London 2002 how it began...

[ScottinCrimea]

Okay Jet, you're skipping another possible red flag for either or both of you.  when was it decided to rent one room rather than two?

[Jet]

Okay Jet, you're skipping another possible red flag for either or both of you.  when was it decided to rent one room rather than two?

Damn, busted!
Yep you're right, it was another red flag. When I discussed making the reservations (prior to her visa application) I gave her the option, One room or two? She did not answer immediately, rather she thought about it for two days and replied that one room would probably be fine. Yes, I should have just taken two, yes if I was a sex tourist it could have been very bad news for her. If there was *zero* chemistry when we met, or if either of us had any reservations about the other's motivation, there would have been a second room rented IMMEDIATELY, no problem, and no questions asked.

[ScottinCrimea]

But of course we're sure that you, being the gentleman that you are, took the couch.   

[KenC]

But of course we're sure that you, being the gentleman that you are, took the couch.   

Um, now that really is none of our business.

[Gator]

Jet wrote,

Damn, busted!  Yep you're right, it was another red flag.

It is not a red flag!  It shows trust.

I always gave a RW the choice.  And I did it in a gentlemanly manner. 

Invariably, if we had developed a good connection with some serious discussions, she chose one room with the comment, "I feel that I can trust you." 

If we had not advanced beyond becoming acquainted, the answer was two rooms. 

And  sharing a room or even a bed does not portend anything

Enough said.

[AnastassiaAsh]

To the whole story -                                     

[Jet]

It is not a red flag!  It shows trust.

 

It showed trust, but also presumptuousness, and naivety on both our parts. I think that's what Scott was driving at. One *should* try to manage one's expectations.   

And  sharing a room or even a bed does not portend anything

Enough said.

Last word in T/R on the subject is that she was a lady and I, a gentleman. That's all the rest of the world needs to know and there will be no further details of anything that did or didn't happen in the physical realm. 

[Jet]

7) The rest of day one…

After Regent’s park it was getting close to lunch time. I asked if she was hungry, and she replied “not right now” and since the transit strike had been resolved overnight we headed to the nearest tube station. I knew from our correspondence that she had studied Astronomy while attending University, so I suggested we head out to the Royal Observatory in Greenwich. Once there, she was so excited, that innocent charm just radiated!
I was still trying to decide if all of this was real, it felt like a dream

And of course we were obligated to take a shot on the grand meridian!
Her on the East side & me on the West

Later, we’d visit the Cutty Sark and rather than return to town via the “tube” we elected to take a riverboat ride back down the Thames and check out Big Ben Westminster Cathedral (which was closed by that point) and the houses of Parliament



We then caught a double decker bus back to the hotel. By now it was evening and again I asked ”Hungry?” and again she declined. This was getting a bit strange! After some more conversation and the exchanging of gifts (she brought something from everyone, Mama, Papa, Mama & Papa, Babushka, her friend Irena and of course her own selections. Luckily I had bought for all of them too ) I suggested that maybe we could take a short walk to the corner store to grab some Pepsi, and she thought that would be OK. As we walked along the street we wandered in and out of various shops and souvenir stands, passing by several restaurants. Finally I spotted a romantic looking Italian place and came to a stop. “Sweetheart, I know you said you were not hungry, but I’m starving! I’ve not eaten since I got off the plane yesterday morning, and I know you haven’t either, please join me for dinner.” With that innocent smile and little girl charm she enthusiastically agreed. We ordered pizza. She’d never had it before, but it seemed she thought it had been sent down from heaven especially for her We spent HOURS there, laughing and talking.
[Red Flag #…8? (I’ve lost count) Be a MAN, Dumb@ss!]
Had I told her we were going to eat breakfast/lunch/dinner rather than ask if she was hungry we would have saved both our stomachs a lot of aggravation!

[Gator]

Jet,

I always knew you are a good man, but now I know you are a classic romantic and a true gentleman as well, and thoroughly sentimental (to have even saved your transit pass).  Great story. 

[Jet]

8 )  Day two, three, and four…

You’ll have to forgive me as my memory is a bit too sketchy for an accurate chronological accounting of the middle part of the trip. The beginning and end are still crystal clear, but the middle is a bit fuzzy as to exactly what we did when. As I mentioned earlier, we spent a great deal of our days in the various parks. One particularly interesting interaction was in St. James Park where there’s a hedgerow that’s home to thousands of finches. If you put breadcrumbs in your palm and extend your hand, the finch will fly out from the bushes, sit on your fingertips and eat out of your palm. It was truly magical.

