Are you man enough for a RW?

[KenC]

What a load of crock. Just so I truly understand this post, we (men who searched in the FSU) are supposedly better than 99.9 % of the men in America, because we choose to search for a wife in the FSU? We deserve congratulation because we went on a search?

I must say, this is the most Egotistical, and arrogant post I have ever seen you post ken.

Sorry you feel that way.  I never said that we are better than 99.9%.  I don't see where you got that.  I never even said "better."  What I did say is that there are certain characteristics that help men become successful in this venture and that there are others that tend to be counter productive.

So now ken what is it, you are trying to make a clique , or are you trying to help other? Because clique want to keep other out. And they try keep others out to make themselves feel superior, exactly as you did in this post.

As VWRW pointed out so early on, this topic of yours, You are trying to make an even smaller clique, and hence wanted it to be viewed as superior of men married to FSUW.

  I do not see where showing homage to those that have been successful or even tried is a conflict with trying to help others.  Those are not mutually exclusive.  As a matter of fact, if the newbies sincerely study those that have been successful here, they would learn an awful lot IMO.

And as a preemptive strike, I fully expect ken to try use an Argumentum ad hominem to try change the view of why he made this thread.

HiTech

And just why is it you think my presenting my views countering your claims is wrong?
KenC

[BC]

Whatever theory, side, aspect, prognosis, result, ability, success, race or failure involved in your RW seeking venture, one thing is sure.. You are NUTS!

Yes, we are not better, wiser, more capable, or any other factor.. just all NUTS!

Get used to it and accept that you and your fellow members here, men and women, without exclusion and/or exception, are absolutely NUTS!

.. so don't expect anything more, or less from any member here.

- these are probably the wisest words I have ever written.

[HiTech]

these are probably the wisest words I have ever written.

Not bad for some one who is nuts like I am.

[Gator]

...accept that you and your fellow members here, men and women, without exclusion and/or exception, are absolutely NUTS!

- these are probably the wisest words I have ever written.

My friends have said for years that I am nuts.  And now RWD OMB's say I am nuts.   

Looking at how my comfortable bachelor life has changed in the last month as a newlywed with two young kids running around the house -  all of you are probably correct.

[catzenmouse]

I relish and embrace this particular brand of insanity. The thought of going back to the outside world is definitely a most depressing thought. If the "huddled masses" ever found out how great it is in here they would all be pounding on the door of our asylum trying to get in.

Better to keep it as our little secret...

[Jet]

I relish and embrace this particular brand of insanity. The thought of going back to the outside world is definitely a most depressing thought. If the "huddled masses" ever found out how great it is in here they would all be pounding on the door of our asylum trying to get in.

Better to keep it as our little secret...

One of the biggest compliments my father ever paid me, came at our wedding when he said "I envy you. You have lived an incredibly romantic life. It doesn't mean things were always good, but it was always exciting! When you were a boy, I could have never dreamed that we'd be standing here today celebrating your marriage to such a wonderful woman. You're like the Indiana Jones of the family". Considering everything my father has been through in his life, and all that he has accomplished (not the least of which being able to stay happily married to my mom for 44 years, after a true "one week wonder" type proposal in 1963) for him to be envious, was just astonishing to me.

[KenC]

One of the biggest compliments my father ever paid me, came at our wedding when he said "I envy you. You have lived an incredibly romantic life. It doesn't mean things were always good, but it was always exciting! When you were a boy, I could have never dreamed that we'd be standing here today celebrating your marriage to such a wonderful woman. You're like the Indiana Jones of the family". Considering everything my father has been through in his life, and all that he has accomplished (not the least of which being able to stay happily married to my mom for 44 years, after a true "one week wonder" type proposal in 1963) for him to be envious, was just astonishing to me.

What a wonderful story, Jet.  How cool for your Father to say such things!  The adventurous spirit certainly is necessary.  And that goes both ways too.  The women need it maybe even more than the man in this case.

Most of my family just thought "There goes Ken again!" thinking I was nuts.  But then again, I have had a lifetime of thinking outside the box.  I have two brothers and they would be the absolute worst candidates for this ever.  My older brother would never give this a second thought as he is as conservative as they come.  My younger bro would be eaten alive by the first shark he met as he has a long history of being used by women. 

