Russian Temperment

[charlie2008]

I have been talking to a RW for about 2 weeks now, and its very clear that we are interested in each other.  She has a fairly good grasp of the english language other than maybe putting a word in front of one that should be in the back.  We talk about everything from how is your day to more serious and personal situations.  Now, I made a comment to a response where I was referring to troubles she may be having in her head and in her heart.  Here is where she exploded....  I think she thinks I was saying to her that she was mentally ill or something.  I blamed it on a communication errror, but she wasnt having it at all!!! She reminded me of an American friend that she has had ofr 6 years and although they disagree, her never offends her.  After about 5 min of her venting to me on YM, I told her that clearly I have offended her and that she would no longer hear from me.  20min later, she wrote back and said that she really cant talk to me right now.  I shot one more IM to her and told her that maybe she needed to spend more time with her old friend as he seems to be good to her, and that I will miss her, but i think that i should remove myself from her life, and that i meant to bring her no harm. 

Brothers, removing myself from her life is the last thing I want to do, but if she agrees than Ill have to respect it.  Now I know I shouldnt play such risky games, but I may just have to swallow this one whole    

[ScottinCrimea]

Your first lesson:  Never give an ultimatum to a RW.

[charlie2008]

I hear ya.  Lesson 2,  Dont think you have ever been told off until youve been told off by a RW,lol. She ripped me a new one.  I didn't have a chance.

[Blues Fairy]

After about 5 min of her venting to me on YM, I told her that clearly I have offended her and that she would no longer hear from me.  20min later, she wrote back and said that she really cant talk to me right now.  I shot one more IM to her and told her that maybe she needed to spend more time with her old friend as he seems to be good to her, and that I will miss her, but i think that i should remove myself from her life
Brothers, removing myself from her life is the last thing I want to do, but if she agrees than Ill have to respect it. 

I don't see an ultimatum; I see a clear, three times repeated statement that you no longer wish to communicate.  How do you expect her to react to this?  Do you really think she'll plead guilty, apologize for taking offense at your well-intentioned reference to "troubles in her head", and try to win you back so she could hear more of your infinite wisdom?  

[charlie2008]

Yeah, something like that. I'll at least know if she wants keep the communication, flawed or not. Yeah, thats it.

[Blues Fairy]

Amazing self-confidence!  After telling her to **** off three times, he expects her to make the step towards reconciliation!  That's a rare case indeed. 

[charlie2008]

Hey genius, Yeah I'm new here, its my situation and I posted it.  And your right, my confidence far outways your smart remarks to my post to this board.  Rolleyes

[ConnerVT]

Charlie, you DO realize that you have now gotten into arguements you can never win with two Russian women, right?

[BC]

Hey genius, Yeah I'm new here, its my situation and I posted it.  And your right, my confidence far outways your smart remarks to my post to this board.  Rolleyes

You do seem to have a way with RW..

Welcome to RWD Charlie.

[charlie2008]

Whew!!!!  I'll stand my ground the best I can Conner. lol

[ConnerVT]

Well, I'll give you some advice, that suitable in all life, and not just when dealing with women (Russian or otherwise):

You don't need to win every battle.  Just the important ones.

[Blues Fairy]

Charlie, you DO realize that you have now gotten into arguements you can never win with two Russian women, right?

Conner if you mean me you're mistaken; I never argue with people who are beyond hope.

[groovlstk]

One of the most important, if not THE most important facet of making a relationship like this work is huge reserves of patience. You can't expect to play the kind of games that Westerners seem to love, for starters she is not a native English speaker so much of what she understands from you is strictly literal. You inadvertently insulted her and she wasn't buying your excuses (however valid they are) because she presumably refused to understand you on any other level other than literal.

Now, do you really think that she's going to understand that you didn't really want to say goodbye and instead hoped for some form of conciliation, even though you literally told her she would no longer hear from you? You just made the same mistake twice

Two other quick opinions: first, you are the man and to a RW you're expected to behave like one. No sulking, no making half-decisions while expecting her to persuade you to change your mind - so if you want to keep a relationship going you're going to have to take charge. Second, if you expect to get to the next level, you'll both have to be able to take a step back whenever miscommunications occur because they're going to occur often.

