Bad sign?

[wxman]

Phantom,

If you are going to Ukraine, you don't need a visa. Just your passport and ticket. If you have your passport, you can get your ticket quite fast.

[phantom]

Wxman,

I'll be going to Russia.  I've got my passport, I just need to get my visa and get the date set for the ticket.  As the first trip will be a three day weekend, I'll hve to also start looking at hotels.  I see there's a non stop to Moscow out of Atlanta.  See how it goes and then go back to spend the two weeks or meet another one.

[phantom]

I/O,

She has said she wanted to meet me, there's other things she's said as well.  That I haven't posted.  As far as dreaming, one should not day dream, as this can go bad.  I deal in reality.  I don't sit around dreaming of bliss, that way if something go wrong, it don't shatter your heart and mind for being stupid.  I'll say this again I'M NOT THE HESITANT ONE.  There's other things that have been said, in a very long letter, that I'll not post on here, as it is very personal.  Will she go for the three day weekend?  We shall see.  I do know how to go about things, have for years.  I've taken a few trips, not to Russia or Europe, but can manage. 

No, you don't know the ins and outs of the situation or me.  I just posted what was relavent.

[DKMM]

Phantom,

quit trying to make everything work from here, it just can't and you will only get frustrated.  You have never been to Russia or the FSU, so you must get your ass over there pronto.  Just because you aren't doing things a certain way doesn't mean you will fail.  Long distance relationships are only true relationships AFTER you've met in person.

I'd say she is just not that interested in you.  The reasons are anybody's guess, could be another guy, could be the length of time, etc.  But if she is pushing off meeting you, that's likely because she has another guy and is waiting to see if it works out and you are now her backup plan.  The girls I'm writing (and yes that is plural until I meet the one for me) make it very obvious without a shred of doubt who is impatiently waiting to meet me and who just sends a letter a week saying "hi".  Never EVER get emotionally attached to a RW you haven't met in person.

[catzenmouse]

Phantom,

I know what I'm doing.

Reality Check: Since you have not done this yet you may believe that you know what you are doing but as of now you really cannot make any such claim.

There' more then I've been posting here. and if you read it, She's the one that was in no rush.  Not I.

 

 - and -

No, you don't know the ins and outs of the situation or me.  I just posted what was relavent.

You have posted the information and received responses based on what you posted. To tell us now that "we don't know the facts" is, to be blunt, just plain stupid and childish. DUH! More complete information will get you more informed advice. Incomplete information will get you a best guess.

When the lady is in "no rush" to see you that in itself speaks volumes to us. Okay, she's nervous but in all the time you've been in contact there should have been at lease some moments when she would express that she wanted to meet you in person sooner then this coming summer.

I/O and others have asked you some good questions to get YOU thinking and looking at the patterns and behaviors over the last year or so. I'll also add that I do agree that this agency has got you pegged as a money pit and they are more than happy to keep you here rather than have you come there and find out what is really going on.

You've been around here long enough to have seen all this type of information many times already. It is up to you whether you open your eyes to it or blow it off as not being relevant to you and your "special" situation.

Not trying to be harsh here but the value to be gained from this forum is that the membership will tell you the truth, the whole ugly truth, and not let you hold onto the fantasies that come along with pretty pictures and flowery letters.

In the end it is you, and only you, that has the power to step up and do the deed. Only after that is done will you begin to "know what you are doing".

Best of luck to you,
 Ken

[KenC]

Phantom,

quit trying to make everything work from here, it just can't and you will only get frustrated.  You have never been to Russia or the FSU, so you must get your ass over there pronto.  Just because you aren't doing things a certain way doesn't mean you will fail.  Long distance relationships are only true relationships AFTER you've met in person.

I'd say she is just not that interested in you.  The reasons are anybody's guess, could be another guy, could be the length of time, etc.  But if she is pushing off meeting you, that's likely because she has another guy and is waiting to see if it works out and you are now her backup plan.  The girls I'm writing (and yes that is plural until I meet the one for me) make it very obvious without a shred of doubt who is impatiently waiting to meet me and who just sends a letter a week saying "hi".  Never EVER get emotionally attached to a RW you haven't met in person.