But really the only opinions that mattered to me was those of my kids.  Fortunately they have had a lifetime with me to understand that I am not a conventional thinker.  They were both kind of leary when I started dating AW that I met on line, but after a while understood and accepted the concept.  We all had some long intense conversations back then.  Funny how they both have "My Space" pages now.   It really wasn't too much of a shock to either of them when I went to Russia to meet Lena.  Now bringing Lena over was a whole other thing!   :hairraising:  Of course they also knew better than to try and talk the old man out of his plan too.  They now know it doesn't really matter how you meet but how you interact after meeting.
KenC

[Misha]

They now know it doesn't really matter how you meet but how you interact after meeting.
KenC

It is sad that there is still a stigma attached to meeting someone via the net, even though it is a growing phenomenon. Where else are you supposed to meet people? Why should meeting someone online be any worse than going to a nightclub?

[KenC]

It is sad that there is still a stigma attached to meeting someone via the net, even though it is a growing phenomenon. Where else are you supposed to meet people? Why should meeting someone online be any worse than going to a nightclub?

Misha,
You're preaching to the choir here.
I think most of the stigma of meeting  locally "on line" has dissipated over time.  With the "E Harmony" and the "My Space" sights gaining such popularity.  Now ten years ago when I was doing it, it was considered very odd.  Of course, meeting foreigners is still quite unusual.  I think the real "stigma" attached to this is the MOB angle, not that it is perpitrated via the Net.
KenC

[OlgaH]

I think the real "stigma" attached to this is the MOB angle

A little bit of the history about "shipping the brides" 

New Orleans
ARCHDIOCESE OF NEW ORLEANS

From the beginning of the colony at Biloxi the immigration of women had been small. Bienville made constant appeals to the mother country to send honest wives and mothers. From time to time ships freighted with girls would arrive; they came over in charge of the Grey Nuns of Canada and a priest, and were sent by the king to be married to the colonists.

The Bishop of Quebec was also charged with the duty of sending out young women who were known to be good and virtuous. As a proof of her respectability, each girl was furnished by the bishop with a curiously wrought casket; they are known in Louisiana history as "casket girls". Each band of girls, on arriving at New Orleans, was confided to the care of the Ursulines until they were married to colonists able to provide for their support. Many of the best families of the state are proud to trace their descent from "casket girls".

Casket girl

[Misha]

I think the real "stigma" attached to this is the MOB angle, not that it is perpitrated via the Net.

Where I live, it is a generational thing. People in their twenties and thirties see it as simply another way to know people, people in their forties and older still look down on the concept. My wife has been warned by her Russian friends that it is better not to tell anybody that we met by internet.

[DKMM]

Ahh insanity, the perfect defense!  Now I can explain away why I followed up a failed engagement to a RW with another trip to FSU to find a new one!

Worst of all, I used a straight up marriage agency.  Only for losers and misfits trying to "buy" a wife, right? 

BTW I tell everyone I know not to do this, its far harder to have a relationship this way.  I got very lucky.

[KenC]

Ahh insanity, the perfect defense!  Now I can explain away why I followed up a failed engagement to a RW with another trip to FSU to find a new one!

Worst of all, I used a straight up marriage agency.  Only for losers and misfits trying to "buy" a wife, right? 

BTW I tell everyone I know not to do this, its far harder to have a relationship this way.  I got very lucky.

Maybe I should have titled the thread:
Are you crazy enough to seek a RW?
KenC

[BC]

Maybe I should have titled the thread:
Are you crazy enough to seek a RW?
KenC

Would have been quite appropriate.. LOL

[Doll]

I agree! 

[catzenmouse]

And then there is the flip side of the coin:

 What kind of Russian Woman would be crazy enough to marry us!

 I'm mighty thankful I found one...

[Doll]

Same- crazy women.

[DKMM]

When you throw on the language and cultural differences its like everything is 10 times harder.  You really do have to be "man enough" for a RW I really believe that.  Perhaps that's what turned some of these guys into crusty old men hehe.

