Just need a few opinions

[dagger_meerkat]

Hello Guys ..

Stil new on here, going thru the threads but need answers!

Ok I have been in touch with this girl from the Ukraine .. sounds nice and all, writes emails the size of my university essays .. very well thought out and generally giving the impression of a honest person. Have not met her yet but do plan on arranging a trip within a month or so.

The issue is this : she doesnt have a mobile phone and doesn't speak english. I have read a couple of other topics and the Ten Commandments from which I can only assume one action "Move on". However .. she was ready to arrange a call with her interpreter earlier on [she suggested this btw when I asked about her mobile number] when I started corresponding which I kind of deferred until now and have actually asked her to contact her interpreter and arrange a phone conversation.

My question is this: Is it an absolute necessity that a girl has a mobile phone .. as it does sound from her emails that her and her family are not well off.

Or am I just being a dumb nitwit asking a question with an obvious answer?

[Turboguy]

My two cents worth on this are that everyone has a cell phone.   They will give up meals before they do without a cell phone.   However some are very guarded about giving the number out.  I can't blame them a bit for this.  I would not look at it as a big red flag, perhaps a yellow one.

As far as not speaking English she likely knows more than she admits but that is not unusual either and how important it is depends on how committed she is.  We have had a lot of discussion about this.  Some would say forget her but others don't see it as an absolute deal breaker. 

The other possibility is that the agency is just trying to generate some translation bucks.  May we ask what agency you met her through.  I think that information could help us more than anything in giving you some advice.

[dagger_meerkat]

Thanks for the reply, Turbo!

Actually met her through ElenasModels .. have been in correspondence with her over 2 months but this is not a long time span considering that we have only exchanged about 8 emails supposedly coz she's very "busy" with her studies and is relatively "active". And only replies once in a week which is usually a Monday.

I thought about the transalation bucks thing .. but I suppose it does cost her to get her own letters translated from russian into english?

[ScottinCrimea]

Welcome dagger, and feel free to ask away.  Unfortunately the answers are not always so obvious.  That's why this forum is a great resource.  You won't find such a level of experience and breadth of expertise anywhere else.

Remember that the more information you provide, the better able we are to answer any questions, but based on what you have provided so far, I have noted a couple of things that suggest things aren't on the up and up.

First, given that she doesn't speak English, the fact that she is sending essay sized e-mails makes me wonder.  Long e-mails in the early stages of a correspondence, especially if they are full of flowery language of nature, life dreams, etc. are more typical of a scammer than a sincere RW and are typically of the cut and paste variety.  Try taking a few phrases from her letters and googling them to see if they show up on any scammer sites.  If you want to post her name and city or some excerpts from her letters someone here can check her out for you. Remember that it costs money to have her letters translated by an agency, so if she's paying herself she will keep the letters short and if you are paying and it's a scam they will want the letters to be long, especially if they charge by the length of the letter.

While some here will give some rare examples, I can say from living two years in Ukraine that I never met a woman between the ages of 15 and 55 who did not have a mobile phone.  Even the poorest found a way to get one. Maybe in the very remote villages, but even most of them will have access to a home phone where you can call.  Claiming to not have a mobile phone is a big red flag.  Obviously, then, she doesn't want any unexpected calls.  It's probably another "Fat Yuri" generating the letters who has to arrange with some woman to fill her in on your case and pretend to be the one you're writing to.  I would insist on arranging to call using your own interpretor and see how she responds.

You mention that is sounds like she and her family are not well off, which begs a couple of questions - Is she still living with her parents?  How old is she? What is she saying about financial issues?  Is she setting you up to feel sorry for her poor financial situation as a precursor to a request for money?

Now everything may be on the up and up and there may be some rational reasons for the red flags that are already starting to pop up.  I think every successful relationship here has had at least one red flag pop up that was caused by either a cultural difference or a language difficulty.  The key is to ask the tough questions to either diffuse or expose the red flags.

Do some searching on Google, insist on a phone call using your own interpretor, and DO NOT send money, no matter how much the white knight in you might complain.

[Gator]

Dagger, Welcome to RWD and UW!

Not having access to a phone is rare.  Her family must be dirt poor.  So how does she have access to the Internet, and how can she afford an interpreter?  She is either very motivated and interested in you or has something up her sleeve.

What bothers me more than the lack of a phone is her lack of English.  Read the archives.  Most men fail to develop an enduring relationship when the woman speaks only basic English.  And those few who did succeed will testify as to the immense difficulty you will face.

Being young (still a student) is a potential problem, but not as severe as the other two.  Are you young too?  Which raises another point - usually students know some English.