WOW!  You have come a long long way grasshopper!  GREAT advice!
KenC

[docetae]

I will go further... write just one month before your flight and decide by yourself. I have done both and from my point of view, correspondence more than 3 months is a waste of time. Nothing replace real contact.

[UTRO]

If she's the 'Hesitant One', as you say and she doesn't want you to visit until August or September.... the message is clear. Why won't she let you visit her while she's working? I'm going to Svetlana's on the 10th and she's working. I plan lots of walks around her city, without getting lost this time. Seriously, tell her you're coming for Russian Orthodox Easter and that you have Tickets reserved. I can get a Russian Visa in 6 hours on a weekday, for a ridiculous sum of money, $75 for a 14 day wait. You've known one another for a year...... Forgive my French, but it's time for you and her to... Sh*t or get off the pot

[phantom]

I can get a visa pretty quick, with a rush service.  As far as the agency goes, they're the ones that started asking me questions, like when did I plan to visit Russia.  They even asigned a manager to me and the lady.  Like they want to wrap it up.  I've had contact with the owner over this. The manager asked her a series of questions.  That is the way it got started with going to Russia to meet her.  I've had no problem or fear of making the trip, which is what some people assume.  KenC yes, you're right, I may not knw what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out and get help here.  I'm just waiting for a reply to me abouty the weekend idea.  If it avaoided by her, I'll just make arrangements with the agency to show up.  I'll post a litle more here now, as I was just asking a question as to what possible reasons she wouldn't write. 

The agency got inolved with a manager, as I've stated and started talking with us.  The manager sat down with her and had a little talk and even sent me the answers.  But, they have asked, again when do I plan on coming.  I've ad to eplain to them it is not my idea to wait, but hers.   I think they are also trying to get things worked about with her to, as the manager has daily contact with her.  Relays things back to me as nescassry. 

Some of her answers were she wants to meet me, this summer would be good, sympathy for me, enjoys our communication, etc.  So, you see even the management and the owner wanted to know and are seeming to work on this as well. 

[phantom]

Too add more to this, the structure of the angcey is such that you  write to seveal ladies  to start, then if possible, try with phone calls and correspondnce to possibly decide if one may be right for you.  Then you go WOVO, some people make a commitment to each other, if they decide to meet, only writing to each other and only meeting that person.  Some, I've learned, have wrote for a year or over.  A manager helps in arrangements of your affairs.  Clients of the agency post their stories on the site, good experiences or bad for all to see.  Even the bad ones the agency leaves up.  If things don't work out, they inroduce you to the new women that have joined the agency.   

(Off topic: I've cleaned my keybord,but still have to hit the keys and some do not show up.  Provider or pc?)

[SANDRO43]

(Off topic: I've cleaned my keybord, but still have to hit the keys and some do not show up. Provider or pc?)

Do your keys depress properly/easily and return to their initial position quickly ? If not, a new keyboard would be an easy, fast and cheap solution .

[phantom]

Do your keys depress properly/easily and return to their initial position quickly ? If not, a new keyboard would be an easy, fast and cheap solution .

Yeah, they depress nice and easy and return to their original position.  I've noticed it on some websites and my email.  Using word ad movie magic,  I have no problem. 

[phantom]

Okay,
just got informed, the three day weekend before her two week vacation was a brilliant idea.  As for not writing, she has been very busy with a lot of things.  We will discuss the weekend soon.  Most likely, it will be spent in Moscow.  I believe the agency can help get the visa quick.  See how it goes with her then.  So now, just travel plans and info.

