Bad sign?

[phantom]

Hello,

I've got a question.  It may be stupid, but have to ask.  I've been in correspondence with one lady in particular, (Others, but not as long and some we've stopped writing).  The last few weeks, she has been writing me less, sometimes a week goes by.  She always aplogizes for the late replies, just been busy.  Could she really be that busy or just losing interest.  I'm not the one that is putting off the meeting.  I mean I get busy too, but if I'm a little late, she has her messege resent.  So, is this a bad sign?

[BillyB]

If you've been communicating with her by email for over a few weeks, it's time to ask for her number. If she doesn't feel you're worth her home phone number, then you know what to do without wasting anymore time.

If you don't ask for that number after a few weeks, most women move on to men who show they're interested. She may have found other men more interesting herself. Of course some women write once a week so after about 5 letters, you should know if you want to call her or move on.

There is also a chance she doesn't have easy access to internet and it's a task and costly to go to the internet cafe everyday so forgive her if this is the case.

Personally I would write a fresh crop of ladies when the old crop gets thin instead banking that she's the one.

[Lily]

She could well be busy, or she might have gotten some problems that would push all private things aside. For instance, such things happen to me from time to time.

That however would depend on her overall living circumstances. If she has a relatively secure and untroubled life, more likely she will not face such situations. If she has to cope with all troubles, smaller or bigger ones, by herself, the chances for stopping to write unless all things will be back in order are rather big.

[phantom]

Oh, I've already talked to her a few times, even video conferenced with her.  It's been almost a year since we began our communication.  We began talking to each other, shaorty after writing to each other.  She comes to the agency for the phone calls and video conferencing.  I've got a few fresh ladies.  This one is hoping to meet this summer, during her acation.  It will be over a year when we meet.  It just seems like the last 6-7 weeks, it's been like this.  Was exchanging emails ith her, every three days for awhile.  We talk on the phone about every two weeks, I usually get an email fro one of the managers when she wants to schedule a phone call.  Usually she beats me to it.  But, like I said, it's been going on for almost a year.  I'm ready and willing to meet.  I upgraded my profile at the agency a few weeks ago and got sent some letters from ladies by the manager.  Then, she wrote me (manager) and asked why I updated my profile, saying "WE know you share a steady correspondenc with the lady."  So, I just left it at that and had it suspended for the time being.  So, I was just curious, usually they sy goodbye or I do, or me or tey just stop writing.  I've not had just a few letters here and there.  I was wondering should I get ready to reactivate my profile.  

[Misha]

You have been chatting for a year? Have you met yet? You (and she) have a lot more patience than I. When are you planning on meeting her?

[phantom]

Lily,

I didn't consider that.  I know she has a few things going on.  Also, she has an English class daily.  As we've been corresponding for quite awhile, she usually tells me when she is upset or has a problem.  But, she hasn't mentioned any such things.  Lately, she stops at the agency and talks to a manager, about a phone call or a video conference with me.  She also has them let me know if she's ill.  But nothing lately, just a phone call in  week.  Usually they stop writing or just say good bye.  I'm sure that youre right, just something that she's not metioning or busy with other things.

[phantom]

You have been chatting for a year? Have you met yet? You (and she) have a lot more patience than I. When are you planning on meeting her?

She suggested August or Semptember, as she wants to wait for her vacation and spend th time with me, instead of after work, with not much time.  I've been wanting to meet her.  I suggested May or June.  But, then she said she would like to wait for her vacation.  Plus as she is studying English, and doing quite well, she should know some for a conversation.  It will be  a year next month.

[I/O]

Phantom: Bad sign? IMO the bad sign is...........the fact that you haven't nailed down a time for a meeting.

I/O

[phantom]

I/O,

I've been working on this.  She wants to wait until August, maybe September.  I'm willing to meet sooner of course.  She wants to wait until her vacation she said.  I've discussed it with her.  But, that is what she has said.  I even think the manager asked her, because she told her in late summer early fall.  But, it's not me putting off meeting. 

[I/O]

But, it's not me putting off meeting. 

Net result is the same. I think you have a real problem on your hands if you want this to go anywhere.

I/O

[KenC]

phantom,
Here are some possibilities:
-Your relationship has run it's course or at least as far as it can with the current restrictions.  Summer might be the most convenient for everyone, but the relationship could be over by then just from stagnation.  If a relationship is not moving forward, it tends to move backward.

-She lost faith in your relationship due to your updating your file for other women.  If you don't think the manager and your girl do not talk, you are very foolish.  I think it is much safer to assume your girl is aware of your every move in the agency than not.

-it could be a combination of things like Lily said.  Too busy, under the weather, personal things to take care of ........

-Her attentions are directed at another man.

Truth of the matter is you will never know for sure.  An electronic relationship has it's limitations.  She will only allow you to know what she wants you to know.  All the video conferencing in the world will not keep her warm at night.  Good luck.
KenC

[docetae]

I/O,

I've been working on this.  She wants to wait until August, maybe September.  I'm willing to meet sooner of course.  She wants to wait until her vacation she said.  I've discussed it with her.  But, that is what she has said.  I even think the manager asked her, because she told her in late summer early fall.  But, it's not me putting off meeting. 

