Russian Temperment

[charlie2008]

And the first time you tried to bench press a certain weight and didn't quite do it you gave up and decided that weight lifting was not for you?  Or did you recognize the merits of reaching your goal and applied more effort?

I see your point, and I agree.  I had a trainer to push me through to get me where I am today, and I would like to be able to say that I don't need any help when it comes to women, and in this country I do not.  But I do, and thats why I'm still here. We did talk last night, and this is what I got...

"i'm now upset with aur situacion, what wrong now!! I;m upset for me too. Coz is first time when i can"t find words, and maybe sametimes understand samething."

Im not gonna continue to waste time with... We're on, we're off  we're on, we're off again. However; if there is consistancy in our relations, then I'll see ya over in the travel section and ask questions there.

[Jumper]

 
i think you're both far to sensitive for a long distance relationship.

seriuosly.

i know high school kid relationships that dont break up so easily..
or over such minor stuff. big drama over what exactly?
(and all thru text )

because she was insecure of where you were going?
or doing?
you could have easily eased her fears with a little light hearted teasing back?(thats me)
 or some reassurance?
and a simple explanation that you found her probing a bit personal at the moment....


if you wanted to bother with even a  start of new relationship ,
you certainly should have spoken on the phone,
you both should be able to YM chat without disputes or "snapping"

Her response, " we will see, you might not be sure later."  Now I was taking shots like this all night

that's a shot? from a RW?

*typed* it could be said with a million different
inflections..
teasingly/jokingly, or seriously, concerned , worried,  or pissed off.
and a far different meaning depending on its INTENT.

you were communicating in a second language,,
with someone through a medium that doesnt convey emotion or intent well.

and *snapped*
then "shouted" ,cursed at, or about her..
or at the sitution or yourself--
she likely can't tell which ,and with most RW hearing those type of words she wont try and figure it out..
 (My wife is EXTREEMLY sensitive to curse words, as most RW seem to be,  in our case-  if i slip and use them,it would no longer  matter the context it was used in,,  or wether my point made sense..in the debate, her thoughts already shut down at hearing the offensive word...)


its why the phone is 100 times better form of communication.
she may well have been "miffed"  you were going out or whatever in her mind..(unreasonably at this timeframe)
but its hard to tell in text-
if speaking on the phone , it may have had comletely different meaning or intent to the words..

[charlie2008]

Its the jealousy. I simply dont like it.  Hell, I had a girl who got upset for watching pretty girls on beer commercials. Sure, theres always a better way to handle it.  And it is very difficult to read someone through IM.  It really is petty, I agree.  But its also what caused the ruin of my last relationship.  I have lived it, and I'll remain single before I live it again.     

[ScottinCrimea]

Early on in our relationship, my wife would make similar comments, especially when we were still in a long distance relationship.  My response was to say something like, "Why would I even look at anyone else.  You know my thoughts are always with you."  I could have huffed and puffed about her insecurity but I know it was just her way of learning what my commitment was to her.  I managed it rather than rebelled against it.  I made sure to never give her a reason to doubt my commitment to her and that paid off later because, even after we had lived together for awhile, she would still pose this type of question, and my response would be, 'Have I ever given you any reason to doubt my commitment to you?  Of course she had to answer no and that settled it.

I think it has a lot to do with the language and cultural differences.  AW test your commitment in other ways that are perhaps more subtle but still a potential landmine.  At least with RW it is verbal and you know the test when it comes.  It's a simple test to pass if you don't respond with a knee jerk reaction.

[charlie2008]

Thanks for the input Scott.  And she is not no where near the point where my ex was.  Just a small hint of it is enough to get me irritated.  And theres no question that I took this to the extreme.  It's the "ON" season in my sport, and the combination of anabolics, and various other compounds sometimes make it difficult to "maintain."  I think I read somewhere that you were a doctor.  And if you are an M.D., then you certainly understand how the endocrine system works, and the side effects of synthetics.

[Faux Pas]

Nuff said, You only have to tell me once.  I would like to blame it on her insecurities, the funny thing is that what she doesn't know is that bodybuilders are some of the most insecure people on the planet.  This, (at least to me) was a head game that backfired, and lead to the end of our correspondence.  But to answer your question, no, its not the RW that I'm dissatisfied with.  If there is one thing I have learned, its that women are women no matter where they are from, and I always seem to get this particular type.   
       

Charlie,
I'm not an OMB but I'm going to take a stab at this line. Of course with the little you posted we can't tell much about your chat friend. Women are women and the same the world over but the way you communicate with them can be VERY different. More so the way and mannerisms they communicate to you can be extremely different from the women you are accustomed to. This communication from a RW to an AM is much more specifically so and very indifferent to the banter you might have with local women.

Unless she is just a psycho b!tch from hell, most likely she isn't going to bomb you with questions and be jealous about you going out to "have fun". From the way I read what you posted from the conversation (from my understanding) she merely didn't want to keep you from going out and genuinely wished for you to have fun.

