Why are we trying overseas?

[diverboy70]

I quess this subject has been around here before, but I will try to give my view about why I am looking for a woman in Russia/Ukraine!

I have been separated since february, from a long time dying marriage. I live in a small society with not very much options in available single women. Since the marriage had been a dead one for a while I started dating quite early after the separation. What I found locally was not really what I wanted, 30-40 yo women with 1-3 kids. I have been thinking a lot of this thing about children. I really would like to have some more, but at the same time I had bit of a problem taking on another womans children. I know it sounds stupid since I have my own son, but that is my decision after a lot of thinking, and after dating a woman with 2 kids from a previous marriage!

So ok, here I was looking for a woman hopefully wanting to have children, with no previous ones. I tried the swedish dating sites, but even if I was really open minded I did not find wath I was looking for there!

Surfing the net I stumbled across some agency site with RW/UW. I was intrigued. But sceptical by nature I kept on surfing and found this site, RWD! I just want to give all you guys and girls that are contributing the credit that you deserve!  After a while i decided to go with the dating sites, like freepersonals.ru and bride.ru. I also signed up with EM. Then it was a long time of letterwriting. A lot of letters later, after a great deal of responses and also non responsen I found J. on Bride.ru She was straight on, and gave me her msn and phonenumber right away! She seemed quite serious and we started to talk by skype and msn. By talking we soon found out that we really liked each other and we quite soon decided to meet and see how we would feel meeting in person. In the middle of june I went here for an extended weekend and it was great. But the real progress has been after the trip, we are now talking about more serious topics and are actually thinking of a life together, even if we are a long way from that.

I am going there agian next friday for 10 days! I feel she really can be the one, but this 10 days will show. Reading about other guys long searhes make me wonder if I am setteling for less or if they are searching the "holy grale". I don't know. Time will tell if I am to hasty to develop these feelings for the first woman I meet in real life, or if my instincts are right and this is really the one

I don't know if this story will be to the use of anybody, but I think the whole idea of this site is to share your experiences! So if any of you newbies get anything out of this mumbeling I am grateful ) Otherwise all the rest of you will know a bit more about me 

[steviej]

I'm really enjoying your honest thoughts and contributions. The range of experiences among the guys here leading up to matrimony is all over the place. Me? I married the second girl I met. So, I'd be more the type of guy to say its OK to trust your feelings, and don't get caught in an imaginary trap that "gee, if this one is so great, maybe the next one is even more greatj ..." What are your feelings for her? And hers for you? Isn't that what its' about? There are 6.5 billion people in the world. In that sense there is always, of course, someone else.

Are you ready? In most ways you seem ready. But, about your marriage, were you dumped, broken hearted, and are now on the rebound? Or, were you the leader in the divorce, and glad finally to be out of the marriage? Did you do some local dating? (I think you said yes). Did you write and telephone other ladies before visiting J? Or, was J the first girl that responded and you "fell in love?"

For your general question, most of us are "overseas" because the FSU ladies are worth the trip!

[diverboy70]

Steviej!

Thanks for the honest reply!

She was not the first i talked to and definetely not the first I wrote to About beeing in love, yes today I think I am that. I think I fell in love a few days after I left her, I fell in love by the phonecalls we had. But being in love and to love someone is two completely different things. I think the potential is there, she is the type of woman I am looking for, but time will only tell!

About the divorce. We had a really rough time this winter and we finally agreed to go our separate ways. We are friends again now. She has a new guy and i have something working with J. I don't really know what to answer to your question, it is not a rebound, and I think we both are ok with it. J. is a bit worried, but my ex has voulontered to talk to her if it comes to that, so I can not really say it is a traumatic divorce anymore :

[topofthekey]

this is a good question. to bring a woman back to the USA requires jumping through a lot of hoops as I've read many threads and thoughts on this- and the trials and tribulations involved in this time consuming process.

it certainly would be easier to just go about this domestically. and let's face it most people marry someone born within 50 miles of themselves. however my answer to your question is to just walk into a freakin Wal-Mart in the Midwest. I'm not going to start bashing women here- so I'll just say the curiousity of it has peaked for me. I dont think I could get serious with someone without doing more traveling and really seeing what is out there.

i'm not so sure i'll use an agency- but I'll definiately use a personals site. I really don't see it as any different that everyone using E Harmony or match.com- except its got to be a lot more expensive .