At Kensington Gardens, we walked for hours and watched the children taunt the geese near the palace, musing that Kolya would be having quite a time, if he were here. One afternoon while Liliya was napping, I slipped out to the TESCO market down the street and gathered all the essentials for a romantic picnic dinner, which we enjoyed later that evening in Hyde Park.

We also spent nearly an entire day at the British Museum an incredibly fascinating place that we both enjoyed immensely as it illuminated another point of convergence we’d not discovered about each other yet – we both huge history buffs, and this museum is Mecca if you’re into that sort of thing (I shot about 4 rolls of film in here alone, but I’ll spare y’all the agony an post just two )




We were spending a great deal of time “bonding” and as the week wore on, I started to realize that this really was the kind of romance they once wrote fairy tales about. (Actually, I later DID write a fairy tale about it Most of the “old timers” have seen it already, but I’ll post it again for the new guys at the end of the report) In spite of my multitude of mistakes, our time together just kept getting better and better and I was starting to consider the possibility that this was the woman I’d been waiting my whole life to meet. I was also starting to consider the possibility that heading back to the States and leaving her to return to Russia was going to be a *lot* harder than I could have anticipated!

[Makkin]

  Great report....I am really happy for you Jet and your lovely girl.


    ,

    Makkin

[Jet]

 9) Three days since a major Faux Pas, what gives?  ^or Making up for lost time…

Another glorious morning, another trip to the coffee shop, and on to our other big day of “touristy stuff”. We grabbed an upper level seat on a double-decker and headed east. First stop, Harrods. We had a lot of fun perusing the many floors and picked up some small toys for Kolya. As we were leaving, there was a section on the first floor with many unusual Lady’s accessories. An item of particular interest was a butterfly haircomb. It was beautiful, and I should have bought it for her right then and there. She did not make a big fuss about the clip but it was obvious she liked it A LOT. As we exited the store and headed to Buckingham Palace, I kicked myself in the @ss for not picking it up. Over the coming months I would try several more times by e-mail and telephone to order it, but it was no use, the folks at Harrods couldn’t find or couldn’t understand what I wanted or where it was located in the store. 

Buckingham Palace was nice, we got to see a marching detail of the Guard on parade, but it was crowded! A Norwegian couple snapped this shot for us, after I had taken a shot of them in the same spot (sort of away from the crowd at the front gates)



From there we headed to Trafalgar Square which was far less glamorous than the British Tourism Board would have you believe, being as the whole square, including the famous fountains is covered in about ½” of pigeon guano :yech:

We also paid a visit to the Tower of London but the crowds were truly unbelievable and neither of us thought it was worth a three hour wait to get inside.

Liliya was not aware of it, but the previous day I had made reservations at a very cool place in Covent Garden. This is a big covered but open air market downtown, so I took her there on the premise that we’d have a look around the market, but once there, I led her up these unusual stairs to an all glass conservatory which overlooked the square outside the market. Shortly after we sat down, a lot of different street performers came out onto the square to start their evening shows. We ordered Chateaubriand for two. I asked if she would prefer wine or something else with dinner, she deferred back to me, so we went alcohol free.
[Second big dumb@ss mistake of the day – and I guess, red flag #10 BE YOURSELF!]
Through our correspondence I had learned that a large factor in Liliya’s divorce revolved around her Ex Husband’s ongoing alcohol problem. I was sure this was going to be a major concern of hers when assessing compatibility. What I hadn’t figured into the equation was the “cultural difference factor” which she’d cover in a serious conversation we’d have later that evening. She approached the topic very delicately and eventually worked up to saying “Jim, I have a difficult question to ask you. Please don’t be disappointed in me, but there is something I need to know…” well, with an intro like that, one gets very nervous, very quickly! She continued ”You can be honest with me and I promise I will not think badly of you” This is really not sounding good! OK, I’m going to come right out and ask….. Do you have a disease, something serious? WHAT?!?! No I don’t have any diseases, why would you ask such a thing? “For the entire time we have been together, I have not seen any interest in alcohol from you, none. Especially tonight, we had such wonderful romantic evening that would have been absolute perfection if we had shared a bottle of wine with dinner, and yet you decided instead on something else. [/I]I’m not following exactly…Darling, in my country, there are only two types of people who never drink, those who have very bad disease of heart or liver, and those who are alcoholics and try to hide it, I’m sorry but I had to know Sweetheart, you’ve told me about your Ex. You made it clear that drinking was a serious problem for him, even after he sought help for it. I thought I was doing a good thing by showing you that alcohol is not so important for me. Certainly, I also did not want you to think that I had similar problems, but I never considered that you’d think perhaps my problems were even worse!