Another problem here possibly is: you were somewhere, maybe in your subconscious thinking that she would be mad or upset that you were going out. 2-3 weeks of internet pen-pal does not make a relationship make. She would have no claims to those type feelings and from her writings, it really looked to me, that she didn't think she did either. Along those same lines you have no right to even question whose house she is BBQ'ing on Saturday. You don't have a relationship with each other. She seemed aware of that invariable fact, were you?

Charlie, please don't take this as a slam or the wrong way, because that certainly isn't my intention. You seem very thin skinned. You are relating your early contacting stage with AM and domestic relationships as the same as this lady and international relationships and getting your feelings hurt. They are as different as night and day. Yes, women are women but the conditioning of AM and RW are very, very different.

You seem like a nice guy with good intentions and I wish you well. But big and strong physically isn't enough in this adventure. If you are not big and strong emotionally you will be in for a serious let down.

[Shadow]

Thanks for the input Scott.  And she is not no where near the point where my ex was.  Just a small hint of it is enough to get me irritated.  And theres no question that I took this to the extreme.  It's the "ON" season in my sport, and the combination of anabolics, and various other compounds sometimes make it difficult to "maintain."  I think I read somewhere that you were a doctor.  And if you are an M.D., then you certainly understand how the endocrine system works, and the side effects of synthetics.

Charlie I can only advise you to get out of those things while there is no permanent damage. Too many good guys got lost.

[charlie2008]

I'm not offended at all Faux.  I wouldn't post these damning post if I couldn't take the heat.  I try to take everything I can from in here and apply it out there.  I did apologize the other night, and she told me she needed time to forget everything and to think, and believe it or not she popped in last night to say goodnight.  Iv'e got her Faux, but Iv'e just gotta chill out a little, or its a done deal.

[charlie2008]

Charlie I can only advise you to get out of those things while there is no permanent damage. Too many good guys got lost.

I think this will be my last season using androgens.  1. I hate the mood swings and irribility. 2. I just don't think my frame can support any more muscle  3. I'm sick of apologizing for my behavior.  Thanks Bro,

[Faux Pas]

I'm not offended at all Faux.  I wouldn't post these damning post if I couldn't take the heat.  I try to take everything I can from in here and apply it out there.  I did apologize the other night, and she told me she needed time to forget everything and to think, and believe it or not she popped in last night to say goodnight.  Iv'e got her Faux, but Iv'e just gotta chill out a little, or its a done deal.

Charlie,

GOOD! Because you can't learn anything being PO'ed and there is plenty here to learn at RWD if your mind is open enough to absorb it. I just want to caution you on a couple of things concerning your communications with your RW.

(1) Throw out everything or almost everything you think you know about women. Be prepared to learn all about women all over again. The chances are this lady you are communicating with, fits into none of those preconceived notions. Those notions I expect are just like most of us have had at one time or another and formulated from the school of hard knocks from AM. It doesn't pertain. The language barrier is but one obstacle and they're conditioning in a totally different culture is another. You might think you "know" women but trust me, you don't. In most instances, the serious RW won't involve herself in the head games that seem so prevalent in AW. At least the ones I have come to know do not. They are for the most part brutally honest to a fault with no underlying meaning to what they are saying to you. I am not stereotyping here but referring to the ones who are serious about finding a foreign husband.

(2) Get away from YM and get on the telephone. That is the quickest way to your next goal which is a trip to visit her (should it progress nicely). You can still webcam over the telephone or some of the telephone software. You need to be talking instead of typing. It will give you much more insight to her mood and feelings and also, her into yours. It is the only way to move from chat buddy to possible relationship which doesn't happen until you meet. She won't call you. You will have to call her and for the most part you'll have to take every incentive to move forward. She'll be waiting on you.

[Shadow]

I think this will be my last season using androgens.  1. I hate the mood swings and irribility. 2. I just don't think my frame can support any more muscle  3. I'm sick of apologizing for my behavior.  Thanks Bro,

I worked a long time with a guy who became diabetic. And his surroundings got used to defending the mood swings that are part of that by knowing his character before it became apparent. What he really needed however was some outside people showing him a mirror of his behaving to people. That made him aware that some of the real issues came from him and not from the world around him.

You seem to be aware of it, and that is a good sign. Look to the Governor of California and you will see that there is life after muscles. 

And I think its ok to get the maximum out of what you do. But always be aware of the risks, and stay within the limits of what your mind and body tells you.

[Ranetka]

I'm not offended at all Faux.  I wouldn't post these damning post if I couldn't take the heat.  I try to take everything I can from in here and apply it out there.  I did apologize the other night, and she told me she needed time to forget everything and to think, and believe it or not she popped in last night to say goodnight.  Iv'e got her Faux, but Iv'e just gotta chill out a little, or its a done deal.

If you do not mind I am going to offer you a little bit of advice.
there will be a time you feel she is being too jealous. Instead of saying what you said last time try to go along these lines

" I think you are being too jealous here. This really is hurting me. There is no reason for you to suspect anything. Please stop this."

Just try. Honest words to the point instead of hints and word games do wander, trust me.