[Serebro]

One year of correspondence and no meetings?!
My last year's girls' forums' experience says that the man isn't worth your time.
Nobody will believe that during this year he hasn't had vacations, if he's had them, why not to come to the girl and meet her.
If I AM interested in someone I think about him all the time and look for any small opportunity to be with him, you haven't had an opportunity to meet for a whole year's time....and at the same time you have more girls to correspond

 

[phantom]

One year of correspondence and no meetings?!
My last year's girls' forums' experience says that the man isn't worth your time.
Nobody will believe that during this year he hasn't had vacations, if he's had them, why not to come to the girl and meet her.
If I AM interested in someone I think about him all the time and look for any small opportunity to be with him, you haven't had an opportunity to meet for a whole year's time....and at the same time you have more girls to correspond

 

It wasn't my idea to wait.  AS Ive said here before, she is the one that wanted to wait.  I was more than willing to go meet her.  Which is still my intention.    So, we'll do the three days, I'll take my vacation time, when she gets her's and go back, if it goes well.  But, do read who was the hesitant one.  IT was not I.  So, while I'm waiting to go, I'll check flights and see about my visa and hotels.  And she is thought about a lot.   It's been a year, the longest one.  I'm actually hoping things work out.  If not, I won't be inolved in such a long correspondence again. 

[catzenmouse]

It wasn't my idea to wait.  AS Ive said here before, she is the one that wanted to wait.  I was more than willing to go meet her.  Which is still my intention.    So, we'll do the three days, I'll take my vacation time, when she gets her's and go back, if it goes well.  But, do read who was the hesitant one.  IT was not I.  So, while I'm waiting to go, I'll check flights and see about my visa and hotels.  And she is thought about a lot.   It's been a year, the longest one.  I'm actually hoping things work out.  If not, I won't be inolved in such a long correspondence again.

Dude, this looks to me like you're blaming HER for YOUR inaction. It didn't take a great amount of effort here to come up with the "go for a long weekend to at least meet" plan. Time to "Man Up" and realize that it is YOU who have been using her hesitation as an excuse for not getting up off of your @ss and going to meet her.

Good to hear that it will finally happen but I, for one, don't buy this line of reasoning.

FWIW

[docetae]

It wasn't my idea to wait.  AS Ive said here before, she is the one that wanted to wait.  I was more than willing to go meet her.  Which is still my intention.    So, we'll do the three days, I'll take my vacation time, when she gets her's and go back, if it goes well.  But, do read who was the hesitant one.  IT was not I.  So, while I'm waiting to go, I'll check flights and see about my visa and hotels.  And she is thought about a lot.   It's been a year, the longest one.  I'm actually hoping things work out.  If not, I won't be inolved in such a long correspondence again. 

There is something bad here the way you have dealt this with your contact. If I have learned something in a little more than two years, is that FSU women do not like weak and undecided men.

Even is she said to postpone, you should have said "you are important to me, I take the plane because I want to meet you"

To wait one year is just a sign of indecision and weakness for her. From my point of view, this contact is doomed, learn from this and start from beginning with at least two methods (agency/no agency) and your own translator/guide.

Remember this quote from my favorite author : Experience was of no ethical value. It was merely the name men gave to their mistakes

[MaxxumUSA]

There is something bad here the way you have dealt this with your contact. If I have learned something in a little more than two years, is that FSU women do not like weak and undecided men.

Ahem...

NO women like weak and undecided men.  This does not only apply to FSU women. 

Been reading this thread today.  Phantom...  best of luck to you and unfortunatly I think you will need a lot of it with this particular woman.  I agree with Docetae and a few others...  better to start fresh IMO.

Here is my reasoning:  Based on experience I know that if two people want to truly meet - then they will.  And I mean...  rather quickly.  I talked to my wife for 4 days before deciding to visit.  Within 8 days of our first conversation I had plane tickets and a visa.  Within a month she was picking me up at the airport in Russia.

I am not suggesting that all people do what I did.  But certainly a year is quite long to wait for a visit.

Ok...  I'm done telling you about the past.  Time to look to the future.  Here you go:  1.  Find reputable agency/site to work with.  2.  Narrow your prospects down for a WOVO or a WMVM or a WMVO or a WMVF visit.  3.  Make your travel plans.  4.  Get on the plane and go.

Three days in Russia is sort of OK for a first visit but you should have the option of extending if you hit it off with a good woman.  After all it takes one day travel each way.  Might as well make it a short week or something like that.