The tension left both our voices, and we’ve laughed about it often since then, but to be sure, it is a definite “cultural difference”!

[Photo Guy]

So far, so good, so interesting. Thanks again.

[ionizer]

Wow, Jet, I am loving our story, it is wonderful.  Please keep it coming!  It's
also very refreshing to read a TR where no one is jumping your @ss constantly
about what you should or shouldn't have done!  Even KenC got badly mauled,
and his story was even older than yours!!  Congrats on your wife, shes very
beautiful, and on the insides as well, if her writings can be a guage of that...
Is it true that in all good Russian women dwells the soul of a poet??
Thanks for your story, waiting for more!
Ken

[dneid]

Hey, Jet,
Keep it coming, my man.  So good and so informative.  Thank you for the time this has taken you to put together.  I just love these TRs from you guys.  Especially as I draw closer to going myself.  I am getting so excited, I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve.

Hey, for all of you experienced travelers... what is a good Russian/Englisg phrase book?  I just realized that I never thought of that until just now.  I know I should post this in my Going to Ukraine thread.... just too damn tired.

Hey, Ken, when are you going to continue your TRs?  I know I am being a bit (ok, a large) pain in the arse), but between you and Jet, there is so much to learn.  Oh, and how about some the grocery shopping like stories like Kuna put up in the married section?  I am still chuckling over that thread.  Burp, sorry Kuna, but that Porterhouse is sitting heavy!!

Thanks once again, Jet!

[Jet]

OK you're all going to have to give me a day or so to write up the next installments. Didn't get done work til 9:45 pm last night, and as much as I enjoy writing, if my time is limited, my lovely wife gets first right of refusal on my full attention, once home from the job  .

Hey, for all of you experienced travelers... what is a good Russian/Englisg phrase book?  I just realized that I never thought of that until just now.  I know I should post this in my Going to Ukraine thread.... just too damn tired.

This is a question I can help with right now! 
On the London trip I brought the Lonely Planet phrase book & Dictionary along. I liked it because it provides a lot of common phrases, questions, responses, and some cultural information.

Later on I picked up Russian the rough guide, Dictionary phrasebook which has a more comprehensive dictionary, but less of the cultural stuff


Either one of these would be excellent to take along on a first trip IMO as both provide transliterated (phonic) representation of the Russian word as well as Cyrillic text. Example: hello здравствуйте [zdrastvooytyeh] They are both cheap (under $10) and small enough to fit in your pocket 

[dneid]

Hey, Jet,
Thanks for the pointers to the phrase books.  I am going to copy and paste them back into my Off to Ukraine thread.  Thanks once again.  And you have the time priorities straight.  I am enjoying your TRs immensely.

[Ste]

Jet, mate, the 'tache, has it gone - it's giving me nightmares....

London looks so nice, not the shîthole I know it to be!! Good thread, I could do one, but I can't be arsed cos I'm a lazy barsteward...

Ste

[Photo Guy]

Ste,
We're looking forward to your retro trip report!
Thanks for suggesting it. It's a great idea. I'm curious and
I'm sure others are too.

[Ade]

Jet,

Thanks, it’s and interesting story and very eloquently written too; I see a lot of similarities with my experiences.

As you've said and I agree, I think that red flags should be taken in context and not immediately seen as a sign that you should back off.

cheers,
Adrian

[dneid]

Hey, Jet,
No updates?  I am so enjoying this TR.  Please keep it coming.  And Adrian, go ahead and post your experiences as well.  Us, newbs can learn from youse guys (ok, I need to turn The Soprano's off!!).

[Jet]

Sorry everyone, we've just been really busy over the past week or two. I *promise* I'll get the next few installments posted before the weekend is up.