[ScottinCrimea]

Thanks for the input Scott.  And she is not no where near the point where my ex was.  Just a small hint of it is enough to get me irritated.  And theres no question that I took this to the extreme.  It's the "ON" season in my sport, and the combination of anabolics, and various other compounds sometimes make it difficult to "maintain."  I think I read somewhere that you were a doctor.  And if you are an M.D., then you certainly understand how the endocrine system works, and the side effects of synthetics.

You don't need me to preach about the side effects of anabolics.  I'm sure you know them as well or better than I do.  For whatever reason, you have decided that the short term benefits of using them outweigh the immediate and long term health effects.  You're an adult, it's your decision to make.  But the problem I do see is that RW require a lot of patience and understanding, both in the courting phase and especially if she comes to the US.  It is difficult enough with a clear head and normally functiioning endocrine system.  You can't afford to have the mood swings, aggressive behavior and paranoid jealousy that typically accompany anabolic use and expect to succeed.  You have already demonstrated some of these. I would strongly recommend that you keep any relationship on a very low key until such time as you are off the steroids and can deal with things without their influence.  Just my thoughts.

[Gator]

... and I always seem to get this particular type.   

Charlie, look inward.  Perhaps you are getting the same particular reaction to something that you keep doing with all women.  I have no idea of what it could be, yet it is possible.

[charlie2008]

If you do not mind I am going to offer you a little bit of advice.
there will be a time you feel she is being too jealous. Instead of saying what you said last time try to go along these lines

" I think you are being too jealous here. This really is hurting me. There is no reason for you to suspect anything. Please stop this."

Just try. Honest words to the point instead of hints and word games do wander, trust me.

Iv'e re read our conversation several times since it took place, and when I view it from another angle, man!!! this girl didn't know WHAT was going on.  Honestly, it makes me feel terrible. She's had more than one opportunity to walk away and never speak to me again, and would be justified in doing so.  I do think that our communication is VERY good for the most part, or we wouldn't have been able to work through what we have already.  Now I do believe there was a little teasing to say the least going on there, but nothing that warranted such behavior on my end.  But yes, I'll take that advice and apply it, should it ever happen again. Thank you

[charlie2008]

Charlie, look inward.  Perhaps you are getting the same particular reaction to something that you keep doing with all women.  I have no idea of what it could be, yet it is possible.

I was waiting for someone to pick that one out, and Gator you win the prize
I really hate to have to look that deep, but if it stood out to me, and it stood out to you, then yeah, I'd say theres something to it.

[steviej]

You don't need me to preach about the side effects of anabolics.  I'm sure you know them as well or better than I do.  For whatever reason, you have decided that the short term benefits of using them outweigh the immediate and long term health effects.  You're an adult, it's your decision to make.  But the problem I do see is that RW require a lot of patience and understanding, both in the courting phase and especially if she comes to the US.  It is difficult enough with a clear head and normally functiioning endocrine system.  You can't afford to have the mood swings, aggressive behavior and paranoid jealousy that typically accompany anabolic use and expect to succeed.  You have already demonstrated some of these. I would strongly recommend that you keep any relationship on a very low key until such time as you are off the steroids and can deal with things without their influence.  Just my thoughts.

Charlie, this is great advice. It takes courage for you to admit that body builders have insecurities. I never would have thought of it, but since you tell it, you can see there's some sense to it. It also takes courage to admit that you use drugs as part of your sport. And to admit what the affects on you. I would say, get off the drugs and get on the phone.

And if you can understand Gator's comment so easily, no defensiveness, no arguement, then you've got what it takes to have a great future with a great woman. But the drugs will definitely sabotage that, IMHO.

[charlie2008]

Thats just for today.  Remember the mood swings.   Just kidding Stevie.  I'm trying bro, I really do want this to work.  Thanks

[catzenmouse]

Charlie,

 I can't add anything that hasn't already been said by others but I do hope that you will think about something.

 Finding, traveling, meeting, courting, marrying, and (especially) working through the adjustment phase will be the most trying, difficult, patience rending thing you could possibly do. Calm clear thinking and extreme amounts of patience are the only things that will give you a chance at success.

 Mood swings and quick tempers are the "kiss of death" with a Russian woman.

 Deal with the things you need to deal with within yourself and then you will have a good shot at a FSUW. To begin this adventure with personal issues will make the journey ten times harder than it already is. And it is not an easy path to take to begin with.

Best of luck to you,
 Ken

[charlie2008]

I would like to mention that I didnt meet her on a dating site, and her primary reasons for being in chat was not to look for a man.  It just happend that we locked in to an interesting topic, and it kind of just took off from there.  I know that getting the phone number is HUGE, and I have asked for it. She won't let me have it yet.  She says we have much to learn about each other, and I will get it in time.  She's not hiding anything, she's just a 34yr old woman ( I'm 37) trying to raise a 2yr. old, and she's in no hurry. 

Vista was not compatible with yahoo voice, and I just found a "patch" or whatever so that it will work, so tomorrow we are gonna cam that way.  It's the best I can do, and its a step closer to the number.