How much money to send to wife

[jakeob]

Hi Guys

I am just at the stage now i am waiting for my wifes visa, shes in Ukraine and i am in uk, I send her $200 every week at first she was happy with this but just lately shes been asking extra money for this and that,
She hit me with a $800 bill for dentistry.

I am getting pissed off visits to the western union office, i wonder if any you guys had this problem before your wife came to your country?

thanks

neil

[groovlstk]

I never sent my wife a dime but there are plenty here who sent their fiancees a stipend or helped out with bills.

If it's something you feel you should worry about you probably have good reason.

[BillyB]

Remember, these women have lived their lives before you stepped in and they can live without you. Helping yoiur future wife is one thing but $900 a month is excessive. Unfortunately I've heard Ukraine girls getting spoiled by the excessive amount of Western men visiting. FSUrookie said his ex fiancee's friends all had Western men buying them apartments and all he did was give her a measly $3000 for her university education and was looking bad for doing only that.

$800 in dental bills seem expensive there too unless her mouth is a wreck. Maybe someone in the "know" can tell us what standard dental rates are for various procedures?

Neil, have a serious sit down talk with your woman about conserving money and living on a budget. Judge her reaction and make a decision.

[Shadow]

I want to ask you the following questions:

1. How long do you know each other before you started the visa ?
2. You call her your wife, does that mean you are actually married ?
3. Is there any change in her personal situation, like she gave up her job ?
4. Did you discuss at any time your personal finance and that what you are sending her is not a small amount for you ?
5. what would you expect to spend when she would be living with you ?

[KenC]

Remember, these women have lived their lives before you stepped in

Listen to Billy's words here!
KenC

[HiTech]

$800 is a lot of dental work.

Alyona has just finished her dental work. Fillings were not much something like $10. Crowns were about $90 - $100 each.
She did not have any root canals so I do know the range of them.

[jakeob]

Well i did flip out on the phone the other day, we had a big argument , i told her if she needs more money she needs to find a job while shes waiting for her visa. Her reaction was not good at all. She gave me many excuses why she didn't want to work

1 she would look bad in front of her friends that her husband couldn't support her
2 when i make my once a month trip she would be at work all day
3 she can only get bad work as shes not well educated
4 in a round about way her opinion is a married woman should not have to work.
5 she tells me if she wasn't waiting for me she would be working abroad with good pay etc,

After arguing she sorta plays the injured party, how i just dint understand her etc. but i do wonder if shes just though ahead about the green card to UK. I honestly dint know what to do, i am going out there next week to spend some time with her again. I am trying not to be paranoid but my gut feeling is not good

[jakeob]

Mr Shadow

I can see what your getting at with your questions, but the truth we only met towards the end of last year and we got married early this year, we had only known each other a couple of months. "Yes i know what a dick" but thats where i am at. She did have a job earning $5 a day, so i told her to pack it in, because i was happy to send her $200 per week. she has a daughter that lives with her grandmother in the same town, she gives half the money i send to there up keep, and my wife lives alone in her house.

I know i am going to get blasted for my quick wedding, i hold my hands up and agree that i could have done this a lot better but here i am

[BC]

What is the label 'wife' or 'husband' good for if there is distrust (and it sounds here like the feeling is mutual)?

I promptly gave my wife all the financial tools she needed while she was still in RU, enough to ruin me if she wished.  In for a penny, In for a pound IMHO.

No trust, no relationship.

[jakeob]

Thanks for help BC

tomorrow i will send her all my money and see what she does

[BC]

Thanks for help BC

tomorrow i will send her all my money and see what she does

Doing so will provide all the answers you really seek - guaranteed.

[WmGO]

Well, it looks like it is too late to say the man rushed things.

It also looks too late to comment about sending $860 a month
to a lady that had been making $150 a month. Or wondering why
they are married but she is still over there.

But it isn't too late for the man to be raising the questions that
he is. My two cents jakeob is that your chosen woman is not the
same kind of woman that would interest me. And not just because
of her lame reasons for needing more money than she truly needs
to live in her country. But also the matter of her child. In Ukraine,
as in the West, about the only time a child does not live with the
mother is when there is something seriously wrong with the mother,
like drug or alchohol addiction. Is she going to leave her child behind with grandma?

I think you need to spend more time with your wife and get to
know her better. And find out what she is spending all that money
on instead of preparing to be with you in your country.

I also wonder how legal and binding your marriage was?

I hate to say it but it looks like you are in deep kimchee.

