many of us other now-marrieds also.  Just an indication that each path is different, and often it is the inner voice that guides you. Although > 90 % of the time the red flags should be a warning, in the end maybe it is more a matter of luck and circumstance for finding the right woman than careful analysis.

The times are different now, however. And in my opinion the red flags should be heeded more strongly as the AM-FSU romance thing has been around for a longer time now.  More experience exists on both sides, and is newbies beware. 

Wonderful story that I am looking forward to read!

[Jet]

Wait until the forum sees your photo from then (I am jealous). 

Next chapter 

2- Her powerful romantic writing style

It very much was! I've been authorized to share a few more selected samples, but not too much  Her e-mails had an incredibly captivating style about them.

in the end maybe it is more a matter of luck and circumstance for finding the right woman than careful analysis.

I have always firmly believed that we are where we are now, more due to luck and circumstance than any other single factor. Sure we both worked our butts off, don't think we didn't, but without the luck and circumstance we wouldn't be together.

[Jet]

3) Plan “B”? We don’t need no stinkin’ plan B!

Through the rest of May and all of June we waited for some word from the Embassy. Our proposed travel date was July 17. I was getting nervous and I knew she was as well. By First of July we’d heard NOTHING so I bit the bullet and called East-West tours in Seattle and spoke with a guy named Alex. After a lot of back and forth phone calls he was able to find a flight on Aeroflot R/T from Heathrow to SVO that fit inside the dates on my Miami>London tickets. It wasn’t cheap, but I wasn’t ready to let this opportunity evaporate. He also arranged for expedited processing of a Russian visa through the San Francisco consulate, so I FedEx’d off the application. Everything was back within a week.

Of course, as luck would have it, the day after I bought the London>Moscow ticket, July 3rd, Liliya got a call from the British Embassy in Moscow at around 6 p.m. instructing her to be in Moscow at the Main Gate the following morning at 8 a.m. Now I don’t know if everyone can fully appreciate the logistical gymnastics involved in a single mother getting from a small provincial town on the Volga River, to the British Embassy in Moscow on 14 hours notice, but it was truly miraculous! She got her son to her parents’ place, got herself and her documents ready, found someone to cover her classes the following day, arranged for a driver to take her to Western Union and then the train station, hopped an overnight train to Kursk Station (on the far side of Moscow from the Embassy), navigated through several metro changes during the morning rush hour, and arrived with 20 minutes to spare! All after putting in a ten-hour day at work.
She was not called in for her visa interview until about 11 a.m. where they reviewed her documents and proceeded to grill her for over an hour about me, Mark, the accommodations, her interest in military aircraft, her family, her job, our “relationship” and anything else they could think of. When they ran out of questions and saw that all her answers had been consistent with the application, they finally relented.

They kept her international passport to affix the visa and promised to mail it back to her within 1 to 2 days. Later she would send an e-mail recounting her emotions the night she returned from the Embassy, it touched me deeply

I recollected the night when I returned from Moscow before London trip.
I got British visa and I knew that I could go to London to meet you.
It was wonderful time.

It was a night.
The rain has stopped an hour ago.
The sky was very clear and the stars were very bright.
I felt the stars smiled at me.
I could touch the stars by my hands.
I felt you were closer to me than before.
I felt the honey of your liberty on my lips.
I wanted to laugh.

My tender angel.
Air jingled that night.
Even the flowers and the herb sang about you that night.
Even the river tenderly sighed about you, my romantic man.

[KenC]

Jet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am enjoying your report very much.  Liliya has such a great writing style too.  (I hope she allows you to post more of her emails)

I also hope that I have started a trend here.  Retro trip reports!!!!!!!!!!  I would love to hear Dan's story and if we could convince jb to tell his, that would be great too.  (Along with many others) These all would be truly great love stories (and we know they all have happy endings!)  Speaking of love, isn't it a rush to relive this story in your mind?  I know it was for me.  In the day to day routine we call life, it is wonderful to remember all the reasons you were initially attracted to each other.  Thank you for sharing.
KenC

[Jumper]

Thanks for posting this jet..!


I remember that you went and met lily in London.
(i've obviously been around these boards way too long lol)

[dneid]

Yeehaww!!!  Jet, thank you for getting this going.  I am enjoying it immensely.  And I have to agree with everyone else about Lilya's writing style.  She seems to be a wonderful writer with a lovely style.  Needless to say, I am looking forward to reading the coming posts.  Keep 'em coming!  Thanks once again for sharing this with all of us.

[START2]

Jet,
  You have broken every rule in the conventional book of Do's and Don'ts up to this point but what a beautiful story and on top of that, we have the pleasure of reading a true rendition of Jameo and Lilliette.

[I/O]

Jet: Usually I would be about the most unemotional hardarse, however I admit to being slightly watery in the eyes when reading your account of the visa application/approval process. I/we can VERY much relate to your story.

Nevertheless, as for breaking rules, ignoring red flags and taking ridiculous risks, all you guys are but beginners..........

I/O

[myrddin]

OK, I/O, you're not allowed to throw out comments like that without sharing *something*.  But we'll give you some time 

Jet, your efforts are definitely appreciated. Keep it coming!  One quick question, was that first ICQ contact through a dating-related aspect of the site, or just a generic request for communication?