[charlie2008]

Conner if you mean me you're mistaken; I never argue with people who are beyond hope.

Now look...  I seem to have offended you as well.  You had it out for me from your very first post, and if you think I'm just gonna set back and let you insult me you are crazy.  I'm really a good natured man, but you just wont seem to get off my back. If you dont like my post then just move on. Its that simple.

[charlie2008]

One of the most important, if not THE most important facet of making a relationship like this work is huge reserves of patience. You can't expect to play the kind of games that Westerners seem to love, for starters she is not a native English speaker so much of what she understands from you is strictly literal. You inadvertently insulted her and she wasn't buying your excuses (however valid they are) because she presumably refused to understand you on any other level other than literal.

Now, do you really think that she's going to understand that you didn't really want to say goodbye and instead hoped for some form of conciliation, even though you literally told her she would no longer hear from you? You just made the same mistake twice

Two other quick opinions: first, you are the man and to a RW you're expected to behave like one. No sulking, no making half-decisions while expecting her to persuade you to change your mind - so if you want to keep a relationship going you're going to have to take charge. Second, if you expect to get to the next level, you'll both have to be able to take a step back whenever miscommunications occur because they're going to occur often.

Now thats straight shooting. I'll take that and thank you

[Blues Fairy]

Now look...  I seem to have offended you as well.  You had it out for me from your very first post, and if you think I'm just gonna set back and let you insult me you are crazy.  I'm really a good natured man, but you just wont seem to get off my back. If you dont like my post then just move on. Its that simple.

Charlie, I am very far from taking you so seriously as to take any offense at anything you say, believe me.  I just conclude from you defensive replies that you are the kind of man who never admits he's in the wrong, therefore offering you any alternative opinion to the one you've already formed is completely useless.  If you take even this explanation as an insult and "not getting off your back", it will only prove that it's not your g/f but you who really have "trouble in your head".

[groovlstk]

Now thats straight shooting. I'll take that and thank you

You're welcome, but Blues Fairy essentially told you the same thing, and in quite a few less words despite the fact that English isn't her first language  

Another tip: if you manage to get back together w/your IM friend or meet other RW in the future, you can expect the kind of bluntness and sheer honesty that BF showed you. If you stay in the game long enough you'll eventually learn to appreciate it, even if you don't believe me now.

[charlie2008]

Charlie, I am very far from taking you so seriously as to take any offense at anything you say, believe me.  I just conclude from you defensive replies that you are the kind of man who never admits he's in the wrong, therefore offering you any alternative opinion to the one you've already formed is completely useless.  If you take even this explanation as an insult and "not getting off your back", it will only prove that it's not your g/f but you who really have "trouble in your head".

lol. Thats my point exactly. Her, like you, had reached your conclustion and I couldnt justify it no matter what I said.  Its very frustating to know that I honestly meant nothing by my comment, but yet I couldnt recover from it. Thats why I chose to say goodbye rather than continue to argue in hopes that maybe, just maybe she may decide that she may wish to work it our rather than lose contact all together. Now I'm not saying I made a wise decision, but it was made just the same, and I'll more than likely pay for it.  You will find that I am open to reason if given the chance.

[Blues Fairy]

Her, like you, had reached your conclustion and I couldnt justify it no matter what I said.  Its very frustating to know that I honestly meant nothing by my comment, but yet I couldnt recover from it. Thats why I chose to say goodbye rather than continue to argue

If we look at what you said to me, we'll see that at no point did you acknowledge in any way that I had a valid point.  All your replies so far were defensive.  So why would you expect me to make any other conclusions about you?  I cannot read your mind, which may be open to reason, but unless you demonstrate it there's no way to know, is there? 

The same, I suspect, happened in your communication with your online friend.  Did you at any point acknowledge her point of view, at the very least?