So why am I trying overseas? Because I can. And I'm in no hurry either.

[diverboy70]

i'm not so sure i'll use an agency- but I'll definiately use a personals site. I really don't see it as any different that everyone using E Harmony or match.com- except its got to be a lot more expensive .

So why am I trying overseas? Because I can. And I'm in no hurry either.

I like your attitude, it's a lot like mine!  Fortunately I got lucky (i hope) quite soon!

[Shadow]

Diverboy, if that is the two of you in your avatar, I can only say go ahead. I have a thing with pictures that often I can predict the outcome, and this one shows me a good couple. Make sure you make the next visit as close to living together as you can. Cut down a bit on fancy stuff (without being stingy) and go for just plain Russian life.
If after that things feel well, only one thing to do. And that is to make sure that you show her that while you spend time with your son, your ex wife is part of your history and not of your present.

[Gator]

I feel she really can be the one, but this 10 days will show. Reading about other guys long searhes make me wonder if I am setteling for less or if they are searching the "holy grale". I don't know. Time will tell if I am to hasty to develop these feelings for the first woman I meet in real life, or if my instincts are right and this is really the one

Diverboy,

Are you settling for less?  Your photo says "No!"  She looks gorgeous.  More important are your feelings, whether you enjoy talking about everything with her, whether she is as committed as you to making the realtionship work, etc.

My questions:

-  You have been separated from your ex-wife for only 5 months.  Are you ready to jump into a new relationship with both feet and not look back?  You said your marriage was dying for a long time, so maybe your separation of hearts is much longer.

-  You have spent only a long weekend together.  Yet, you are feeling really good about everything.  Many men have doubts arising from red flags.  In you case, you have none.  It seems the only doubt in your mind is whether you are moving too fast, and you seem smart enough to take your time, something that you can do given your close proximity.

Meanwhile, enjoy your time together.  When the right woman comes along, feelings can advance quickly, especially if she is feeling just as good about you.

[topofthekey]

i didn't realize diverboy had only spent a weekend with his girlfriend. Is that true? Man, I know regardless of the woman that I wouldn't be thinking marriage after a weekend. Maybe diverboy is just excited about pursuing the relationship further? Meeting again to see what develops? I don't know the immigration laws in his country- maybe somewhere down the line he could get one of those fiance visas to try things out in his country before he ties the knot?

i know some of the websites say you can get engaged on a one or two week trip (having never been there or met anyone before), but I know that isn't for me. To many important conversations and time needed to accomplish this. Diverboy, are you engaged after only a weekend?

[Ooooops]

Diverboy, and what your girl thinks about all that?   Is she just as ready as you are?   How does she feel about your recent divorce?   And about you having a young (I assume) son? 

[diverboy70]

First of all we are not thinking of marriage, we both think it is far too soon for that! We have just agreed to go exclusive and to take all the time that is needed to see if we will get there one day! Yes I fell in love after the first trip, but it is still a long way to an eventual marraige  Anyway as somebody said in another thread, "the easy part is over". It will take a lot of investments in feelings, time and money to really find out if she is the girl for me. And right now I feel she is worth all of that and more! 

Ooooops: She says she is ok with it. But she also says she has to meet my boy first and spend some time together with us as a family, to really be sure how she feels about the situation.

Shadow: Yes it is a pic of us  And her sister said the same thing, that we look good together 

I quess I am only overanalyzing this thing, I sometimes have a bad habit of doing that!  But i really think I have to follow my feelings on this one   

[Fashionista]

Steviej!