[Jet]

10) Royal International Air Tattoo…
Today was the day of the airshow but after staying up talking ‘til 3am or so, neither of us wanted to get up and make the long trek out to Fairford. My friend Mark had other plans and there was no way he was letting us off the hook. His barrage of phone calls made it obvious we weren’t going to get to sleep in. Once we got to Paddington Station we were both starting to get more excited about our new adventure to the Southwestern part of the UK. The train ride was about an hour and a half through some beautiful countryside. Mark was waiting on the platform at Swindon and easy to find in the crowd due to his 6’4” height. We hopped in his car and headed out to the airfield. It was really great to talk about old times but I could tell Liliya was having a hard time keeping up with the conversation (although she was happy to answer all Mark’s questions about Russia and her impressions of his country). Mark had tried to convince his wife to come along, but to no avail, so it was just the three of us.



The airshow was a blast, despite the notable absence of any Russian planes. Apparently, Britain rather unceremoniously dropped them from the roster just a few weeks prior L. Lil knew quite a bit about the MiGs and Sukios representing Germany, Ukraine, and the Czech Republic, and taught us some interesting trivia as we perused the static displays. Mark introduced her to Hard Cider, which she LOVED, and we did a bit of shopping toward the end of the afternoon – t shirts, a few small toys for Kolya, and a miniature flight suit for Mark’s little boy. I shot about 7 rolls of film that day, but all the photos with us in them are currently in Russia, sorry. Anyway, a few highlights:





By the time we got back to Swindon it was nearly 8:30pm and the train ride back seemed somehow longer and less interesting than the ride out in the morning. We caught a late bite before retiring, but we were both pretty much wiped out.

[Jet]

11) Our last full day together…

As we sipped our morning coffee at our usual spot, I took some time to reflect on everything that had happened over the past week and began to realize that for better or worse, my life had been profoundly changed and I really needed some time to consider all the implications of that, and any further decisions I was going to make regarding our “relationship”.

In front of me sat a woman with whom, for the first time in a very, very, long time, I felt an undeniable mental & physical connection. In the span of a week or so, we had come to understand each other. There were no “uncomfortable silences” and our conversations in English had grown from a few halted sentences to discussions lasting for hours. It was as if we had known each other forever.

The logical side of my brain was running interference though. We were two people from two very different backgrounds, with two different sets of interests, who really didn’t know each other very well at all. Neither of us had any first hand experience regarding the other’s life at home, beyond what had been discussed between us. We knew little of each other’s families, etc…

To be honest, the romantic side beat the logical side into submission, but didn’t kill it off completely. Although I was ready to “pull the trigger” and ask for Liliya’s hand in marriage right then and there, I knew the sheer foolhardiness of any such proposal would be immediately rejected.

We finished our coffee and went off to start our day choosing to enjoy the time we had left together, rather than focus on the inevitability of tomorrow’s departure back to our respective homes. We dropped off some more rolls of film to be developed; we walked the streets and stumbled upon some odd items of interest, off the beaten path.



We did a little more shopping here and there, including the purchase of his & hers coffee mugs from a cheesy little souvenir shop on the North end of town, from which I drink my morning coffee while I write this latest installment…



By the time we made it to Piccadilly Circus, it was already late in the afternoon and we were both starting to get hungry. Somewhere off the side of a side street in Soho, we randomly selected a local corner pub hoping to grab some fish and chips (which we’d not yet tried during our stay) There was a football game on the tele and there weren’t any tables available, so the waitress led us to an upstairs dining room and seated us next to a window in the sparsely decorated, hardwood floored, totally empty room. Liliya looked over my shoulder and began to smile in that “cat that just ate the canary” way of hers. ”What?” I asked. ”Darling, look on the wall behind you.” she said. There was a framed plaque which stated: At this table, from 1849 to 1859 Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels met regularly to work on ‘Das Kapital’ and other important post ‘Communist Manifesto” writings. We both laughed out loud. The fish wasn’t that great, but it was worth the trip to sit at the same table Karl Marx had over a hundred years before.

[KenC]

Jet,
"Logic" and "love" seem to be words that have almost an opposite meaning.  And there is nothing very logical about pursuing a woman from the other side of the world.

With all the "mistakes"  you made in meeting Liliya, you were still able to resist "pulling the trigger" on marriage (so far).  I don't think these one week wonders understand that most of us had the same strong rush of emotions and maybe even have fallen in love early on in our respective relationships, but we were still able to have the patience to verify that our feelings were more than just infatuation.

Very much enjoying your story.
KenC