[vwrw]

she has a daughter that lives with her grandmother in the same town, she gives half the money i send to there up keep, and my wife lives alone in her house.

It is very strange that unemployed woman, who has plenty of time, prefers her daughter living separately.

[BillyB]

She did have a job earning $5 a day, so i told her to pack it in, because i was happy to send her $200 per week. she has a daughter that lives with her grandmother in the same town, she gives half the money i send to there up keep, and my wife lives alone in her house.

Neil, If it was your idea to send her $200 a week then you're to blame if you're tired of going to Western Union every week. You told her to quit her job and now, a few months later you're telling her to get one is of course going to make her upset. Other than that, it seems she only asked for money for dental work and is not trying to milk the cash cow unless you're not telling all. Did you encourage her to have the dental work done in Ukraine instead of the UK?

Still you both need to discuss finances and how far your money will go in the UK when she gets there. The question to ask yourself is will you be able to support a family on your income if she's going to be a house wife? You're going to have to give up your bachelor spending ways for sure.

[ScottinCrimea]

No matter how quickly you married, the bottom line is that now she is your wife and deserves to be treated as such.

I can understand all of her arguments and in the FSU mentality, she is right.  You married a FSUW, so you need to learn to understand the ins and outs of this mentality and how to respond appropriately.  In her mind and those around her it all makes perfect sense.

As far as the amount you send, I say it should be whatever is comfortable for you.  From my experience, $200 a week, even supporting two households is sufficient.  Of course if you were very wealthy, you would send much more.  How much better are you living than her?  As her husband, do you have any right to live better than her?

You need to realize that on $5 a day, she was barely earning enough for food and, like most FSUW in that situation, they have a long list of things they need, working up the list as they are able to save enough money for it.  It sounds like dental work was one of those things that took second place to eating.  I checked with my wife, and she says implants run about $450 and crowns around $100.  It wouldn't take much to add up to the $800, and believe me, it's much cheaper than what it would cost you in the UK.

You need to make the decision to either trust her or not.  If you don't, than you have no business being married and bringing her to the US because the distrust issue will destroy the relationship.  If you aren't ready to completely trust her, maybe at least try giving her the benefit of the doubt?

[jakeob]

Yes the daughter situation, the story is before i came along my wife worked 80 odd hours per week so the daughter was better off with granny just down the road, also my wife has had stints working abroad so again the daughter has bonded with granny. As i have observed there isnt much bond between mommy and daughter, although my wife goes and visits her daughter daily and provides for her. When i has pressed my wife on the subject she says her daughter can be very naughty and its only granny that can control her ect.

I have tried to take all this on face value and tried not to judge her to much, but i can see why there are so many raised eybrows

[docetae]

Hi Guys

I am just at the stage now i am waiting for my wifes visa, shes in Ukraine and i am in uk, I send her $200 every week at first she was happy with this but just lately shes been asking extra money for this and that,
She hit me with a $800 bill for dentistry.

I am getting pissed off visits to the western union office, i wonder if any you guys had this problem before your wife came to your country?

thanks

neil

800$ is a lot ... at least one or two bridges...or one implant.  ask her what was done ..

The only money I sent is for her to make translation of documents for our wedding (I will marry as french, not as canadian), to buy train tickets (she was ready to buy them but I wanted a 1st class, not sharing the place with 2 other people...) . She does not even want me to pay for her wedding dress !

What we have done already is a complete common budget, with all expenses we will have. Ex: She will work less hours to learn english and french, I will help her with cost of languages lessons. I upgrade her computer to be able to run a webcam, etc. Why not doing the same with your wife, you will know her spending habits too...

Wmgo: there is one other case when the mother can not live with her child. It is when she lives in small city and can afford only to rent one bedroom with one babushka in a large town where is working. I lived this is in the past, the woman was living in small town, around 80km from Kiev, She was spending the week in Kiev and the week end at mother's home in Korostychev.

[wxman]

The issue really isn't about the money, it's about trust. She is your wife. She asks you for money for dental work. Trust=the money is sent, no questions. Her health is most important.   No trust=asking questions.

You trusted her enough to get married. You trust she will be faithfull to you while you both wait to be together. If that is the case, then trust her that she is telling you the truth. Otherwise from day 1 that she is with you, you will wonder everytime she asks for money.   She is your wife, she shouldn't have to ask or beg when it comes to such matters.