Just take the plane for a week end, 2 days off from work. What is a 1500$ if she is the one for you ? For me it is a big red sign. All ladies I was corresponding with were thinking that 3 months is a big delay ! If she is really in you, she will not want to wait...

[Shadow]

You have to do something out of the ordinary to keep the fire warm.
Send her a random gift out of the blue of you want to keep her.
With long distance relations you need to do the same as in close distance. If you just drag on the same thing day after day, it becomes boring. Use your imagination.

And yes, best thing would be to just get over there for a couple of days.

[Gator]

Phantom,

Everyone above is correct.  The life of a RW is not easy and they do not always have time to respond.  It is difficult to stay interested when there is delay after delay in meeting. 

It is a good sign when a RW wants to use her vacation to spend all of her time with you.  It also suggests that she will be upset if she learns that you will be meeting other RW, and she may cancel the meeting when she ascertains that is your intent.

If you wish to go WOVO, wait until this summer when she has time off.

If you wish to go WMVM, go soon and try to work her in over a weekend.  If she is wonderful, you can return later in the summer for her vacation time.

[Blues Fairy]

Oh, I've already talked to her a few times, even video conferenced with her.  It's been almost a year since we began our communication.  We began talking to each other, shaorty after writing to each other.  She comes to the agency for the phone calls and video conferencing.  I've got a few fresh ladies.  This one is hoping to meet this summer, during her acation.  It will be over a year when we meet.  It just seems like the last 6-7 weeks, it's been like this.  Was exchanging emails ith her, every three days for awhile.  We talk on the phone about every two weeks, I usually get an email fro one of the managers when she wants to schedule a phone call.  Usually she beats me to it.  But, like I said, it's been going on for almost a year.  I'm ready and willing to meet.  I upgraded my profile at the agency a few weeks ago and got sent some letters from ladies by the manager.  Then, she wrote me (manager) and asked why I updated my profile, saying "WE know you share a steady correspondenc with the lady."  So, I just left it at that and had it suspended for the time being.  So, I was just curious, usually they sy goodbye or I do, or me or tey just stop writing.  I've not had just a few letters here and there.  I was wondering should I get ready to reactivate my profile.  

Looks like you're not that into her.  It shows, believe me, and it wouldn't take a lot of wisdom to perceive that through letters or video conferencing.

[Sort]

Phantom.
I am in Odessa right now and i can can say that it's now that the "high season" starts.
If he woman haven't heard from her in over a week and she have no good reason i suggest for you to move away.
If i am to say what i think it would be better for you to just go to Ukraine and meet a woman here and hope that she is not in the damage of internet dating.
These girls make good money from letters and there is no meaning why you should pay for that when you can go to Ukraine and have a week filled with loads of fun instead of paying for one woman.
Why subscribe when you get the loose numbers?

[phantom]

Looks like you're not that into her.  It shows, believe me, and it wouldn't take a lot of wisdom to perceive that through letters or video conferencing.

Actually, I'm very interested in her and have serious intentions with her.  The other ladies, I sometimes do respond to them and write for awhile and call.   

I actually tried for the early meeting, even  weekend.  But, she's the one that wanted to wait.  I have plenty of personal time built up at work and my boss already said, I could just gve him at least a weeks adance warning and take off.  I'm going to talk to her about it some more as well.

Gator, I thought it was a good sign too, when she wanted to spend all of her vacation time with me.  Quality time she called it.  Actually, the trip to meet her, was only going to be to meet her.   Once I hear from her, I'm sure she tell me what's been going on.  If I upset her somhow, she'll let me know that to. 

I can see the number of emails also, she sends and recieves and there's only been five she sent, which is how many I got. 

 

[catzenmouse]

Actually, I'm very interested in her and have serious intentions with her.  The other ladies, I sometimes do respond to them and write for awhile and call.

Your "fresh ladies" comment tells a different story (to me anyway).   

I actually tried for the early meeting, even  weekend.  But, she's the one that wanted to wait.  I have plenty of personal time built up at work and my boss already said, I could just gve him at least a weeks adance warning and take off.  I'm going to talk to her about it some more as well.

Enough talking about it. Buy the ticket, get the room or flat, and let her know that you will be there on X date for X days. If she doesn't want to meet you then you don't need to spend any more time wondering about it. Go and just enjoy being there and do what Sort mentioned and meet & greet with your feet on the ground.

Gator, I thought it was a good sign too, when she wanted to spend all of her vacation time with me.  Quality time she called it.  Actually, the trip to meet her, was only going to be to meet her.   Once I hear from her, I'm sure she tell me what's been going on.  If I upset her somhow, she'll let me know that to.

This would be a fantastic time for a SECOND meeting as long as the first one goes well and will allow you to begin to cement the feelings that you will have confirmed on the first meeting.

I can see the number of emails also, she sends and recieves and there's only been five she sent, which is how many I got.