Dirt poor, not speaking English, and very young!  Far from the ideal combination.  IMO you should plan on traveling to meet her for a long time before deciding about marriage, maybe 3-5 trips per year for a couple of years.  This will give her time to improve her English so that you can have serious conversations.  Also, it is a barometer for measuring her motivation.  Meanwhile, you need to study Russian/Ukrainian.  Are you ready for the challenge?

[I/O]

Who's picking up the tab for the terp? That prolly gives you a fair idea. No language? Tough to build a relationship if you can't talk much, been there, done that, only a masochist would recommend it and you want to think in terms of two years before making binding decisions.

You've asked the questions so obviously you have the doubts. Stick with that, keep your coins in your clobber and you'll likely stay out of trouble.

I/O

[dagger_meerkat]

You guys have no idea how thankful I am for all your replies and I am so glad I posted on here!

ScottinCrimea .. did what you said and came up with this on Google:

http://www.global7russia.com/dating/inquiry.asp?country=&email=tendersnowflake%40rambler.ru&Search=Search&K=K&q=1&s=2

Her name is Nata and she's from Kharkov .. but I can't make heads or tails of that. Is that just like a history of everyone who has corresponded with this girl or what? Btw thanks 4 the "Fat Yuri" comment .. did a loud LOL in front of my monitor! I don't understand one thing though  .. Elena has a confirmed status on her profile. Does this mean that this is just stamped without any actual validation of the individual?

Before I began this endeavour .. I quite clearly told myself .. I am not going to pay any money or send any money, TT or WU to any girl for any reason. I would rather better spend the money on the newest tech as I am quite an admirable tech geek!

Hey Gator .. ur famous in these forums, came across your posts quite a lot! I agree with you on most of the issues you have pointed out too as I find it difficult to believe that someone who claims to be in University can't speak a little bit of english. And yes, not knowing english is a big hurdle but I kind of dismissed it on the grounds as I know one Korean guy who learnt it in 3 months under intensive training.

I/O .. she's paying for the terps. But putting what you have said alongside what others have mentioned in this post I believe it may be in my best interests to concentrate on sum1 else.

Have also been in touch with another girl from Russia .. who's a lawyer, speaks good english and gave her phone number in the second email itself. Stark difference, eh?

Thanks for your replies guys .. I have got so much info in 1/2 hr that I cudn't get frm newhere else!

And yes, I am 27. Ya I know .. relatively young, but keeping my options open and finding sum1 suitable always takes time

[I/O]

Have also been in touch with another girl from Russia .. who's a lawyer, speaks good english and gave her phone number in the second email itself. Stark difference, eh?

They come in all different shapes and forms. You've got some sifting to do yet I suspect. FWIW watch the "messenger" style language when communicating with RW even if they have reasonable English. Mostly they will not understand and the worst is they'll write you off as poorly educated.

A point you might consider, one is poor and doesn't have a phone or doesn't speak your language compared with one who has all of the above, what would you do? Forget the rescue mission and set your sights high. Aim for 95% brilliant and 5% dumb. If you get lucky, as I did, you find someone as I did who is 95% 10 times brighter than me and 5% dumb, dumb enough to marry me.

All the best.

I/O

[Kuna]

dagger_meerkat,

Have you googled her email address???

If you do you'll find this: http://www.russianscamcheck.org/russian-bride-scam/Nata_Soboleva.shtml   but that doesn't mean she IS a scammer...  It just means someone else was wary of her hard luck stories.     OK then,  she's probably a scammer - or at best someone who complains a lot.

I'm a little confused that you're here inquiring about a girl that speaks no English - etc - etc - etc when another girl speaks good English, volunteered her number and seems to be a good stable lady.  Ummmm.... let me guess...  Girl #1 had sexy pics?   

Seriously though....  we're all human, and even worse most of us here are guys.  You're mission if you choose to accept it, is to resist being a guy and force some logic into your initial choices.   

All the best in your continuing search.

[dagger_meerkat]

I guess I should be doing this now 

I'm a little confused that you're here inquiring about a girl that speaks no English - etc - etc - etc when another girl speaks good English, volunteered her number and seems to be a good stable lady.  Ummmm.... let me guess...  Girl #1 had sexy pics?   Wink

You couldn't be more right about that .. not that I consider myself shallow but I decided to give her the benefit of doubt and when that got too much I came here to ask for some help and got lots of help!

[Kuna]

Yeah,  honestly mate,  you'd be surprised how many times we've seen guys in similar situations come through here...  The thing is you've found RWD before burning too much time or money.

Now,  back to the lawyer who speak good english and volunteered her phone number...  If she was attractive (and let's be honest, not ALL RW are) - I'd suggest you focus on her or women like her.