[jakeob]

Guys its not just the teeth, its every time we speak its money for a birthday preasant, for someone, a new window in the house, she ripped her jeans her daughter broke her school shoes, they have come to turn off the water because she didnt pay it for 4 years ect ect. And she tells me it would be nice at some point if i would buy grave stones for her parents, very nice but its all coming at once

We were in Egypt last month and she told me she had tooth ache, i said when she gets home ask the dentist what it will cost and i will send her the money, When she arrived home she didnt mention it for a week then told me she was in great pain. I asked her how much EXTRA money i needed to send to fix her teeth "2" i was told. SHe didnt know and could only tell me any figure until after they had finished the treatment, "Thats the way things are done in Ukraine" So   next day a guessed $500 would be well enough. so she started her treatment and later told me it would come to about $850 total. Turns out she opted for a full Hollywood makeover on her teeth and not just filling the 2 bad ones.

When she comes to uk i will see exactly whats going on with her and i wont need to ask advice

[Faux Pas]

Sometimes your gut feeling and plenty of advice is all you have. I understand the budget concept may not be in her vocabulary but, maybe its time to be introduced. If she made it on $5 a day previously she shouldn't be having to difficult of a time with 4 times that much. Perhaps she needs a little 'splainin?

[groovlstk]

Guys its not just the teeth, its every time we speak its money for a birthday preasant, for someone, a new window in the house, she ripped her jeans her daughter broke her school shoes, they have come to turn off the water because she didnt pay it for 4 years ect ect. And she tells me it would be nice at some point if i would buy grave stones for her parents, very nice but its all coming at once

We were in Egypt last month and she told me she had tooth ache, i said when she gets home ask the dentist what it will cost and i will send her the money, When she arrived home she didnt mention it for a week then told me she was in great pain. I asked her how much EXTRA money i needed to send to fix her teeth "2" i was told. SHe didnt know and could only tell me any figure until after they had finished the treatment, "Thats the way things are done in Ukraine" So   next day a guessed $500 would be well enough. so she started her treatment and later told me it would come to about $850 total. Turns out she opted for a full Hollywood makeover on her teeth and not just filling the 2 bad ones.

Neil, way back when you were applauding DKMM's dorky failed plan to use a fake diamond ring when proposing to his fiancee. When you were criticized for this hare-brained idea, someone using the name NeilUK came up with this zinger in the same thread:

Theres nothing wrong with limiting potential losses if things dont work out, How many retards would buy a girl a 10k ring and think they know the girl well enough to trust her 100% just after a short relationship mostly conducted in unnatural situations. its my opinion to cut through all the bull*snip* and dont spend money pretending to be some flash ba"""rd. Only spend serious money when your living together as man and wife in your own country

Did you think you'd fool anyone by creating a new ID and posting in the same thread in support of a really bad argument? Have to hand it to you for at least following your own advice though, even if it's led you to the edge of a cliff.

And then this:

May be news to you, but most people if there honest are not "Pure as the driven snow"  and should not expect other people to be,, there just normal people, and little white lies will probably save your marriage one day

If your wife is spending your money on nights out with friends, what's the big deal if the dentist story is just a little ol' white lie?

OK, you mocked the conventional wisdom of guys who came before you, and now you're reaping what you've sown. My advice would be to dump her and join a monastery as it's guys like you who feed the sharks and make us all look bad.

When she comes to uk i will see exactly whats going on with her and i wont need to ask advice

Yes, get to know your wife AFTER you marry her, it's working great so far, isn't it?

[Catman]

Lots of great advice here on RWD! I'm in the searching stage so I'd better take some notes.
1) Get to know girl very well before I marry her.
2) Before getting married talk about budgeting money
3) Try to get a sense of her spending habits
4) Check out her teeth to see if they are good (Jeez, this sounds like looking for a good horse )
Okay, got it!

[I/O]

Is it just me or does anyone else smell a steaming heap of BS here?

I/O

[KenC]

Is it just me or does anyone else smell a steaming heap of BS here?

I/O

I/O,
I know it looks like a bad joke here, but unfortunately this is what can happen when you marry a stranger.  This guy has yet to begin to pay for his foolishness too.  The $800 dental bill will seem like chump change.
KenC

[I/O]

I/O,
I know it looks like a bad joke here, but unfortunately this is what can happen when you marry a stranger.  This guy has yet to begin to pay for his foolishness too.  The $800 dental bill will seem like chump change.
KenC

KenC: I'm well aware it can happen, but sorry to say, meoflittlefaith doesn't believe this one.

I/O