This may or may not be true. With DB's and a good web programmer they can display to you anything they want to. I would not give any weight to this number.

Good luck and just go!
 Ken

[Shadow]

I can see the number of emails also, she sends and recieves and there's only been five she sent, which is how many I got. 

Even if true, it goes only for this agency. 
I agree with catz, to spend a long time together will be great for a second meeting.
Schedule your meeting around a weekend so you will have at least 2 full days together.

[Misha]

Catz is right. If you tell her that you can't wait and that you must meet her as soon as possible, what woman is going to say no? Any woman, no matter how busy, can rearrange a weekend to make time for a couple of dates. If she doesn't want to make the time, that would certainly raise some flags.

[phantom]

Well I've sent her a letter and also wrote the manager a letter to arange a weekend first with her before her vacation.  Once I know, I'll begin my visa process.  How long does that take? 

The three day weekend goes well, I'll go back for her two weeks vacation.  Catz is also right about the "Fresh women" comment, that does say otherwise.  I'll stop that, until I see how this goes.  If it goes well, then I'm done with that.  If not, pick up new ones and arrnage a meeting with them.  If all gos well, then there's no reason to. 

So, hopefully she likes the idea.

[BillyB]

It may take a few weeks to get your tourist visa and some countries offer expedited service.

Since you said you've communicated with the lady for a year, I'm starting to wonder why she hasn't focused her attention towards other men earlier. She must really like you but now getting tired of the same ole song and dance. This is your fault more than hers. She was more than patient compared to most women.

Phantom, if things don't work out with her when you visit and if you choose to write RW again, be considerate and don't make the next one wait so long. You should know within weeks or months if you want to visit a RW(s) and if none of the ladies you're writing is appealing, then write a new crop of RW.

[phantom]

BillyB,

I agree with you.  Last year was impossible when I went through a "Rough spot", when that was going on she was patient and sent cheerful letters, as most of the others stopped writing or said goodbye.  When she said in the summer during her vacation,I should have pushed it then.  But, hopefuly things work out during the three days and the other trips there, wll be for her.  If things work out, I'll use the remaining personal and vacation days for other trips.  I not, to meet others, with out a long wait.
When I mentioned ito the manager to see about arranging it, I mentioned to her maybe she losing interest or interested in someone else.  Maybe she'll tell me.  Doubtful.  Now, I'll wait and see.  Perhaps stop the other correspondence I picked up, just to be optimistic and then if it don't work out, pick up 2-3 new ones then.

[I/O]

Phantom: I really think you should probably forget this whole idea and stay home. I am sorry to say, from reading you posts in this thread, not only do you not have a clue what you are doing or how to go about it, worse, you are not learning anything and just wasting money puting coins in the agency slot.

The main problem I see is coming from your indecisive style. You have been dillying around for who knows how long and really haven't a clue if this girl wants to see you or not. That should have been an answer you got in black and white after about 5 minutes. I think the real reason you are not going or haven't gone is you are afraid your dream might be shattered. Well as KenC said, letters don't keep her warm at night and they sure as hell don't keep you warm at night.

I also feel the agency probably now has you pegged as a fool. They'll keep taking your coin as long as you want to toss it in, but the agency asking why you wanted to upgrade your profile when you were in serious contact with whateverhernameis speaks volumes to me. Seems to me they (and she) thought you were a bit different from the average and you shot yourself in the foot.

If you think this doll (if she is as real as is being indicated here) is not going to quiz you on all the same questions I have set out here when you meet, because you imagine she hasn't been told everything by the agent, you are sadly deluded. How will you handle those questions when they come? What will you do when she tells you to take a hike? No point crying on the agency shoulder, because I doubt you'll get much sympathy.

I don't know all the in's and out's of the deal but based on what I read here, it would be more productive to find another online hobby, 'cause that's all you've got right now, a hobby.

I/O

[phantom]

i/o,

I will be going, already checking in on flights there.  I know what I'm doing.  There' more then I've been posting here. and if you read it, She's the one that was in no rush.  Not I.   The reason that I updated my profile, is I usuly do it every couple of months, wasn't thinking of her at all or gettig new ladies.  The agency does tell her certain things and she already asked certain questions and she does not hestitate to tell me when I've rubbed her the wrong way or upset her, or whatever, then she never mentions it again, after she's said her piece and we've discussed it.  I read quite well, thank you.  So, reread and see where she wanted to wait.  Pay attention to it.   The reason is, "She's a little nervous about it." But, no time like the present.  If I mention something to a manager, she knows about it, which I alreay know.  As far as the coin, I don't pay by the letter.  It's actualy a very low price for unlimited coreespondence, even the phone calls and video conferencing is a set price, not by the minute.  When I buy her a gift from there, I get a nice discount. 

I'm not the one indescisive.  I was ready to go  months ago.  If someone's not eady, then you have to wait.  She grills me on things now, so it won't be much different during the meeting, just face to face.  I'll answer her honestly as I do now.  A far as thge "Doll" being real, I've seen her and spoke to her. 

So reread and you'll see who was being hesitant.