We are friends again now. She has a new guy and i have something working with J. I don't really know what to answer to your question, it is not a rebound, and I think we both are ok with it. J. is a bit worried, but my ex has voulontered to talk to her if it comes to that, so I can not really say it is a traumatic divorce anymore :

I would advice against it.  Staying friends with your ex is not really the Russian way  , and you shouldn't let your ex try and resolve relationship issues with your girl.  Women are tricky and noone knows how she'll use this opportunity. However civilized that approach may sound, I doubt you will score any points for that, even if she says she's cool with that.  Just an opinion.

[topofthekey]

ok, so that really clears some things up as you are not engaged.

i have to agree with fashionista- not the russian way- actually i dont think it is the any way. i've never been divorced but seen it plenty. even if you are on speaking terms and even think you are friends- well trust me you never are sure of this. she could be smiling through her teeth waiting for an opportunity to *snip* with you.

defianately have her meet your kid- but keep the ex away. 2's a relationship and 3 is a crowd.

[diverboy70]

Fashionata & topofthekey

Yes I hear you! And it is also my feeling that it is a good idea to keep the ex-wife as long away from this new relationship as possible!

[topofthekey]

Fashionata & topofthekey

Yes I hear you! And it is also my feeling that it is a good idea to keep the ex-wife as long away from this new relationship as possible!

what do i know really, but maybe ex wifey compares herself to new wifey and this creates animosity or even jealousy? there is another thread going about all the possibilites out there after your marriage fails or wife leaves. so maybe the ex is happy now until she sees the ideal wife- and thinks- i have to compete with that?

this leads me to another question which ill start a new thread for

[BillyB]

Why did I do it? Because I can and I think Slavic looking women are the best looking in the World. Also there's no comparison at the dating sites. RW are much better looking than what's available on American dating sites. Sure there are good looking American women and they are of good character but they don't seem in abundance on American dating sites. How many RW profiles have you seen where the women are 410(marijuana) friendly or weigh more than a linebacker? RW initially present themselves better.

[steviej]

Fashionata & topofthekey

Yes I hear you! And it is also my feeling that it is a good idea to keep the ex-wife as long away from this new relationship as possible!

Keep the "ex" completely out of the whole thing! I guarantee you your girl has no interest in being "friends" with your ex, nor does she want you to be "friends" either, even though she will be polite about it. You have a child. Your interaction with your ex should be the minimum required to fulfil your responsibility as a father. I speak from experience. Your girl has never been married and has never had a child. These will be very sensitive issues for her.

[msmoby_ru]

Keep the "ex" completely out of the whole thing! I guarantee you your girl has no interest in being "friends" with your ex, nor does she want you to be "friends" either, even though she will be polite about it. You have a child. Your interaction with your ex should be the minimum required to fulfil your responsibility as a father. I speak from experience. Your girl has never been married and has never had a child. These will be very sensitive issues for her.

Sorry, "Diver" but I'm with the flow on this. Steve is bang on the button.. My Wife and I both have kids from our ex-partners - in case you hadn't noticed I'm not shy about speaking my mind, but when it comes to arranging things re *their kids* - it is *their* problem. You shouldn't involve your lady in this. By all means - if you are serious about her- introduce your child "gently" very brief time scales at first .. but Don't introduce or encourage the ex and intended to meet.


 

[diverboy70]

Why did I do it? Because I can and I think Slavic looking women are the best looking in the World. Also there's no comparison at the dating sites. RW are much better looking than what's available on American dating sites. Sure there are good looking American women and they are of good character but they don't seem in abundance on American dating sites. How many RW profiles have you seen where the women are 410(marijuana) friendly or weigh more than a linebacker? RW initially present themselves better.

Billy!

Your are leaving out the most important part, the heart and soul of the RW  It something that you seldom find in a VW. The combination of pure beauty and brains, soul and heart. This is why I love Russia!

[diverboy70]

By the way BillyB, how is everything going with the K-1 for your girl, I have not been here for a while to follow your story.

I really hope it will work out and that you will be together soon so you can complete your happy saga