[charlie2008]

If we look at what you said to me, we'll see that at no point did you acknowledge in any way that I had a valid point.  All your replies so far were defensive.  So why would you expect me to make any other conclusions about you?  I cannot read your mind, which may be open to reason, but unless you demonstrate it there's no way to know, is there? 

The same, I suspect, happened in your communication with your online friend.  Did you at any point acknowledge her point of view, at the very least?

Ok, you got me...  I have thought about this for the bigger part of the day and its just wearing on me a little now, which leads to my defense.  But by the time she had finished with me, she really left me no time for anything. She said what she had to and got off.  Only that she couldnt talk right now. My reply was made offline for her to recieve upon sighning on again.  Now, if I go back now, she will never take me at my word for anything.  But if I dont get a response in a few days then I might just contact her now matter what the outcome.  Im undecided at this point really.

[SANDRO43]

OK, let's go back to the beginning.

I have been talking to a RW for about 2 weeks now, and its very clear that we are interested in each other.  She has a fairly good grasp of the english language other than maybe putting a word in front of one that should be in the back.  We talk about everything from how is your day to more serious and personal situations. 

So far, so good.

Now, I made a comment to a response where I was referring to troubles she may be having in her head and in her heart.

This is where you start getting garbled. You "made a comment/to a response (whose, hers, yours ?) where I was referring to troubles she may be having": do you realise how utterly undecipherable this crucial passage is ?

She reminded me of an American friend that she has had ofr 6 years and although they disagree, her never offends her.

A he-friend or a she-friend ? If "She has a fairly good grasp of the english language", do you realise that YOUR grasp may cause her some problems ?

After about 5 min of her venting to me on YM, I told her that clearly I have offended her and that she would no longer hear from me. 

Exits stage left.

20min later, she wrote back and said that she really cant talk to me right now.  I shot one more IM to her and told her that maybe she needed to spend more time with her old friend as he seems to be good to her, and that I will miss her, but i think that i should remove myself from her life, and that i meant to bring her no harm.

Re-enters from stage left (and her friend now appears to be male).

Brothers, removing myself from her life is the last thing I want to do, but if she agrees than Ill have to respect it. Now I know I shouldnt play such risky games, but I may just have to swallow this one whole

In conclusion, what is the point of your post ?

1. You want to be reassured that she'll be back soon and apologise.
2. You want our prognosis of possible future developments.
3. You want to hear our confirmation that FSUW are temperAmental, and are seeking our commiseration.
4. You just wanted to vent publicly your frustration.

But if I dont get a response in a few days then I might just contact her now matter what the outcome. Im undecided at this point really.

Meanwhile, this last post inclines towards point 2 above. FWIW, personally I'd say forget it, you two are not communicating effectively for whatever reason.

[charlie2008]

yes there are some typos in my post.  I'll more than likey leave this alone. Enough damage has been done already. 

[Blues Fairy]

But if I dont get a response in a few days then I might just contact her now matter what the outcome.  Im undecided at this point really.

Whatever her response (verbal or silent), it will be a response to the message you've conveyed to her in the course of your previous communication.  If the key message was what I see in your first post, i.e. "I want out of this", then it's easy to calculate what her response will be.  You may not have meant to say that, but she is not telepathic; none of RW are.  

If you would like to hear a different response, better contact her now and try to correct the message. Verbally, not silently.  

[charlie2008]

Whatever her response (verbal or silent), it will be a response to the message you've conveyed to her in the course of your previous communication.  If the key message was what I see in your first post, i.e. "I want out of this", then it's easy to calculate what her response will be.  You may not have meant to say that, but she is not telepathic; none of RW are.  

If you would like to hear a different response, better contact her now and try to correct the message. Verbally, not silently.  

Thank you, you have been most helpful.  I apologize for the attitude

[OlgaH]

Now, I made a comment to a response where I was referring to troubles she may be having in her head and in her heart.  Here is where she exploded....  I think she thinks I was saying to her that she was mentally ill or something.  I blamed it on a communication errror, but she wasnt having it at all!!! 

Charlie,

what was exactly that comments  about where you were referring to troubles in her head? 

I just don't want to make my hasty conclusion.