And finally...  Be a man - but a gentleman when you visit.  You can search threads here for gifts you should bring and how to act.  Mostly be yourself and find a woman that enjoys you for you.

Do these things and you will be well on your way to finding your soul mate - if that is your true intent.

Good luck,

- Maxxum

[phantom]

She sent me a letter and said that she wanted to tell me the truth.  She meant a man in her town, she said and does not want to leave anywhere.  She is sorry.  My own fault.  I'll start fresh one of these days.  Go ahead, insult away.  I'll play it smart this time.  I'll write 1-3 months tops. 

[I/O]

Go ahead, insult away.  I'll play it smart this time. 

This has all been seen before, as it will be in the future................many times. It goes with the territory for those starting out.

Look on the bright side, you ain't the first and you won't be the last. Forget it, stay home, date some local women and consider how good life is. This isn't a caper for those who say what they are going to do.

I/O

[Gator]

I'll write 1-3 months tops. 

Phantom,

No!!!

So sorry to read of your woman's change of heart.  Good that you pushed her to make a decision.  Her local man must not be very special if she is still communicating with foreigners.

You now understand that you need to be very decisive.

If you feel that you can be decisive, three suggestions:  minimal writing, WMVM trip this summer, and Ukraine (no visa, easier in-country travel).

A trip is necessary to get your feet wet and to decide if you wish to pursue marrying a FSUW.  No more letter writing campaigns. 

The women at Cindy Agency in Dnepropetrovsk will be interested in you.  Other men have had favorable responses with Kherson Girls.  There are other agencies, other cities.  Heck you do  not have to write any letters - just show up with a long list of candidates and Cindy will arrange meetings.

Dnepropetrovsk appeals to me because Kharkiv is not far away, another good resource.

If you write more than three letters to any woman, please resign from RWD.  The letters are written by interpreters after talking with a woman - you are a fantasy dreamer if you believe that those sweet words come from her heart.  I say three letters because Cindy in the past would set up an introduction meeting for free with any woman that you have written thrice.

[Serebro]

I don't think that she has a man in her town.
She has probably corresponded with someone else and that man came earlier and won her heart.

[BillyB]

Phantom,

Here's what I'd do if I were you. go to the dating site Bride.ru and write as many women as possible. When you find a few women that seems interested in YOU, then move on to phone calls. If you two hit it off, then make plans to visit her in her hometown and then begin to collect backup contact info and the contact info of any agency in that town just in case things don't work out with #1.

If you don't find any RW  into you through based your conversations on the phone, don't force yourself to visit her no matter how beautiful she is. Plan to go in a few months but don't go if nobody shows they're enthusiastic to meet you. The RW who delayed your plans for so long was not that enthusiastic to meet you and you could have been her backup plan. Look for a woman who thinks of you as her #1.

[MaxxumUSA]

I don't think that she has a man in her town.
She has probably corresponded with someone else and that man came earlier and won her heart.

Serebro...

Sometimes I read your posts and just shake my head in wonderment.  The woman admitted she had another man.  Why would she lie about whether it's a man from her town or not?  Seems like she finally confessed and I don't see any benefit she would get from lying here.

There are Russian women who do have local boyfriends but still go to marriage agencies to find a foreign husband.  I was going to post this possibility earlier in the thread but it must have slipped my mind when I posted upthread.  This happens often btw.  My wife has GF's that have RM boyfriends.  Seems like your woman just didn't have the heart to actually go through with meeting you and decided to give a commitment to her RM.

Either way you are on the next step which is a good thing for you.

[UTRO]

My own fault.  I'll start fresh one of these days.  Go ahead, insult away.  I'll play it smart this time.  I'll write 1-3 months tops. 

Why would anyone Insult you? Everyone was here to listen to you and make suggestions. You started this Thread and the Members responded accordingly. That's why you kept the topic alive and that's why in turn you were given advice by all. 'Tough Love'.
Many men on RWD have experienced what you have, including myself, and we've learned from these experiences. Re-read everything, that was written by everyone and then decide what you'd do differently next time......
Good Luck on your New Start!