[Jet]

Speaking of love, isn't it a rush to relive this story in your mind?  I know it was for me.  In the day to day routine we call life, it is wonderful to remember all the reasons you were initially attracted to each other.
KenC

Yeah, it really is. We went out shoe shopping this afternoon, and she kept asking me why I had that "sh!t eating grin" on my face every time she turned around to look at me 
"Just because" 

One quick question, was that first ICQ contact through a dating-related aspect of the site, or just a generic request for communication?

She was just fishing for an English speaker to practice her language skills with. I got picked out of a random search she initiated on her own. She had told me that there were two other guys she talked to before me, also found at random - An old man from Ohio, and a guy who claimed to be a pilot from N. Carolina (though she didn't believe him as he seemed to always be drunk). Liliya has also stated on a number of occasions since the early days, that she could never see herself signing up with a marriage agency, it's just not in her personality. She preferred to chat with guys rather than girls as they had more to say on subjects she was interested in, usually.

[viking]

Jet

Great stuff. I love it! I wish all the red flags I had encountered turned out so wonderful. Sigh.

Question? You have kept emails and even IM going back to 2002? Even now that you are married? Most interesting.

[vwrw]

She preferred to chat with guys rather than girls as they had more to say on subjects she was interested in, usually.

I can understand why she had such a preference. Many women (not all) are governed by motto; “Have beliefs and let your feelings to lead you to success, truth or whatever”. So as they have beliefs, not inferences they usually do not like when one tries to drill down to the foundations of their beliefs. Often there are not the foundations, but blind belief.
Men are more logically in their thoughts. They use less of a delirium appealing to other person’s feelings. Their opinions are usually more focused on a subject in question and more relevant.
Liliya’s preference witnesses that she is an interesting person to communicate with. So, it is not surprising that she captured your attention and you lost your head.

[Jet]

You have kept emails and even IM going back to 2002? Even now that you are married? Most interesting.

We haven't kept *everything* but we've kept a lot of it. The IMs (as the screenshot showed there were over 9000 just in '02) and some of the e-mails and photos were lost in a computer crash in '04.

Men are more logically in their thoughts. They use less of a delirium appealing to other person’s feelings. Their opinions are usually more focused on a subject in question and more relevant.

This is exactly how she's explained it to me. 

[Jet]

4) Pack the bags it’s time to go!

Well two days before she was due to leave for the airport, her passport finally arrived. Nothing standing in the way of destiny now, but destiny itself. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! I had spent a lot of time going over what clothes to bring, picking out small gifts that reflected me & S. FL and getting packed. I changed a couple hundred dollars (at what I later found out was a deplorable rate) to Pounds Sterling “just in case” at a Forex place in Ft Lauderdale. The afternoon of the 16th came and I found myself at the entrance to Miami International Airport with this feeling that my life was about to change (no indication of whether it would be for the better or for the worse, but it was definitely going to be different after I walked through those sliding doors). Once I had my boarding pass I tried to call Liliya one last time to let her know I was getting on the plane. Babushka answered. Babushka used to work for the telephone company and had the wonderful ability to provide a 6-paragraph answer to any random “yes or no” question you might happen to ask her, regardless of whether the person asking actually speaks the same language or not . Anyhow, even with my abysmal Russian language skills I did manage to figure out that Liliya had left for the train station 1 hour prior to my call. She was already on her way.



I did pick up a carton of smokes at the duty-free shop before boarding and I sure was glad I did because to buy them in London was DAMN!!!  (IIRC @ $9.00/pk). I’ve been flying domestically since I was 5 years old and was accustomed to domestic service and accommodation, but for my first ever international flight I was thoroughly impressed with BA’s new, clean, and roomy 747-400. 23 channels of TV/movies, 16 channels of music and GPS all mounted in the headrest of the seat in front of you, and they were none too stingy with the drinks or food either!

We arrived about 5:30 a.m., half an hour ahead of schedule but behind three other international flights so passport control was like being down in the chute at the Kansas City stockyards. An hour or so later I had collected my bags and was making my way to the tube station inside LHR. I managed to drag my WAY overstuffed suitcase through a station change and was soon standing on the platform at the Earl’s Court station in Kensington (about 6 blocks from Harrods)



The hotel was less than a block away and I found it with no problem BUT then I discovered check-in time wasn’t until 1 p.m. It was now about 8:15 local time and I was exhausted! They were nice enough to keep my bag, and I set off to see what was close by thereby killing a few hours too. I made lots of great discoveries! A coffee shop similar to Starbucks ½ a block down, a place to get film developed, some nice restaurants, and TESCO (kind of a cross between k-mart and a supermarket). I bought some flowers, some wine, some candles and a few other odds and ends, then headed back to check-in. The room was small but very nicely appointed, reminded me of a Manhattan hotel room.



After a shower and a nap, I flipped on the TV and discovered “Starting tonight at 8:30p.m. the transit workers are planning to strike” *WOOHOO* How the hell are we going to get back from the Airport? Her flight arrives at 8:30! 