Any of you ever think you are having an argument/fight only to have it turn out to be something completely else?  Or have a conversation about something and you realize a minute into it she's talking about some other thing rather than what you thought you heard.  Maybe that only comes with the initial phases of these relationships (especially the long distance portion).

[Andrew]

When you throw on the language and cultural differences its like everything is 10 times harder.  You really do have to be "man enough" for a RW I really believe that.  Perhaps that's what turned some of these guys into crusty old men hehe.

Any of you ever think you are having an argument/fight only to have it turn out to be something completely else?  Or have a conversation about something and you realize a minute into it she's talking about some other thing rather than what you thought you heard.  Maybe that only comes with the initial phases of these relationships (especially the long distance portion).

Regularly.......quite entertaining really

[KenC]

When you throw on the language and cultural differences its like everything is 10 times harder.  You really do have to be "man enough" for a RW I really believe that.  Perhaps that's what turned some of these guys into crusty old men hehe.

Any of you ever think you are having an argument/fight only to have it turn out to be something completely else?  Or have a conversation about something and you realize a minute into it she's talking about some other thing rather than what you thought you heard.  Maybe that only comes with the initial phases of these relationships (especially the long distance portion).

DKMM,
I'll share a little trick Lena and I used in the first years of our marriage.  We were constantly getting into little disagreements or one or the other's feeling were getting hurt.  It was all the language barrier.  Lena spoke very good English but the nuances or tone of a new language takes many years to truly understand.  We both knew we loved and respected each other and yet these things kept popping up.  We both decided if we were hurt, offended or angered by something the other said, we would stop and ask for a clarification before reacting..  99 times out of 100 it was a misinterpretation of what was meant.  You need to give a lot of benefit of the doubt in the beginning.
KenC

[Pike]

DKMM,
I'll share a little trick Lena and I used in the first years of our marriage.  We were constantly getting into little disagreements or one or the other's feeling were getting hurt.  It was all the language barrier.  Lena spoke very good English but the nuances or tone of a new language takes many years to truly understand.  We both knew we loved and respected each other and yet these things kept popping up.  We both decided if we were hurt, offended or angered by something the other said, we would stop and ask for a clarification before reacting..  99 times out of 100 it was a misinterpretation of what was meant.  You need to give a lot of benefit of the doubt in the beginning.
KenC

This is a very, very good idea.  But one that I haven't practiced enough with various FSU gals that I have known.

However, I remember one instance when I did try to get a clarification of something which peeeed me off pretty good.  In the clarification that the gal gave, I am pretty sure she switched her meaning quite a bit to back off from the meaning that had ticked me.
As a result, I was still sort of left in the dark about what her true feelings really were.  So it could be sort of a double edged sword.

Still, in most cases, I think Ken's tactic would serve everyone well.

[Ronnie]

When I heard an older Ukrainian couple in Costco speaking in Russian in 2002, I approached them and began practicing my Russian on them.  Curious why I was learning Russian I told them I was engaged in a quest to find a wife in the FSU.  "They're all actresses" the woman said.  (actually using the Russian word "artists"). 

Doll has told us that the women who marry us tell us what we want to hear, then when our back is turned, talk truth to other RW. 

We have a Russian couple staying with us this weekend.  This morning at breakfast the husband (who has become a USC and now thinks of himself as American) and I were discussing how deceiving someone to gain an advantage is considered clever in eastern cultures.  In the west it's the deceiver who is the wrong-doer but in the east it's the deceived who is the fool. 

I say, anyone who gains something by deception will lose it and more eventually.

[ScottinCrimea]

99 times out of 100 it was a misinterpretation of what was meant.  You need to give a lot of benefit of the doubt in the beginning.
KenC

But KenC, it's the other 1% we want to hear about.   

[DKMM]

Ronnie, that's exactly the problem!! Misunderstandings happen a lot more because we are trying to protect ourselves.  Sometimes I get to wondering if she's just trying to decieve me in some way.  And that gets in the way of trust.. but its hard when dealing with RW.  If you are apart for a while it gets harder.

[Doll]

  how deceiving someone to gain an advantage is considered clever in eastern cultures

I wouldn't go for this statement. This NOT true about eastern cultures.
You need to be more careful- here there are Russians and this IS offensive.
Don't you think so?