Why?

To my mind a woman that volunteers her phone number quickly is showing she's a "no nonsense woman who is confident enough to jump straight into a discussion".

Don't be surprised if they're a bit timid in the beginning...  don't be surprised if it takes her a little while to get used to your accent.. but DO spend as much time as is possible (reasonable) because it's a great wayt o get to knw the girls.

Good luck mate... think with the big head first and then after meeting and confirming the reality you'll have plenty of time to let the rest take over.

[KenC]

I guess I should be doing this now 

You couldn't be more right about that .. not that I consider myself shallow but I decided to give her the benefit of doubt and when that got too much I came here to ask for some help and got lots of help!

Dude, don't be too hard on yourself!  We are men and they are women and they know what bait to use to set their traps.

One of my salesmen got approached by a "sweet" girl from St Pete recently.  He shared some of their emails with me as he knew I had some experience in this.  His girl was very good.  Her story was that she was coming to America for the summer and had her visa in hand.  No overly revealing photos, but of course she was hot as hell!  And mysteriously, she was falling hard for the guy.  All she wanted was to be able to stay with him in California while they got better acquainted.  No problem for him.  All I could tell him was that if the story was true, he is the luckiest guy in the world but don't count on it.  I warned him that there would come a time when she will need some financial assistance to complete her trip.  I told him go with it until that happens.  Sure enough, there was some unexpected "complication" that required an additional $950 that she assured him she would pay back upon arrival.

All we can do here is share our experience with guys like you and my salesman and help you avoid the mistakes we know others have made.  I will tell you what I told my salesman, don't let the first missteps jaundice you against RW in total as they are the finest women in the world.  Just be careful because this venture is not without risks.  Best of luck to you.
KenC

[Gator]

Be careful when a RW lists "student" as her occupation. 

I recall Andrewfi years ago posting his opinion from talking up "WORKING GIRLS" at bars and learning that they were also listed with marriage agencies.  In checking their profiles, he found many listed as "students."

If a RW is young and her true profession were that of an escort, there is no better substitute than "student."

The RWD member Sandro43 has a large website identifying a number of what he terms "double dealers."

I am not saying this is the case with your Nata, but be careful.

Also, it is best to avoid the RW with sexy photos.  Most RW would die before they would show such on the Internet, even though most could look sexy.

[Bluebell]

... as I find it difficult to believe that someone who claims to be in University can't speak a little bit of english.

WOW, believe it or not, but many university graduate people that I know don't speak a bit of English. Maybe French, maybe German, maybe Latin or Greek, Russian or Buryat, Finnish or Hungarian, Romanian or Bulgarian and so on, but not a single word of English.

Besides English, there are some other 2800 languages and dialects spoken around the world.

[Misha]

WOW, believe it or not, but many university graduate people that I know don't speak a bit of English. Maybe French, maybe German

That was the case with my wife. As she had family in Germany, she had studied this language as a second language.

[dagger_meerkat]

WOW, believe it or not, but many university graduate people that I know don't speak a bit of English. Maybe French, maybe German, maybe Latin or Greek, Russian or Buryat, Finnish or Hungarian, Romanian or Bulgarian and so on, but not a single word of English.

Besides English, there are some other 2800 languages and dialects spoken around the world.

I understand that English isn't the only language but it is the only universal language that will be of some use in a foreign country. I am from Uganda myself .. a country deep in the roots of Africa, and we are taught English from beginning to end.

Which brings me to the qn .. there's so many RW looking for potential mates outside ; I am pretty sure these girls are knowledgeable and appreciate the need to know a little bit of English to progress in a relationship. What motivates these girls to look for partners when they very well know that without English .. finding someone would amount to dumb luck? Even those who quote a Basic understanding of English in their profiles are quite hard to correspond with and a translator is absolutely necessary.

[Misha]

Which brings me to the qn .. there's so many RW looking for potential mates outside ; I am pretty sure these girls are knowledgeable and appreciate the need to know a little bit of English to progress in a relationship.

Well, what if they find a nice fellow from Germany or France or Italy? It would be much more useful for them to know the languages of those countries than English. In many ways, finding someone is always a matter of dumb luck. My wife never imagined that she would marry a Canadian as she was not looking for a foreigner. It was simply luck that I found her online on a free Russian dating site. It was also luck that I have an hour to kill while waiting at an internet cafe and happened to go online when  she happened to log on after a long absence.

[dagger_meerkat]

Ok .. I need a few pointers / tips to figure out what I am getting into with regards to the thoughts about having a relationship with eastern european women. I mean apart from the "Are you man enough for RW" are there any other similar threads or brains that I can pick if?