[Jet]

5) The moment is upon us…

Liliya had never flown before, so was understandably nervous about that on top of being very anxious about our meeting, and in true Russian fashion the plane (unbeknown to me) had taken off an hour late from Moscow. She would later write me about it,

I wanted to tell you about my feelings before our real meeting.
Do you remember?

I did not believe reality of events even when the day of departure came.
I could not believe it even when I sat in the plane.
I was like in the dream. It seemed I looked at me from the other side.

Different thoughts were in my head. How can I do it? Who is that man? Why does
he want to meet me in the real life? Why do I want to meet him in the real
life? How can we like each other?
What do I have to do when I’ll see him?

Meanwhile, I was stepping onto the last tube run to the airport, and it was packed. I made my way to Terminal 3 where I discovered her flight wouldn’t arrive until 9 p.m. Nine o’clock came and went, ten o’clock came and went. I shrugged it off. Probably tied up in passport control. As eleven o’clock came I began to worry. I had already seen a good number of people exit the secure area that looked like they could probably be Russians, then again, how would I know the difference? A woman came out who was obviously looking for someone. Could that be her? She looks older and heavier than the photos, the hair is wrong, nah can’t be. But after another two or three trips up and down the concourse, she’s looking at me quizzically…Nope, definitely not her. But wait, maybe she slipped past me, or worse yet, maybe she got “cold feet” and never boarded the plane! How could I possibly verify it? It would take her all day to get back to her town and she has no phone number for me here! Awww sh!t!! I really should have thought this out better! While pacing back and forth, mentally beating myself up for being such a dumb@ss I glanced up, and there she was! We made our way along the cordoned off walkway, her one side and me on the other never taking our eyes off each other and pretty much plowing down anyone who was in the way, until we were standing in front of each other.
 
Liliya conveys that exact moment much better than I ever could,

There was the customs then and many people were there. Those people were very
noisy and they spoke different languages. I thought,  If nobody will meet me then
I’ll be lost.  And I looked at me like from the other side again.

I have seen you. I recognized you at the same moment. It was you, my wonderful
man.
You were better than you were on all your photos that you sent me before.
I felt your nerves rang. I was walking toward you and I felt the weakness in my
legs and I thought my heart stopped. I did not know what I had to say.

You have stretched your hands toward me and you have put your hands around me.
You said,  I love you .
I did not want those words. I wanted to close your lips by my palm.
You did not know me enough and you could be sorry for your words later.

But I forgot everything when I was in your hands.
I felt the warmth and the tenderness of your hands.
I felt the beat of your heart.
And I understood that I have to belong only to you.
And I understood you agree that I am I.
 
It was the happiness.
Billions stars could explode in the Universe.
It was not important for me.
I could see and feel only you this moment.
I remember the gentle fire of your eyes.

[red flag #5 I was WAY too early with the “L” word]

[dneid]

OK, Jet, all I can say is "damn, keep it coming!"  I am enjoying this as mush as I did all the other TRs.  And I must ask, just how many red flags will we all see?  So far, this is sounding like the Anti-Commandments..  Just nice to know that us newbs can make mistakes and find they are necessarily fatal.   Great TR.  I am looking forward to the remaining installments.

[Jet]

And I must ask, just how many red flags will we all see?  So far, this is sounding like the Anti-Commandments.. 

Let's just say "more" and leave it at that   :selfharm:

Just nice to know that us newbs can make mistakes and find they are necessarily fatal.

I think newbs should probably pay more attention to trends, than to individual red flags (unless of course they are enormous glaring blatant red flags). As Gator noted, I found RWG after returning from this trip and spent several weeks beating myself up about potential red flags I might have missed and possible ways Liliya might fit the criteria of "scammer". One day I came to my senses and said to myself "This is friggin' stupid, she's a fantastic woman and you know it!"

[WmGO]

Great story Jet, and I have to say - holy smokes! Mama mia!
Lord have mercy! THAT is the picuture of a Russian Princess!!!

[Jet]

6) Our adventure together begins…

After that absolutely magical moment, I took her bag and we headed down the concourse. During the early part of the wait for her arrival I found there was a new high speed train the “Heathrow Express” which was unaffected by the transit strike, so we climbed aboard and 20 minutes later found ourselves standing in the majestic expanse of Paddington station. (I’ve ridden cool trains. I *was* impressed with the train. She, looked like a small child on their first visit to Disneyland )

From there we caught a taxi back to the hotel and settled in for the night, but not before she opened her purse and pulled out two crisp new $100 bills and tried to give them to me in return for what I had sent her during the visa procurement process. I told her not to worry about such things now.
[big, big, green flag for her]

The next morning, it was off to the coffee shop, then to find a pay phone so she could let her family know she was OK.
[another green flag for her – visitors +2 / home team –6]
I asked if she’d like breakfast, and she declined so it was time to go see the sights. One of the things she really wanted to do was to see Sherlock Holmes’ house, as she’d been a big fan of the novels, so that was our first stop…



Across the street was Regent’s park so we decided to take a walk and converse about many things that are much easier said in person. We’d spend a LOT of our time over the coming days walking the various parks and talking…